A fella can dream
Boy: Are you ok, daddy?
Me: Yes. I got lost in my head again is all.
Him: (nodding) OK, papa.
After a lotta soul-searching and talking to the mother-in-law, I set the kid up to take an IQ test for a specialized school here.
We met the tester in his office just off Columbus Circle, not far at all from where I got my ACL diagnosis. The tester was an older fella and sat the kid at a little table with alla these 3d plastic/wooden shapes on it.
He asked I would leave the room and sit outside. Was worried because the kid doesn’t do well with strangers, especially men. But he was cool.
Me: Papa’s right outside, ok?
Him: (nodding) OK, daddy.
And I paced in the waiting room. Cause that’s what I do.
30 minutes later, the boy opened the door with a big smile and said, “Come in, papa!”
The tester said I wouldn’t be given the results for a while but I was happy because both he and the kid seemed to be in good spirits.
The boy and I walked outside to the hallway and something about the door sign seemed familiar. That’s when I realized that it was the same medical center that Alison went for health problems before the cancer.
We were standing in the same hallway as she did once a month for years.
That took my breath away. Like alla these unexpected blows. And I struggled to keep my composure as we traveled home.
It was my father’s birthday this week, you see. And this was yet another sad something to think about.
Problem is, I can never stop thinking things. As I made dinner, I dropped two dishes and spilled his milk.
Afterward, I sat at my computer while the kid watched TV. There was a long message there from Mouse.
She was just telling me about this crazy solo trip she decided to take this month and finished with some unexpected kindness.
Swear, she reads my mind, sometimes. I didn’t know what to write back so I just dashed off something short and innocuous.
But I felt better. After all, somewhere, on the other side of the world, there’s this pretty girlie I was thinking of, who thought of me.
Anywho, everything’s a seesaw of emotions these days. Then again, I suppose up and down is better than just down.
Maybe someday, we’ll just get straight up…up.
A fella can dream, yeah?
Location: 3PMish, on a bus heading to Columbus Circle
Music: don’t know what, I’ve got myself into
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