Another way

If you keep doing what you do, you keep getting what you get

A wood burning stove in midtown

Her: I mean, he’s great. He’s just verbally abusive, not physically or anything like that.
Me: I think you deserve better than that. Don’t you think you deserve better than that?
Her: (thinking) I guess…

Getting hot and muggy in NYC; not looking forward to summer. Today’s the nastiest day of the week and I’ve have put on the monkey suit. If there’s one area where women are luckier than men, it’s that some of us still have put on a suit while a woman can go into work in a flower print dress.

If I could, I’d wear a kilt in the summer.

The latest figs show that Americans spend $80 billion annually on cigarettes; that’s more that any nation outsidea ours spend on their entire military. Put another way, we spend more money to kill ourselves than other nations do to kill us.

Number of my friends are doing all sortsa self-destructive behaviour but they keep doing it, oblivious to the ramifications. But just like you can’t plead, argue, logic or beg someone to care about you, you can’t beg someone to care about themselves either.

When the same stimuli is applied to a situation, how can one be surprised when one gets exactly the same result?

Put another way, when you keep doing what you do, you keep getting what you get.


A reader sent me this article, which essentially echoes what I said earlier: attractive goes away but dirtbag’s forever.

Location: Madison Ave
Mood: muggy
Music: raise your head and wear your wounds with pride



Location: back home
Mood: morose
Music: Wouldn’t a smarter man simply walk away?

Allen Street in NYC

Went to see the rents yesterday. Drafted up a trust for them – more difficult on me than than I expected. It’s hard thinking about someone you love not being there.

The odd thing about these kinda things’s that it just happens one day. Like you’re eating a chicken sandwich and then someone calls you to tell you that some parta your daily tapestry just isn’t.

It’s the whole Venn Diagrams thing, and the closer their circle is to overlapping your own circle, the harder it is when that circle’s gone.

And the unnerving thing’s that y’rarely know who’s gonna go, how they’re gonna do it and when they’re gonna go. It’s unnerving cause you trust something’ll be there and then it’s gone.

Unnerving, I tell ya.

YASYCTAI: It’s hard but at some point, y’gotta talk to the rents about the leaving. (120 mins/2 pts)


Attractive goes away

The 73rd Street Train Station in NYC
Me: Vitamins?
Her: Packed.
Me: (thinking) Clothes?
Her: Did you just ask me if I packed…clothes?!

The girl went away for a business trip the other day so I did what you might expect someone like me to do – I defrosted and cooked four pounds of corned beef and a head of cabbage.

Ate about half of it in a day.

I should not be left alone to my own devices.


As usually happens round this time, a buncha people I know broke up with their significant others. Something about spring make y’wanna clean up I suppose. Excepta course my buddy from four months ago; he may have finally thrown the deuce to the girlie that cheated cheats on him AND her fiance.

He keeps telling me that I don’t know the situation. But it’s like Lolita, y’know? See Lolita’s essentially about a middle-aged guy that wants to rape this girl – terrible, yeah? But if y’read the book, y’start thinking, I guess that’s not so terrible.

It an example of what we writers liketa call unreliable first person which’s a fancy waya saying, look at it from my pointa view.

Yeah, from his pointa view she’s got a reason she’s banging him and some other sucker. But she’s an unreliable first person, like The Talented Mr. Ripley or Diary of a Madman. Anything’s explainable given enough time, ink, and paper.

To my buddy she’s this attractive, misguided chick. But to all of us, she’s just an attractive dirtbag.

And attractive goes away, but dirtbag…man, dirtbag’s forever.

Location: Midtown in an hour
Mood: sympathetic
Music: it’s time To reassess the situation and decide what’s mine


Hedy: King of two, Jack of four

Hedy Lamarr is one of my heroes; she should be yours too

Heady Lamarr - not my copyright, obviously

Met up with this nice fella who congratulated me on some of the work in one of my professions.

Him: At some point, you’ll have to pick one. You can’t be a Jack-of-all-Trades.
Me: I’m not, I’m King of two, Jack of four.

Hedy Lamarr was this major actress back in the day. If you said her name round the 30s/40s, everyone knew her like we know Angelina.

She was also a major spy for the allies against the Nazis, which is pretty cool.

But that’s not even the coolest thing about her. The coolest thing about her is that she changed my life; and yours. In fact, she changed the world.

She came up with the underpinning of Wifi and secure cellular/mobile calls.

In other words, I couldn’t write this sitting in bed if not for this actress.

  • The fellas I fence with probably only know me as the best fencer in the class.
  • The fellas I wrestle with probably only know me as the worst wrestler in the class.
  • My clients probably only know me as a tech lawyer.
  • My other clients know me as the guy with that fancy new designation.
  • You folks probably only know me as a NYC insomniac with an incredibly nerdtastic blog.

Funny thing’s that I’m none of these things in my head.

People always wanna peg you as one thing or another; makes it easier for them to know how to treat you. And when y’re young, you don’t know what you are yet so you try on different things as you figure it out – the bow-tie wearing conservative, the flower-power girl, etc. That’s fine when you’re a kid.

But at some point you gotta be something more than a cliche.

Be anything you wanna be; but I hope you aspire to be more than a cliche. Hope you aspire to have more than a big screen TV.

May be a dork, yeah, but I’m the only dork of my kind.

Location: no place special
Mood: conflicted
Music: my tears don’t show, but oh honey, they flow


Started the Ascent

Location: Black chair
Mood: accomplished
Music: ticket in my hand and thinking wish I didn’t hand it in

Men climbing the Ansonia Hotel

Nothing in this world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful people with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan ‘press on’ has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race.
– Calvin Coolidge

My thesis was accepted.

Am now one of about 7,430 licensed blah-blah-blahs in the whole world; 341 342 in the great State of NY.

Need a new mountain to climb.

Luckily, I’ve already started the ascent.

Men climbing the Ansonia Hotel

YASYCTAI: Manuscript; you know the deal – three pages a day. Day-in; day-out. (100 days/3 pts)



Giveth-Taketh Away

Globe at 59th Street/Columbus Circle

Her: Had lunch with my mom yesterday – and you?
Me: The traditional Chinese Mother’s Day dinner of pizza and salad at my sister’s place.

Like I said
, been watching The Pacific. One episode takes place in Australia.

Last month was the 95th anniversary of the Battle of Gallipoli where the Australians lost like crazy against the Turks. Funny thing’s that they celebrate this nasty loss cause it marked the point when they saw themselves as separate from Britain.

My pastor had a sermon once where he noted that childbirth was a thing of dread for women for thousands of years. Simply put, most women died. Even now, throughout the world, pregnancy is a death sentence for women.

Odd isn’t it? How life and death are so related; these time you think your life’s over and it’s just the start of something.

Hope you saw you momma and got her a nice pizza or whatever she wanted that day.


On the way to see Momma Lo, felt a tap on my shoulder and looked up to see this grey-eyed, British 20-something.

Her: Excuse me, can you help me? I’m looking for someplace to get coffee.
Me: This is Flushing, take your pick. There’s the usual Starbucks around the way or anya the Chinese versions of Danish coffee shops along this row. Y’know when the Europeans first entered Hong Kong they brought with them…
Her: (a few minutes later) You’re cute. I could use some company while I’m waiting for my friend.
Me: (laughing) I’m flattered, but I’m way too old for you. And I’m taken.
Her: Oh, the non-creepy ones’re always married or gay. She’s lucky, your girl. (thinking) Is it serious?
Me: Well, I┬áhope so, she’s awesome.

Taketh away

Him: Good to see you again, sir. The usual? Short on the sides, longer on top?
Me: Yep.
Him: Crazy weather we’re having…wow, you’re really thinning, aren’t you? Anyway, it’s a lot colder than usual, don’t you think?


Location: Chinatown in 20
Mood: Sweaty
Music: It’s not What your parents hoped you’d be


Lasagna in Damascus

Location: same since July 1997
Mood: wanting Indian food
Music: forget the past. Do you want to dance

Indian food

Me: I guess I’ve lived within the same five blocks for the past..jeez, 13 years? That’s hard to believe. What about you?
Him: Hmm… (counting) I’d say I’ve lived about seven more places than you since July 1997. (thinking) More importantly my cat’s lived in seven more places that you since July 1997.

Don’t handle change well; I like my home.

With the exception of cheap Indian food, most everything a fella’d wanna eat’s usually within a ten minute walka my pad.

This week, had Italian, Mediterranean, Asian, American, and Mexican; and it’s only Thursday. My mom was always pretty agnostic when it came to cooking – she made a mean chili and some killer lasagna in addition to Chinese food.

No wonder I was a fat kid.

The Economist just had this article noting that sushi’s insanely popular in Damascus – probably the last place you’d expect. The gist of the article’s that exposure to food’s the first step in exposure to different people, culture, etc. In short, food could potentially equal freedom.

That sounds about right to me.

YASYCTAI: Find a new place/thing to eat. (90 mins/1 pt)


Your sleepless history

Location: 3AM, sitting up in bed
Mood: awake
Music: make your getaway? But I’m still holding on

With nods to Sabatoa.

So the movie I saw last week was Cashback; sorta like a dirtier, British, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind – sci-fi but not really sci-fi.

  • Fellas, there are lots of (tasteful) nude girlies throughout the film.
  • Ladies, it’s a love story.

Something for all, really.

The story’s about this guy that’s got insomnia but finds he can control time, or at least thinks he can. Watching it, kept thinking to myself that I’d thought this or that and gone through this or that.

Funny, we all think that our things’re idiosyncratic to ourselves and we find they’re not at all.


On another topic of visual entertainment, have been catching The Pacific here and there.

My younger very, very pro-Asian friends take umbrage with the pro-American/anti-Japanese nature of the film.

Wanna strangle them.

The Japanese killed – in absolutely brutal ways – almost four million Chinese; half-a-million were experimented on via these sick Mengele experiments.

One thing that annoys me – and I’m sure them too – is being called Chinese if they’re Japanese; Japanese if they’re Korean; Korean if they’re Vietnamese; etc. We’re not all the same.

But it cuts both ways.

So to my young, misinformed Chinese friend, don’t get all up in my face about how the Americans were brutal to the Japanese. If not for the Americans, they wouldn’tve stopped at four million Chinese.

Him: Y’don’t get my point.

Me: And you don’t know your history.

YASYCTAI: Get your teeth cleaned. I wanna make out with someone if only cause my teeth feel amazing. (60 mins/2 pts)