15 Things Every Man Should Know

Things a guy needs to know to be a man

Me: Do we have any crazy glue?
Her: I think so, why?
Me: Sliced open my finger.
Her: Do you need stitches?!
Me: That’s what the crazy glue’s for.

My boss recently commented that, cause I don’t watch or play any sports, I’m missing something in the manhood realm. Thought that was pretty funny. Cause I got my own lista of what a man should know/be able to do and sports’s nowhere in it. Suppose we all do.

Here’s mine in no particular order – a man has to be able to:

  1. Cook something.
    • At least one thing very well without consulting a recipe. For me it’s chili – it can be any type of food but you gotta know it well.
  2. Tell a story well
    • Can pretty much assure you, it’s the difference between a good night or a great night. Basic rule: if it adds nuthin to the story, leave it out. Eg, if you mention that he’s wearing a white paisley belt, it’d better be crucial to the story. You have to be funny and engaging enough so that a girlie touches you on your shoulder or arm three times in a row. BTW, if that happens, you must kiss her. Unless you’re married or otherwise involved, at which point you smile and politely leave.
  3. Throw a punch and take a punch
    • I like the good old fashioned cross, but that’s just me. You gotta know how to throw it, pull it back, and throw it again. As for taking it, try not to do it often. Ducking’s a good secondary skill to possess. As a corollary, if you’re defending your pride and have a mortgage, a wife, or a kid, walk away. If you’re defending the cause of your mortgage, your wife, or your kid, keep moving forward.
  4. Do 50 push-ups
    • If you can’t, you’re an old man. The thing is, most fellas don’t have to be old men for a while.
  5. Know that what people think of him is none of his business
  6. Be loyal
  7. Know how to keep a secret
    • This is important. If you’re known as a guy that can be discreet, you will make more money and have more respect than the guy that can’t. Plain and simple.
  8. Use the right tools for the job
    • Traditional: Hammer, screwdriver, wrench (monkey, adjustable, and combo), etc.
    • Modern: Google operators, Ping, POP/IMAP, etc.
  9. Quote something that actually means something to him
  10. Have some female friends and not try to bang them.
  11. Know that his parents did they best they could
    • Or didn’t, whatever, you’re a man, let it go. They were probably kids when they had you and had no idea what they were doing.
    • Extra credit if you realize you were no prize either.
  12. Know when to use F__ and when not to use it
    • It’s like salt, a little goes a long way and too mucha it ruins a lotta hard work.
  13. Give and take a compliment
    • For the former: The occasional and honest Nice XXX with a quick nod works wonders.
    • For the latter: Yeah? Thanks, is appropriate for just about everything.
  14. Control the fear
    • It’s always there. If you’re not afraid, you’re nuts, stupid, or grossly underestimating the gravity of a given situation. Unclench your fists, breathe in deeply through your nose, out through the mouth – imagine you’re filling up your lungs from the bottom up, like a glass of water. Then think. Quickly.
  15. Stop bleeding
    • Minor wounds – pressure, hydrogen peroxide, crazy glue or bandages with lotsa changes.
    • Major wounds – pressure, call a professional, more pressure
    • Also, studies have shown, saying positive things to a gravely injured person increases their chance of survival. No, don’t have a quote, wish I did.

There are more things one should know how to do but aren’t specific to men, maybe people in general. That’s for some other time.

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Location: surrounded by papers (they’re going to kill me)
Mood: good, except I need to fix my car, I’m DIY so The Car Starter is for me.
Music: sweet woman and my two grown up sons
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15 thoughts on “15 Things Every Man Should Know”

  1. Re: #8 Use the right tools for the job

    * Traditional: Hammer, screwdriver, wrench (monkey, adjustable, and combo), etc.

    * Modern: Google operators, Ping, POP/IMAP, etc.

    Wait a sec! Ya forgot somethin' here. What about good ol' duct tape? I thought THAT was man's best tool/friend? 😉

    1. Hello MDJ!

      Well, yes, I do believe in duct tape, but that's in the "etc." part of basic tools! Plus if there was a list for tool for men and women, duct tape would have to be there.

      May I ask how you found me? And hello from NYC!

  2. I think all of those apply to women as well.

    I dunno how long since it's been, but congrats on getting hitched. I know it's been a while since I read…but it doesn't make me any less happy for you both. 🙂

    1. It's been just a bit – not terribly long and we're still getting used to it. But we never say no to well wishes, so thanks for them!

      So glad to see you back. I hope you stay a while.

  3. 50 push-ups? Seriously? There are plenty of real men that don’t meet the physical requirements. I don’t think this list fully gets to the core of what a modern man should be. I would add (a list of my failures):

    1. Step up. – Steal that crappy gift at the white elephant gift party so someone else doesn’t have to go home with it. Stay behind to clean up the party and wash the dishes. Give a friend a hug if they’re in pain.
    2. Know what you’ll stand for and what you won’t. – Being aware of whether something isn’t right and stepping in to do something about it; this is the hallmark of being a man,. If someone’s in need, lend a hand. If someone’s getting hurt, don’t stand for it. That doesn’t necessarily mean pick a fight, it means protect who needs protection, even if it means excorting your girlfriend out of a potentially violent situation instead of staying to throw punches. But yeah, if some girl is being abused on the street, make sure you have a friend to get your back.
    3. Make it worth the effort to keep you on this earth. – It takes a lot to keep us here: food, space, resources, money, time and effort from friends, family, and business associates. Make sure that you’re helping more than you’re taking. Donate your time. Help the unfortunate kids. Volunteer at a puppy shelter.
    4. Don’t whine. – Stop being so squeamish. If you don’t like it, change it or leave it. As Robert De Niro’s character in the movie Ronin said, “Well, either you’re part of the problem, part of the solution, or you’re just part of the landscape.”
    5. Sometimes, the rules don’t apply. – Every system around us tries to control us and keep us in line. Aside from breaking a law (and getting caught), there isn’t much people can do to keep you down.
    6. Empathize. – Other people have problems, fears, struggles, and pains. Keep this in mind when relating to others.
    7. Laugh at yourself. – You’re not special enough to take yourself seriously all the time. Only in movies does this happen, and movies aren’t remotely real. Yeah, even indie films, dude. Laughing at yourself is a real sign of confidence.

    1. I actually agree with everything you wrote here, excellent.

      Still, I do think a man should be able to do 50 push-ups because that’s part of what indicates that he’s taking care of himself and will be around to take care of his responsibilities – but that’s just my opinion and merely that.

      Thanks for the thoughtful comment!

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