Cary, Carey, Kari

Some more of the story

A shocking number of my friends and family have never met Alison, or met her only once.

We gave a million reasons why. But the whole story starts like this: A decade ago, a family friend stole my life savings.

When I met Alison, was still struggling to get my life back together again. But she loved me anyway.

She could have had anyone and she chose me.

That’s part of why I was so busy. Was trying to make back 30 years of savings first. But she was busy too.

After we got married, we immediately tried to start a family. And failed. Repeatedly.

Ultimately, we went to several specialists and spent a huge chunk of our savings, including what I had saved up since the theft, trying to have a kid.

She was essentially pregnant for four years straight. And she lost six pregnancies. Six.

People are often crushed with one. You cannot imagine the heartache that comes with six. In a row.

Four were miscarriages. Two were ectopics. If a miscarriage is traumatic, an ectopic is devastating. With an ectopic, you’re in the horrifying position of praying for a miscarriage.

This is after sticking herself with needles every single goddamn night for years.

But it got worse. As I said in an entry I wrote about our very last loss, there’s always room for more down. That loss almost destroyed us because we heard a strong heartbeat only to lose it a few days later.

And the close friend in this entry was Alison. She had to have surgery due to another failed pregnancy.

Whenever we did go out, people would inevitably ask, “Are you planning on having kids?” And what do you say to that? When she actually was pregnant and she didn’t drink, people would always ask annoying questions.

We were tired of it all. So we either turned down all invitations or she just stayed home and I went out. This was for four years.

It’s funny but I have three good friends named Cary, Carey, and Kari; one has never met her and the others only met her once or twice in a all these years.

We never told anyone. Because we just kept hoping that someday, we’d have a family.

When she finally gave birth to Nate, we thought it was over. All the heartbreak, fear, dashed hopes, and loneliness. What we got instead was much, much worse. So much worse than our worst nightmares.

She deserved so much better than this. Her birthday is in a few days.

You wanna know the craziest thing? That’s not even everything. There’s more. But I don’t even think our story up to now is believable.

Her: We were finally supposed to get a good Christmas.
Me: (quietly) I know. I’m so sorry.

Location: at the foot of her bed
Mood: Guess
Music: Go to the ends of the Earth for you

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7 Replies to “Cary, Carey, Kari”

  1. I’ve never met you but I know one of your friends and I would give anything for you guys to be ok. I’m so sorry. I pull for you anonymously every single day.

  2. What I have learned is that when people think they’re “just” asking questions or offering advice, culturally there’s so much more judgement and subtext around kids and around health issue. I have kinda holed myself away from most people in a probably bad way, but it’s just easier ya know? But I still think about you every so often even if I haven’t been dropping by – hopeful thoughts to your future. Positive thoughts. Always <3

  3. Logan,

    This is Sarah. I am Alison’s cousin. I haven’t seen her since I was about 16, but think of her often. People in our family always used to say we look alike. I have always admired Alison as she was and is one of the most genuine, loving, happy people I know. Every time I got to see her, which was always at Christmastime when our families would get together, I would always look forward to being around her. Since then, I have joined the military and traveled so much that I haven’t gotten to see her, but she always remained close to my heart, as is, she is family. When I first learned of Alison’s story, my heart broke. I would give anything for her to be able to enjoy just one CARE-FREE day with you and Nate. My husband and I check daily on your blog to find out any new information with you guys. I thought you should know, that you and Alison and Nate, have a TON of people out here in the mid-west praying hard for Alison. We pray for her at church. We pray every night, that a cure will be found. We pray that you both stay strong for not only each other, but for Nate. I know that you guys have experienced so much heartache and I wish there was a way we could help. I have shared Alison’s story with close friends and they would like to host a fundraiser in her honor as soon as possible. I know you are busy, but if you ever get a chance, please get in touch with me. Her story is touching lives and I am praying that the more my friends can share, the more we will find someone, anyone who can help you move in the right direction for her healing. Please know, you are not alone. Please know that there are tons of people fighting hard with prayer for you all. You and Alison are some of the strongest people I have ever heard of (sorry we haven’t met yet). Please keep fighting, I know it’s easier to say than do, but you guys are loved beyond measure. Sadness is the not the end of the story for you guys. I believe wholeheartedly that there is much happiness in the near future. No matter what is looks like, I truly believe, after all you both have sacrificed and fought for, something wonderful will remain. Thank you for sharing your story, no matter how painful, to us all. We will never give up hope. Hope to talk to you soon.

  4. Oh… we struggled with secondary infertility for 4 years. After two miscarriages and ending all the treatments I thought our time begins. The worst is behind us. We will be small happy family. Four months later GBM hit my 38yo husband.

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