Falling even more in love

My 宝贝

Found myself back a few years, recently.

I think women people from my past contact me because they know I’ll be happy to hear how they’ve been doing.

It’s nice when people stop by and visit an old, shared Venn Diagram because I’m always quietly rooting for them.

Her: All the paperwork’s done, so I’m a single woman again!
Me: Congrats – I’ll drink to that!
Her: (pause) I’d love to meet your son.
Me: I don’t think that’s too good an idea.
Her: Why?

Alison once said that she was looking forward to seeing me with the kid. I asked her why and she said, “I think that, when you see someone you love, love your kid, you fall even more in love with them.”

Of course, she was right about that, although I’ll fine-tune it to say that if you see someone you really like, love your kid, you may fall in love with them, or at least feel something a-lot-like-love.

That’s probably why I fell for Mouse versus anyone else I was seeing at the time; she was the only one that met him. She was a different person with him and they’re among my favourite memories I have from that insane time.

And outta everyone I’d been hanging out as of late, the Counselor was the only one that met the boy, albeit totally by accident.

Him: You’re papa’s friend from his phone, [The Counselor]!
Her: (laughs) I am, hi there!
Him: HI!!

Of course, she was just lovely with him. That’s probably part of why she made it further than any other contestant.

It also works in reverse, though; when I see someone being dismissive of him, I feel cold, icy, hatred.

So, I’m super careful who gets to interact with him.

It’s funny, after realizing the commonality between Mouse and the Counselor, I’m not so much worried about him meeting people that step in-and-out of my Venn Diagram – frankly, the more kind and good people he meets, the better – as I am about myself.

Me: I’m sorry. I’m just not that guy anymore and you’re not that girl. (laughing) There was once a time, I woulda killed to hear that you wanted to see me.
Her: What changed?
Me: Same thing I told you all those years ago, Caligirl. Time and tide. It changes everything. As much as I’d wish it wouldn’t.

Alison only knew a handful of Mandarin words but one she loved immediately was, “宝贝,” which is prounounced “bao bei,” and means “treasure.”

She would call the boy that when he was still in her womb. I wonder if he heard.

In any case, he was her 宝贝 and mine. Now, he’s solely mine, which isn’t at all what I hoped for.

On the one hand, I guard him jealously for many reasons, least of all, because I know how hard I’d fall for anyone that loves him.

On the other hand, it’s like I have this wonderful gift all to myself and I wish I had someone to share him with.

After all, it’s near impossible not to love this kid.

Him: I know that word, I know that word! I KNOW A JOKE WITH THAT WORD!!
Me: (laughing) OK, kid. Let’s hear it.
Him: (hurriedly) What do you call a fake noodle?
Me: I dunno.
Him: An Im-Pasta! Get it?! IMPASTA!!!!!
Me: (laughing) I get it. Man, your mom woulda gotten such a kick outta you, kid.

Location: heading home alone
Mood: careful
Music: I’ll be the greatest fan of your life (Spotify)
Subscribe!
Like this post? Tell someone about it by clicking a button below.