On (or Close to) Schedule
Met another young lady tonight.
Asked her what we the most difficult part about dating in the big city.
Her: I’d have to say the disappointment. I keep hoping this time’ll be different…
Me: Huh. (pause) Funny you say that…
Huh.
See you Tuesday guys, be safe.
Location: 12AM Columbus, having this conversation
Mood: thoughtful
Music: circles. Confusion. Is nothing new?
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I’ve resolved my business issues but it’s a sad disappointment to discover you’re not quite as noble as you imagined you’d be.
So I met up with Hazel, Paul and Bryson and drank what was left of my self-respect.
Because of my insomnia, I grew up watching black & white films at 2AM. Jimmy Stewart was my favorite. Mr. Smith Goes to Washington, The Philadelphia Story, It’s a Wonderful Life, etc.
Do you ever wake up and wonder what happened to all your youth and idealism?
Sometimes think that I’ve become the very, very worst version of myself.
Location: 11PM yest, asking for one more on the UWS
Mood: sotted
Music: Here’s coming a better version of me
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Camera Obscura – the drummer was smoking like a chimney.
Baltimore was nice. Coming home was nicer. This time around, there was silverware. Sorta.
Was in the Baltimore Penn Station and I remembered being there a year ago asking my brother what I should do when I got home. He reminded me of something:
You’re 33. How can someone that you’ve been with for four years define you? What’d you do before her?
Told him the same thing once before.
I’m troubled again, but this time, for totally different reasons.
Was going to make a peanut butter and marmalade sandwich but instead had a rendezvous with a single-barrel, seven-year rum. No oranges.
This week is going to be very unpleasant but I just told someone here that life has it’s highs and lows. Life’s like that.
I’m ready for some more highs.
Location: 9PM yest, Freehold NJ, hearing a sad story
Mood: troubled
Music: I’m a stupid little thing
Hopping on a 6AM train bound for Baltimore tomorrow. Exam.
Not ready but when are we ever for these tests we take in life?
Did go to that concert Friday at the seaport to see Camera Obscura. Opening act was The Last Town Chorus – that’s a pic of the lead singer, sorry so blurry, I was hella far away. They sang a cover of Bowie’s Modern Love.
Told the Grey-Eyed Girl I went with that I got dropped off by my party bus rental at the seaport and spent my prom night there. She got a kick outta that. Been in this @#$! town too long.
Speaking of towns, looks like she and I are heading for Friendsville – weird, it’s usually me driving there. Well, it happens.
Been on 20 dates with 14 girlies in 60 days. Plus I met two separate women on the way to the concert. Not sure I’m cut out for this modern love – I’ve essentially turbo-charged my disappointments and disappointing. Perhaps I’m just all charm and no substance.
Startin’ to think dating’s just an excuse for me to blow coin I ain’t got, time I don’t have and hope I can’t spare.
Actually, hope? That I got.
Cause I keep thinking, this time’ll be different.
This time…
Location: on the telephone, dealing
Mood: indescribable
Music: Its just the power to charm
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Well, I had both a fantastic and craptastic weekend rolled into one. Lemme sort and get back to you.
Did go to a new church with a girl that had the nicest grey eyes though.
———-
OK, I just threw that last one in to screw with you.
I told you I cut a few people recently, yeah? They no longer reflect who I am. The people with whom you choose to surround yourself are mirrors to your values.
I submit that the five things that you wrote down that you admire about someone are five things you respect about yourself, wish you had yourself, or think you can have yourself, if only circumstances were different.
Conversely, the five things that you don’t admire about that other person, you secretly fear you could be, do, or have, yourself – again, if only circumstances were different.
Love that word, circumstance.
You and I are only ever separated from everyone else by that one thing and that one thing alone.
Ah, but what a thing that is…
Location: 3PM yest, upper east side
Mood: disappointed
Music: One time a thing occurred to me what’s real and what’s for sale?
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Argh! Camera Obscura is playing live and free tonight at the South Street Seaport at 8PM.
Was planning to stay in tonight for the first time in months just to prep for the exam but these guys are so awesome.
Should I go? Man, I’m so torn…
Location: about to run out the door
Mood: confused
Music: I’ve got my life of complication here to sort out
Her: You’re awfully self-involved.
Me: It says right there, “logan lo dot com”
Her: Still…
———-
I like you.
The fact you’re reading me makes me like you. That says something about me, I know.
In fact, not only do I know that is says something about me, I know what it says. But that’s neither here nor there.
Let’s play a game, shall we? I play it all the time when I’m out and about. It’s not mine, someone once told it to me. Anyway, I feel we should, cause I like you more than all the people I meet when I’m…doing what I do.
Keep it to yourself, send it to me, tell your mom, it doesn’t matter.
We’ll talk about it Monday, yeah?
As always, I’m off to bed to lie awake for a while.
Location: upstairs, studying
Mood: tired
Music: home, only just a few miles down the road I can make it, I know I can
You are not superior just because you see the world in an odious light.
My friend Jaerik made an interesting observation on my blog that I don’t think I’ve ever noticed myself.
He said that I rarely do angry blog entries. Never thought of that.
I think people do angry on the internet because it’s easy and makes for pseudo-intellect. Sure there’s lots to be pissed about; life is inherently unfair.
But man, that’s the quickest way to a bitter, solitary life.
This blog is mostly about my love life because, well, I got nuthin else to complain about.
Not really.
I got my pad. I got my people. I got my poison. I just picked up a new whip to replace my old ride. Another 300 payments and it’s all mine.
Figure someday I’ll get the girl too. Someday.
For now, I’ll take the fall weather we’re having in summer here in NYC.
Speaking of which, I met this girl at Bryant Park tonight…
Location: in front of a pile of books again
Mood: content
Music: God gave me everything
Summer’s not my season. Bad, bad, bad things happen to me in summer.
Fall, however, is my season. I woke up all week thinking its fall.
Woke up happy all week.
———-
Been hanging with these guys Paul and Sheridan a lot lately. Recently, Paul and I were at party with an old friend/legal client of mine and a group of us got talking.
Girl1: What do you mean?
Me: There’s no such thing as a line. Look, if you’re attracted to me, I could walk up to you, say anything, anything, and you’d respond positively. In college, my friend Crawford would walk up to a girl, go Whoo-Hooo! and ten minutes later they’re making out.
Girl2: I disagree, what a guy says matters.
Me: To an extent, yes. But I think it’s less about the content and more the conveyance. Say a cute chick walked up to me and started talking to me in French with a wink’n smile; the content, which I wouldn’t understand, wouldn’t matter to me. I’d just be thinking, Hey…
Girl1: That’s cause you’re a guy.
Me: No. (sighing) It’s cause I know. When you like someone, they can do no wrong; when you don’t, they can do no right.
Starting tagging things not a pickup line just so you can see what I mean.
Location: in front of a bunch of computer parts in Queens
Mood: busy
Music: the good boys and girls take the so called right track
Why, Electronic Gods? What have I done to anger you so?
Truth be told, one of the people I randomly ran into on Saturday wasn’t all that coincidental.
Me: BTW, my mobile is 212.479.7990 should you want to randomly run into me tonight downtown around 11PM at 9th and second in a bar called Solas (not the number I actually gave her).
Her: You’re cute…if I want to randomly run into you at Solas! Well you never know…
Me: I’ll let you buy me a drink.
Her: (laughing) Funny
Me: What are you talking about?
Her: We’ll see.
Fair enough…
Location: 5PM yest, in Flushing asking for extra sauce
Mood: see music
Music: I ain’t happy, I’m feeling glad
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