Author: Logan Lo

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Memory Lane

Not that there’s anything wrong with that

After the Firecracker and I came back from her surprise shower, we then dashed off to our local dive bar – Malachy’s – and met up with my old roomie, Buckley.

We actually lived in the same dorm waaaaaay back in 1991 (!) and kept in touch after I left.

When he moved into the city, he and I became roomies and, after a few years, he and I bought our apartment together.

I remember that my dad had questions.

Dad: You…and Buckley…are buying an apartment? Together?
Me: Yeah, why?
Him: Well…is there anything else you wanna tell me?
Me: (puzzled) No, why? (thinking) OMG! No, we’re just friends. And poor. We’re poor friends. We can’t afford a place alone, so we need to pool our money together.
Him: Oh…
Me: (quickly) Not that there’s anything wrong with that. We’re just poor.

This is us in 1998, right before we bought the place.

I dunno what we were thinking with those sweaters or my goatee.

In any case, we met up at Malachy’s because that and Big Nick’s – which is where the main picture was taken – were the two greasy spoon dives that we always went to.

It’s weird. He looks like him just…older. And I’m the same.

We were literally kids when we met – like 17. And now his son is not that far off from the age when we first met.

Rain Noe, Logan Lo

And I’ve been chatting with Rain a lot these days.

He’s just dealing with some real estate issues and that’s kinda what I do.

That’s a pic of us back in 1998 downtown. I think at a joint called Stingy Lulu‘s (or Yaffa Cafe).

Big Nick’s is long gone – it closed back in 2013 and I wrote about it. I remember chatting with Alison about it.

Stingy Lulu’s has been gone for decades – as has Yaffa Cafe.

The thing about being 51 in 2025 is that I don’t really have any pictures or videos of some of the most seminal moments of my life.

This was a little bit after he moved out and Alison moved in.

Because, back then, cameras were crappy and usually just film or – in my case – crappy digital.

Did you know that your memories aren’t replayed, they’re reconstructed each and every time you remember them?

That means that every time you remember thing, there’s a (high) chance you’ll alter that memory a bit and those alterations keep piling up until you can’t trust your own memories anymore?

And that’s why I wish I had better pictures/videos to remember my possible pasts with.

Luckily, I have my friends to help me remember those memories.

Me: He was a quant at Long Term Capital, right?
Him: No, he was a programmer – he was on his way to being a quant when it imploded.
Me: Gotcha – I didn’t know that.

Unfortunately, I don’t have Alison here to remember the memories that mattered the very most to me.

Ah, fuck…

This is what my room looked like when it was just me and Buckley – two bachelors in the city.
A dragonfly from this entry in 2008. I have questions about that day but no one to ask.

Location: this morning, looking up therapists for various reasons
Mood: messy
Music: saw my life in a strangers face and it was mine (Spotify)
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Goodnight, Peter

He was my friend and I’ll miss him

Her: What are you writing about?
Me: Peter.
Her: Oh, did you know him well enough to write about him?
Me: Well, his life is his story to tell. I’m just gonna write about my life and his role in it.

Pausing the usual nuthin again.

Almost exactly 17 years ago, I wrote about my buddy Mike, who was a regular in my kali class.

Older fella, I still remember that Mike had a six-pack at 65+.

Mike was the first guy that I knew as a friend that died.

Unfortunately, he wasn’t the last.

Mike died before social media so I’ve forgotten what he looks like.

But he was my friend, and I miss him.

Peter Moretti was like Mike in that he would always come to class and be a bit confused and not get certain moves because, like Mike, he was older.

But he never stopped coming and never stopped trying to be better.

This is him just a few days before he died.

His dedication, plus his incredibly easy-going and kind nature, was how I always saw him.

His Facebook feed was/is fulla things like him feeding birds like woodpeckers and ducks.

After knowing Peter a few years, I found that he was a karate instructor and fighter who could do things that I only dreamed about being able to do.

In fact, he just posted a buncha photos of himself as a young man two days before he died.

 I realize now that Mike and Peter are essentially me.

They were both skilled and dangerous fighters that were once in peak physical shape.

But time takes its toll on alla us.

I figure that, in a few years, I’ll be the guy that people have to help with certain moves or things.

And they too will be surprised that I was once anything but an older fella.

In any case, I just saw Peter maybe two weeks ago. I worked with him some.

We weren’t close, at all, but we got along well.

He died in his sleep and left a buncha people that loved him and will miss him.

That’s a good way to go, if you’ve gotta go, I say.

Goodnight, Peter.

You’ve worked hard enough, and you’ve earned your rest.

Her: You don’t want to make his death about you.
Me: I get that, but I also don’t ever feel right telling someone else’s story.
Her: That’s true.
Me: It’s a delicate balance. I suppose the main point is that the people in our lives are part of the fabric of it and Peter was a part of mine. I’ll never see him again and he was someone that I always liked seeing.

Location: last night, the surgeon’s, drinking up a ton of rum
Mood: wistful
Music: You’ll have to learn, just like me and that’s the hardest way (Spotify)
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personal

Surprising her again, but not by me

The Firecracker had a surprise party the other day

Amazingly, the very next day after I wrote the previous entry about my fixing my server hack, it got hacked again in the morning.

Super annoying, but, luckily, most of the site was pretty barebones by then so we were able to patch that part pretty quickly.

Let’s see how long this lasts.

On another topic, entirely, the Firecracker had to go to a “conference” the other day.

It turns out that it was all a sham – but the good kind.

See, her coworkers had to think of a reason to get her to come up for a surprise party thrown by her coworkers to celebrate her engagement to me.

Me: I get that. You *are* pretty lucky to have me.
Her: (rolls eyes)

She was super touched by the gesture and hit me up to swing by.

Her: My coworkers are the best! Come on by, we’ll be here a bit.

While I feel that I’m always crashing her office events, she said it was fine, so I headed up.

Everyone, like always, was super sweet.

They had hors d’oeuvres, champagne, sandwiches, salads, and a ton of desserts…

…including some homemade cupcakes to boot.

They played some games…

…and also handed out prizes.

I won a scrunchie, as did she. 

Considering my quantity of hair, I’ll most likely give her mine.

We ate our fill and then headed home because later on that night, I was supposed to meet up with my old college roomie and buddy, Buckley.

I’ll tell you about that in the next entry.

Her: Five? You ate FIVE sandwiches?
Me: Well, no one else was eating them, so…
Her: What do you have, a hollow leg?
Me: In my defense, I only ate like half the bread.

Location: the basement, cleaning out a ton of brick dust from alla the previous work
Mood: busy and beat
Music: No, you’re not late to the party, don’t worry there’s still time (Spotify)
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A Revolutionary Afternoon

Rasputin was a real wizard

Because the Firecracker and I did so much traveling the past two years, we were chatting about getting into the TSA Precheck Program.

To this end, we both met up downtown at the National Museum of the American Indian, which is – oddly – where we had our interview.

The last time I’d been down there was in this entry, 13 years ago.

What a different life I led back then.

In any case, the interview itself was insanely fast; we were both done in less than three minutes.

It’s alla the paperwork that you gotta do ahead time that’s the real time killer.

Afterward, I told her that I’d buy her a drink downtown.

Me: Have you ever been to Fraunces Tavern?
Her: (thinking) That’s like a Revolutionary War place, yes? I don’t think so?
Me: Sweeeet, ok, let’s go.

It’s a place that George Washington supposedly utilized as a headquarters for war planning.

While we were there, I got a really good mead – for the first time, ever – and she just had some wine.

We chatted with the bartender for a bit before walking around downtown.

There were so many cool shops and restaurants downtown that we had difficulties figuring out where to eat.

Ultimately, she decided she wanted a lobster roll so we found a place downtown that had an excellent one.

She was very excited.

It felt luxurious to be out and about in the middle of the day.

This meant that we had time for some important and deep conversations.

Her: Have you ever considered that maybe Rasputin was a real wizard?
Me: OK, where to begin with that statement…?

Afterward, we walked around a bit more downtown…

…before we called it and went home.

Her: This is one of those things I like best about New York City.
Me: What?
Her: There’s just so much to do and see.
Me: (nodding) Yeah. I’ve been here my whole life and still think there’s so much I’ve not seen here yet.

Location: in front of six tacos, wondering if I should have a seventh
Mood: exhausted
Music: Völlig losgelöst von der Erde (Spotify)
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Not a Millennial

Six?!

Met up with Kung and my buddy Brando for lunch the other day.

The last time I ate with both of them, I was a complete mess as Alison had just died and I was doing whatever I could to stay sane and alive.

This time around, enough time had passed that I was able to just chill out and joke with them.

Me: Is there light beer happening at the dumpling joint?
Him: There better be!

While Kung is Chinese, Brando is Australian, which is a country that has the most Chinese in the world, outside of Asia.

This is relevant because they wanted soup dumplings for lunch and Brando suggested this one joint near his gym.

Me: Kung, as the only other true dumpling connoisseur of the group, do you agree? 
Brando: He LOVED the dumplings.
Me: Kung, don’t let the white man unduly influence you; what did you think?
Brando: How dare you assume I am not an expert in soup dumplings? It’s because I’m white, isn’t it?
Kung: Legit!

So, I went to their gym first and rolled around on the mats for the first time in ages and then we made it to the restaurant where we ordered six trays of soup dumplings.

Waiter: SIX? (holds up his hands with six fingers) Six?
Me: (nodding) Six. We’re hungry.
Brando: And we need some garlic bok choi.
Me: That too.

Another buddy was supposed to eat with us, but he’s got this insanely demanding job and literally had to fly out to another state last minute, a few hours before we were supposed to meet up.

Him: Hey boys, so sorry I missed lunch the other day I severely underestimated what [my bosses needed me to do]. I haven’t seen daylight since Thursday morning!

Him: Are you really gonna take a picture of your food? What are you, a Millennial?
Me: Clearly not. (shrugging) I just like taking pics of food for myself.

It was nice seeing them; we met some 15-20 years ago and we’re still friends even now.

The older I get, the more I value the people that chose to stick around.

Location: home with the boy and dealing with literal growing pains
Mood: concerned
Music: I was bad now I’m better (Spotify)
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The Firecracker’s Odyssey

24 hours of delays and cancelations

I try my best to keep this blog about me, directly.

Indirectly, there are all these characters that rotate in and outta it, particularly the kid and the Firecracker.

Having said that, the Firecracker and I didn’t get to have a real St. Valentine’s Day this year around because she went to go visit her mom in the south the other day.

But we made some pretty cool plans when she got back, alla which went to hell.

Lemme explain: Her trip there was uneventful, but the trip back was…far less so.

For starters, a freakishly strong windstorm moved into the northeast and made itself at home the day she was scheduled to fly back.

This meant that:

  • Her original flight was delayed two times from afternoon to early evening.
  • She drove to the airport at night, some six hours after she was supposed to leave, and was the only person there. After a bit, others came but then, close to midnight, some eight hours after her initial flight, they cancelled it.
  • So, she booked an early morning flight and walked a third-of-a-mile at night to crash at a hotel but, by the time she arrived there, they cancel that flight.
  • She then books another flight heading to NYC but only after a connection in DC. Because we had those plans for President’s Day, she took it.
  • The next day, she finally manages to catch the flight to DC (!!) but, while she was in the air, the airline cancels the flight to NYC (!!!) and rebooks her connecting flight to NYC…for the next day. (!!!!)

Me: Just take a train back!
Her: Yeah, I’ll do that, or I’ll never make it home.

I tried to help by buying her a ticket while she navigated the DC metro to the train station. Except…

Her: Babe. This ticket is for the 25th.
Me: Damnit! Hold on. Glad you saw that.
Her: No worries. I’ll get home, eventually…

And she did.

After 24 hours of plane delays and cancelations, and a 3.5-hour Amtrak ride.

Me: Welcome back!
Her: I need a drink.
Me: Sweeeeeet.

I took her out for a quick bite at a local cafe.

It wasn’t the Valentine’s Day we had planned but it was nice just having her home.

Location: earlier today, my old gym, with fellas I’ve known for over 20 years
Mood: brrrrrrrrrrr (still)
Music: Don’t get lost ’cause I am waitin’ (Spotify)
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Fixing cracks around here

Less than thrilled

The kid cracked another tooth the other day so we had to drop everything and head to the dentist’s to fix it.

This time, however, insurance was able to cover everything, so that was a plus.

Poor guy was less than thrilled, lemme tell ya.

Him: You have no idea how this feels!
Me: Dude, most adults know exactly how it feels – we’ve all done it. You’ll survive this, trust me.

Afterward, I brought him to see his grandparents out in the wilds of NJ…

…I stayed for dinner because they were having Afghan food and we all love it.

Couldn’t really stay longer than for dinner because there’s work that needs to be done on my building that we’re (finally) doing after literally decades of putting it off.

Essentially, our building has settled, and this has resulted in large cracks in our facade.

According to an engineer that came by, while it’s not dangerous to life or property at the moment, we had a few years to fix it before it became a serious problem.

A fella that did work for us years ago just happened to be free so I jumped at the chance to have him fix it.

Just like with any other repair work, as soon as he started, he saw more issues, like, look at how much mortar is missing from the bricks above, or how rusted the internal metal is between the layers of brick, below.

He’s gonna tell me after he’s had more time to check it out if we need to do anything more for that.

Home and kid ownership is rewarding, for sure, but keeping the home from falling down and the kid in one piece is really a full-time thing.

Then again, I’m not sure I’d want it any other way.

Him: Thanks for bringing me to the dentist.
Me: Sure thing, but let’s avoid doing that for a while, ok?
Him: Definitely!

Location: meeting the Firecracker for dinner out and about like real adults
Mood: brrrrrrrrrrr
Music: I’m standing right here for you (Spotify)
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Writing from the future

…and you’re doing ok

The kid’s trying out for another talent show this year – I think he’ll make it, but you never know.

He’s already got a song picked out, which is a rock classic; I’ll post it after he does the show if he makes it in.

I try to show him all the songs that were meaningful to me when I was a kid because I think those songs stay with you in special ways.

A more modern song that I’ve been listening to is one called Dear Me by a fella named Eric Hutchinson.

I think I’ll play it for the kid one of these days, soon.

Whenever I hear it, I think of alla these different versions of me that are as real and immediate to me as if I were still them.

That’s a whole entry in-and-of-itself.

In the meantime, here’s the song, give it a go?

Dear me, you’ll be older one day
I’m writing from the future and you’re doing ok
I said now, dear me, hold on to what you’ve got
Things are gonna change, but change is better than you thought
Dear me
I know you’re scared as hell of everything right now
But don’t get lost and where you’re going
Dear me
You’re gonna fall in love with the girl that you live next door to
And you have no real way of knowing
You don’t know who you are
You don’t know who you are
You don’t know who you are
But I know you’re trying
You don’t know who you are
You don’t know who you are
You don’t know who you are
But you’re multiplying
Dear me, you’ll be older one day
I’m writing from the future and you’re doing ok
I said now dear me, hold on to what you’ve got
Things are gonna change, but change is better than you thought
Said you gonna get yourself, get yourself, get yourself together
You gonna get yourself, get yourself, get yourself together
Dear me
Don’t keep people in your life that treat you like crap
And don’t lose sleep over them either
Dear me
Never give up on the good that rests inside of you
And don’t believe the non-believers
You gonna make mistakes
You gonna make mistakes
You gonna make mistakes
But they will fall behind you
You gonna make mistakes
You gonna make mistakes
You gonna make mistakes
But they won’t define you
Dear me, you’ll be older one day
I’m writing from the future and you’re doing ok
I said now dear me, hold on to what you’ve got
Things are gonna change but change is better than you thought
Said you gonna get yourself, get yourself, get yourself together
You gonna get yourself, get yourself, get yourself together
Take care of family and the ones you love
Put all your energy into human stuff
Staying young is hard to do
So, when life’s getting serious just don’t take it so serious.
I said dear me, hold on to what you’ve got
Things are gonna change but change is better than you thought
Said you gonna get yourself, get yourself, get yourself together
You gonna get yourself, get yourself, get yourself together
Keep growing up, but don’t get old
Take care of what you can’t control
Respect the heart that you’re gonna break
Forgive mistakes that you will make
If I were you I would not care
But some old messes to beware
So you probably won’t listen to a word I say
You probably won’t listen to a word I say
You probably won’t listen to a word I say
You’re doing ok
Dear me.

Location: home, chatting with the Firecracker who’s stuck at the airport
Mood: nostalgic
Music: get yourself together (Spotify)
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A new daily driver

Nuthin but steel and oil

Steel and the Surgeon, since at least the late 90s, have turned to me for advice on all things tech.

But when it comes to food, I generally speak to Steel first, then Bryson and Pac, although I mainly hit up Bryson for Japanese food tips and Pac for Korean.

Now, when Alison first got sick, one of the first things I did was to toss/donate alla our Teflon cookware and replace it was “safer” ceramic cookware.

It’s dented on one side, but no metal utensil has ever touched it so it’s remarkably slick/non-stick. I’m loathe to toss it.

The above is a “safe” ceramic pan and was the pan I pretty much used daily for just about everything since Alison got sick.

It’s slicker than a greased pig running downhill BUT I still don’t trust it completely, despite it being ceramic.

Now, the last time I was at Steel’s he showed me his daily driver – a seasoned carbon steel pan.

20 years ago, I had an old cast iron pan that I loved and lent to Rain for our Bachelor Cooking series.

That was the last time I ever saw it.

A few years later, I picked up these two enameled cast iron pans and generally use those for steaks and burgers.

They are buttery smooth to cook with – I’m exceedingly proud of the season that I’ve gotten on then.

Look at that black glossy sheen on these pans – they are incredibly non-stick.

But I was intrigued with Steel’s super lightweight carbon steel pan.

Me: How do I use it?
Him: (shrugging) Just like cast-iron. You wash it after every use with salt and hot water, apply some oil, wipe it down, and put it away.

The idea of using a pan that’s naturally non-stick, but doesn’t weigh a ton like my cast-iron, really got me.

I just cooked eggs with it so excuse the messy stove.

To this end, I picked up my own lightweight carbon steel pan and have been using that regularly.

The above is what it looked like day 1 after I cooked once with it and then gave it a quick scrub.

And below is after at least six-seasonings and daily cooking; I’m proud to say that it’s pretty much the same level of non-stick as my original daily driver, above.

Because it’s carbon steel and not cast iron, it’s far less porous than cast iron and I can’t seem to get the seasoning to look even like it does on the cast iron.

But, looks aside, it’s just as non-stick as my old regular cooking pan and I know that there’s nuthin there but steel and oil.

What I love the most about it is that it should last forever and I can give it to the kid someday.

Here’s hoping he’ll be as nerdy about these kinda things as I am.

Her: …guess his name!
Me: I don’t think…
Her: It’s the best name for a chef. Are you ready? His name was…Chef…Bacon!
Me: (amused) That is a good name. The next best name? Chef Cured Meats.
Her: Or Chef Spiral Ham?
Me: We can stop this now.
Her: (claps and rubs hands together) I’m just getting started.

OK, maybe I shouldn’t hope for that.

Location: W 72nd and Broadway, watching the kid cross the street by himself
Mood: super anxious
Music: My sugar’s the sweetest around. (Spotify)
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Birthdays at Sappe

Not spicy at all

Met up with my college buddies the other night for Cappy and Gar’s birthday.

We’ve been getting together every February to celebrate Gar and Cappy’s birthday since…well, since a few years after we graduated college, way back in 1996 or so.

The first time I mentioned us meeting was back in 2007 in this entry.

Back then, everyone didn’t have a camera with them 24/7 and I also wasn’t sure how much of my life I’d be blogging about.

Some 18 years later, I’m obviously blogging a lot more.

This year, we met up at a joint called Sappe downtown.

Despite a massive snowstorm that night, the place was packed…

…the drinks were killer…

…as was the food.

What’s odd was that the single spiciest thing we ate was this strawberry fruit salad.

Think I ate the most, about six strawberries. And then I was done – my mouth was on fire.

This is saying a lot as about half the table was Korean and they’re no strangers to spicy food.

The rest of the food was spicy but not obscenely so.

Well…

Her: will you try it first? It looks good but I can’t handle much spice.
Me: Sure! (later) It’s not spicy at all.
Her: (takes bite, instant red face) OMG! Are you trying to kill me?? That’s soooooo spicy!
Me: What?! There’s no spice to it. (takes another bite and starts to cough) OMG…I just got a pepper. That is so spicy!
Her: I told you!

Also, chatted up a fella that was there with a whole crew of people celebrating their friend Eli’s 30th – they all wore the same shirt.

Eli has quality friends.

Afterward, we hit up a bar close to the restaurant…

…but had to bolt a bit early because the snow was seriously coming down.

All-in-all, it was a great night. Saw my friends and hung out with my girl.

Not a bad way to start off the new year.

Location: the dentist’s, telling him he’ll be ok
Mood: exhausted
Music: all I want – I promise that it’s not a lie – is to be your friend (Spotify)
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