Her: Are you eating Cheetos at 8AM?!
Me: (Cheetos in mouth) No…?
Yesterday, had a pretty busy day; started at 7AM and didn’t finish until 10:30 PM. On Tuesday nights, walk a few blocks south of my pad to go to my fencing class. Been doing it for maybe six years?
So for the past year or so, some person’s been tossing a bag of dog poop in front of my building. Asked onea the next door doormen to keep and eye out for who it was. Stepping out last night, the doorman points to a woman walking down the street with a dog and then another bag of poop in font of my door.
“That’s her,” he says and without thinking, I give chase.
Catching up to her, she turns to me and I realize three things:
- She’s old. And tiny.
- I’m carrying a large weapon (for my fencing class).
- I’m sweaty, breathless, and angry.
This is how people get shot by passing police officers. Also I realized that yelling at her wouldn’t do any good. So instead:
Me: Hello, my name is Logan. Can I go to your apartment to dry off?
Her: What? No. I don’t know you.
Me: Fair enough. But I know you. You see every week for a year, I pick up a bag of dog poop you toss in front of my building. So I figure that that’s earned me at least the right to go up to your apartment, dry off, and maybe get a cuppa tea, don’t you?
She turned bright red and started to apologize – well, more blamed the city for not putting trashcans everywhere and THEN started to apologize. After a few more words, she came back to my apartment, picked up the poop, apologized again, and said I was a nice young man.
Seriously have no idea how some people’re raised. Animals, they are.
Admit that screaming at her woulda made me feel better; but I think getting what you actually want in life’s more important. Hopefully, that’s the last bag of dog poop I’ll have to pick up in a while.
Plus, did not get shot by the authorities, so a net-net win, I’d say.
———
FemaleFriend1: I know you’re not, but if you did cross over, who would you want?
FemaleFriend2: Kim Kardashian.
Me: (laguhing) As a dude, I totally respect your dudeness!
FemaleFriend1: What about you?
Me: (thinking) Hmm, Brad Pitt?
FemaleFriend3: Really?
Me: (scoffing) Oh, I could totally get a Brad Pitt.
Met up with a buncha co-workers I’ve not seen in a while. Only have two real comments on that:
- Seeing old friends is always good cause not just cause you see people you’ve not seen in a while, you get to hang out with a version of yourself you’ve not seen in a while either.
- Traveling 30 mins outta the city, the price of a rum and diet coke drops to a third of what you pay in the city.
Note to self, move outta the city (someday).
Location: waiting for a phone call in the UWS
Mood: still productive!
Music: red is the colour of the sun with my eyes closed
YASYCTAI: Look up land around you; maybe build a house? (days/1 pt)
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