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It only took 27 years

Everything takes forever

Me: I need a weapons area.
Her: You totally need a weapons area – you have so many!

Around late 2013, because Alison and I kept losing pregnancies, our lives just stopped.

It’s part of why I stopped blogging for a bit in 2015; because it was getting too hard to hide all the sadness and bad news that we kept getting.

Maybe one day I’ll tell you some of it.

Probably not, though. It still fucks me up to this day.

My kid helping with some baking I was doing; next to him are two of the three vacuums we had.

Of course, the bad news kept getting worse until it was the worst news we could ever imagine.

Our lives, just like the blog, was off schedule. All the plans we had and suspended, were suspended indefinitely.

One little thing was that, for 27 years, the radiator in my back bathroom wasn’t working.

The old owners disconnected it for some reason and Alison and I always said we were gonna hook it up again at some point.

As usual, life kept getting in the way.

But the other day, I decided to remove two of the three vacuums that I have in my pad, mounted on a wall – why I have three is a wholly separate story that I may or may not tell you about down the line.

Didn’t match at all.

Unfortunately, the paint that I thought would cover up the removal damage dried out after 15 years of sitting in my basement.

Me: Dammit!

So, I went to my local paint store and had them match the paint. It didn’t match well at all.

Me: GODDAMMIT!!

Cutting off a chip of the drywall, the second time around, they were able to match it relatively closely.

This then led to a chain of events that ended up with a plumber coming in the other day and hooking up the radiator in the back room.

Here, this 40 second video of Hal/Bryan Cranston more adequately explains what happened, as well as why everything takes forever around here:

There’s a lot more to it but lately I’ve doing stuff around the house that’s been waiting to happen for between 10-27 years.

Told Buckley – the fella I first bought the apartment with some 20+ years ago – about what was going on.

Me: Hola! I just had the radiator fixed in the back bathroom TODAY. Can you believe that I never changed it?
Buckley: Guten tag! I recall it didn’t work. Are you telling me it stayed broken until today? If so, that’s impressive.
Me: Yup, broken for 27 years until this morning at 11am.

Hopefully, 27 years’ll be my maximum time for letting things sit broken around here.

Then again, I suppose I’ve been broken for some 51+ years…

Location: my warm back bathroom!
Mood: warm!
Music: Feels like home (Spotify)
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Sticking, for some reason

The algorithm I came up with

Did you know that Mark Twain was instrumental in the creation of the bra?

Or that Charles Darwin invented the office chair?

Or that Brian May, the guitarist and co-founder of Queen, is also a celebrated astrophysics that helped NASA land a rocket on an asteroid?

People that reach high levels of achievement in disparate fields have always fascinated me, with my personal hero being Hedy Lamarr.

The question is whether this kinda thing can be taught. Like, can a parent teach someone to be successful in many areas?

Long before the kid came into existence, I was trying to figure this out for whatever kid I might eventually have.

The algorithm that I came up with:

Lifetime curiosity + the ability to properly research + discipline = success in various fields

Because, at least for me, I try to keep my childhood curiosity alive.

With the internet and all the tools out there for research, it’s a lot easier than it used to be to find out information – although separating the wheat from the chaff is more difficult than ever what with the sheer amount of information out there.

Have no idea if this is correct, or if it’ll work with everyone, but I believe hope it will.

Suppose only time will tell.

Me: Try it. Nothing beats beets.
Him: I don’t like beets.
Me: Well, if you like candy and cake, you should like beets.
Him: What? Why?
Me: Well, most American sugar comes from beets.
Her: Is that true? How do you know all this stuff?
Me: (shrugging) I always wonder things. So, then I look it up and a shocking amount of it sticks in my head for some reason.

Location: home, trying to make sense of things
Mood: annoyed
Music: suddenly I see why the hell it means so much to me (Spotify)
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For sale: Family clothes, never worn

The purposes of this conversation

There’s a cool little subgenre of writing called flash fiction, where people try to write impactful stories with only a handful of words.

The most famous one is a short six-word story that’s frequently attributed to Ernest Hemingway, which goes:

For sale: baby shoes, never worn.

There’s so much sadness, pain, and loss in just six words.

Thought about that the other day as I cleaned out some more of Alison’s things.

Every year or so, I toss some things of hers that I finally make peace with.

In this latest episode, found three shirts that Alison and I were excited to wear one day; grey shirts with a graphic of a black bear on the chest, each one with a single word on the bear:

Papa
Mama
Baby

Think we got them as a gift. Don’t remember.

We never got to try them on.

Everything went to shit too fast.

The Firecracker, because she saw how distressed I was and is just awesome, gave them away for me.

I was in my head all day and all night.

Alison never got to wear anything like that.

I never got to wear anything like that.

And now, we never will.

Her: Are you ok?
Me: For the purposes of this conversation, I’ll say I am.
Her: But you’re not?
Me: (deep breath) For the purposes of this conversation, I’ll say I am. I just need a sec.
Her: (nodding) I’ll take care of these this for you and drop them off at Goodwill.
Me: Thank you.

Location: the basement of my brain (again)
Mood: waiting to be okay (again)
Music: This feeling never leaves me (Spotify)
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Fire and Ice

Bone-chilling

Her: Have you seen my cow slippers? It’s freezing.
Me: Since meeting you, I’ve heard sentences I’ve never heard ever in my life. Which is saying a lot, because I’m over half-a-century old.
Her: You told me I bring joy and light to your life.
Me: I say a lotta things.
Her: (glares)

It’s been bone-chillingly cold out here lately – and not just between the Firecracker and me.

Like, seriously bone-chilling:

But that also meant some snow and sledding out around here, which is a welcome thing for the kids.

Both kids were excited to get their snow on, so we were up insanely early to let them do it.

There was hardly anyone there when we first arrived.

But that was relatively short-lived.

Which is fine because the Firecracker and I were both freezing.

Her: I’m glad we’re leaving. I can’t feel my toes. (starts laughing).
Me: I can’t either. What are you laughing at?
Her: (pointing) That. Every time I come here, I see the remains of sleds that gave up the ghost.

My brother hates the snow and winter, which is why he lives in Pasadena.

But he and Paul have been dealing with the opposite problem of ice and snow, and that’s fire and ash.

Which sounds a lot like what we had to deal with here two years ago.

This is a pic of his backyard…

…usually, those pools are pristine.

Smoke and ash notwithstanding, he knows that he’s among the lucky ones, at least so far.

Paul and one of the Scenic Fights producers had to evacuate and one of them is just a few blocks from my brother’s pad.

Me: Can I post these pics?
Him: Sure, though what’s there is of course trivial compared to the sorts of calamities that befell houses up the way in Altadena. Those pics were from the morning of Tuesday the 8th, I think. The night before there were winds like I’ve only seen/heard maybe once before here in LA, it was nuts.
Me: Man…
Him: You know, I’m not sure I’ve used the word “befell” in a sentence befall.
Me: Are you proud of yourself here?
Him: It’s like Albert Shakespeare said, “Pride is a many-sided mirror.”
Me: (sighing)

Location: my living room, after the kid accidentally dropped his entire spaghetti dinner on the white rug
Mood: blargh
Music: You pulled the rug right out from under my life (Spotify)
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A mini-celebration

Dinner at The Mark

Him: Let’s get a date for dinner. With beautiful WAGs.
Me: Works for us!
Him: I was thinking The Mark?
Me: I’m more of a Grey’s Papaya kinda guy but that would work for us. We can’t do any earlier than 6:15, though, because of the rug rats.
Him: You can just leave them outside by the curb. OK, 7PM The Mark. More appropriate to the occasion.

The NFL Player and Thor dropped me a line the other day. They wanted to take me out to celebrate our getting engaged – wives and girlfriends included.

So, one cold evening, we bundled up, got our passports, and headed over to the east side of town to meet up at The Mark Hotel Jean-Georges restaurant.

I’d never been although I’ve driven by it dozens of times.

It was gorgeous inside.

It’s funny because the three of us were among the older people at our old gym; so, we immediately got to talking about alla our injuries.

Me: How’s your shoulder?
Thor: Eh, ok. How’s your back?
Me: (shrugging) Same.

On top of that, could barely read the menu because of the small print and the darkness of the restaurant so the NFL Player lent me his reading glasses.

Me: We’re hitting a new level here, fellas.

The NFL Player’s wife also deals with some back issues.

Her: You know, I could get you a pillow for your back. These seats will be difficult.
Me: OMG, I’ve reached this point in my life.
Her: (waving her hand) It’s fine. I’ll have one of the staff get you something.

And she did. And it was glorious.

The rest of the night was more highly inappropriate conversation, which I won’t repeat here.

Thor’s wife: …so lucky.
Me: (shocked and laughing) Jesus Christ, you barely had anything to drink yet.
Her: (dismissing it and laughing) Oh, I don’t need alcohol to be like this.

The food was absolutely killer – I ordered the steak…

…and got one of those tiny bottles of tabasco that I find so cute, to boot.

The Firecracker also enjoyed her dish and got dessert, which we shared, even though I really shouldn’t have.

Also tried some of Thor’s desert as well.

Afterward, we made our way back to the Upper West Side and civilization.

Her: Your friends are really nice.
Me: Agreed. I have no idea why they like hanging out with me.

Location: a winter wonderland(ish)
Mood: tired
Music: a middle aged man settled down on my soul but I’m not that old (Spotify)
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Tawk!

When it comes out

Me: He’s so dumb. Talking to him is like having a conversation with a goldfish that can tawk.
Her: OMG your Queens just came out!
Me: Dammit!

My Queens accent has come out twice with the Firecracker and she’s astute enough to catch it when it does.

To paraphrase Amy Ryan – who came from Flushing, Queens, same as me – from The Office: You can take the boy outta Queens…

One of the things that the Firecracker and I have been doing is digging through the dozens of board games up in here that I’ve literally never played.

They were either rando gifts or items that old tenants left in my building, and I was loathe to throw out.

Her: Wait, you own this and have never played it? How long have you had it?
Me: (thinking) Jesus Christ, like 25 years?

Case-in-point, The Firecracker pulled out a board game of Yahtzee the other day that I probably had since the 90s and yet never played.

Not once.

So, she and I did just that.

We both managed to roll some pretty insane things, such that our first round was pretty impressive.

It was all downhill from there.

Exciting times here in Casa Lo.

Me: I think we should never play this again, we’re never gonna top these rolls.
Her: (nodding) This is very true. No one is gonna believe us that you just rolled a full house.
Me: (shaking head) Nope.

It’s not Miami, or the Bahamas, or a nice cruise but it’s something.

Post engagement is non-stop excitement.

But it’s also exactly what I wanted.

Location: heading out for the sixth time to try and paint my wall.
Mood: desperately needing a nap
Music: I know, I know, I know, this is all I want (Spotify)
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Travelogue: Bahamas 2024, pt 3

Tastes like a hangover

After we got back from the Bahamas, we pretty much just ate and hung out at the ship.

We did manage to head to one of the nicer restaurants, even though I could barely taste anything with my stupid cold.

And we also caught a few shows, alla which were pretty good.

Oh, and we made friends with our sever, Harry, who comped us like $200 worth of drinks.

Me: I feel like a leech. I’m gonna give him a few bucks.
Her: Good idea, do that.
Me: What do you think [of the pina colada]?
Her: (shrugging) Tastes like a hangover.

The weather was super windy for some reason.

The Firecracker felt like she would be blown overboard…

…but that meant that we were the only ones outside, which is always a plus.

I don’t know what I’m doing here.

And because we didn’t have some Chinese food on the island, we decided to have some on the ship in one of their specialty restaurants.

Her: What do you think?
Me: It’s good. It’s not Chinese food, but it’s good.
Her: What does it taste like if not Chinese food?
Me: (thinking) It’s what I imagine a Panda Express to taste like.

While Harry kept plying us with free booze, we also hit up some of the other bars for a change of pace.

And drank the rest of the way home.

Her: What about your cold?
Me: I tell myself that alcohol kills germs.

Before we knew it, we were back in Miami and heading back to NYC.

Unlike our trip out, we made it to the airport with a ton of time to spare.

We didn’t fly Spirit, this was just a good pic. Although, they’re actually the safest US carrier, legit.

Arriving in NJ, we were immediately reminded that it was winter back here.

And that’s the story of how the Firecracker and I got engaged.

Again, flip-flops on a ten-mile walk is a terrible idea.

Location: stuck in front of my desk doing work
Mood: still brrrrrrrrrrrr
Music: Got me tripping out like the sixties (Spotify)
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Travelogue: Bahamas 2024, pt 2

Seriously, pooped

Her: Again!?
Me: Evidently.

So, the last time I was on a cruise, I was raunchily ill. This time, I just had a cold but both meant that I couldn’t fully enjoy the trip.

The other thing was that, when we went to Bermuda, we were on the island less than three hours.

This time around, because of rough seas, we were only in the Bahamas for five hours – which, admittedly, is an improvement but not by much.

But, determined to make the most of it, we decided to walk from the pier to Atlantis.

It was a seven-mile, round-trip walk.

The thing was that I found out that the only thing that alleviated my back pain was/is walking.

Her: I guess we’re walking then.
Me: I guess so.

So, we did.

We probably shouldn’t have done it in flip-flops, though.

There’s this German saying I love that goes:

Gutes Gespraech kuerzt den Weg.
Good conversation shortens the way.

Luckily, the Firecracker provides just that.

We first went to the Queen’s Staircase, just to see it.

I’d never been there, despite my being to the Bahamas at least four times previously.

From there, we walked to Atlantis, where we stayed for just a few minutes, got a Starbucks, and then took the long trek back.

Her: (enjoying her coffee) That was totally worth it.

Me: I’m fine with not seeing the beach; honestly, you seen one beach, you’ve seen them all.
Her: Agreed. Plus, I like not having to get sand outta my shoes for the next day or so.

On the way to Atlantis and back, though, we saw:

Not one, but TWO metal detectors just in the middle of the sidewalk, and unplugged…

…a cat deep in the hunt for some birds…

…a lamp that had seen better days…

…and a rando Chinese restaurant.

Her: You should stop in and say, hi.
Me: It’s not like we all know each other, baby.
Her: (laughing) That’s not…
Me: I’m joking. But, nah, then I’ll get into a conversation and the only person I wanna talk to is you.

These are the kinda exciting things that happen to you when you’re with me.

We ended up making it back to the ship and man, were we pooped.

Seriously, pooped.

The rest of the trip was just us eating up a storm.

But I’ll tell you about that in the next entry just because I’ve got a ton of pics to share.

Location: a kid’s playground, for the third time today
Mood: exhausted
Music: it was only us when it was only us (Spotify)
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Travelogue: Bahamas 2024, pt 1

A quick cruise to the Bahamas

The next day, we woke up and grabbed a cab to the Miami cruise terminal.

The main reason why I picked a cruise for the two of us was because it actually fit our schedule perfectly and we both love cruising.

It was a real quick four-day one on a pretty small ship but she was still pretty excited to go.

Unfortunately, while I was ok in Miami, by the time we boarded the ship, I was sick again.

I’m pretty sure that that French kid that was coughing up a storm while I was traveling back from NJ to see the Firecracker, got me sick.

In fact, that was one of the reasons I booked this cruise in the first place; I felt I missed out on a solid 1/3 of that cruise because I was sick.

Me: This stinks. The last cruise, I was out for the about a 1/3 of it, and this one looks like it’s gonna be the same.
Her: Sorry, baby. But let’s make the best of it.

So, we did.

Me: If nuthin else, I’m eating less than I normally do.
Her: You’re eating less? You’re still ordering all the appetizers and two entrees per meal.
Me: (puzzled) Yeah. Like I said, I’m eating less.
Her: (shakes head)

Unlike last time, it was pretty much non-stop eating, reading, and sleeping for me.

Which is my idea of a perfect vacation.

It didn’t hurt that the Firecracker was there with me.

My sleep was pretty awful the entire time because my cold ended up being the kind where you cough all night and don’t end up getting a single good night of sleep.

That was super annoying.

We didn’t do much, at all on this trip but I have enough pics to put them into a second entry.

So, I’ll see you for that.

Until then, here’s a cool video of our departing the port – it’s sped up 10X, so this is a ten-minute video in exactly one minute.

Location: evidently, the arctic
Mood: frigid and tired
Music: it was only us when it was only us (Spotify)
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Travelogue: Miami 2024

Dinner in the sky

The very next day after I proposed, we woke up at the crack of butt to catch a plane to Fort Lauderdale.

Her: Wait, you booked an 8AM flight?!
Me: (slowly) Yes?
Her: So, we have to wake up at like 5AM?
Me: (slowly) Yes?

The train ride there was pretty uneventful, although we were close to the only people out and about that day.

We did have to run in one portion of the trip, but that’s a story for another time.

My MIL bought that bag for the Firecracker for Christmas. If that doesn’t tell you everything about that family, I dunno what will.

We were in Miami by noon.

I booked an inexpensive hotel that was in a GREAT location on South Beach so that we could stroll around.

We were both pretty hungry, so our first stop was a Cuban sandwich shop; unfortunately, the Firecracker wasn’t in the mood for a Cuban.

So, we ended up getting a turkey sammie, which was ok but not Cuban sandwich ok.

This was $28 (!)

We then strolled around the neighborhood for a while…

…before we ended up at the beach.

Me: Man, this is awesome. We’re on a beach in December!
Her: This is great. Hey, what are we doing for dinner?
Me: Oh, the Frenchman and Tess recommended a joint for us; I made reservations. It’ll be pretty low-key.

It was not.

But more on that in a moment.

So, after a quick nap, we got dressed and walked the mile to the hotel where the restaurant was.

We’re New Yorkers so a mile walk’s nuthin to us.

Her: Wait, that looks just like [the Frenchman and Tess].
Me: (to them) Hey, guys!

Arriving at the hotel elevators, I saw the Frenchman and Tess and waved.

I didn’t tell the Firecracker that they both just happened to be in Miami at the same time and were joining us for dinner.

The Firecracker: What are you two doing here?
The Frenchman: Oh, he didn’t tell you?
Tess: Is that ok that we’re here?
The Firecracker: Are you kidding? That’s great! (turning to me) OMG, you are full of surprises.

Tess had been to the restaurant before, so we let the two of them order everything.

The food was absolutely killer…

…but the views were even more so.

Here’s the view from the bathrooms.

The bathrooms!

Tess encouraged us to take pictures because the rooftop pool was empty, and the views were spectacular.

The waiter heard that we just got engaged so he comped us some champagne.

No vibe like drinks in the sky vibes, lemme tell ya.

Afterwards, they drove back home and she and I walked back to our hotel room, taking more pics as we walked.

Me: Good engagement so far?
Her: Amazing!
Me: OK, well that’s the end of the surprises, everything else is as you know it.
Her: It’s been just great so far.

Actually, at least for you, there’s one more surprise.

I’ll tell you all about it in the next entry.

Location: back in freeeeezing NYC
Mood: brrrrrrrrrrr!
Music: Drinks in the sky, that’s the vibe (Spotify)
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