That was the plan
Scene: At gym.
Me: (to Pez) You know, you’re the same age as a girl I’m hanging out with.
Chuck: (overhears in distance, laughs) “Hanging out with?” Yeah, you two are going to lectures and coffee.
Me: (to Chuck) We do – we discuss Nietzsche!
Chuck: (walking away) Suuuure.
Me: (whispering to Pez) We don’t discuss Nietzche…
Daisy exited my Venn Diagram, recently.
Been living in the same building for close to 20 years. I’m pretty good friends with the neighboring doormen.
One of them is hinting I should marry one of the female friends/other that swing by the pad. It just makes me laugh.
Larry: Raising a kid, you need a man and woman. You loved Alison, I know. But this doesn’t have to be for love. Think of your son.
I married Alison because we looked at the world the same way. Don’t think I’ll ever find someone that looks at it quite the same way I do again.
Don’t believe in many social constructs but I do believe in marriage.
Both Daisy and Gradgirl do not, which makes them non-starters for me, among other things. Of course, I’m a non-starter for everyone.
Me: I am thinking of my son. I want him to know that if I can survive this, he can survive anything. I’m ok with being by my lonesome. And you’ve known me a long time – if I need company, I’ll find company.
Larry: You’re a father now. It’s not the same anymore, Logan.
Me: Yes. But these are the cards I was dealt, so I play them.
Daisy: Do you imagine if things were different? If I were different?
Me: I always wish everything were different. Everything but the boy.
Her: With us, I mean.
Me: (gently) There is no us, Daisy. None of this is actually real. You’re just getting over something as am I, to different degrees. I don’t want you to be someone that you’re not. That never works out. People shouldn’t have to change themselves to fit into someone else’s world.
Her: He wants to meet up again. (pause) Do you think I should go?
Me: (nodding) That was the plan, right? I was always only supposed to be just a distraction.
Her: Yes. (pause) That was the plan.
Haven’t seen her since. Maybe he’s her person and she, his. We should all be lucky enough to find our person.
Me: So it’s just you and me now. (pause) Are you ok with that? (grinning) You won’t be worried I’ll fall madly in love with you?
Gradgirl: No. I know you’re not available to me. Not like that.
Me: Well, strictly speaking, I’m not available to anyone.
Her: (laughs) I might fall for you, Logan.
Me: This is true. You’ll let me know if it happens? I’ll do the same.
Her: Don’t worry. (thinking) I could never love someone that wasn’t in love with me.
Me: (nodding) That’s how it’s supposed to be.
These are the cards we were dealt. So we play them.
Me: Morning, kid! Ready for the day?!
Son: (yawns, stretches, smiles)
Me: God, I love that face. C’mere you…
Location: with my son in my empty apartment
Music: Oh, uh oh, you’re changing your heart
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9 Replies to “Non-Starters”
Up to now, I had thought that you were the Asian Hugh Hefner as you always had 20 something year old women always hanging around you. Being a father is wonderful. You’ll make a great one.
Ha – I’m definitely not *that* old.
I love being a father and hope you’re right. Thank you for the words of encouragement.