Logan’s 45

Another health scare


Had my own health scare the other day, on top of the cracked teeth and everything else. My left eye suddenly went blurry for no reason and stayed that way for a bit.

My brother – poor guy has to field all my goddamn medical issues – told me to go see a doctor.

Man, I should really stop calling him and just go straight to the doctor.

Went over to the same medemerge I just wrote about before. The same one that I brought Alison and the Gymgirl to.

The doc there said that she didn’t see anything that made her worry enough to send me to the ER but told me to see an eye doctor.

Wanna know my honest-to-god first thought?

Maybe I’ll see Alison and my dad again.

And my second thought was: Whoa, I gotta be ok. I gotta raise the boy.

It scared me because those two thoughts should be reversed.

I’m tired, you see. Life is tiring.

Feel like a copy-of-a-copy-of-a-copy again. I wanna raise the kid but I also wanna go see Alison and my dad and call it a day. Not that I have any faith any more.

Then again, the hope is that there are things that’ll make me wanna stay beyond raising the kid someday.

Suppose that’s always the cause and cure for all human suffering: Hope.

The hope that things might be better tomorrow.

Was thinking about that around this time 11 years ago and every day since. I’m still wondering what it all means.

Gymgirl: I was thinking of seeing you on your birthday.
Me: I’m all for that.
Her: Well, really, I was coming over for a sushi boat. (pause) Let me rephrase that: To treat you to a sushi boat and end up eating most of it myself.
Me: Works for me.

I just turned 45.

The past few birthdays have been horrific, for obvious reasons. It’s a low bar, but still, I hope that this one’ll be better?

Anyway, wish me a happy birthday, alla you bastards that read me and never say anything.

Me: Have you ever seen, “About a Boy?”
Gymgirl: No, what’s it about?
Me: …a boy?

Location: in front of a thermometer and a sick boy
Mood: curious
Music: I have lived ten years plus ten and ten and ten again. I have seen too much to pretend
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17 thoughts on “Logan’s 45”

  1. Here’s to 45! May this year ahead bring you wonder, bring you abundance, and bring you joy, in doses large enough to knock out a horse.

    1. I’m here because of the kid, at least for now. Here’s to having more things to hang onto…

  2. Happy birthday~~~ moving forward I hope you have happiness and peace. Long ago someone told that 45 is when men peak, gain success in their lives. And don’t forget to go see an ophthalmologist.

    1. Thanks, Sckim! Let’s hope you’re right because I’m pretty sure I peaked way back in college.

  3. Happy Birthday. Wishing you many unexpected events throughout your day to make you smile and even laugh out loud. Also wishing you moments of peace and contentment. Many birthday blessings.

    1. Holy cow – I think I’ve not heard from you in years. Thanks for the comment to let me know you’re still out there.

    1. Thanks, Jarrad! Once I get my head on right again, maybe we’ll do some improv, drink, and talk about Japan again.

  4. Happy birthday! Been reading this blog for a while but never commented. Was hoping to send you a private email but can’t find your address on the site. Send a note if you can.

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