Categories
personal

I could never take the place of your man

Met another women recently

My favourite line in Forrest Gump is when he goes, I’m not a smart man, but I know what love is. I thought about that with a girl I met up with recently and a girl I haven’t seen in a little while.

Her: Because I know.
Me: What do you mean?
Her: I know what it’s like when a guy’s crazy in love with me. I’ve had crazy love before, where I know, he’s only thinking of me. Now it’s the worst because I compare every guy to him. He’s ruined me. It’s my curse. Because now I know what it could be – what it should be… (after another half hour, I kissed her on the cheek and got up to go) You don’t have to go, you know.
Me: (laughing) We both know I do.

Been out and about a lot these days. It’s the luck of the draw. Just how it happens.

I wanted to tell you a happy story but tell me that these aren’t more interesting?

Location: 10PM, yest. on 75th with a pretty girl
Mood: sotted
Music: don’t waste your time, I know what’s on your mind

Categories
personal

Semper Fidelis

All bad things start from disloyalty

 

To continue from my last post, there’s this movie people either love or hate: Bride with White Hair. In it, the protagonist jokingly promised his chick that he would get her a flower one day that only bloomed once every twenty years on a snow-capped mountaintop. Later in the story, he betrays her.

To make amends, he sits in the snow, alone, in front of this plant for ten years, waiting for it to bloom. For her. Fool boy.

A friend recently gave me a drunken compliment: Logan’s got his issues but he’s f___ing loyal. If I was locked up in a cell in Panama and I had one call, he’d be it.

High praise.

See, anything bad that could happen starts with disloyalty, yeah?

Cheating, lying, stealing, it all starts from there. You can’t get there without being disloyal first.

The goods? Love, respect, trust – you can’t get there without being loyal first.

That’s why I’ve never cheated on anyone. It’s also why I never speak ill of anyone after we break up. At it’s most basic, it’s disloyal.

Unless the reason we broke up comes from disloyalty. Then, screw it. Screw them.

Yeah, I got my faults. I got a whole blog of faults. But what he said made my drunken night.

Cause the people that know me, they know I’d sit on a mountain top and wait. It might be a mountain of brick and mortar, but there I’d be.

Cause they know that I’m on their side. I’d wait.

And for my family, a good friend or a chick I loved, I’d never move.

Location: a bed with flowers on it
Mood: sick
Music: on this mountain thinking to myself You’re a fool boy
Site Meter

Categories
personal

Copies

Insomnia is a special form of torture

The woods are lovely, dark, and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.

– Robert Frost

I’ve not told you everything, I’m afraid. Not so much a lie, more an omission.

You see, I had another blog. No, I won’t tell you where it is, I’m sorry.

But I just thought of it recently and I read through it for the first time in almost a year.

20060915::12:42
I slept another full four hours last night. I went to bed at three and woke up at seven. I wonder how long a body can last with so little sleep. There’s a line from Fight Club that goes, “With insomnia, nothing’s real. Everything is far away. Everything is a copy of a copy of a copy.” That’s how my days and nights feel like. I’m not so much living in my world as existing in it.

Good god, nothing’s changed.

Location: midnight, leaving subway
Mood: exhausted
Music: Can you tell me how we got in this situation?
NOTE: I shot this video last week when I was out every night. I’ve gotten some sleep since then. Thanks for the concern!
Site Meter

Categories
personal

It doesn’t matter

If you don’t know where you want to go, it doesn’t matter what road you take

Traffic sign in Flushing Queens, NY.

One day Alice came to a fork in the road and saw a Cheshire cat in a tree.
“Which road do I take?” she asked.
“Where do you want to go?” was his response.
“I don’t know,” Alice answered.
“Then,” said the cat, “it doesn’t matter.”

Had quite the weekend because of the show but that’s tomorrow’s entry.

So I considered locking this blog and or not writing anymore, but then again, rum and women notwithstanding, I live a fairly boring life.

I’m surprised you’re still here.

Decided to continue writing as usual. Pretty much made all my choices and so much of my life is out there already. It’s like putting toothpaste back into a tube. Anyway, writing is for public consumption. Anything else, and you’re just a nutcase with a notebook. Here’re my thoughts:

  • Regarding potential women, we both know that my love life’s a train wreck all on its own, with or without this blog.
  • Regarding past women, there’s a reason they and I live separate lives. After some thinking, I’m assuming that since they want no part of my life, why would they read about it?*
  • Regarding employment, I’ve essentially not had a real job since 1999. Why start now?

While I’m writing about the show tomorrow, I gotta mention that Furison came and said that I was absurdly hot. This brings the total number of times, I’ve been called that to…1. She said other nice things about 72nd to Canal but, let’s be honest, I only saw absurdly hot and eye-candy mainstay.

Her comments on my pictures do shed light to this blog entry; oh well, it’s still not a bad way to start the week.

Not a bad way at all.

*Coincidentally, I just had a woman from my past visit me – I guess I’ll have write about that later too.

Location: 7:30PM Yest, standing in church by myself
Mood: surprised
Music: the finish line’s a good place we could start

Categories
personal

What’s your definition?

We all have our own definitions of love

 

(c) Elated.com
Somena called late the other night. We only ever talk when it’s late.

I thinks that’s a good definition although mine is a bit different but the same. I’ll write it up some time.
Me: Fair enough – what’s your definition?
Her: (pause) Did you hear the lyrics to Cigarettes by the Wreckers? There’s a line that goes “someday I won’t have to prove ‘Cause somebody will see all my worth.” That’s what I think. It’s when somebody just thinks you’re great; you’re awesome.
Me: (thinking) If that’s what it is then, I guess no, I haven’t had it in a while. Besides, I don’t…
Her: Stop. The right person will see. She’ll think you’re awesome. Even if you’re not. You know how the line ends? It goes “until then I’ll do just fine on my own.” You always do just fine, you’re always fine.
Me: (pause) It’s too bad we’re so alike…
Her: (laughing) We’d kill each other. Get some sleep. Nite, Logan.
Me: Nite, Somena.

What’s your definition?

Stand Still, Look Pretty
Stand Still, Look Pretty (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Location: @5PM, yest. @Mott & Hester St., talking my way outta a ticket
Mood: pensive
Music: I might like The quiet nights of this empty life

 

Enhanced by Zemanta
Categories
personal

Virginia, look at the blue sky

Dr. Kelso: Are you an idiot?
JD: No sir, I’m a dreamer.

Scrubs, S06E16 : 02:53

 

Location: @7:30 AM, Central Park in spring
Mood: thoughtful
Music: You’re good at makin’ me feel so small And I know you

Categories
personal

Cops and Robbers

Numbers sanctify

Cops are getting killed, left and right in my fine city. Crime is up.

I have a theory. Back when Giuliani was mayor, you got busted for littering or jaywalking. People had to respect the law. Now, with scores of people dying from bombs each day, and the public pretty much immune to it, it’s hard to take things like littering seriously.

The price of a life currently less than $20 here in the big city.

Wars, conflict, it’s all business. One murder makes a villain. Millions a hero. Numbers sanctify.
-Charlie Chaplin

Things never change.

Location: @1AM, East side, getting a call
Mood: tired
Music: my picture fades and darkness has turned to gray

Categories
personal

VINDICATION!

Just had to post…

“JAMA…compared four diets from low-carb to high-carb and put Atkins on top. Not just for weight loss but for health improvements as well.”

I’m holding onto the Atkins dream.

Damn that Mac & Cheese.

Damn it all to hell…

Location: freezing in apartment
Mood: excited
Music: long lonely days, when it seems I did not have a friend

Categories
personal

Church

Atheists have as strong a belief system as anyone

Linus: Do you ever pray?
Lucy: That’s kind of a personal question, isn’t it? Are you trying to start an argument? I suppose you think you’re somebody pretty smart, don’t you? I suppose you think. . .
Linus, turning to Charlie Brown: You’re right . . . religion is a very touchy subject.”

Had a disturbing discourse the other day.

An atheist woman I know was annoyed to find that a friend was a Muslim. Religion, she noted was a bad thing. Her friend was smart, couldn’t she see how stupid religion was? Her god wouldn’t make horrible demands, kill people and do bad things, she said.

But let’s follow the bouncing ball of logic:

How does she know that God doesn’t kill people and do, what we would think, are bad things?

Because if she had a god he would not do such things.

But then, that makes her her own god.

The god of her mind hasn’t fashioned her in his image so much as she has fashioned him into her’s. Therefore her god, or lack thereof, can never be greater than herself at her best.

That is dangerous because people fail themselves all the time (I know I do). And if your god comes from within instead of without, I submit that you are headed for some grave times when misfortune does come.

And it comes – man, does it come.

Everyone falls to their knees at some point because, life is cruel.

Now, I’m totally ok with the fact that I could be wrong about everything I believe; my religion is all about that (Matthew 26:41) but it bothers me that atheists are often so smugly certain that I am wrong.

I’ve actually never met more narrow-minded people than atheists (I’m not saying all atheists but most). This one, for example, has completely cut off communication with me because she disagrees with me.

And for those that say atheism isn’t a religion, I submit that it is because: we both believe in something beyond our abilities to prove.

I cannot prove to you there is a god but you cannot prove to me there isn’t.

It’s the zealots of any religion that drive people crazy. Those that are so certain that they are right that they just don’t want to hear any other possibility. She’s a zealot for atheism because, she’d rather tune out someone rather concede she might be wrong.

I do believe in God.

To believe otherwise would mean that I’m solely in charge of my life. And that’s far too much responsibility.

As Martin Luther said to his friend, Pray, and let God worry.

I respect what you believe, regardless if you are atheist, Muslim, Buddhist, whatnot.

I worry enough as it is.

Location: still in front of a stack of papers
Mood: bored
Music: worry, worry, super-scurry; call the troops out in a hurry

Enhanced by Zemanta
Categories
dating personal

St. Val

What makes a date a date? Food?

Got a date for St. Val’s day tomorrow. I’ve been on dates before, yes, but I’m really looking forward to this one.

Did you ever read Miss Manners? I’ve got lots of issues (admittedly) but poor manners isn’t one of them. On that note, here’s her view on what a date is comprised of:

There are three possible parts to a date, of which at least two must be offered: entertainment, food, and affection. It is customary to begin a series of dates with a great deal of entertainment, a moderate amount of food, and the merest suggestion of affection. As the amount of affection increases, the entertainment can be reduced proportionately. When the affection IS the entertainment, we no longer call it dating. Under no circumstances can the food be omitted. — Miss Manners’ Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior

Think I’ve got the entertainment and food part down.

If I manage to get some sleep the night before, I might be normal enough to work in some affection.

Who am I kidding? I’ll settle for the food and entertainment.

Location: Yonkers, New York
Mood: curious
Music: every time I try to make it right, it all comes down on me

Enhanced by Zemanta