Dreaming of my possible pasts

© Roy A. Hammond/WLIW New York

Rain: Can I borrow your phone?
Me: (absentmindedly) Sure.
Rain: Here you go.
Me: Thanks. Hey – what’d you do?
Rain: Nuthin! So paranoid…

My mind’s elsewhere, and elsewho, again. At least it’s the weekend.

I’m in a 300 year old building in Passau that’s been converted to apartments. The ceilings are high with wooden floors and painted on the entire far wall is a pop art portrait of a blond girl crying. Honey and Katherine are there. We’d just gotten back from Vienna. A woman I love is there too. She whispers her nonsense word into my ear and I whisper mine back. We’re having an early dinner of pasta when Marvin Gaye comes on.

Honey shrieks, and jumps onto the table to dance when my girl pulls me up and says, “You too” as I laugh and follow. She smiles, turns back to me and says – (phone alarm rings, it’s 5:15AM in NYC)

Me: (sit up and look groggily at phone) Dammit Rain…dammit…

Fall back into bed and plot revenge against Rain. Sigh. Toss off covers. Flip on Ghosts of Goodbye and start doing situps as ghosts fade away.

Eins, zwei, drei…

Location: 19:00 yest, Malachy’s with Heidi and Buckley
Mood: sotted
Music: I used to go out to parties and stand around


Only one end

Location: 2 hours ago, on Broadway, remembering
Mood: ok
Music: I will show you someone that you never thought you’d be

Helen Keller said that Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet.

She was on the money. Oh, speaking of Helen Keller, click here for a short video I made a while ago.

Anyway – I woke up mad early and hopped to court again. I got what I wanted but that’s a story for another time. I couldn’t celebrate because I had to run to the office and land a client. Then I got a shut-off notice from ConEd and the contractor for my new office wants another $6,000. It’s always something.

The thing is, you gotta keep bobbing ‘n weaving. My dad told me recently, there’s really only one end, everything else is an opportunity. I hope he’s right.

I ran out the door at five today to make a massive holiday party with some killer food. There I met a pretty blue-eyed dancer whom I feel now I should’ve asked for her number but instead, I gave her mine.

Afterwards, I had coffee with two recent college grads and a girl in college at a diner on 34th near where I met Blue Jean Eyes. Old ghosts. I told them to save 10% of everything they ever made, learn a foreign language, meet as many people as they could, and see the world.

I wish someone told me that last one when I was in college.

Yes, yes, yes, yes, I do (now).


Pamela Luss

Went to see my friend sing some jazz

Met a singer named Pamela Luss a while back and we kept in touch. I always missed her singing engagements so I told her that her next one, I would absolutely make it.

And tonight I did. She was great.

Bebe Neuwirth came to hear her sing for the first set, which I missed, of course, but it’s just as well.

On the way there, Cain and I managed to catch an old man as he slipped on some gravel so I felt I did my good deed of the day.

That’s why NYC’s so cool – you just never know how your night’s gonna end up. I’ve lived here my whole life and I’m still surprised by it all.
Location: 9PM yest., @ 38th & Mad
Mood: hopeful
Music: Maybe it was the music, or the glamorous sky of blue

business dating personal

I’m back

Location: home
Mood: awake
Music: Hey baby, will you be my girl?

SFW but I’d turn down the volume if I were you.

I had dinner in Austria last night, breakfast in Germany, lunch in Belgium and dinner in New York. Eight countries in about 10 days. Crazy, yeah? Lemme sort a bit and I’ll give you the highlights.

I came back to a whirlwind of business and personal problems but I think I’m ready for them.


I may stop dating for a while.

My mind’s focused on making enough scratch to live like I’ve been living for the past week.

I wanna go see China and my grandma now.

dating personal

Never gonna fall for

Saw a concert with Camera Obscura and The Last Town Chorus


The Last Town Chorus playing Modern Love at the South Street Seaport

Hopping on a 6AM train bound for Baltimore tomorrow. Exam.

Not ready but when are we ever for these tests we take in life?

Did go to that concert Friday at the seaport to see Camera Obscura. Opening act was The Last Town Chorus – that’s a pic of the lead singer, sorry so blurry, I was hella far away. They sang a cover of Bowie’s Modern Love.

Camera Obscura at the South Street Seaport

Told the Grey-Eyed Girl I went with that I got dropped off by my party bus rental at the seaport and spent my prom night there. She got a kick outta that. Been in this @#$! town too long.

Speaking of towns, looks like she and I are heading for Friendsville – weird, it’s usually me driving there. Well, it happens.

Been on 20 dates with 14 girlies in 60 days. Plus I met two separate women on the way to the concert. Not sure I’m cut out for this modern love – I’ve essentially turbo-charged my disappointments and disappointing. Perhaps I’m just all charm and no substance.

Startin’ to think dating’s just an excuse for me to blow coin I ain’t got, time I don’t have and hope I can’t spare.

Actually, hope? That I got.

Cause I keep thinking, this time’ll be different.

This time…

Location: on the telephone, dealing
Mood: indescribable
Music: Its just the power to charm
Like this post? Tell someone about it by clicking a button below.