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A trip to Kalahari

Oh, and a break-in

Was in bed the other night when I pulled up the cameras to just make sure the building was ok when I noticed someone looking very outta place.

Getting dressed, I went outside to catch this small woman – with this weird huge hat – taking out our vacuum.

We’d actually had two vacuums stolen in the past.

Me: Hey, can I ask why you have our vacuum?
Her: (gibberish)
Me: Not sure what any of that means. I’m gonna have to call the police.

I started to call when she took off running.

It was already midnight, and I wasn’t in the mood to give chase, so I just brought the vacuum back, made a round through the building to make sure she didn’t get into a unit, before finally crashed.

NYC always has something going on.

Barely got any sleep and the next day, we all took a trip to the Kalahari water park in Pennsylvania.

The kid was with my in-laws for Spring Break so we ended up meeting them at a Lowe’s parking lot convenient to everyone.

Soon, we arrived…

…the Firecracker got all the tix and such while I was the pack horse carrying alla the luggage.

It was ENORMOUS.

The kids had a blast.

And the food was markedly better than that at Great Wolf Lodge, the other water park we went to.

Although the kids still ate crap.

Of course.

Speaking of the Great Wolf Lodge, the main pic is actually from our trip to last time around, but the Firecracker wasn’t comfortable with letting people see her face just yet.

That, plus I didn’t get any good shots of us this time around.

Oh, like last time, we met up with the Surgeon and his family and friends there.

Everybody had a grand time.

We stayed the night… …which meant that the kids got a second chance to play the next day before we headed home.

Me: So, what do you think, was that a nice surprise?
Him: Yes! Can we come again?
Firecracker’s kid: Yeah! Next time, we can stay for the whole weekend.
Me: Only if you’re paying, kid.
Firecracker: Yeah, this isn’t something we can do all the time.

When I was their ages, we never had the money for stuff like this.

I’m glad that I can give the kid something fun to remember.

Think that’s all any parent really wants from a trip like this – something fun to remember and an experience we didn’t get to have ourselves when we were their ages.

Location: inhaling a ton of dust in my pad
Mood: dusty
Music: Gonna take some time to do the things we never had (Spotify)
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Making changes around here

The key participle

During the time between the Firecracker’s birthday and my own, I let myself have one piece of dessert, an absolutely killer paleo muffin/naked cupcake by my sister.

Whenever I go see her, she’s always nice enough to give me one of her baked goods – which are invariably awesome – and I knew I’d be having this for my birthday.

This is where I am, excitement-wise, right now.

Electrician: You want me to just wire it up or wire it up and install it?
Me: Wait, you can install this?
Him: (looking puzzled) Yeah. Why not?
Me: Well, alright!

Continuing the spring cleaning around here, I’m making a ton of changes to my back bathroom.

That bathroom had this super dark, brass – instead of silver – backed mirror that just about everyone who sees thinks is cool looking but wholly impractical.

Alison always hated it, and the Firecracker was never a fan.

Had meant to replace it for decades but never did.

Well, a couple of weeks ago, I ordered a lighted LED mirror to replace it and was planning on having an electrician do the wiring and a general contractor/handyman install the mirror itself.

But he and his partner were able to both hook it up and install it.

Once things are settled, I’ll take a pic of the new mirror for you to see.

Making a lotta changes around here. I’ll put up pics when we’re done but my bathroom will (hopefully) look quite different soon(ish).

I moved into my building close to 30 years ago, which blows the mind.

Then, in 2004, my college buddy Buckley and I bought my pad and one of the first things we had to get was a shower rod.

That’s the one we installed some 21 years ago; it did its job all these years without issue.

Tossing it, finally.

It’s weird. It’s just an inanimate object that served a function.

Yet I hate change and like things to always stay status quo. Tossing it was more difficult than you might imagine.

But I’m trying my best to recognize that change is inevitable and it’s always better to accept change than fight it.

“Trying,” being the key participle here.

Location: listening to hammers in my back bathroom
Mood: trying to accept it
Music: love to go back to when we played as kids but things changed, that’s the way it is (Spotify)
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Logan’s 52

Looking down the ladder

Him: Sometimes it feels like everyone’s doing so much better than me.
Me: That’s cause you’re spending alla your time looking up the ladder at everyone that has more than you. You need look down every once in a while and see how much more you have than the rest of the world. 

This fella once said, We are what and where we are because we have first imagined it.

    • Living in Queens, there was once a time I dreamed of living in Manhattan.
    • Growing up as a fat kid, there was once a time I dreamed of being physically fit.
    • Being bullied throughout childhood, there was once a time I dreamed of living knowing how to fight.
    • Being a friendless kid as well, there was once a time I dreamed of having friends.
    • Being a fat, clumsy, nerdy, dude, there was once a time I thought I’d never be with a beautiful intelligent woman.
    • After struggling for years to have a kid, there was once a time I woulda given anything to have my son.
    • And I never imagined that I’d be part of a creative team that’s close to hitting a million followers…le wha?

I’ve found a lotta peace in my noisy brain these past few months because I’ve really been focusing on two things:

    1. That quote above where I realize that everything I have right now is stuff I once dreamed to have and then spent years struggling to get.
    2. Instead of being upset that I’m so far away from my next/latest dream, I’m realizing that I’m actually right in the middle of living the last dream I had.

I’m so grateful for all the things and people that I have in my life that I never thought I’d ever have.

Pretty sure that if 14-year-old me saw 52-year-old me, he’d be both shocked and impressed.

TBH, when I really think about it, 52-year-old me is shocked and impressed with my life.

We should all be shocked and impressed with our lives.

Location: earlier yesterday, Kalahari water park in PA
Mood: like I said, shocked and impressed
Music: looked great for nearly 53. Well, lucky you found me (Spotify)
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A joint birthday

A joint birthday at Pig and Khao

By the time you read this, I’ll be 52 years old.

Whoa…

Not only did the Firecracker live just a few blocks south of my pad when we first met, but she and I were also surprised that our birthdays were only a little more than a week apart.

So, this year, we decided to do a joint celebration in-between our two birthdays at Pig and Khao, just a few blocks from us.

My buddy Panda used to talk about how great the food was there, so I was looking forward to it – he’s a foodie and I trust him.

The food did not disappoint……although some dishes were pretty spicy for the Firecracker’s taste.

Me: I’m not sure you can eat this.
Her: (shrugs) Well, let’s find out. (a few seconds later, she turns red and coughs) Nope!

Luckily, the drinks were strong and cooling…

…plus, because it was our birthday celebration(s), they comped us some jello shots, which were fun.

But the star of the show was the ribeye steak we ordered, which – because it was our birthday celebration – I had with my first bowl of rice in at least a year.

Her: This coconut rice is amazing!
Me: God, yes. I can’t remember the last time I had a whole bowl of rice.
Her: Wait, your bowl’s empty, you’re eating mine. Hey!
Me: I’m just trying to save you a few carbs.

We ended the night with a dessert for her and a pickleback shot for me.

I think she may’ve enjoyed her selection more than I did mine.

Here’s hoping it’s the first of years worth of joint birthdays.

Location: the gym, trying not to get more injured
Mood: hoping
Music: don’t want nobody else (Spotify)
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Cutting weight

Summer’s coming anywho

Her: You know what, I’ll support you and do it too.
Me: Really? You – obviously – don’t need to.
Her: (waves hand) It’s fine. It’ll be good for me and us.
Me: Oh man, you’re the best!

Been on a hardcore keto diet for a few weeks now because my producer wanted me to cut a few pounds for an upcoming Scenic Fights shoot.

I figured, summer’s coming anywho, so I was fine with it.

And the Firecracker decided to help me by doing it as well, for no other reason than to support me.

She’s just great.

Case in point: She made this killer pesto chicken the other night for everyone.

Low carb and absolutely delicious.

All-in-all, I ended up dropping a few pounds really quickly because – between my usual cooking and hers, we were killing it.

Even managed to resist my mother-in-law’s mashed potatoes – which are so damn good – when I dropped the kid off the other day.

The Firecracker, however, took some cheat days like for her birthday, where she made herself a cupcake sandwich.

She was very pleased with herself.

Besides, she didn’t have a producer to keep happy.

But everything worked out because I ended up keeping him happy by losing exactly what I wanted to, showing up at the shoot, doing my thing and calling it a day.

Treated myself to a huge steak salad afterward.

We’re close to a million subscribers on our YouTube channel but we’re also having some cool stuff happen over at TikTok as well.

I’ll keep you in the loop.

Man…do I want some carbs…

Location: a cafe, enjoying the sun
Mood: slimmer?
Music: Mouth is alive, with juices like wine and I’m hungry (Spotify)
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Wait and hope

My one and done

Her: I’m not against it per se but, Logan, if we have a kid, say, next year. You’ll be 73 when she’s 21. Do you really want to be 73 with a 21-year-old kid?
Me: Whoa, I never thought of it like that.

Alison was the oldest of three; two girls and a boy.

As the middle of three, we were the mirror of that; two boys and a girl.

She always wanted two or three kids, whereas I always wanted three. My son was always supposed to be the oldest of – ideally for me – three kids.

After Alison died, the thought of more kids was the furthest thing from my mind. After I started feeling better, I kept thinking that I needed to get into a stable relationship ASAP so that I could give the kid some siblings, which he’s always wanted.

That might have put undue pressure on my relationships after Alison.

The Firecracker and I discussed having more kids. I still dream of having more kids but I’m 52 this week (!!).

The practicality of having more kids seems less practical by the minute.

Although the NFL Player insists that we won’t regret it if we do – and he’s right, I’m sure we wouldn’t regret it. The issue is everything involved in it.

And the fact that the kid’s birth was so much joy wrapped up in so much horror further makes me more hesitant.

To this end, I’ve begun giving away alla the things I’ve been keeping the basement for the past seven or eight years in the hopes of having another kid.

Gave away a baby diaper pail, a chair that Alison got to nurse on, and the kid’s crib, which was probably the hardest thing to give away.

I love the boy in a way that I don’t have words to adequately express it.

And I’m sure I’d love whatever siblings he might have.

So, I do what I’ve done my entire life with everything, and do as Dumas said to do, Wait and hope.

Location: my old gym, shooting more scenes
Mood: thoughtful
Music: Open up the door, c’mon sing me home (Spotify)
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There’s no limit to skill or knowledge

Zero is plural

Me: Is zero singular or plural?
Him: I dunno.
Me: Use it in a sentence.
Him: “There are zero apples.” (thinking) Plural?
Me: Yes. All whole numbers are plural except for one – negative one is also plural, which is weird but here we are.

I spend a lotta time in my head, mainly because that’s where I’m the most comfortable.

Family aside, my entire childhood was essentially spent alone. Grade school, middle school, high school, etc.

College was different, though, which I found odd but nice.

I had a lotta friends, several close ones, and yet, I spent most of my time either at a girlfriend’s or by myself in the city when I’d come down by myself.

You get used to things.

Was chatting with Rain the other day and we both commented how similar we are when it comes to enjoying our solitude.

We’re good with people; we just choose not to interact with them unless there’s a good reason.

My son is different.

He not only doesn’t like to be alone, he craves human interaction.

I wonder if that will make his life better, worse, or just different.

The hope is for him to be happy and productive, whatever either of those two things mean to him.

In my younger years, being alone was hell.

But now that I’m older, I think being with random people is hell.

The more news I read, the more I think I want to just stay home with the Firecracker and the kid and never walk out the door.

Him: Why do I need to learn all this?
Me: Because there’s a limit to strength, power, or money. There’s no limit to skill or knowledge. You can always make yourself a little smarter every day.
Him: But why?
Me: Because it’ll mean that you can always be better tomorrow than you were today. That’s a powerful thing.

Location: my back bathroom, wondering if green tile is the way to go
Mood: slightly nauseated from too much cheese
Music: Should I try to do some more? Twenty-five or six to four (Spotify)
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Obviously, it’s a squirrel

Plus, a visit to an Asian market

Her: (showing me a picture) This one was taken in 98. What were you doing in 98?
Me: I’d already graduated college so…
Her: I was in seventh grade! You’re so old, Logan!
Me: Thanks…?

Seeing my mom is a coordinated affair.

The reason why is because she works and is also heavily involved in church, so my visits have to revolve around those two things with her.

But I also need to be mindful of my sister and nephews’ schedules as well because the kids all like to hang out together.

This means that I don’t get to see my mom nearly as much as I would like to but when I do, it’s usually a fun time, what with all the kids happy and excited to play together.

The Firecracker’s kid was a new wrinkle but, after my nephews met him last time around, and again for Thanksgiving, by this time, they all got along as thick as thieves.

In any case, my mom and nephews weren’t gonna be around for a bit, so I took everyone for a drive out to Long Island to kill a little time before we all met up.

Afterwards, while the kids were playing, The Firecracker and I went to go pick up some food.

We first stopped by a gardening store because I was looking for more stuff to plant around the pad.

Unfortunately, we couldn’t find anything that I really wanted.

Then we went to the local Asian supermarket.

The Firecracker still finds that kinda stuff interesting, I think.

By the time we got back, we were starving.

The Firecracker really enjoyed my mom’s ribs so when we got back, there was a plate waiting for us.

Sister: I wanted to eat some, but mom said it wasn’t for me, it was for [The Firecracker].
Her: OMG, you should have had some.
Sister: My mom wouldn’t let me!
Me: That sounds like our mom.

We round out the day with my mom showing off her collection of broaches.

If you ever wanna get on Mamma Lo’s good side, get that lady a broach.

She literally wears a different one every single day, God love that woman.

Me: Is that a squirrel?
Firecracker: Yep!
Mom: Obviously, it’s a squirrel, Logan.
Me: (nodding slowly) Obviously.

Location: home all day, nursing my back
Mood: blargh
Music: I need something to wash out the pain (Spotify)
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5 Columbus Circle

Did you know that you have scoliosis?

Do you have any place or time that fills you with dread thinking about it?

For me, it’s 5 Columbus Circle here in Manhattan.

Always walked in with a fully developed sense of reality, only to leave disabused of that reality when I realize that what I think is true, isn’t true at all.

My first – positive, actually – example of this was way back in 2008, when I finally found out after months of waiting that I didn’t have testicular cancer.

Remember walking into that appointment fulla dread, and leaving feeling so light and relieved.

Then came alla the darkness there.

The first was in 2011, where Alison lost the first of six pregnancies.

Each one was awful for me, and soul-crushing for her – two were ectopic that required surgery.

It was not the last with her as she was there several more times.

Then, in 2012, I was told that I probably had a torn ACL there, which was confirmed.

I spent the next two years rehabing it (the picture in that entry is directly outside the building).

Then, in 2014, had another kinda spot of good-ish news when went in and was told that I needed to get a colonoscopy there but that turned out ok as well.

Between 2015 and 2017, Alison went there a number of times for tests and such for her cancer.

None of those experiences were good nor happy.

I hated even being near the place.

Two years ago, I walked in and was told that (a) I had massive bone spurs in my hand, and (b) I’d broken no less than seven of my ten fingers in my life.

And then earlier this week, I walked in after three months of trying to get x-rays and/or an MRI on my back and I was floored.

Like always, I was given a complete shock that shook my sense of self.

 

Her: OK, well you definitely don’t have cancer.
Me: (breathing in deeply) OK, that’s good but it sounds like there’s a “but” about to happen…
Her: (purses lips and nods slightly) Yes, well…did you know that you have scoliosis?
Me: What?! No, wait, I don’t have scoliosis.
Her: I’m afraid you do. Here, let me show you…

And she whipped out the x-rays you see above.

You can see the curve in my spine.

Evidently, I’ve had that my whole life.

BUT, because I’ve been working out my whole life, I never really noticed it – until recently, that is.

Me: Is that why I’m in so much pain? Like a few months ago, I could barely walk down the street when it rained.
Her: Partially. You have a lot of arthritis in your back as well, and you can see in the slide on the right where your disc slipped.
Me: Is there anything that can be done?
Her: Just PT, I’m afraid. The (main doctor) will get you a script for a much higher dose of celebrex than you’re on right now. (later) You have a lot of injuries.
Me: (shrugging) Just clumsy, I guess.

Like I said, I walked in with one sense of what my reality was and left wholly with another one.

At least I don’t have cancer.

That’s always a win, despite all the other discouraging news.

Location: home all day, nursing my back
Mood: blargh
Music: read the signs from your head to your toes (Spotify)
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The Firecracker’s Birthday 2025

Just a nappetizer

Her: I’m going to take a nap.
Me: A NAP?! It’s 6:21PM. How do you fall asleep at night?
Her: (shrugging) It’s never a problem. That’s just a nappetizer.
Me: Oh my god…

It was the Firecracker’s birthday, recently so tonight, we packed up the kids and headed to that Japanese BBQ place around the hood that we like.

Her sister and niece were available, so they joined us, my kid, and the Firecracker’s kid for dinner.

My producer for Scenic Fights essentially told me that I had to lose some weight, so I stuck to protein, fat, and rum and diet cokes all night.

All-in-all, it wasn’t terrible.

The copious amounts of meat swimming in butter didn’t hurt matters.

The kids were, decidedly, not eating keto as they filled up on dumplings…

…and eggrolls, which were all hits with them.

Seeing as my birthday is only a few weeks away, we got to talking about our (somewhat sizable) age difference, and how our childhoods were kinda similar but also, very different.

Me: Let’s do an experiment. Honey, quote that show you showed me on YouTube and see if she can guess it.
Firecracker: She’s gonna know. But ok. (pauses, affects a voice), “I’m so excited!”
Sister: (immediately) Oh, that’s Jessie Spano when she ODed on caffeine pills.
Me: (shakes head) That’s ridiculous. You two are ridiculous.
Sister: You totally missed that era of pop culture, didn’t you?
Me: So, it would seem.

The kids were more focused on their screens and the deep fried oreo cookies that we got for them.

 

Him: This is amazing!
Me: I told you you’d like it.

Everyone was stuffed but I legit coulda eaten another 2-3 plates of food.

But, I figured that I’m supposed to be dieting so I called it as we wrapped up.

Afterwards, we decided to walk the mile home just to work off some of what we just ate.

It was a good evening and everyone was happy, which is all you can hope for.

Me: Did you have a good night?
Her: Were you there?
Me: (laughing) Yup.
Her: Then I had a good night.

Location: 620 Amsterdam Ave, with lots of kids, protein, and drinks
Mood: moderately tipsy
Music: standing ’round this corner, tall enough to touch the New York sky (Spotify)
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