Love is… or Why you should be dating online

Online dating versus offline or regular dating

Statue in Tribeca NYC

Went out the other night with my buddy to some local watering holes – the first time in a while. We’re having a mild disagreement about online dating.

The way I look at it, it’s like having a relative named, for example, Aunt eMatch that says, “I’ve got a girl I think you might like.” In fact, it’s better; it’s like Aunt eMatch saying, “I’ve got a girl I think you might like – and here’s her resume, a buncha pics, and a writing sample.”

My buddy says that interpersonal vetting’s the best way to meet someone; can’t disagree with that BUT he also feels that’s why online dating seems to fail – because of the lack of connection, meaning a common friend. But the connection isn’t a person, rather, the stuff you’ve got in common.

When you’re a kid, you think love’s looking at someone and going, You’re so awesome, and she looks back at you and says the same thing. Adults are different.

Adults don’t stand facing one another but side-by-side. It’s why I always say that you want someone on your side.

That, in turn, is from that French dude that wrote The Little Prince: Aimer, ce n’est pas se regarder l’un l’autre, c’est regarder ensemble dans la même direction, which translates to To love is not to look at one another: it is to look, together, in the same direction.

Love’s when you’re both looking at stuff y’love – like a Firefly episode you love, how you want to raise your kids, or your plant Harold -and you go, Do you see what I see? and she goes, Man, I *totally* see what you see.

That’s love. How you get it – online/offline – depends on how God puts it in front of you, but it’s always the same thing.

 

Location: going to New Rochelle
Mood: insanely busy
Music: look into their eyes, and you suddenly know
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The dangers of working for yourself

Docks restaurant in midtown, NYC

Me: Just signed up for automatic delivery of 18 bags of pork rinds every six months. The future has arrived. And it is delicious.
Her: What are you going to do during the five and a half months that you’re waiting for your next delivery?
Me: I’ve done the math. I get 18 bags for six months, or 24 weeks. This means if I pace myself @ 3/4 of a bag a week, or approximately 10% of a bag a day, I should make it. Barely.

First batch arrived on Sunday. Sunday delivery of pork rinds. Oh technology, is there nuthin you can’t do?

However, contrary to the above conversation and stereotypes, not all Asians are good at math – I’m assuredly not. Heartgirl, who’s not Asian, apparently is.

Me: You were the winner of the math award in your school?
Her: Yep.
Me: Wait, you beat the Asians in your school?
Her: Yep. (pause, laughing) Suck it, Asians!

———-

Been working non-stop on five projects when the client said he might kill the deal. Find out later on this week if the deal’s alive or dead. It’s one of the pitfalls of what I do. No much to do but wait.

Went out with my law firm on Friday for drinks at the local bar; it’s nice hanging out with co-workers again since I’ve been a lone wolf for a while. That’s another drawback of working for yourself.

Sunday, went to wrestle. A guy I introduced to the class and I used to school now ranks higher than me; one might think I’d have an issue with that but wrestling’s a pure meritocracy – either you’re good and you win or you’re not and you lose.

Got no problem with someone that does something better than me if it’s deserved. It is and he’s just better, that’s how it goes.

Suppose that’s why I like to wrestle and fence. They’re self-correcting types of activity; no one tells you if you’re good or not. Get choked or stabbed enough, y’gotta figure your game’s not what it could be.

My pursuit of scratch is pretty self-correcting too. Do a bad job, never hear from a client again. This latest drawback with the client’s because of the economic climate and that’s why it’s annoying – it’s something that’s got nuthin to do with my ability.

The waiting’s no fun either.

Location: a greenish couch
Mood: hopeful
Music: I awake all sweet and sound, without a care or woe
YASYCTAI: Get more clients. (always/2 pts)
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Yoked together with unbelievers

Church downtown NYC

Having a conflict of religion.

There’s this line in the bible that goes, “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers.”

Many read that to mean Christians should only marry other Christians. Here’s my issue with that – if that were the case, I’d not be here as one parent is a Christian and one is not.

But the line actually reads, “Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers” – don’t think my parents were ever unequals – and wasn’t referring to marriage.

The issue’s that the bible’s fulla things I agree and disagree with, consider that women are not permitted to speak in church, and this is from the same guy that wrote about the previous statement.

Am accused of cherry picking the verses in the bible to obey, but isn’t that what we all do? For example, the Koran specifically says Muslims should grant safe-passage to anyone that requests it. And yet the radicals ignore that line for one that suits their purposes.

Stand, once again, accused of being a bad Christian but, to paraphrase someone, an ant on a hilltop is no closer to the sun than an ant on the ground.

The lack of grace never ceases to surprise me.

HG does not read the same book as me. This is not a (huge) issue for me but some people feel it should be.

  • Republicans don’t want me cause I’m too liberal and think Palin and O’Donnell are idiots
  • Democrats don’t want me cause I’m too conservative and don’t think a nanny state is what we need.
  • Christians don’t want me cause evidently womanizing and rum shooting aren’t approved activities.
  • Atheists/agnostics don’t want me cause I’m one of those religious nuts.

We’re always looking for home, hoping someone says, “Cm’on in,” instead of shutting the door in our face.

Disappointed. No one ever sees the invisible man.

Location: the world
Mood: disappointed
Music: here I am but why do I feel like the invisible man?
YASYCTAI: Be gracious. (always/2 pts)
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Making decisions

Gated Apartment downtown NYC

Spent the weekend working like mad. My Sunday started out in the West Village and ended up in a church in the Upper West Side about nine hours later. The search for scratch knows no weekend. Did run into an old law school buddy downtown though with her kid and husband.

There’s no place like New York for the random meetings.

Speakinga law school, there’s this saying that goes something like, B students work for C students – the A students become judges.

The concept’s repeated in other quotes but the idea is this: The really smart people in life are paralyzed by their need to think everything through and end up doing nuthin.

My old boss in CNET once said something in all seriousness to me that I remember to this day, “You’re onea the smartest people I’ve ever met – hope you don’t let that hold you back.” For a long time, didn’t think it did.

Expected to be a millionaire by the time was 30. Ended up going in  the opposite direction. The fiancee (weird writing that) seems to think I mention all of the things that happened to me a lot. Maybe. It’s definitely defined me for a while and still does.

It’s affected me more than I previously thought – things are a lot more daunting for me. It’s also the age I suppose.
The people who are wildly successful, I find, aren’t necessarily the smartest or the bravest, but the people that see the world for what it is – with all the opportunities and glory and all the unfairness and crap – and then just make a choice and run with it.

Forcing myself to do that more again. It’s a bit like working out a muscle you’ve not used in a while. It takes a bit.

———-

Wrote a new entry for This Post-Modern Love – take a look.

Location: yest, all over Manhattan
Mood: rushed
Music: the things you’re thinking, are they false, are they true
YASYCTAI: Make the decisions and run with it. (1 min/1 pt)
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Getting Clients – Under promise and over deliver

West Village, downtown NYC

Few years back, got this assignment that involved about 20 separate deals. That was the high water mark for coin in a month for me. This month, thought I might beat that record and it’s close.

Been putting in about 15 hour days trying to get everything accomplished in time. After the dismal past two years where I was living just enough for the city, this’s a welcome relief.

Friend of mine recently asked me how I get my clients. Told her that I subscribed to Giuliani’s mantra of under-promising and over delivering. That is say, never took on something that I knew I couldn’t do and do well and never gave a price or a deadline that I knew I couldn’t make.

When y’do zero advertising and rely on word-of-mouth to pay the bill, your reputation for getting the job done’s paramount.

On a related point, always find that I’m more productive all of round when I’m firing on all cylinders. Something about working like crazy makes you keep working like crazy, don’tcha think?

Back to the grind.

Location: in fronta papers
Mood: sick
Music: father works some days for fourteen hours
YASYCTAI: Under promise, over deliver. (always/2 pts)
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Eat what you kill

Gated Apartment downtown NYC

Been all sortsa busy these days.

My biggest client that went away just came back with a staggering amount of work for me to do. The only issue’s that everything’s due in three weeks. But when your life is eat what you kill, y’gotta hustle when y’can.

It’s funny but the last time I wrote about taking every gig that comes in was almost exactly a year ago.  October-December’s usually my busiest time of year so the hustle begins again.

So early last Friday, was down in the West Village at places where handbags cost more than my mortgage. Came back that night and needed to unwind so I cooked up some Greek Kotopoulo Skorthato. It reminds me of my childhood cause I grew up with a lotta Greeks.

Usually my year begins in September but this year, Fall came late. Feels like the year – and everything else – is starting again.

Speakinga which, just found out that my 20 year high school reunion just happened. 20 years.

Didn’t know anyone there really, and I had all of that work, so never bothered going. Being a nobody in high school’s fine, I think. Being a nobody 20 years later’d be a lot worse.

There was this girl named Grace that made my life a living hell when I was a kid. Found out later, her family life was pretty bad. When I heard Plato’s saying, Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle, I thought of her.

Wonder if she ever found any peace or just continued to be hard and mean.

As for me, well, I got my pad. I got my people. I got my poison. Got everything I wanted.

Also got deadlines so catch you Wednesday?

Gated Apartment downtown NYC

Location: Brooklyn
Mood: busy
Music: You got your time to find your voice
YASYCTAI: Get it while the getting’s good. (time/1 pt)
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Embracing the Randomness

Last night, met up with my friend Ben – who writes Conceived and Composed, that clever pic above is his – and my other buddy, PB.

Got together to down some rum and $0.10 wings downtown. Always tell myself to limit myself to a half dozen. Never happens. We chatted about photography and life: re the former, I picked up a new shooter; re the latter, work is heating up, finally.

Am at an age now where I think I’m able to ride out most storms. The stuff that’s been going on with the Rutgers kid committing suicide got to me, like all the stories do – depression is something I think most insomniacs have dealt with and the response has been the It’s Gets Better campaign, which I’ve always believed was the case. Because it does get better.

Anywho, after stuffing ourselves with wings and booze, we discovered that a relative’s of Ben’s owns the local banh mi shop so we had to stop in there too after our greasefest. Piggies we are.

Unlike a lotta places in the world where people gotta do the terrible things to just survive, here we get randomness to enjoy. But only if we decide to do it.

———-

Installment two of my dating/relationship This Modern Love column on Techorati is up today.

Speakinga which, gonna have to change my posting schedule to Monday and Wednesday for this here blog so I’m not super swamped. See you Monday, yeah?

Location: home, trying to get work done
Mood: hungry
Music: I’m surrounded you know, it’s all around me
YASYCTAI: Embrace the randomness. (3 hrs/1 pt)
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Dodging the Bullet in NYC – Part 2

The recent tornadoes in Queens knocked down the tree in front of my parents home. No one was hurt, thankfully, but they weren’t able to pull out their car for a while and that made them a bit stir crazy.

Her: The city finally came and got rid of the tree!

Me: That’s great, mom. So what’d you do then?

Her:  I was so excited, I hopped into the car and drove out. (pause) Then I realized I didn’t have any place to be so I just pulled the car back into the driveway.

———-

Imagine what your life would be if you got everything you ever wanted.

See this doesn’t work with a ten-year old. Cause he doesn’t know what his life’d be like if he did get everything he always wanted. But we’re not ten, yeah?

Think about all the times that y’wished and prayed that things were different – you probably can’t even remember all the times.

Getting back to my buddy, the girl he dated was attractive but she’s the reason I got the phrase Attractive goes away but dirtbag is forever. Said earlier that he dodged a bullet by not ending up with her. The thing’s that we all know this; all of us. Except him.

I don’t blame him. At some point he’ll realize it for himself and that’s just the thing about these types of tornadoes. No one else can come and clean it up and put things away for you y’gotta do it yourself.
Location: wrasslin in midtown
Mood: content
Music: This time, baby, I’ll be bulletproof
YASYCTAI: Make that call you’ve been dreading. (10 mins/1 pt)