…You are a soul
Four people I know – two acquaintances and two dear friends – lost their moms in the same number of weeks.
Rang the friend I’ve known the longest just recently to check in.
Bryson: I didn’t make it in time to see her. I was three goddamn hours away when I got the call. Because I know – because of what I’ve seen – I told them to do what they had to do with the body. I didn’t want to remember her that way.
Me: You don’t have to explain to me. You know, we don’t have souls. We *are* souls, we *have* bodies. You wanted to remember her soul – who she was to you – not her body. You made the right choice. If I could do it all over again…
Him: You should write that down. That was beautiful, thank you.
Me: It’s true. And true things are often beautiful. I’m sorry, brother. When I say, “I understand,” you know I do.
Him: Yeah, I know.
The boy’s been noticing that I’ve been sighing a lot.
Boy: Why do you (exhales sharply) so much?
Me: Because I think of your mama a lot these days. All the time, but more than usual these days.
Him: I miss her.
Me: Me too. But she gave me you and that makes it all a little better.
Him: I love mommy. To the moon and back.
Me: (sighing) Me too.
Him: You did it again.
Me: (nodding slightly) So I did. (boy leans over and hugs me)
Made me realize how lucky I am to still be able to ring up my mom at will so I did and told her I was going to see her this weekend.
Her: How about Sunday?
Me: That’s perfect.
As for my friend Bryson, told him I’d be there with rum any time he wanted.
Me: The kid’s away this weekend so if you’ve got time, I’m there.
Him: Thanks. I gotta clear up a few things but yeah. You know, we’ve known each other 30 years?
Me: Now you’re just being mean. (laughing) On a related-ish note, I lost 20 pounds! I’m so damn gorgeous now, if I were gay, I’d date myself.
Me: I’ll see you soon, brother.
Him: See you soon, brother.
Right after I wrote this, I found out that Kirk Akahoshi passed away from stage four pancreatic cancer. He leaves behind a young wife named Jacki.
I know exactly what Jacki’s going through right now and I don’t envy her one bit.
It never goes away, that feeling of loss, helplessness, and anger.
It’s a horror and it’s all shit.
May she weather it the best she can. I hope she’s surrounded by good souls.
Here’s more of their story.