Categories
personal

Tennis anyone?

Location: one hour ago, the F train in Queens
Mood: committed
Music: when we met Spending all of my time Tracing your silhouette


Me
: I have tennis elbow.
Her: Lateral epicondalitis?

Me: Whoa…

Smart people’re just so impressive. Ladies, don’t ever dumb yourself down for a guy cause the guy you’ll end up with, you won’t want.

———-

Sheridan invited me another party this past Saturday. Nice enough crowd; attractive people, booze. Malik Yoba was there as was my favorite type of rum, although it was $14 a glass again. Crap.

Ended up taking a ton of pics for the host and he offered for me to shoot for his website. Maybe. Sheridan and I bounced early cause I wasn’t feeling all that great – did my yearly physical, got some blood drawn, found out I have tennis elbow, and had a flu shot – all of which was draining (literally and figuratively). So stayed in Saturday night even though Paul, Gio and LisaV each had parties going on.

I’ve not been sleeping. Dunno if it’s the stress, the pain or the fact that Heartgirl’s not around. So I’m reading a lot again: This week alone, I read The ABS Diet, first four chapters of Hot, Flat and Crowded, coupla articles on SEO marketing, two issues of the Economist and Fast Company, and three of Maximum Computer.

On a somewhat related note, I’ve decided to get down to 9% body fat or less, which I’ve not been since froshmore year college (a hundred years ago). Wish me luck.

A lotta stuff”s going on. Lemme sort it all out and get back to you.

YASYCTAI: Have you had your yearly physical? (60 mins/3 pts)

Categories
personal

Halloween 2008

Maybe

Friday night, Heartgirl and I went out with Bryson, his wife, Paul and buncha other people. Hit up three parties and rolled in at 3:30 Saturday morning. First party was the above sweatbox. Think I blew out my left eardrum. Which sucks, cause I still need it. Eh, got my right.

Bryson and his wife gave Heartgirl a thumbs-up. Their votes count because they’re first-stringer friends.

Second party, was at my old standby where some other friends dropped in and some dropped out. Third party was fulla Heartgirl’s friends; nice guys with the exception of one overly handy dude.

Saturday, just stayed in. Made a buncha chili. Sunday, Sheridan stops by. Over some chili he tells me that he just flew in from Miami where he bought this building. Had two Valentino shirts and an Italian leather coat that didn’t fit me so I gave them to him.

Quite a different life I lead these days. Still, it’s nice that my friends from my old life don’t really care if I’m styling Valentino or H&M.

It’s funny: My friends and family believe in me more than I do sometimes. Maybe cause they remember the guy I once was. Maybe they just keep me around cause I make some killer chili.

Or maybe they just think I’ll be ok.

November’s always been a good month for me. Cept for 2007 and 2006. Those were full on fail.

Then again, maybe I’ll be ok. Some things are looking up.

Location: 20:00 yest, leaving church early
Mood: full (of chili)
Music: painted faces fill the places I can’t reach

Categories
personal

Strawberry Swing

Him: That’s the way to make an entrance. Walk in, demand a drink, and drop your pants.

Met up with Heartgirl on Friday for a quiet night in. Saw the interactive art project at Madison Square Park and then ate dinner at a nice restaurant.

Always good when you don’t have to unwrap your dinner.

Saturday, saw my brother for massive amounts of pizza. He doesn’t live in NYC so whenever he’s here, he gets his fill.

Saturday night, went to HEI’s for her birthday party. Got absolutely soaked in the rain so as soon as I arrived, ask for some pants to wear.

Spend the night walking around in women’s sweatpants and slippers.

Met some nice people and one girl that asked, “Can we be friends?”

Brought HEI a bottle of rum. We all almost kicked it that night.

Rolled home at 2AM and woke up the next day without a hangover.

Love that rum.

Sunday, go with my brother to grab sushi. For some reason they gave us a bottle of sake and I had to drink it myself.

Quite a way to start off a Sunday morning.

Sunday night, go with Heartgirl and one of her friends to see Coldplay in concert.

Heartgirl doesn’t like being in pictures. She does like being with me though.

Fair trade.

Duffy was the opening act. Spent $11.25 for a diet coke, pretzel and package of Reese’s Pieces.

Coldplay was amazing in concert. Seem like nice fellas.

Got home five minutes to midnight. Now I’m home getting ready to run out the door. And you? How was your weekend?

Location: home, and running late
Mood: tired
Music: without you it’s a waste of time (Spotify)
YASYCTAI: Treat yourself to a small concert. The last major one I went to was 20 years ago. (90 mins/1 pts)

Categories
personal

Can you hold this for me?

Location: my black chair in my pad
Mood: awake
Music: I know I’ve got to let it go and just enjoy the show

It appears that the weekend life of a reforming womanizer’s pretty boring and may involve: leaving parties at 12:30, picking up women for friends, cleaning the house and eating one’s weight in blueberries. Alla which are far more entertaining with a Dark ‘n Stormy.

Told you before that I’ve done some awful things in my life. Most I can’t talk about. But one thing I’m deeply ashamed of is the number of times someone gave me their heart and essentially said, Here, can you hold this for me? And take carea it, willya?

And I nod and immediately turn around, stomp the crap outta it and hand it back a wreck. It’s a jerk thing to do. And I did it way too often in my 20s.

Course, someone did it to me two years ago and nuthin realigns your thinking faster than eating the stuff you make someone else eat, yeah?

That’s why I keep thinking of Caligirl and if she’s right. What if I really do screw everything up so I don’t have to go through it again? Sir Edmond Hilary once said that, It is not the mountain we conquer but ourselves.

It’s not easy, trying to be a better than you once were.

YASYCTAI: Get your shoes shined. They’ll last longer and you’ll look better. Hurry, before it’s winter. (10 mins/1 pt)

Categories
personal

Killing time on a rainy night

Who’s our lucky contestant tonight?

Her: It bothers me when you tell me that I’m just killing time with you. I consider you a pretty close friend so I definitely don’t think of it as killing time in any sort of way.
Me: Romeo and Juliet, Act 2, Scene 2, Lines 1-2, I believe…
Her: What’s the line?
Me: What’s in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet.

In the above quote, Juliet tells Romeo that Capulet is just a name, just a word. She loves a man named Montague but the name is irrelevant to her. He could just as well be named Smith or McCarthy for all she cares. Doesn’t change who he is.

Courtesy is all about the polite lie. You don’t really think God will bless someone just because they sneeze, do you? Or that if you say Good Morning to someone, they’ll actually have a good morning?

The girl in the above conversation’s too polite to tell me that I’m her placeholder; her stopgap measure. I’m the guy she kills time with until she meets Mr. Right. Not ideal but I’m not one to cry into my porridge.

Besides, anything’s better than the lukewarm.

So I smile, nod and say, Sure – look there’re worse people to spend a rainy night with than each other.

And she nods and says, OK.

So you take a breath breath. Stuff all of that doubt into that little pocket you keep for just such a night. Get dressed cause you never turn down an invitation.

And try to keep that doubt at bay. Don’t think of green eyes or blues eyes. Cause you’re a brick wall. Y’gotta be. And everything, for better or for worse, makes sense again. Shut the door behind you. Breathe in that fall night air and think:

Hello weekend – who’s our lucky contestant tonight?

Location: about to step out
Mood: determined
Music: I just don’t belong here

Categories
personal

If only for a while

Her: (exasperated) LOGAN! When I tell you to go out to go out and check on my friend, I don’t mean make a pass at her!
Me: In my defense: (a) you weren’t totally clear on that point, (b) you know what I am.

Busy weekend. New roomie moved in. Work drama My brother came to see me too; we hung out with PB, WM and Kathy for a fashion designer’s party. Met a blondie that went to the same grade school as me and lives around the way. I asked her to tell me a secret and she told me a sad one.

Sunday, spoke to HEI and told her that, while I didn’t lose anyone very close to me in 9/11, can’t leave it behind me. And I wanna. Also spoke to Heartgirl, who said she saw a lotta street beef over the weekend. In the backa my head, thought, I can understand, a little, why there’s so much rage.

Speaking of Heartgirl, a conversation with her not that long ago sparked another one with someone else from my past.

Me: I was thinking maybe…maybe you were right.
Her: Oh, Logan, I’m not. I’m sorry.I didn’t mean it. All the cruel things I said.
Me: Ah…Caligirl, doesn’t matter. (pause) How’s married life?
Her: It’s nice. (faint laughter) You should try it some time…
Me: (pause) I’m trying. I’m trying so hard…
Her: (sadly) I didn’t mean…
Me: You did. (pause) It’s ok. I earned it. It’s only right. It’s only fair.You get what you give in this life. But I hope you’re wrong. Maybe you’re right but I hope…
Her: (interrupting) I hope I’m wrong too. We all deserve to be happy. If only for a while.

Location: my parent’s guest room
Mood: hard to say
Music: for a minute it lets me let it all go.

Categories
personal

whoo-hoo?

I’ll be in LA in December or January helping a relative settle in.

Him: I left my job. Moving out to Cali.
Me: !
Him: ?
Me: whoo-hoo?
Him: Whoo-hoo!
Me: WHOOO-HOOO!!!!

Come to the conclusion that I need at least 84% more Whoo-Hoo! in my life. Got outta work at 19:30 today. No joy. Have a new client called King Happy Shrimp Rice, Ltd. Really. Just came in from fencing. Think I tore my ACL. Also, no joy.

That aside, I’ve been averaging about 18% Whoo-Hoo!, M-Thr, about 60% on Fridays, 90% on Saturdays and 60% on Sundays.

And even my Saturday Whoo-Hoo! is never consistent. Well, it is – just never in a good way:

Me: I’m gonna say 22.
Her: (surprised) That’s right. How did you know?
Me: Call it a gift. (thinking) Luckily for you, tonight I don’t care. My name’s Logan, and you are…?

Location: 19:29 yest, wondering why I’m not home
Mood: so freak’n tired
Music: Oh, yeah. It’s business time. It’s business time.

Categories
personal

Distracted

Location: home
Mood: in pain
Music: Once again I found myself with my friends

Her: Home on a Friday? Want some company?

Me: (pause) I’m…I don’t think that’s a good idea.

Stayed in on Friday; just tired and irritated. Saturday morning, saw PCD for brunch. We ended up cooking and I made a frittata. Since she was a pro, I was flattered that she thought it was good. Went off to class and got a beatdown. I’m quite literally COVERED with bruises (do not click if squeamish). Should take up yoga. Or at least something that doesn’t involve people stabbing, slashing, kicking, choking, strangling and punching me. Yes. Yoga.

Spoke to Heartgirl afterward. She confided in me something and I was a bit touched. We’re more alike than she knows.

Saturday, LisaV invites me to a house party downtown. It’s a literal and figurative sweatbox. An hour in, a girl grabs me and sticks a huge bottle of tequila down my throat and, later, kisses me on the cheek – of course she’s 22. Before I leave, another girl leans in and kisses me too. Huh. Must be the tequila. Close out the night with this cool blonde that boxes and threw me a nasty uppercut. Impressive.

Note to self: Hang out with LisaV more often.

At 2:00, walk LisaV home across the LES. Woulda been terribly romantic if she wasn’t seeing someone and I wasn’t…so damn distracted.

Him: You didn’t get anyone’s number? Did you even ask?

Me: No…I’m very distracted.

Him: Dude, you gotta fix that.


Categories
personal

Lost

Location: 8:12 – arriving at work
Mood: confused
Music: I never meant the things I did

Me: You’re supposed to look before you cross!

PCD: (pointing at cross sign) I trust in the system!

We watch the Olympic ceremonies on Friday and go for a walk in the park. Saturday, wrestle and get can-opened by a smiling girl. 16 tabs of ibuprofen later, I crash two parties…

Me: There are three types of people in the world. Single, sorta single and not single.
Her: See that’s the problem in NY, everyone is sorta single. Which one’re you?
Me: (thinking) Hard to say these days.

…almost get into two fights, but don’t (not really, anywho)…

WM: It’s you, man. The same reason why that girl talked to you outside the bar is the same reason why those two guys wanted to fight with you.

Me: Howzit me?

Him: I’m telling you, y’give off a vibe.

…hurt some people…

Me: Are you crying?

Her: No.

Me: Are you lying to me?

Her: (pause) Yes.

…and go to church with LisaV, before I hit up a rooftop party with WM and Paul. Later, meet up with someone for a late night chat.

I should trust in the system. But I’m so lost. I need a sign.

Categories
personal

Between the lines

Her: My one problem is that I like boys with brown eyes but I want kids with blue eyes.
Me: Not up to date on Mendel but I’m thinking that won’t happen with a guy like me.

 

Thursday, meet up with WM and chat with Stephen, the bartender. His recipes for drinks are on Fine Living here.

Friday, see PCD – it’s nastier than summer’n hell so we stay in and rent In Bruges – not good. So we stop it and see Dr. Horrible online instead – so good! Make cole slaw and almost bogart the whole thing myself.

Her: Well, we’re both busy. I mean we’re seeing 700 other people.
Me: FIVE! I’m seeing five other people.
Her: (rolling eyes) I meant the two of us together are seeing 700 other people…

Saturday afternoon, go to the gym and get rocked. Take 16 tabs of ibuprofen, shower and dash down to see Heartgirl for dinner on the west side.

We get into a tiff because she misunderstands me – don’t wanna complicate things for her; her life’s complicated enough.

Me: People have done that to me. Hung around with me telling me that we’ll be friends when actually they’re just hoping that I’ll change my mind and like them in the way they want. It’s terrible. (pause) I won’t do that to you.
Her: (nodding) Yeah. (later) Don’t you dare put what we talked about in your blog, Logan.
Me: (stopping) What?!
Her: (turns and walks away) I hear things.
Me: (muttering) I’ve gotta change my name.

Walk her to her subway stop and then check my phone. 1AM. Early yet. Walk over to Maru and see old friends. It’s 3AM when I stumble home.

Sunday, am supposed to see Pretty Jenny but I screw up the times. Instead see family for an early dinner around the way. Heading home, run into a waitress I know who grabs my arm and pulls me in. The triathlon just ended and she’s in a good mood so she buys me a Bud.

Chit-chat before dashing off to church. The hazy heat pulls me into a hazy headspace and I daydream of conversations from the weekend before I snap back to reality. I’m ever between the lines.

Strolling home, a pretty lady sits on my stoop. She stands, smiles and waves at me. I laugh and invite her in.

Location: 6:20 – bed, doing situps
Mood: hella hot
Music: Too late, two choices to stay or to leave