Tag: insomnia

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personal

Bother, bother…

We make cameos in people’s lives

I’ve had time to digest what happened over New Year’s Eve. Overall, it was great.

There were some moments I could have lived without but that’s pretty much my life.

Went to my fencing class tonight and actually got clocked because I was thinking about it. Not fun.

Well for me, anywho; the guy that hit me thought it was hilarious.

Tonight, I spoke with a girl I just met. She’s potentially going through a breakup too. That makes 11 that I know of in as many weeks. It’s gotta be something in the air. Or maybe relationships are just hard.

Someone once said to me that it’s better to be the star of your own movie than have a cameo in someone else’s.

She was totally right about that.

It’s funny because Kirk’s never been in a long-term relationship and wants to be in one; I’ve never been alone and want to try it out. But it’s not easy because it’s just nice to have someone to think about about in my quiet moments.

Oh, bother, bother – let’s just be honest with each other.
I probably already think of you, you just don’t know it, or I don’t show it.
But I’ve tricked you, you see;
It’s quiet now,
And I made you think of me.

06:13:03 AM – UPDATE
The insomnia’s back.

Location: @8:25, getting stabbed with a wooden sword on 72nd
Mood: pensive
Music: You know that I’m falling and I don’t know what to say

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personal

78,000

Dreaming of somewhere else

Taipei Subway Station – I wish I were there now.

Another sleepless night for me.

I’ve gotta get the hell out of here. It’s been heavy on my mind again. I’ve not slept well in a few days now.

My week went from bad, to worse, to…this. Too much to get into but in a nutshell: saw my ex, fell out of love, fell in love, fell out of love. Crazy, I know.

I actually had the start of a good night. But now at 3:something in the morning, I’m checking my miles (78,000) and seeing what the weather’s like in Australia and New Zealand.

It’d be nice to open the door and not run into anyone that knows me for tens of thousands of miles.

My brother said that all of life’s problems can be divided up into health, wealth and relationships. It seems as if I can only get one out of those three going at any time.

I’ve been thoughtless with other people’s hearts and people have been thoughtless with mine. I suppose it’ll all just work out in the end.

At least I hope so.

In the meanwhile, 78,000 miles.

Where to go?

Can I stay with you?

I’m an excellent cook. And I tell stories.

Crazy little Logan stories.

Location: @8PM, laughing at dinner; @4AM, not so much
Mood: Disappointed
Music: on the telephone line I am anyone, I am anything, I want to be
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Lost heart in the big city…

Dusting off the typewriter

My insomnia is maddening but this means I can tell you a quick story (one of two for this night):

I was walking home late tonight and pulled my jacket around me because I was cold. A young woman smiled as she brushed past me and I smiled back. She tripped and fell down, embarrassed, and her heart fell out from her jacket.

I saw it fall so I leaned over and picked it up and called out to her but the wind drowned me out. She had already crossed the street. After the light changed, I ran after her but she disappeared.

So I stood there in middle of 14th Street and 3rd Avenue holding onto something that didn’t belong to me. I decided to put it in my pocket in case I ran into someone missing a heart in the big city.

As always, I took the long walk home. For some reason, I wasn’t as cold.

Location: @1:30AM – 14th Street and 3rd Avenue, just past R&KW
Mood: Awake
Music: My heart was broke, my head was sore, what a feeling

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personal

Five Days…eh…

The insomnia begins again. Well, five days of good sleep is something.

At least I’ve got entertainment – my brother sent me this and I found it funny. At 2:34 in the morning, few things are.

(I’m not saying what my political slant is and it’s most likely not what you think it is).

Oh man, I’m not looking forward to another two weeks of insomnia.

Dammit, I’m going to make myself a BLT…

Location: about to step into kitchen to check for bacon
Mood: Awake
Music: If I could change your mind, I’d really love to break your heart

2:41:14 AM

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personal

Hello!

An insomniac getting sleep is like a normal person winning the lottery

Slept for nine glorious hours last night. Nine hours! For an insomniac, that’s like winning $100 with one of those scratch and win cards. Maybe even $150.

Feel clear-headed again for the first time in almost two weeks.

I’m always hoping it lasts longer than a week but I’ll take what I can get.

My hands stopped shaking too.

Today, gonna make passes at random women and buy things I can’t afford – I’m expecting it to be a good day.

Even if it’s not, it already is…

Location: @1AM, dreaming of highways
Mood: Rejuvenated
Music: Rise and shine, good morning howdy

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personal

I’m on my way home

Looking for a place to call home

My insomnia’s resulting in a lot more late night eating than usual. Better hit the gym soon.

Someone from my past dropped me a meaningless email today. But it stopped me cold. It’s so weird how someone can encompass your life and then, much later, just shoot you a random email about randomness. It made me feel very much adrift.

Speaking of which, had dinner with a very old friend of mine yesterday who happens to be a head-shrinker. Told him that I just wanted to hop the next plane to anywhere and he laughed and said that, generally, people that have a desire to travel are looking for a place to call home.

How random.

Location: @11:00, in Billyburg, talking to a 23 YO communist woman
Mood: Tired
Music: tonight, tonight, I’m on my way, I’m on my way home

Categories
personal

Getting outta Dodge

Keep thinking of going far away; all I really end up going is mad

Think I’m going a little mad.

My hands won’t stop shaking and I’ve become obsessed with idea of just hopping on a plane and going somewhere far away. I don’t know where or what I’d do about the mortgage, the businesses, the job, everything.

I was once very happy on this little beach in just south of Denmark. I was also once happy in the Forbidden City. I was also once happy in my little apartment off 5th Avenue. I was also once happy here.

My #$@$#@$@# hands won’t stop shaking.

And I still can’t sleep.

Think I’m going a little mad.

Location: @12:10AM, almost hitting 90 on the West Side Highway.
Mood: Weird
Music: I’ve got to go, I’ve got to go, I’ve got to go…

Categories
business

Denny’s an FB

In yet another seedy hotel upstate

In yet another nondescript motel. Spend an inordinate amount of time in seedy hotel rooms.

Also, find that when I travel, end up eating junk – a lotta junk. Had Denny’s for lunch and tacos for dinner. Have no idea what comes over me when I travel. When I’m in the City, eat only healthful foods but man, once I change latitudes, I become Homer Simpson.

My hands are shaking again.

Got some sleep last night but not enough. This cold isn’t helping but I think the NyQuil is. Thank goodness for OTC drugs.

Actually had a thought today that it was Parkinson’s (especially since it’s all over the news these days) but then, that’s just me being a hypochondriac. I’m fine when I sleep six or seven hours and a wreck when I sleep less.

Better get to sleep.

You know, that Denny must be a fat bastard.

Location: Upstate NY in a bed with flowers printed on the sheets
Mood: Determined
Music: just leave it all up 2 me, we could have a good time
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business personal

Moving Day

Decided to make a new personal blog here

It’s been another blur of a weekend. I actually managed to sleep some last night although I don’t think enough. My hands have been shaking like a crack addict on withdrawal.

Ricky had his birthday party last night and I saw him and the rest of the guys. I would have stayed longer (there was a very cool girl I was talking to when I was leaving) but I had agreed to meet Rain downtown so I left at midnight or so.

I’m glad I went, though, because I met another nice girl who’s studying to be an actress and it turns out that we both go to the same church (although at different locations). I offered to give her a lift back home if she wanted to swing by my upper west side church but she had to call me, which she did this morning. She couldn’t make it this Sunday but we agreed to do it next Sunday. She has a nice web page of her own for her career so it was part of what prompted me to get cracking on finishing up my page.

I would type more but my hands keep shaking. I’m going to try and get some sleep. I’m flying back upstate this week for more boring work.

———-

I’ll now be at these two places:
http://logan607.livejournal.com
http://www.loganlo.com

location at 14:45: on 28th Street, playing “whoosh”
mood: awake
music: there must be an angel
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Categories
business

North Country

(Way) Upstate New York

I had another sleepless night. That makes two in a row. I hope this isn’t the start of another string of string of sleepless nights. I’m cloudy headed again.

I’m on my way back home. I can’t wait to relax in my own pad.

Today was the second time I took a ferry in my life – the first being earlier this week. The water was really choppy and I had my window open and this huge wave hit the boat absolutely soaking the driver’s side of the car. As I was polishing my new ring at the time, one of the best mens wedding bands I had seen, and it slipped out of my hands. I found it quickly enough at least. I spent the next hour I was driving with the windows open to dry out the inside. It was very Three Stooges.

I got to the airport some three hours early and had to go through the screening three times. The first time I had a tube of toothpaste so they made me go back downstairs and check my bag in. The second time, it was because I lost my ticket. The third time was after I got a copy printed.

I think both the leaving the window open and the ridiculousness at the airport is related, somewhat, to my lack of sleep. I’ve really got to find a way to sleep when I’m traveling because I’m traveling again next week.

Well, we’ll have to see how tonight goes.

Location: 30,000 feet above Vermont
Mood: Relaxed
Music: Friday night I’m going nowhere, all the lights are changing
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