It’s terribly lonely

The boy is growing up too fast and I worry he’ll be like me, and not in a good way.

So different from everyone else

I’m doing only a little work these days and yet it still manages to overwhelm me at times. Whatever work I do has to be interesting and challenging enough to keep me engaged for something more than just a paycheck.

Of course, it’s nice to talk to adults from time-to-time. Well, nice for me at least….

Me: …so that was the Battle of Vienna. It’s the reason why Europe’s Christian and not Muslim and is also a great example of how, when you lose your primary weapon – in this case, cannons – it’s better to bail than pour good assets after bad. Which is my point.
Him: Honestly, how do you know all this ____?
Me: (shrugging) We’re all given 24 hours to spend. It’s how you spend it that makes us different. For me, the choice is between self-improvement and mental masturbation.
Him: (laughing) You roll around on the ground with sweaty dudes all day, I’m not sure you should be one to talk about mental masturbation.
Me: I don’t like to run or lift weights. Wrestling’s the most economical way, in terms of raw time, for me to be physically fit.
Him: You’re the strangest dude I’ve ever met.
Me: Mission accomplished, then.

Went out to NJ this past Saturday and met up with an ex again.

Afterward, I went to a birthday party for a gym friend but rang up Mouse ahead of time.

Me: Free for a drink beforehand?
Her: (pause) Sure.

We ended up showing up late and leaving late.

There’s more to alla that, but that’s all I wanna share right now.

Life surprises me, almost always in ways I don’t like. Still, the occasional nice surprise happens here and there.

The boy, meanwhile, is always surprising me. Suppose time will tell if they’re ultimately good or bad.

Teacher: (in Irish accent) Mr. Lo, I have to tell you: In 11 years of teaching, I’ve never had a three-year old student read before and certainly, nothing like your son does. Every book I pulled out – even up to third grade level – he could read. I honestly don’t know what to do because he’s so far ahead of any child I’ve ever seen.
Me: He must take after his mom.
Her: Your son should be in the gifted and talented program. We may have to send him to another grade for reading.
Me: (shaking head) I don’t want that. I don’t want that for him.
Her: Why?
Me: Because…because it’s lonely. (long pause) It’s terribly lonely to be so different. I know it too well. (agitated) I don’t want that for him. To be so different from everyone else.
Her: (gently) You might not have a choice, Mr. Lo.

Solitary trees grow strong. But only if they grow.

Location: the pit of my brain
Mood: worried
Music: 11 minutes away and I have missed you all day

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6 replies on “It’s terribly lonely”

Oh gosh, when you wrote “mental masturbation” I read it at first menstrual masturbation or mental menstruation. ^^ ha! Sorry..I’m so tired from walking all over Milan.
Don’t worry about your son too much. I know being advanced and different can be lonely at times but I think as we get older, we learn to accept it and deal with it. Because that’s how humans are, children too we all just know intuitively how to deal with things. It may be hard at times but when satisfied and accepting and it’s all we know…it can be okay. Like you’re dealing and you’re okay. And I know you’ll be even be more okay. ^=)

I get it. Amazing how alone we can feel in a city crowed with friends and strangers. So keep the kiddo with kids his age but make sure he has the enrichment he needs to keep his mind occupied and active. Having a gifted child is both a blessing and a worry. You will get through it. You seem to have done an amazing job so far so try not to worry to much. Thinking of you and yours.

[…] Guidance Counselor: Mr. Lowe, your son is just the most adorable kid! Can I say that? Me: I think you just did. Her: (later) I don’t think he means it. I think he’s just a little bo… Me: Bored. Yup. He’s looking to stir things up. Her: Yes. Would you consider putting him in the G&T classes? Me: Absolutely not. Absolutely not. I want him normal. I want him to have a normal life. I don’t want that for him. […]

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