Trip to Chinatown
My Father’s Day was spent with the Gymgirl taking me to dim sum in Chinatown but the lines were out the door. So she bought me two lunches back-to-back. Soup dumplings at Joe’s Ginger and then Pho Bang on Mott Street. Was gonna stop by to see my buddy Rain but we had to get the kid.
The thing about the Gymgirl is that’s she’s so young, she never really thought about how she might raise a kid. But I’m pleasantly surprised that she and Alison woulda seen eye-to-eye on a lotta things.
Yesterday was the first Father’s Day I remember since everything went down last year. Don’t even remember if I saw my dad last year. Was in such a haze of grief, exhaustion, and alcohol.
After the Gymgirl left to see her own dad, I went shopping with the boy. He wasn’t feeling well so he just sat on the sidewalk and refused to move. Thought that was kinda frustratingly amusing. My dad woulda thought so too.
I always sigh when I think of things like that. Did it again just now.
God, I loved my father. He was difficult, but I think all fathers have to be a little difficult. Alison always told me, “Remember that we’re gonna be their parents, not their friends. At least, not for a really long time.”
When the boy sat down on the street, I tried to reason with him but ultimately had to start walking away for him to get up. Sometimes you gotta do that.
As for me, this lady named Mignon McLaughlin once said that, The past is to our back. We do not have to see it; we can always feel it.
Don’t believe in much of anything these days. But in my head, Alison and my father are behind me, with a hand gently on my back in support.
I try to raise my son as they woulda hoped and wanted me to, which isn’t that hard because we all saw the world the same way.
That’s why I loved them so.
Location: yesterday, wandering Chinatown in the heat
Music: always thinking of you but I can’t think of the right words to say
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