Selene in the bright blue sky

There’s nothing like New York lights in the indigo

Regarding yesterday’s post, click here. Got a haircut.

I’m meeting so many new people these days. Weird. Must be the season. Or my cologne. Or the fact that I’m easy.

Kidding.

I don’t wear cologne. Much.

I like walking at night because it’s quiet and the New York lights in the indigo…well, you just can’t get that anywhere else. But I can’t tonight because of the rain. So I’m here with you.

Love the blue sky too, it’s just that I’m usually up at night. But in truth, the blue sky gets me every time, especially in the fall.

Sometimes I’ll just stop whatever I’m doing to go outside and look up. You gotta, from time-to-time. Cause really, is anything so important that you can’t spare five minutes to look up?

Once in a while, I’ll see the moon in the bright blue sky.

And I think, it’s gonna be a good day.

Today – grey, miserable, and wet.

Tomorrow?

I’ll let you know, yeah?

Location: under a raincloud in Queens
Mood: soggy
Music: She is raging and the storm blows up in her eyes

Do I look like a people person?

I’m wearing a shirt that says, Do I Look Like a F___ People Person?

Made it home yesterday. Met two women on their way home too but home for them was Boston. Such is my luck.

It was dismal outside. Was gonna stay in when my flatmate reminded me that the reason I rushed home was to enjoy the Fourth. So I met up with my friend L. As you would expect, I totally missed the whole East Side Fireworks display but she and I did go out with some friends to eat.

Afterwards, I walked her home and got drenched. Totally soaked. So I took a shower at her place, borrowed this dead-sexy shirt, and crawled onto her sofa to crash. Her roommate Locationgirl was there and asked me over and over “Why are you here?” Didn’t understand the question until after they went to bed.

She meant, What are you doing here with L?

Ah…

So I lay there for a bit and the ticking of the fan and the thunder kept me up. After about two hours of that, the rain finally stopped and I gave up trying to sleep. I left L a note, quietly left, took a cab back up to my pad and am about to crawl off and lie awake in my own bed.

In this snazzy shirt no less.

Location: home again
Mood: exhausted
Music: I woke up to the sound of pouring rain

Happy Fourth!

 

If I’m lucky, I’ll be heading home today. If not, I’ll be spending the Fourth here. Hope not.

Managed to get a solid seven hours of sleep last night but when you’re running the kind of national debt-like sleep deficit like me, that’s only so good. But I’ll take what I can get.

So I’m driving on the road today when fawn leaps out in front of me. Luckily there wasn’t anyone behind me because I slammed on the brakes. Full-on.

I know you’re not supposed to do that, but I just couldn’t hit Bambi.

The fawn high-tails into the woods and the mom comes out to look at me.

And I look at her.

Then I started laughing because she just stares at me with this, Dude, you could have killed someone, look.

Managed to get one pic before she disappeared.

There’s something you don’t see much of in the big city, yeah?

Happy Fourth of July everyone.

Location: Still away, another hotel
Mood: exhausted
Music: Ain’t that america we’re someting to see baby

Always Dreaming

I dream a lot, but I’m not a very good sleeper

 

But I don’t want to go among mad people, Alice remarked.
Oh, you can’t help that, said the Cat, we’re all mad here. I’m mad, you’re mad.
How do you know I’m mad? said Alice.
You must be, said the Cat, or you wouldn’t have come here.

Sometimes I have nice dreams.

Unfortunately, it’s rare because of my insomnia – and when I’m awake, I feel like I’m sleepwalking. But I daydream a lot.

And sometimes, my daydreams are just as real and just as nice when I’m up as when I sleep. I spend a lot of time in my head, you see.

An ex once told me that when she and I lived in the same neighborhood, she used to walk to my building, sit on my stoop, and whisper, Come out, come out…let’s have some fun.

The times I did randomly come out, she thought she had magic.

In my head, she doesn’t hate me, and I don’t hate myself, for how I treated her.

And, in my head, my other ex is wrong and my insides do match my outsides.

But you can never change what another person does or thinks. Only yourself. I know that.

Still, being ambulatory for 18 hours a day means that I spend a lot of time there. In my head, I mean.

I know, I know – what if I get stuck there? I suppose large polite men in clean white coats will take me away. Funny, sometimes I think I’m just one more sleepless night away from that. I’ve been up for…I don’t know how long now…

Hey, you’d visit me, yeah?

Shake your head with that, “Oh, so sad, he had so much promise,” look on your face before you shuffle off?

But sometimes I wonder, which way is worse.

Because, you see, in my head, I’m quite happy.

Michel Gondry said, I dream a lot, but I’m not a very good sleeper.

I love that. The knowing that it’s not just me.

Come out, come out…let’s have some fun…

Location: physically, an ugly hotel bed in 14202, mentally…
Mood: awake
Music: one more, you’re nuts

Fancy meeting you here

I’m running into too many people I know

I’m away again.

After this past weekend, I’m actually slightly glad to be somewhere else.

I love my city, don’t get me wrong. But when you’ve lived in one place for, basically, your whole life, you’re bound to keep ending up at familiar places.

And running into old ghosts.

Him: So, are you a partner somewhere yet?
Me: Not so much. (pause) I’m writing, actually.
Him: Oh. That’s…cool. Are you and that girl married now?
Me: Well, she’s married. Not to me though. Kid any day now.
Him: Oh! (pause) Are you happy at least?
Me: (thinking) I’m happy in my head.

Location: 20 feet from the middle of nowhere
Mood: busy
Music: Who? I really wanna know Who are you?

Weekend Post

Had an interesting enough night to have to post about it

Don’t normally post over the weekend, but I just had the CRAZIEST night!

Met six women across two bars. Nice. Age appropriate. Just not my type. Just my luck.

Had a late night dinner with Hazel and L at the Shake Shack.

Went to another bar with Hazel where I met two more women. Nice. Not age appropriate. Just my type. Just my luck.

Now here’s the weird part. At the very end of the night, an old man grabs one of the women’s…stuff. But he’s old, I mean like 55+. Can’t hit an old man (not that I can fight) so I shove him. Hard.

He then tries to hit the girl! How sad is that? The bouncers go all over him.

He’s tossed outta the club. The girlies are all freaked out. I’m totally bewildered. I tell the girls, honestly, that it was nice meeting them and then we part ways.

Hazel and I hop a cab. Then we get into argument with cabbie! We bounce outta the cab. She and I grab some food, hop another cab and head home.

Now it’s 3:55 in the morning, Hazel’s passed out on my sofa, I’m munching on a gyro and wondering when my life became so weird.

This is only 50% of what happened but I’m beat.

Crazy right?

Only in NYC.

Location: 3AM, cab slowly going up Mad.
Mood: perplexed
Music: my life’s been – just a show

I could never take the place of your man

Met another women recently

My favourite line in Forrest Gump is when he goes, I’m not a smart man, but I know what love is. I thought about that with a girl I met up with recently and a girl I haven’t seen in a little while.

Her: Because I know.
Me: What do you mean?
Her: I know what it’s like when a guy’s crazy in love with me. I’ve had crazy love before, where I know, he’s only thinking of me. Now it’s the worst because I compare every guy to him. He’s ruined me. It’s my curse. Because now I know what it could be – what it should be… (after another half hour, I kissed her on the cheek and got up to go) You don’t have to go, you know.
Me: (laughing) We both know I do.

Been out and about a lot these days. It’s the luck of the draw. Just how it happens.

I wanted to tell you a happy story but tell me that these aren’t more interesting?

Location: 10PM, yest. on 75th with a pretty girl
Mood: sotted
Music: don’t waste your time, I know what’s on your mind

How much?

┬áIt’s good not to have to worry about money for a bit

Me: Look, I’m sorry, I can’t go, I just got back Friday.
Client: You gotta go. We’ll pay you $XXXX.
Me: You’re not hearing me: (emphatically) I…just…got…wait…you’ll pay me how much?
Client: $XXXX.
Me: Total?
Client: Each.
Me: EACH!? EACH!? (pause) Do I have to kill someone?
Client: (pause) Um…not unless you wanna.

Just booked the flight. Each red rectangle you see above is an appointment. I’ll wear my happy face.

I’m tired but summer’s when I make most of the scratch I need for the year so I guess I gotta.

Eh…it’ll be good to not have to sweat coin for a bit.

I had an amazing weekend with some great stories and no time to sort it all out. I’ll tell you though. After I sort.

Was at a bar with El and some friends. Met a girl from Cali too, whom I guess I’ll just call Caligirl.

The bartender had a single orange so that I could have my usual poison. Ergo, you know I had a good night.

Location: here for now
Mood: hella beat
Music: middle of nowhere To the middle of my frustrated fears

My biggest fan

What is your definition of love?

 

Meant to post this a while ago but I thought it was too long. It’s my definition:

When I was 15, my best friend, Kevin, told me that my girl Diana cheated on me. We never spoke, I just shut her out. Stupid kid stuff.

Maybe a decade later, I drove by her home and, for some reason, I rang her doorbell. I expected her to slap me when she answered the door; instead, she let me in, gave me a smile and an apron. She had this huge bar of chocolate that she told me to chop for cookies.

So I went in and started chopping.

After a bit, I asked her, half-jokingly, what happened between us.

She stopped and answered:

You listened to Kevin but we both know that he was the first guy to ask me out after we broke up. So that makes you an idiot. I never cheated on you, you know that. I was your biggest fan. That makes me an idiot. You never stood up for me and I didn’t understand why, because I was kind to you. I was on your side but you weren’t on mine.


Why weren’t you?

I had no answer. Almost twenty years after the fact, I still have no answer. I don’t remember anything else but I remember what she said.

That conversation started me off in being who I am now. In fact, I learned the phrases biggest fan and on your side that day.

It’s why I’m always loyal.

You see, she doesn’t know, but I still wonder if No. 7 ever found that job under the California sun; I wanna call her office someday and hear that message that says she’s left the company she hates.

And I still wonder if Diana bought that ranch in Colorado that she dreamt of and has kids to help her make cookies. I wouldn’t know, though.

I never saw her again.

But I hope she got it all.

As for me, I’m waiting for someone to be on my side again.

Location: home
Mood: pensive
Music: But until then I’ll do just fine on my own

Aren’t you that jackass lawyer?

Met a fan of the show today

…course, if I make soup, I gotta freeze some and I’ve still got all those packs of mac ‘n cheese and veggie burgers. No, the chicken cutlets were the right call. They’re flat so…

Guy: Hey. Hey! HEY! DUDE!
Me: (stopping) Huh? Me?
Guy: Yeah. Dude, you’re that guy from that websitcom, right? 72nd something?
Me: (laughing) 72nd to Canal. Did you watch it?
Guy: Yeah, you’re that jackass lawyer guy, Lorin?
Me: I am that jackass lawyer guy. And my real name is Logan. Good eye.
Guy: Keep up the good work, I liked it.
Me: (shaking his hand) Thanks, man, really. That’s cool. (we walk away)

…I can keep them in fridge. Shoot, I gotta leave some bread out tonight for breadcrumbs. Guess I’ll make them tomorrow. I really gotta clean out my freezer. I wonder if…

Location: 8PM, yest., getting stopped on Broadway
Mood: peaceful
Music: Everybody gonna know me on Broadway

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