Tag: friends

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personal

Fame

Location: heading to Queens
Mood: sore
Music: baby The fame, fame Isn’t it a shame, shame baby

Snow on Riverside Park in NYC

A dude I met once with Sheridan was in all of papers cause he stole all of this dough. As a by-product of my out-and-about-ness, meet a lotta people that’re marginally famous in my little city.

The desire to get famous for no reason at all’s odd to me. S’one thing to be famous for doing something particularly good, quite another for doing something shady, yet another again for doing nuthin really at all.

My buddy Bryson’s also in the papers a lot lately. Well, not him per se, but his work product; he’s onea the lead people working on the Roosevelt Island project in the city papers.

It’s parta the reason we had to hit Roosevelt Island together this past summer.

Said a number a times before, in addition to being an insanely talented architect, he’s also a lethal man in the ring.

I’m only lethal if the other guy laughs himself to death seeing that he’s gonna fight me.

Gotta be better to be well-respected than famous, dontcha think? And even more so if it’s for two completely different things. Or is that just me these days?

As an aside, like to tell myself that somea my pictures’re part of the tram project.

Which is probably only true in my head but, eh, like always, it’s my head.

YASYCTAI: What your small goal this week? (5 mins/1 pt)

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personal

Perfect Week

Location: surrounded by computer bits
Mood: anxious
Music: every time I snap my fingers, I switch back into the light

How to make it in America picture - (c) someone else

Slipped outta an office this past Friday for drinks with the fellas. On the train, a girlie reads the page I’m on over my shoulder. When I’m done, without a word, hand it over to her and her dude.

Her boy makes a comment about the station so I ask them if they’re from around the way.

Him: (laughs) Yeah. Just kinda hard to see the station names.
Me: The next stop’s Astor.
Him: Thanks. (pause) Hey, did y’get to the TV reviews yet?
Me: Coming up. (turn pages)
Her: That’s you! (excitedly pointing)
Him (grinning sheepishly) Yeah, that’s me. I got a new show out called, How to make it in America.
Me: No kidd’n! My girl and I were just talking about it. That’s you? (peer at the picture).
Her: Yes, he’s Ian Edelman.
Him: (laughs)
Me: Niiice. I’ll watch it.
Him: Willya? That’d be great. I’d really appreciate it.
Me: You got it, man. Sunday, right?
Him: Sunday. Yeah, I hope you watch it.

He’s a native New Yorker. Gotta tell you, the jerks I meet’re usually not natives. They’re usually someone from Nowheresville trying to prove something. Natives, we got nuthin to prove. Sure, that’s a blanket prejudice but it’s what I’ve seen.

Anyhow, super nice fella. Didn’t seem the least bit fake and sounded hopeful that I’d we’d watch his show. So, for being a humble, nice native, he gets a plug here with me and all of yous.

———-

Met up with Paul and WM afterward. WM almost had the perfect week; Paul, the opposite.

Given enough time, y’get to see your friends hit their highs and lows. Ecclesiastics 9:11 goes, time and chance happeneth to them all. Yep.

Stumbled home and saw the girl on St. Vals, when we ordered in and watched Public Enemies.

Saw the rents for Chinese New Year and got my fill of some home cooking.

Maybe not the perfect week per WM but my kinda week: family, friends, girl, and a good story to tell.

YASYCTAI: Organize your picture files (hours/2 pts)

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personal

A semi-clean map

Your Map of the World

The UWS in early winter

As I once said, all emotional pain comes when your expectation of reality doesn’t match reality. A guy who knows his wife’s cheating on him regularly isn’t all that twisted when he catches them in the act, cause he was prepared for it.

So, my buddy in the last entry’s having a hard time dealing with his breakup. Makes sense – breakups are hard. This whole blog came about from my last major breakup.

But to make it easier – the pain that is – I changed my map of the world.

Imagine you had the job of erasing the word “Broadway” from every map you got. That’s a tough task. And when you’re done, the faint lines of the word’s are still there. But it’s gone for the most part.

Dunno if you know this, but I paid for law school fixing computers and networks.

A computer doesn’t actually read a whole harddrive to find the data it wants, it has a map, a table of contents, that lists every file it has. When you want a file, it looks it up on the map, goes to where it is, and pulls it out.

When it deletes a file, all it does is erase that one line on its map. The file’s still there, it just doesn’t know it.

When you wanna get a file back, you can sometimes cause it can figure out what on the map’s changed.

My buddy won’t erase his map. I don’t blame him. It’s heartbreaking and hard.

But Broadway’s gone. He’s gotta scrub his map. If she comes back, that’s great, the faint lines will be there and he’s got a semi-clean map ready for her.

If she doesn’t, well, he’s still got a semi-clean map to work with.

Either way, a semi-clean map’s a good thing.

Only the stalker and the starkers say that Broadway’s there when it’s not.

Location: 20 mins ago, outside shoveling
Mood: hot
Music: It’s hard to free the ones you love (Spotify)

Categories
personal

The Debt and the Deuce

Bar in the Lower East Side, NYC

 

Me: Man, I’m lit. Think we each had a pitcher of beer and three glasses of rum.
Him: (nodding) Did I do the right thing?
Me: Y’know, whether or not you believe in the Bible, the concept’s relevant here. Say you owe me a thousand bucks. And I tell you the debt’s forgiven. But you show up one day showing off your iPhone. Even if I don’t wanna, I’m thinking, This #@#$@ owes me one grand. How does he have money to buy an iPhone? And if I invite y’out to eat, you’re thinking, Ah, I don’t wanna, he’s just trying to rub it in my face that I don’t got no dough. Even if I’m not.
Him: (nodding) So I did the right thing.
Me: (sighing) She broke the trust pact. Let’s say she worked late one night – even if she was being honest, you’d think, Is she really working late, or is something else going on? You did the right thing – for botha you. It’s why I left my girl. Not just for me but for her too.
Him: Still hard though.
Me: Not saying it isn’t. Just saying that someone’s gotta pay the debt, man. Sucks it’s you, but there you go. (laughing) Look, when I broke up with my ex, my buddy Rick swapped out her number with his own just in case I caved and called her. Want me to do the same?
Him: (grinning) Maybe.

Most times, it’s best to throw the deuce, say Peace out, and cut it deep, cut it quick, and cut it clean.

Cause it’s better to be the star of your own movie, than have a cameo in someone else’s.

Location: yest, Malachy’s on 72nd
Mood: completely lit
Music: now we ain’t wastin’ time no more cause time rolls by

Categories
personal

Where life takes you

 

Building off Cooper Square in NYC

A buddy I’ve not seen in a bit came by the other day. We went out for a walk and randomly a friend of his invited him over to eat. So he invited me.

Next thing you know we’re on a cab heading west and sitting in some girl’s kitchen having some hommade jook and I’m moving a cello and he’s hanging a tapestry.

Funny where the day takes you sometimes.

———-

Katsmw: Logan, I’ve told you this several times before!
Me: Sorry – most of the 90s and the first half of the 2000s were a blur to me.
Her: Why is that?
Me: My insomnia. Once I started sleeping well a few days in a row, it was like putting on glasses and seeing clearly.

Had some other friends over last night; an old college buddy and his wife. Made a roasted rack of lamb, potatoes, salad with blue cheese and cranberries rounded off with some gluhwein.

Afterward, played some Scattergories (lost one round and tied one round) and introduced him to the wonderful worlda rum.

At some point, y’sit around and chat about stories in college. Like how my buddy would come back from a hard run and then have a cigarette. He’s since quit. 17 years I’ve known the fella. It’s nice seeing how things change with old friends.

And how much things stay the same.

Me: (dropping carving knife onto floor) YIKES!
Everyone: Whoa!
Her: That could have cut off your toe!
Him: It fell into his lap first (laughing) so a toe woulda been the least of his problems.


Location: on way to Yonkers
Mood: busy
Music: with lovers and friends I still can recall

Categories
personal

2000-2009

It’s been a wild decade

So this guy, his wife, and his son, go to the big city for the first time. They walk into the first big building they see. While the wife goes off to look at something, the man and son stare at an elevator. Never saw one before.

The two watch this old, weary woman make her way into one. They see the elevator doors close, bells and lights go off, and then the doors open and a beautiful woman steps out. The father’s mouth drops open and he turns quickly to his son and goes: Boy, go find you mama, right quick.

Old joke. But made me think that I came inna 2000 one way, came out a whole other. Kinda.

1999 – become a lawyer.
2000 – leave the only job I ever had to change the world. Enter girl.
2001 – sit in a room with a red brick wall and saw buildings come down. Exit girl.
2002 – enter girl.
2003 – start one of several companies.
2004 – buy my pad. Exit room with a red brick wall.
2005 – exit companies.
2006 – take a temp gig that lasts for three years. CashCab. Exit girl. Start blog.
2007 – 72Canal: good. Lose life savings; get in a car accident: bad.
2008 – grandmother passes. Never get to say goodbye. Enter Heartgirl.
2009 – still a lawyer. Move back to a room with a red brick wall. Heartgirl’s come with.

 

In Orange Sky, Alexi Murdoch says,

Yes, I had a dream
I stood beneath an orange sky
With my brother and my sister standing by

 

I make light of my insomnia – and all of the things that bring it about – a lot.

But if I were truly honest with you, there were times that I thought that I couldn’t bear the thought of another sleepless night. Could not bear it.

And if not my brother and sister, wouldn’tve. Not sleeping for 48 hours’ll make you think of all sortsa crazy. Life’s hard enough without your people.

So I wish for your 2010-2019 that, if you’ve not found your person, you’ve at least found your people. They’re your mirrors and help you find see yourself. And, looking close, you see just how small your problems are in the big schema things.

Dunno what 2010-2019’s gonna be like – probably nuthin like I expect it. But it’s ok, got my people and my person.

See you in the next decade!

Ah, that joke never gets old, yeah?

Location: a room with red-brick walls
Mood: so very grateful
Music: but sister, you know I’m so weary

Categories
personal

Don’t really know

What’s the point of it all?

Cloudy day in NYC

Her: What was that sound!?
Me: Was working on something and the live power cable hit the fan.
Her: Logan! You’re going to kill yourself some day. (laughing) And your fly’s open.
Me: (slowly) Yes.

If something did happen to me, someone’d find that I’m 20% peanut butter (by weight, not volume). The remainder being rum.

Did y’have a nice Turkey Day? This year was different. Paul and WM hung up their club shoes to play board games by mine. Very Waltons.

The Professor wasn’t in town but I did see Johnny. With the exception of the Devil, he’s the onea the most dangerous men I know. That says a lot. And he brought his daughter over.

Her: I like you. You’re funny.
Me: I’ll take that as a compliment. Listen, keep your dad from punching me. He scares me.
Her: He scares me too!

This 25 year-old kid named Luis Armando Pena Soltren hijacked this plane from NY to Puerto Rico on 19681124 and went to Cuba where he spent the next 40 years in working as a day labourer.

At some point, he musta thought, What the #$@# did I do with my life?

So he came back an old man and’s sitting at some jail cell knowing that he’s thrown his life away on yet another thing that had the air of truth to it, but no real truth to it.

Him: 10 Million.
Me: Just this year?
Him: Yeah. (pause) Woulda made more if it wasn’t for this economy. Gotta fly back to China in three weeks.
Me: Why dontcha just sell it all? The factories, the buildings, all of it? Y’can spend time with your family, hang out with me. Start up that school y’always say you wanna do.
Him: (shakes head)
Me: Why not? You make more money than the pope but you’re miserable. What’s the pointa all that green if y’don’t get to see your family and I’m the only person in the world y’trust?
Him: Don’t really know.


Nietzxche was right, your convictions’re dangerous things. The choices remain the same: Change your map; Change your reality; or Keep crying.

Better work out. Next year, doubt I’ll have his daughter there to protect me.

Location: a grey, half-sofa
Mood: cheerful
Music: come with me we’ll travel to infinity
YASYCTAI: Have you considered fencing? (90 mins/2 pts)

Categories
dating personal

Fridays Online

Location: 19:00 yest, cooking pork for the first time in kitch
Mood: inspired
Music: we the stars Steady rockin’ on y’alls boulevards

Picture of a bike in a park on the west side of NYC

Paul stopped by my place the other night. There was a time when I’d spend mosta my time with him chatting about Heartgirl rather than the other way round.

He’s still (kinda) living the life of a singleton – he’s got his front-runner – as’re lotsa my other friends. S’funny, the charm of being single’s the potential to meet someone that makes you not.

This salesman named Alan Stillman was tired of being single so he started a bar to pick up girlies on 63rd Street and 1st Ave back in 1965. Dunno if it worked but kinda shows what people’ll do to not be by their lonesome.

Which kinda makes me wonder why people don’t explore the avenues out there to meet someone appropriate.

Like online dating – dunno why anyone’s got anything against it. The actual meeting of a body makes it just as normal as anything else. Sides, how’s it any more likely you’re gonna meet your better half in some smoky bar?

Said it before, it’s like y’got this aunt named Match or something like that, who says to you, “I know that guy/girl that y’might like.” Plus, how often when you go out and about do you also get a resume of the person in front of your face?

Oh, the name of the joint that that guy Stillman started was TGI Friday’s – he also started Smith & Wollensky’s, the joint that HG brought me on my bday.

Y’probably aren’t gonna meet someone right for you in TGI Friday’s but you get my point.

YASYCTAI: Try cooking something completely new today. (30 mins/1 pt)

Categories
personal

Leigh Sakoda

Apologies, I interrupt our usual nuthin for a quick something.

If you’ve been reading this for any amount of time, y’know that real names are verboten. Unless there’s a good reason.

This was Lee – Leigh Sakoda, actually. She wasn’t a close friend, or a dear friend. She was, however, someone that I spoke to every day for two years at my old gig. And never will again. That means something to me.

Wish I dropped her a line like I said I would. That means something to me too.

Since I got no scratch right now to send her way, putting this up for now, to remind me to do it when I do.

In my head, she looked like that pic above, always smiling. The world’s lost a good soul.

Back to the usual nonsense tomorrow.

Nite, Lee.

Location: 2 hours ago, stabbing someone in the throat in the UWS
Mood: still pensive
Music: to everything there is a purpose

Categories
personal

Not out to hurt nobody

Location: 18:00 yest, finishing the appetizer in LI
Mood: sympathetic
Music: Hey Abigail, I know your day has been hell

My friend’s having a bad day so I rang her. Wanted to tell her that daylight comes after the dark. Didn’t get the chance. It’s not a platitude, just simple truth. Hopefully she still reads me.

———-

Her:…left of the overpass. There’s usually parking there.
Me: Got it. Oh and it’s a trestle not an overpass cause it’s for a train not car. Just thought y’should know…
Brother: (muttering in passenger seat) It’s troubling that you know that.
My brother came to visit me over the weekend so gave him the keys to my apartment. I’ve three doors and never lock the third one. But for some inexplicable reason, locked it.

So the poor guy was outside in the cold at 5AM for two hours. He called WM who insisted on driving in from across the river, to drop him off at the ‘rents. Took about an hour.

Both said it wasn’t a big deal. They’re just too nice t’get mad at me. S’ok, I’m mad at myself.

———-

Her: Long Island? Why are you taking a class in Long Island?
Me: They have a steak dinner afterward.
Her: You’re going all the way out to Long Island just for that?
Me: Did y’not hear what I said? They have a steak dinner afterward.
Her: But it’s all the way out…
Me: (slowly) Steak…dinner.

YASYCTAI: Learn the difference between a dash, an em-dash, an en-dash, & a hyphen – note that y’may be a huge nerd. (60 mins/1 pt)