Hero or villain?

Dreadfully sad

My weekend was an odd mix of laughter and dreadfully sad conversations.

It involved several different people, none of whom want to appear in this blog, which is just as well because I suppose I should keep some things private.

In addition to a weekend Scenic Fights shoot, Chad had a goodbye party for the gym that he was teaching at and that ended up being a whole day affair that ended (for me at least) past midnight. We started off enjoying the beautiful weather at one roof party.

And then I left to go and have – not one but two – dinners with a friend that was dealing with some emotional pain.

The first dinner was at a Chinese restaurant around the corner.

Her: It’s fine.
Me: People that don’t matter that much in your life, shouldn’t matter that much in your life.

But I was still hungry afterward so we went to a Japanese restaurant for a second dinner and more sad conversation.

Afterward, met up with Chad again at a second roof party, where I ran into another friend.

Him: Where did you go?
Me: I had dinner at a Chinese restaurant but was still hungry so then I went to get sushi, but that was also not enough. Is there any pizza left?
Him: No. Jeez, you’re a bottomless pit.
Me: Yeah. Man, I could go for some pizza…

Also saw another acquaintance.

Me: …and that’s what the last eight weeks of my life have been like.
Him: I literally wake up each day, thankful that I’m not you.
Me: That’s fair.

Another friend drove me home from the party.

Me: Is this too dark a conversation?
Him: (thinking) It is dark. But interesting and more meaningful than all of the other conversations I’ve had tonight. Go on.
Me: Duress and pressure aren’t necessarily bad things. Carbon under immense pressure makes diamonds. Great things come from pressure. If you survive it.

The next day, I met up with someone else and had this conversation.

Me: I don’t think I’m your fella.
Her: I understand, given our pasts. (later) You know, I have a co-worker you might like. (emails me a picture)
Me: (laughing) Is this a new thing where women pass off guys they’re not compatible with to others?
Her: It’s awful out there, Logan. Even if we’re not right for each other, you’re still a catch.

Clearly, I’m no catch – the only luck I have is the kind you don’t want.

And, while I always thought I’d be the hero in people’s stories, I’m wondering if, in fact, I’m more often the villain than not. At least, that’s the perception. I think.

Suppose it doesn’t matter either way, perception is reality. And a kindness to one is a wickedness to another.

Her: All you do is try to convince me that you’re right.
Me: I’m trying to understand you.
Her: No, you’re just trying to be right again.

In the end, we all have our roles to play and so we play them and hope for the best.

Location: home, surrounded by cables and computer parts
Mood: concerned
Music: Be good to yourself (Spotify)
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