Getting it right
Years ago, I had a young blonde in my apartment and we ordered some food. We’re actually still FB friends, which I find sweet, but that’s neither here nor there.
In any case, I gave her the only bowl and utensils I had and I used the plastic stuff the food came with.
Her: Wait, you only have one bowl?
Me: (shrugging) I only have one me.
It was because my ex took everything else and I hadn’t yet gotten around to replacing it all yet.
Fast forward some 14 years later and I’m watching Hawkeye with someone else and we get to this scene:
Me: I said almost that exact same thing years ago!
Her: Really? No…
Me: It’s true. And I have receipts. But, I’ll show them to you some other time.
In some ways, that’s why it’s so odd for me to be a single father – I always either had someone in my life as a romantic partner or I was completely alone.
I never, ever – in a million years – imagined I’d be raising a kid all by my lonesome. It’s that whole imposter syndrome thing.
I’ve had some jaw-dropping success in my life as well as some truly shocking failures.
I hope – more than anything – that I get this one thing right, and it’s part of the former.
Editors note: In that entry above (and here), I’d just come back from Baltimore and my ex, whom I lived with, moved out while I was away and took everything – the bed, the utensils, all the plates and cups…AND the shower curtain.
I still remember sitting in my completely empty apartment and wondering if this was the lowest point of my life.
God, I was so young and dumb back then. I had no idea how much more down life could go.
She left me the couch, the TV, the microwave, a spatula, one cup, one plate, and a handful of random takeout items.
Took a video of it and posted it on a site that long since disappeared – and so did all my videos.
Shame, it was a hilarious video. That whole moment, in hindsight, was hilarious.
I had no idea how much more down life could go before rock-bottom.
Man, still can’t believe she didn’t leave me the shower curtain…
I get a lotta flak for this blog and I often toy with the idea of just stopping. That’s part of why I took a week off not that long ago.
On the one hand, I do wonder who, if anyone, read this. But then something like that Hawkeye scene happens and I’m glad I have it.
Or someone writes me something heartfelt and sweet, like Suz did recently, or someone from my gym class surprises me and tells me that she’s a reader.
Her: Logan, your last blog entry was so good. I thought I was going to cry.
Me: Wait, you read my blog?
Her: (shrugging) Yeah. You write so well.
Me: Oh man, thanks. I was just thinking about stopping…
Her: Don’t. It’s honest. It’s so honest. People like the honesty.
So, I continue to put things out into the aether, and hope that someone gets something from it besides just me.
Location: yesterday, downtown, telling a pretty girl to aim for my head
Mood: so busy
Music: I’m getting older with every memory I make (Spotify)
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One reply on “Only one me”
Been reading you for four years. Lots of us out here. Don’t stop! Hugs to both of you especially the cute little Lo.