Stupid attractive

My best friend

One of the last conversations I had before COVID-19 hit was with a lawyer.

I’d gone to his office and one of his co-workers was stupid attractive. We walked out together.

Me: Hard to believe someone could be that attractive and that successful.
Him: She kind of annoys me, actually. She’s always dressing way too inappropriately for work.
Me: (stopping) Wait, you just a had a kid, yeah?
Him: Yeah, why?
Me: Well, there’s a weird quirk in relationships where couples in secure, happy relationships get turned off by third parties like attractive people, because they view it as a threat to what they consider the most valuable thing they have, the relationship.
Him: Whoa, that’s it exactly.

Think that’s why I never came close to cheating on anyone I’ve ever dated. I just never had an interest.

My buddy swears he saw me kissing someone at Mouse’s birthday party. But that’s just not in my nature. Other people are fine with it but then again, they reap what they sow, I suppose.

I may be a womanizer but, when it comes to an actual relationship, I’m all in.

Alison’s best friend was this guy named Shawn. She cut him off completely when he said something rude about me. I remember being so flattered and she just thought it was weird that I made such a big deal about it.

Me: He was your best friend.
Her: (rolls eyes) You’re my best friend, Logan.

Full disclosure, when Alison got sick, Shawn somehow found out about it and still sent her a large check to try and help. It’s hard to dislike someone that is nice to someone you love.

To know her was to love her.

On a related matter, I got a really sweet email the other day from one of Alison’s grad school buddies.

ABFF: Oh, her? I’m surprised because I recall that she was in love with a guy that was in love with Alison.
Me: (laughing) Alison never told me that and this girl certainly didn’t mention it.
Her: Yeah, she was jealous and maybe even had a fight with Alison over this guy? Because everyone always had some sort of real or hidden crush on Alison and so she was jelly
Me: I believe it.

My son was once going to be named Jack.

But this guy Jack kept asking her out, even when she said she and I were dating so that ruined the name for both of us. She told him to knock it off at this Halloween party with the ABFF; Alison actually shoved him against the wall.

I remember thinking I wanted to yell, “Yeah that’s right, she’s with me!” But I figured that would be too douchey.

I always liked the name Jack. I named one of the main characters in my book Jack because I liked it so much.

Spoke to Rain recently as well.

Him: You need to find someone that thinks you’re great. Like, I look at my wife and worry that I’m in a dream and I’ll wake up and find out it’s all imaginary.
Me: You know how you know this is real? I’m in it. And you hate me.
Him: (laughs)
Me: I don’t think people are lucky enough to find someone that thinks you’re made of awesome twice in life. I know I’m not the greatest thing on the planet; it’s just nice when someone thinks you are. We both married up.
Him: (nodding) Definitely. We definitely did.

It’s selfish, I know, but I miss having someone (not so) secretly on my side.

Really, though, I should just try and meet someone that thinks my son is the greatest thing on the planet.

Now, how hard could that be?

Podcast Version: Stupid Attractive
Location: my empty apartment, with the last jar of peanut butter
Mood: accepting that I’m not the one
Music: Why do you have to go and make things so complicated (Spotify)
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Whatever you need it to be

..it is. It’s the moon, then

Hope you had a good 4th of July.

I didn’t really. Probably one of the worst I ever had, mainly because I did a buncha things I’d been putting off for…years, really.

But around 8PM, I started feeling much better and thinking a lot clearer than I have in a while, for reasons we’ll get into a bit later, I suppose.

Billy Shakespeare wrote this play called The Taming of the Shrew* where this fella named Pete says, “Good Lord, how bright and goodly shines the moon!

The only problem is that it’s daytime and he’s talking about the sun (just to prove a point).

So his girl Kate says, “Dude, it’s daytime. That’s the sun.”

Pete: I say it is the moon that shines so bright.
Kate: I know it is the sun that shines so bright.
Buddy: (to Kate) Just say it’s the moon or we’ll never get outta here.
Kate: (to Pete) Sun, moon, whatever. Whatever you say it is, it is.

See, Kate’s kinda a stubborn know-it-all, whereas Pete just wants them to have a happy relationship.

So Pete decides to test Kate by saying something demonstrably false, and Kate, to her credit, realizes that it doesn’t matter who’s wrong or right, as long as they have each other. So she says, essentially, “Whatever. If it makes you happy, I’ll say it and we can just move on with our lives.”

Someone once told me that I always have to be right. I don’t agree with that statement 100% but I see what they mean.

After all, what are you winning in life if you’re losing the really important stuff?

*Yes, I’m aware of the potentially misogynistic overtones of the story. But I’ve always liked this scene, where someone gives in because they know a happy relationship’s worth more. I get that. Here’s a slightly more modern – and reversed – take on the scene.

Location: surrounded by clothes, boxes, bags, and memories
Mood: rested
Music: right now there’s a war between the vanities

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