Gaius Julius Caesar
Her: How did you meet your wife?
Me: (laughing) Same way I met you, darling.
My buddy is currently juggling about three or four women right now. Each one was a street pickup, which might sound crass to you, but it’s not meant to be; a street pickup simply means someone you have zero nexus with – a total stranger.
When I met Alison, she was just a beautiful girl walking into a club I was walking out of. I literally thought she was the most beautiful woman I’d ever seen.
Even though she was on date – with a guy called Tall Scott, which gives you some indication of what he looked like relative to 5’8″ me – I knew I had to meet her. Even if that meant I’d get socked in the face.
Best decision I ever made.
The best decision she ever made was to go on a date with Tall Scott (who, I should note, was a nice fella, but she was mine, not his).
Most people have some nexus with the person they love the most in the world with: They’re classmates, gym buddies, co-workers, something.
But a street pickup is zero nexus – it’s a complete and utter stranger.
Now, as it turned out, we ended up having a friend in common, but when we first spoke to each other, we didn’t know that.
For some reason, I’m quite proud of that fact.
Me: In one of our first conversations, I told her that Julius was Caesar’s middle name. His first name was Gaius.
Her: (laughing) I never knew that.
Me: And now you do.
Her: (later) You’re very nice. But you’re obviously still in love with your wife.
Me: I am. It’s even more complicated than you might imagine. (shrugging) I don’t think true love ever dies. And I don’t think most people would call me, “nice.”
Her: What would they call you?
Me: Did you have fun?
Him: I loved it! Can we come again tomorrow?!
Me: (laughing) Sorry, kiddo. Only once a week for us for now.
We just recently launched our kids program that we named the Paxibellum Lil Rollers. My son was a bit apprehensive but both Chad and I were floored at just how good our buddy Mike was at teaching kids.
For example, at one point, he fell and started to cry and Mike totally brought him back and made him just fall in love with program.
Today was his second class and, when he came in, I told him Mouse might be there so he hit the mat and started running around screaming at the top of his lungs, “I wanna see Mousie!!!”
It was pretty adorbs, I gotta say.
She ended up not coming but Pez was there – she’s going to be the assistant kids coach – and the kid was thrilled to have a friend on the mats.
Afterwards, I got them all Taco Bell, just because … oh, you know…
Anywho, if you have a kid between the ages of 5 and 14 in Manhattan, bring them by our gym at 4 W 18th Street. They’ll be in great hands.
Me: Dude, he’s so good at this.
Chad: Yeah, man, he really is.
Tonight, my kali coach was late to class so I covered the first half.
It was weird teaching again. I think the last time I taught a class was maybe in 2014. And, I gotta admit, I missed it.
Chad: I’ve never seen you teach before.
Me: Really? (thinking) Oh, I guess that’s right.
Him: You’re good at it. You should do it more.
Me: Maybe someday. I got the kid. (laughing) Besides, we can’t afford me yet.