Tag: writing

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dating personal

17 Again

A little art project

Me @ 17. My hair is blue. Yes, I’m a dork.

It’s my birthday.

To celebrate, I’m just going to work out. It’s OK, I did a lot of living last week.

I’ve updated my pictures per a reader’s request.

Now…I want something from you.

I think it’s fair; I pour out all my insanity for your entertainment, but once in a blue moon, I’m going to ask you to do something for me, besides get me soup (which no one did, not that I’m bitter):

  • Call this number: 1.XXX.XXX.XXXX and listen to the directions. (20070419 EDIT: thanx! I’ve gotten all the voices I can use)
  • Wait a sec and then say your name/LJ name
  • Wait another sec and read the below work, I Remember Seventeen
  • If you screw up, hit # and start again.

Remember to change the fifth line to the proper age from when you were 17 (ie, if you’re 29, change the line to read Man, twelve years ago).

If you’re a chick, I have no idea what to change lines 9 an 14 to; I leave it up to you to figure that part out.

Since we’re are not dating, please keep your crazy to yourself – I’m deleting everything else that deviates.

Read it how you read it. I wanna hear your voice reading it the way you would read it.

It’s only fair

You know what I sound like.
http://static.boomp3.com/player.swf?id=1572399728e1

I remember seventeen

I remember seventeen,
All my ways and means,
All my little dreams.

I remember seventeen
Man, seventeen years ago
Back when I had flow
(Or I had thought so)

Love’s simple, the beauty queen.
My friends, all on the scene;
trying to be cool,
looking like some fools.

But I thought I was pretty slick
with the pretty chicks.
But really, I had no flow
and those girlies, they laid me low.

Back then it all meant so much,
all those little cuts,
everything that sucked.

Me, a stupid kid
hoping to be big.

Course, it’s a little sad
all my memories;
how different I thought I’d be
from my current state of me.

Still, sometimes, so far away
sometimes, like yesterday,

yeah, I remember seventeen.

All those little cuts…

Location: @ my parents in front of an ice cream sandwich
Mood: pensive
Music: I had so many crashes That I couldn’t feel at all and it feels like I’m 17 again

Categories
personal

A Billion Miles of Fate and Luck

What is life but a bunch of random meetings?

(c) A Lo

I once randomly met a woman I dated for over a year at a cocktail party on 76th Street.

Met another woman who stood outside a phone booth in Columbia waiting to make a phone call.

Met yet another one who sat on a park bench north of Astor Place.

And I met Blue Jean Eyes in a random class in a random school at a random moment in my, admittedly, random life.

That last one ended just as randomly the other day. I think. There’s definitely something about her and me that I just can’t put my finger on. While it takes two people to get into a relationship, it only takes one to get out of it.

But you knew that.

I’m ok, though. I was hoping for a nice summer at least but you take life as it comes. She’s great. I wish her only every good thing.

As for me, I’ve dusted myself off, gave Gio and the guys a call and got out and about. Had a weekend that I barely remember and a Monday night in front of another blue-eyed girl who told me I was having a great time.

I laughed.

I read once that the Universe expands by a billion miles in all directions every hour.

Isn’t the intersection of fate and luck fascinating?

Well, sad and disappointing at times, but fascinating nonetheless.

I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Location: @8:30 yesterday, dinner at the Manhattan Diner
Mood: Sick
Music: Hey Lloyd, I’m ready to be heartbroken

Categories
personal

25 things you may not know about me

What are things people don’t know about you?

I:

  1. type 75 words a minute but have a hard time spelling.
  2. have a happy face in my eye at the main picture up there on the upper left-hand corner – take a look.
  3. cannot play any team sports and have never watched a superbowl game but know an esoteric fencing system.
  4. have never cheated on anyone.
  5. wake up and do 50 push-up and 100 crunches because I can’t afford a gym.
  6. like Jaerik, must climb stairs two at a time – yes, I look like an idiot but that’s not for you to judge. I usually bound up them unless there are lots of people or am beat.
  7. hate the summer and heat.
  8. can do a side split without warming up (don’t ask).
  9. can outeat most people. I can also eat burgers, pizza and gyros every day for a month and still want more. I will not put ketchup on my burger.
  10. have had serious relationships with two people that appeared on a Rachel Ray show and a Fox News show.
  11. always send out those freebie sweepstakes they mail you because I once won $1000 on iwon.com and $800 on Cash Cab.
  12. can’t drive stick-shift, something that drove my German ex-girlfriend crazy.
  13. rarely curse, only started drinking less than eight months ago and have never done drugs.
  14. lived for two years in a room hidden behind a bookcase off Times Square.
  15. miss my dog and wish I were nicer to him.
  16. call my brother almost every day and see the rest of my family once a week.
  17. read 850 words a minute with 50% comprehension and 650 WAM with full comp. I read somewhere in between
  18. never bought a textbook in college after freshman year because I couldn’t afford them. I took good notes and dated the TAs when necessary. I’m not proud.
  19. avoid juice and cereal even though I love them both.
  20. once turned really quickly on a flight of stairs and slammed my face into Tyra Bank’s boobs.
  21. would give up 40 points of IQ to be able to sleep like my last two girlfriends.
  22. am afraid of dying without making up for all the bad things I’ve done.
  23. was going to be a pastor but decided I would be a bad role model.
  24. am extremely clumsy. When I met an ex’s family, I spilled my drink on her grandmother. I’ve also had surgery on my face because I fell down a flight of stairs and the left side of my face was crushed in.
  25. am a hopeless romantic and wished my love life worked out like in the movies.

Ok…you probably guessed the last one.

Location: @1:30AM, on the N with L and a new girl.
Mood: tired
Music: with a sunny smile and a witty eye and you may find a smiling guy

Categories
personal

If only

Thus ends my first post breakup relationship

Her: I love you.
Me: Ah, if only you did.

Well, that all went to hell.

But to quote a close friend:

It’s better to be the star of your own movie than have a cameo in someone else’s.

I did that the last time around.

This time, no matter how much I wish it weren’t so, I decided that I’d rather be by myself than play a cameo ever again.

I know I’m not perfect
(trust me, I’ve checked)
but I’m good enough to be
nobody’s damned,
wait-and-see.

Once a lifetime,
no matter how I feel,
once a lifetime,
it’s enough for me.

Sigh. Those blue eyes though…

Location: @6:12 PM, saying goodbye to the east side
Mood: sad
Music: I wish that I, that I could stay

Categories
personal

Traditions I can trace

Loud music is the antidote when you’re fuzzy-headed

Thanks to modern chemistry, I’ve been sleeping again this week. I’m really fuzzy-headed right now. Not a good thing considering that I’ve got a two-day, sixteen hour exam at the end of this month – don’t ask.

So to wake myself up, I blare old music at all hours of the day.

I remember when I was younger, I used to put my LPs and 45s on (if you can’t relate to this, please know that I hate you) and do the same in my parents’ basement.

Heard that way back when records were made of wax, you could re-record new music by just cutting new grooves into them.

I’d like to do that with some parts of my life.

Other parts, I’d like to play
over

and
over
again.

Location: @1PM, catching the A train downtown
Mood: busy
Music: one open mind this is my four leaf clover

Categories
personal

I’ll be …

From an image by Ray Philson
Slow drowning in her blue eyes.

Location: @3AM, listening to 80s music downtown
Mood: pleased
Music: you finally found all your courage to let it all go

5:28:23 PM

Categories
personal

Bother, bother…

We make cameos in people’s lives

I’ve had time to digest what happened over New Year’s Eve. Overall, it was great.

There were some moments I could have lived without but that’s pretty much my life.

Went to my fencing class tonight and actually got clocked because I was thinking about it. Not fun.

Well for me, anywho; the guy that hit me thought it was hilarious.

Tonight, I spoke with a girl I just met. She’s potentially going through a breakup too. That makes 11 that I know of in as many weeks. It’s gotta be something in the air. Or maybe relationships are just hard.

Someone once said to me that it’s better to be the star of your own movie than have a cameo in someone else’s.

She was totally right about that.

It’s funny because Kirk’s never been in a long-term relationship and wants to be in one; I’ve never been alone and want to try it out. But it’s not easy because it’s just nice to have someone to think about about in my quiet moments.

Oh, bother, bother – let’s just be honest with each other.
I probably already think of you, you just don’t know it, or I don’t show it.
But I’ve tricked you, you see;
It’s quiet now,
And I made you think of me.

06:13:03 AM – UPDATE
The insomnia’s back.

Location: @8:25, getting stabbed with a wooden sword on 72nd
Mood: pensive
Music: You know that I’m falling and I don’t know what to say

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dating personal

More Traveling

I’m just south of nowhere and east of limbo

I’m here right now – about 350+ miles from home. This place is so remote that there’s no airport nearby so I had to drive. You do a lot of thinking driving 350+ miles.

The last few times I drove so far, I thought about the ex constantly. I thought of her again, of course, but I also thought about other things.

A few years ago, a friend asked me to set him up with a Vietnam visa on arrival for him and his girlfriend from China. I started the paperwork.

A month or so later, I got a slim letter from him with a check; the letter read:

“We’re not getting married; here’s $600 for your time. Thanks!”

I didn’t know what to say. I had already starting being an impoverished writer so I cashed the check (I’m not a good person), gave him a quick call, confirmed he was ok and moved on. That was four years ago.

We spoke a little while ago. He told me that he spent two, three years casually dating but, in his heart, he thought that she might come back. They spoke occasionally. He got a call from her and she said that she was coming to visit America and would like to see him for dinner.

He was excited, of course, but when they sat down, she said that she came because she heard a bit of hope in his voice the last time they spoke. It bothered her that whole time so she flew 24+ hours to give him closure.

He said it was the nicest thing anyone ever did for him. He knew where he stood – that made him free.

I think he’s doing well now.

Anywho, I think about the ex a lot less and I think I’m almost at the point that I want to do something like that for her. The last time we spoke, I heard in her voice something like hope and I’m not looking for that right now. She’s not the girl I loved and I’m def. not that guy anymore. Oh, but what do I know?

I’ve become bland and malicious.

I’ve been doing a lot of things I’m not…oh you know…

So that’s where I am right now, just south of nowhere and east of limbo.

The weather’s crappy.

Location: South of nowhere and east of limbo.
Mood: Tired
Music: I’ma scuffle and struggle till I’m breathless and weak

Categories
personal

Grace is Gone

Dusting off my typewriter

Stuffed from too much turkey to really write anything about me (nothing much happened beyond my gorging myself silly anyway).

I did want to say that I met up with a friend of mine for dinner the other day and, while I was waiting for her to arrive in the bookstore, I overheard a boy say to his girlfriend, “I’ll never let you go.”

That prompted me to dust off a pencil and write this because I’m a bitter, bitter, little man:

Grace is Gone

“I’ll never let you go,” the mother said,
and baby Grace cooed and stretched out her arms.
“I’ll never let you go,” the young man said,
as Grace smiled and kissed him.
“I’ll never let you go,” the husband growled,
as Grace inhaled and shot him in the head.
I’ll never let you go,” the judge said,
as Grace screamed and collapsed.
“I’ll never let you go,” the young woman said,
and Grace smiled and breathed her last.
“I’ll never let you go,” the mother said,
and baby Grace cooed and stretched out her arms.

Location: @9AM – on the couch, eating leftovers
Mood: Full
Music: It’s 2 am, I’m drunk again, Its heavy on my mind