All my pretty dreams

The people watching with me

I’m at an age where my possible pasts come back to me for one reason or another.

Some aren’t so long ago, like Lviv who reached out to me a few weeks back. We were talking about relationships and I told her about someone I had dated for a bit.

Me: …and here we are.
Her: Logan, you shouldn’t keep trying to make something that doesn’t work, work. It shouldn’t be so difficult.

It’s funny, things people tell me resonate with me in ways that I’m not prepared for.

It shouldn’t be so difficult, is one of those things.

Lviv’s a doll. Her fella’s lucky to have her.

Somena’s another friend that I find myself quoting often.

Met her shortly after my ex-before-Alison and I broke up and she too told me something that just changed everything about how I looked at that relationship and I’ve quoted it here many times in the past:

It’s better to be the star of your own movie than have a cameo in someone else’s.

But sometimes, a supporting character from my past contacts me with news that takes my breath away.

Was walking home from yet another date-to-nowhere when my friend Jeanna rang me.

She’s been in this blog under a different name that you’d recognize if you’ve been reading for a while but that’s neither here nor there.

Me: What happened?
Her: Long story short… I’m [sick]. It’s been a weeks long process of pain and doctors and catheters. I had MRIs of my brain and lumbar.
Me: No…
Her: I was going to write you – thought about it a few times – but didn’t want to remind you of any pain.
Me: I’m so sorry.

And just like that, I was back in 2015. Knocked the wind outta me.

She’s waiting for more tests and I’m holding out hope she’ll be ok. If it turns out that she’s not, I’ll let you know.

Life is, by nature, a shitshow. Who you sit with, though, makes all the difference.

Speaking of 2015 and sitting with people, was seeing an acrobat for a bit recently. That ended quietly so I can talk about now.

Me: I’d have to say 2015 because my son was born that year.
Her: That’s sweet. And the worst?
Me: Also 2015.
Her: Why?
Me: I lost…I lost all my pretty dreams.

Suppose there’s a reason you don’t see too many lawyers with acrobats.

But, she was lovely and earnest.  As is everyone in this entry. I hope they find their happiness however they can.

Wrote once about losing all my beautiful plans.

Man, I was dumb back then. So, dumb.

There’s a line in the song I quoted in that entry that goes, “I want to lose my sorrow and be free again.”

That’s something that I think a lotta people can relate to.

Me: I’m not sure what else to say.
Her: I just want a diagnosis, so I can start some sort of treatment plan and feel like myself again.

Which is why you need to people to sit with you as you watch the world go by.

Location: having tacos with my favourite little human, watching the world go by on 6th Avenue
Mood: concerned
Music: I’ve been here before. I can’t be here no more (Spotify)
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