Tag: dating advice

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Guest Post: Alex Templeman

Some online dating tips from HDR in the UK

Honest Dating Review

Today we have a guest post with three quick dating tips from Alex Templeman at Honest Dating Review.

1. Being open, doesn’t mean being vulnerable
It is a tricky concept. On the one hand, we’re being told not to share all of our personal details online, then you hit the questionnaire of a dating site like eHarmony and they ask for details that are more personal than something like your bank account number.

But it’s important to remember that this information isn’t broadcast for the world to see so much as it will be interpreted and key aspects of your answers will be used to match you with like-minded singles. This is why people need to be honest and open in the questionnaires that most popular sites utilize because otherwise; you’ll just be matched with the wrong people if you are pretending to be someone you are not.

2. Too much is never enough
When it comes to the bio for your profile, how in depth can/should you be? The honest answer is; as much as you want. Or more importantly, as much as you’re willing to give.

At the end of the day, you’re on the site because you’re serious about finding a partner and getting that relationship – the more informed you both are the better.

Suppose you like video games and you think ‘nah, that is too geeky for a dating profile’ and then you might be paired with someone who hates them, then there is already a point of contention.

Now, in the reverse scenario ‘I love video games and love a relaxing night in with the PlayStation after work’ then when you get a reply from a potential match saying ‘me too! What games do you play?’ then all of a sudden you have a rapport with someone who has a genuine interest in the same thing, and a conversation has just begun and you already know that you can get that person computer glasses or a new fancy game controller, whatever the point is you have some idea and are not clueless.

3. Use Headlines and Pictures to Showcase Your Personality
Headlines have been used for centuries to catch people’s attention and make them read what is underneath, and an online profile is no different. No one is going to have much luck if they open their page with ‘Yeah, I would say I’m ok’. This is a time to be creative, have some fun and let your personality shine, because then you can be sure that the people that continue reading after that line are genuinely interested.

They say a picture is worth a thousand words and as no one is likely to trawl through a two thousand word bio, so why not throw up a few pictures? At the end of the day, there needs to be an attraction there and profile pictures play a huge part of whether someone will look at your profile or not. And your picture should support your headline.

Note that the choice between a ‘funny’ picture and a serious picture is a hard line to walk; you don’t want to look like an immature joker, but you also don’t want to look like a suit who is married to his job.

So there you have it, if one line and a picture is all you have to sell yourself then make sure you make the most of it!

Use the above tips along with Logan’s tips to maximize your online dating, but most of all enjoy online dating – it’s an exciting, dynamic and ever evolving world that guarantees a great experience to people who use it, and genuinely throw themselves into the fun!

———-

Alex is the owner of Honest Dating Reviews and has worked on dating websites throughout his online career and partnered with many big sites such as Match.com and eHarmony.

If you liked this entry, get some more tips for just $0.99 with A Great Online Dating Profile at Amazon, BN.com, and the Apple Store, as well as most other online retailers:

A Great Online Dating Profile

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Being a Ham

Being Your Best Self

 

Me: You agree with what thing I said?
Him: That there’s no such thing as a line? It’s true. I was saying the stupidest things to this one girl the other day, and she loved every word.

Heartgirl asked me recently if I watched The Pickup Artist, implying that that’s where I learned to be the boy I am. But we both know that I made a fool of myself long before that show came out.

Tina Fey’s all over the place these days because of Sarah Palin but she cut her teeth in improv. In the vid, she takes one idea and ends on a completely different point entirely. It’s fascinating cause you can see how her mind snaps associations together. Rain’s like that too in real life (don’t send him an email). It’s called a Monologue in improv. It’s a crucial life skill to be mentally quick on your feet.

Have to say that improv was a one of two major components of being good out and about; the other was a line from a fella named Thomas S. Monson who said, Don’t be yourself, be your best self.

Contrary to what most people think, the key to connecting with people isn’t to be fake, but very much the opposite: to be as really you as possible – assuming, of course, that the real you’s not a douchebag.

Cause you never stumble for words with your friends – you just say what you think. The guys that screw up out and about are the guys that hide who and what they really are:

Her: Well, I have a terrier.
Him: Oh you have a dog. I love dogs. When did you get him? How big is he? How old is he? What do you feed him? Did you always have a dog? What colour is he? Where do you walk him? Um. What do feed him? Oh, I asked that?

Painful right? that was a real conversation. So was this one immediately afterward:

Me: Hi, I’m sorry, couldn’t help but overhear that you have a dog. I love dogs.
Her: (bored) Really?
Me: Especially with a twist of lemon and some salt and pepper. Then I like to finish off with a whole wheat donut. (noticing her face) What? Whole wheat donuts are great. Y’know what else’s great? Rum…

In a related note, Heartgirl’s sister thinks I’m gay. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. Heartgirl says it’s cause I talk so much with my hands, use words like “lovely,” don’t play sports and am unabashedly nerdy. But it’s who I am.

It’s a suckers game to pretend to be someone you’re not. Y’can never keep it up. If you watch the vid, here’s the thing – everything she’s saying is true. It’s that honesty that makes it so entertaining, funny and compelling.

———-

The Game is recommended reading:

  • for guys, mainly cause you gotta think, if this dweeby, skinny, bald dude can ask anyone out…
  • for girls, mainly cause you should know what’s out there.

Location: at the rents
Mood: productive
Music: What I am is what I am, are you what you are or what?

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personal

Therapy with Rain

I wait for the things worth waiting for

He’s been busy and so have I; plus we don’t have the requisite scratch for another ep of 72nd to Canal (if you happen to have 22 grand lying around, shoot me an email). We haven’t seen each other in a bit – life just gets in the way.

But his girl checked in with me today (she’s a sweetheart) and I recalled one of my more interesting conversations with him.

Him: Six months?
Me: Well…yeah, pretty much…
Him: Wow. I think I’d explode.
Me: Dude, it’s not that bad. I think I could make a year.
Him: That’s in-sane! One year?!?
Me: Oh yeah, I’m like a camel. I wanna wait until I find someone I really like.
Him: You’re not getting any younger, man. And no one lies on their deathbed thinking, Oh, I’m glad I didn’t hit that when I was 34.
Me: (shrugging) I’m ok. Plus, have you seen me lately?
Him: (scoffing) I’m looking right at ya – you should take what your goblin ass can get.

Location: 10PM yest, Broadway & 82nd, wondering
Mood: hard to say
Music: we notice you don’t come around
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No Such Thing 2: Soulmate / One-itus

 There’s no such thing as a soulmate

 

My buddy Rain once wrote something brilliant maybe a decade ago called My Soulmate Sells Kumquats in Istanbul, or something. Basically, it was about the ridiculousness of the concept of a soulmate.

Fun with math:

  • There are 8.2 million people here in NYC.
  • With some 65% women, that means 5.33 million women.
  • Assume arguendo that 1% of 1% are perfect for me – the right age, look, brains, education, dietary restrictions, whatnot.
  • Ergo, there are 533 women in NYC perfect for me. Perfect. I just gotta find em.

So to add to my idea that there’s no such thing as a pickup line, there’s no such thing as The One. That and St. Valentine’s Day, was invented to sell you something – whether it be $4.50 for a piece of paper or the thought that, this person is the best I can do.

Trust me, the person you pine after ain’t that grand.

The only thing that changes in your relationship life is the degree of (a) effort and (b) forgiveness two people expend. That’s it. It’s true of any relationship – lovers, friends, family.

One-itus. It’s a crock. And don’t tell me I’m not a romantic – if you’ve read me at all you know I am.

It’s lot more romantic, IMHO, that two people work on making something…work, than two people being together because they both happen like the same obscure 80s band.

The one means, you’re the one I found cause I’m too lazy or scared to go up to a stranger and ask, what’s your story morning glory?

Location: 2PM yest, 53rd and 6th Ave., eying the Halal food
Mood: enthralled
Music: I was off kilter, now I got shelter

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My biggest fan

What is your definition of love?

 

Meant to post this a while ago but I thought it was too long. It’s my definition:

When I was 15, my best friend, Kevin, told me that my girl Diana cheated on me. We never spoke, I just shut her out. Stupid kid stuff.

Maybe a decade later, I drove by her home and, for some reason, I rang her doorbell. I expected her to slap me when she answered the door; instead, she let me in, gave me a smile and an apron. She had this huge bar of chocolate that she told me to chop for cookies.

So I went in and started chopping.

After a bit, I asked her, half-jokingly, what happened between us.

She stopped and answered:

You listened to Kevin but we both know that he was the first guy to ask me out after we broke up. So that makes you an idiot. I never cheated on you, you know that. I was your biggest fan. That makes me an idiot. You never stood up for me and I didn’t understand why, because I was kind to you. I was on your side but you weren’t on mine.


Why weren’t you?

I had no answer. Almost twenty years after the fact, I still have no answer. I don’t remember anything else but I remember what she said.

That conversation started me off in being who I am now. In fact, I learned the phrases biggest fan and on your side that day.

It’s why I’m always loyal.

You see, she doesn’t know, but I still wonder if No. 7 ever found that job under the California sun; I wanna call her office someday and hear that message that says she’s left the company she hates.

And I still wonder if Diana bought that ranch in Colorado that she dreamt of and has kids to help her make cookies. I wouldn’t know, though.

I never saw her again.

But I hope she got it all.

As for me, I’m waiting for someone to be on my side again.

Location: home
Mood: pensive
Music: But until then I’ll do just fine on my own

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personal

Who do you think you are?

Asking yourself that question works wonders

Was out and about this weekend again with three females; two were friends, one was not.

The two that were friends were out to meet people. They’re both very attractive and when they’re out with people they have no interest in, they’re socially fine. But the moment they like someone, they get shy. Think most people are like that. I was like that too.

But that was a while ago.

Now, I always ask myself: Just who the hell do you think you are?

Works wonders.

As for the girl that was not my friend, that’s a story for a different time.

Location: @9AM, yesterday, walking around the UWS
Mood: productive
Music: You see I’ve forgotten if they’re green or they’re blue Anyway

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personal

Morning Glory

So, what’s your story, morning glory; what makes you look so blue?

The beauty of never having drunk seriously since high school is that I’ve managed to (I think) look better than my age and have not a gut.

The flip side of it is that I’m meeting up with inebriated Logan again for the first time since 1995.

And he’s got stuff to say.

I’m already fairly friendly and outgoing when I’m sober. Drunk, I’m your best friend.

So, what’s your story, morning glory; what makes you look so blue?

Location: @3AM, sloshing home
Mood: mellow
Music: I’ll take myself to an east coast city and walk about

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personal

Baggage

Dating is all about finding someone with matching baggage

My hands are shaking again.

The only drug that I know that works to knock me out causes a rare but nasty side effect called tardive dyskinesia, which basically results in a funny twitch or tic in the face. It’s permanent, no cure. Yeah, like I need to be any weirder.

Ergo, I avoid taking it until I truly need to catch up on sleep. On a related note, as I’ve gotten older, I do more and more odd tics with my hands. Basically, I talk a lot with my hands.

Must look ridiculous on my mobile.

My friends make fun of me. I think they think I do it to be dramatic. Maybe I do, a little. But you ever jump up and down when you’re a kid because you’re so excited about something? Nervous energy. That’s me. My hands tingle and I can’t keep them still. Like an itch. Now that I drink, it’s far more pronounced.

So I’m on day two of little sleep. I suppose tomorrow I’ll have to give in because I’m seeing the girl with the blue jean eyes again.

A good friend told me that the secret to relationships is to find someone with baggage that matches yours. So true. She spent 25+ years being her; I spent 30+ years being me. It’s hard to bang two fully formed adults together to something homogeneous. But I guess people do it all the time.

I don’t know how but they do.

There’s a lot going against us, me and BJ eyes. She’s got her baggage; I’ve got mine. But I told her that I would honest with her if she would do the same for me.

I’ll take honesty and those eyes any day of the week.

Now if I could only get some @#$@# sleep…

Location: my living room, pacing
Mood: awake
Music: every time I try to make it right it all comes down on me
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St. Val

What makes a date a date? Food?

Got a date for St. Val’s day tomorrow. I’ve been on dates before, yes, but I’m really looking forward to this one.

Did you ever read Miss Manners? I’ve got lots of issues (admittedly) but poor manners isn’t one of them. On that note, here’s her view on what a date is comprised of:

There are three possible parts to a date, of which at least two must be offered: entertainment, food, and affection. It is customary to begin a series of dates with a great deal of entertainment, a moderate amount of food, and the merest suggestion of affection. As the amount of affection increases, the entertainment can be reduced proportionately. When the affection IS the entertainment, we no longer call it dating. Under no circumstances can the food be omitted. — Miss Manners’ Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior

Think I’ve got the entertainment and food part down.

If I manage to get some sleep the night before, I might be normal enough to work in some affection.

Who am I kidding? I’ll settle for the food and entertainment.

Location: Yonkers, New York
Mood: curious
Music: every time I try to make it right, it all comes down on me

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Laugh it up

It’s easy to go broke dating in NYC

Went to a comedy club recently with the blue-jean eyed girl.

It was good, it included Gabriel Iglesias from Last Comic Standing, who was great.

But what a scam – basically, it’s a $20 cover, two drink minimum ($24) with an automatic 18% gratuity. For two people with just a plate of appetizers, it worked out to be $150.

Counting cab rides, subway rides, and daily miscellany, the day would have easily been $200+.

All I can say is, man, there’s no quicker way to go broke than just trying to entertain yourself in the big city so that you don’t go postal.

That’s why I spend Sunday through Thursday eating cold sandwiches and drinking tap water.

Mmm…tap water…

Location: @6AM, yawning on a futon
Mood: busy
Music: I shouldn’t have done it, and it won’t forgive me

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