Category: personal

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personal

You and I know the reason why / Her

Location: 20:00 yest, caught in the rain
Mood: slightly less sick
Music: We’d spend our days travelin’

I fell in and out of imaginary love driving past 66th Street and Fifth Avenue. She was wearing jeans with a black hat, waiting for the light to change. She looked at me and we locked eyes. Just a moment really, but it seemed longer.

I dunno why, but I thew her a wink and she burst out laughing. So she blew me a kiss and waved as she crossed the street. I laughed by myself in my car. For a moment I thought about calling out to her but then I figured, why ruin a perfectly good moment?

The light changed anyway, as it always does so she and I blended back into the 8.2. Maybe it was her again – I still have her heart.

It’s finally Friday. I’m still sick but I think I’m good enough to have some red rum and daydream about Her and what might’ve been.

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personal

Postcards and Peanut Butter

Location: 9:00 yest, the subway platform, waiting
Mood: yep, still sick
Music: I’ll get over you, I know I will

I think Life’s talking to me again. The Grey-Eyed Girl and Berlingirl told me I should listen. I’m trying.

I blog less these days so it doesn’t become a daily bitch-fest (Let’s see what minor disaster befell Logan today).

From 1994 to 2001, I pretty much disappeared. I made a sick amount of money, worked out constantly, traveled everywhere and wrote like you couldn’t believe – like Ted Kaczynski on crack. Somewhere between page 1 and 972, I squeezed in law school, a fairly successful nightclub business, a few published works and 3.5 relationships.

Through it all, my family was there, but I expected that. But I was a bit surprised that my friends always were too. There’s this old joke that you have friends because you can’t pick your family. I can see that.

I bring this all up because some college buddies called me outta blue last week to check up on me. Bryson also stopped by last night to buy me dinner. And The Laura, Betts, someone that doesn’t want to be mentioned and Daiseefut all recently sent me postcards.

Plus, my church was talking about Job again, the ‘rents are strangely insightful and I’m having these deep philosophical discussions in the weirdest joints. Odder still, two people I’ve not seen in at least 14 years randomly reached out to me; one today when I was eating my dinner of peanut butter outta the jar with a metal spoon. I was so surprised, I dropped the spoon.

So yeah, I think Life’s telling me something and, like I said, I’m trying to listen.

I’m trying awfully hard.

Categories
business personal

Recent Conversations

Nightlife Conversations in New York City

(c) Victor Kung

Her: What do you do again?
Me: Ruthless businessman.
Her: Me too! Except…I’m a girl.

———-

Her: So I’m intrigued about this blog of yours. Do the women know you write about them?
Me: Only the ones that stay.

———-

Me: I got a camera. What’d you get for Christmas?
Her: My parents got me a Glock 23. It’s beautiful!
Me: (pause) You don’t…you don’t have it on you, do you?
Her: I wish!
Me: I’m not gonna lie to you, I’m a little turned on right now.

———-

Me: I got a camera. What’d you get for Christmas?
Her: Eh, the usual. Oh! Alicia got me a bag of coke. That was awesome.
Me: I really have to record my conversations with you.
Her: Well, it wasn’t all for me, we shared it.

———-

Employee: Why do you need her contact information?
Me: I might need it.
Employee: You don’t need it.
Me: I might need it.
Employee: I’m telling you, you don’t need it.
Female supplier: (sitting uncomfortably then laughing): Here, I’ll write it down.
Me: (grinning) Thanks – you never know, I might need it.
Employee: (rolling eyes) Sheyah. I’m taking a break now.

———-

Watching Planet Earth with Cain:

Narrator: …few signs of life and a desolate environment, there’s little activity for months at a time.
Cain: Much like Logan’s bedroom.
Me: I hate you.

Location: 3:00 yest, having a gyro on Broadway & 78th
Mood: still @#$@# sick
Music: had to make it happen They never thought that I would make it

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personal

Life – Real and otherwise

Location: 21:00 yest, turning onto Northern Blvd.
Mood: sick
Music: I’ve fallen from my nest so high above Help me fly I am too afraid try

So either my parents are reading my blog, someone’s telling them about it, or they’re eerily perceptive. I’ve been crashing with them when I get out past 21:30.

Him: Sit down, I wanna write you something. (writes) This is from Mencius. Before Life decides to give greatness onto someone, she’ll test them first – she’ll make them suffer. It’s suffering that gives you depth and wisdom.
Me: Thanks but…why’re you telling me this now?

Him: (shrugging) You got home so late. I thought you should know.

Her: Do you want some rum?

Me: (shocked) What?

Her: I like rum. I’ve got the spiced kind for some rum cakes and one from Brazil. Do you like rum?

Me: (long pause) A little.

Really, really weird.

———-

I wonder if you and I’d get along in real life.

I’m told I’m funny and smell nice in RL; I’m also told I get moody right quick and disappear for months – years, sometimes. But I’d call or write – or at least wonder how you were. Honest.

It’s probably better you just come to this blog and find out what I’m up to, shug, and go, Eh, about the same.

Speaking of the same, I’m sick again. Send soup?

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personal

You don’t have

The Doc said I don’t have cancer

Doctor: You don’t have cancer. It’s a cyst, non-cancerous and it won’t become cancerous
Me: (sighing with relief) You have no idea how good it is to hear that.
Doctor: (laughing) I have some idea. Wear a cup when you work out and briefs in general.
Me: Who knew that I could have taken away somea this recent stress by wearing tighty-whities?

I almost wept when he said I didn’t have cancer. No lie. Score one for me. The only person I told in the whole world besides the docs was my brother. Secrets are lonely things.

For the male readers of this blog, you should know that: Although rare, testicular cancer is the most common form of cancer in men between the ages of 20 and 34.2. Take that under advisement.

It only took five visits, three months, three doctors, three urine tests, two blood tests and one ultra-sound to find out. To celebrate, I made myself a burger on whole wheat. No ketchup, mayo.

I’m sick with a cold but that I can handle. Sorry for the scare; I was up all night worrying.

Crazy right? Just madness…

Location: 7:20, sitting next to a pretty girl
Mood: sick
Music: All my friends say that of course it’s gonna get better

Categories
personal

Bit Player

Talking with my mom about the situation.

Her: Are you worried?
Me: (nodding) Yes.
Her: Don’t be scared. Are you scared?
Me: (nodding) Yes.
Her: But you’re gonna be alright, right?
Me: (lying) Yes.
Her: (satisfied) God will take care of you.

Here’s my fear. What if I’m the bit player?

Take the story of Job. The story is that he suffered, but through his suffering, he lived the remainder of his life in happiness. So it worked out, in the end, somehow for him.

But one of the reasons he suffered was because his kids all died. They were the bit players in Job’s story. It didn’t work out for them at all. We don’t even know their names or anything about them. Nothing.

Maybe my rotten luck is just for the benefit of some greater thing. I dunno. I’m going to the doctor for the fifth time tomorrow for something I’ve not mentioned yet because…my life’s already so insane.

I keep wondering if it’s the lions’ turn to win.

The worst part of it all is that my mom’s so worried already. I can’t tell you how that makes me feel.

Location: 20:00 yest, leaving office hating life
Mood: indescribable
Music: On silver stars I wish and wish and wish (Spotify)

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personal

Bello

More random meetings

It’s pretty safe to say I’ve been on a plane over 200 times in my life. Each time I secretly hope to sit next to a beautiful female stranger. I never have.

Until early last Thursday morning.

My name’s Logan, I said. Che cosa? she asked.

She spoke almost no English. Of course. So, after a bit, I decided to have a real-life IM with her. I typed out sentences on my phone and she read them and answered slowly. Her name was Roberta. She was going to see Niagara Falls (Cascata) with her family who were sitting somewhere else. We passed an hour chatting back and forth.

When we arrived I said goodbye and started my work in Buffalo.

Late that night, I caught the last flight to New York. And there she was. I never thought I’d see her again. She waved to me and as she walked over, I laughed and took out my phone. She too was only there for a day. The cascata was bello, she said, but way too freddo.

Her: How old you?
Me: Guess.
Her: 24?
Me: (shaking head) No, 34.
Her: Wow.
Me: How old are you?
Her: Guess.
Me: 24?
Her: (shaking head) No, diciotto (18).

I laughed and said, Of course you are. She didn’t understand and just nodded.

Then I stopped again said, “I hope you stay good and that Life is kind to you.” Maybe I said that because I knew she wouldn’t understand. She looked at me with a puzzled smile so I smiled back and said slowly, Goodbye, Roberta.

Arriverderci, Logan, she said.

I nodded and walked outta JFK and hopped into a car. Had another weekend, another story, but that’s for another time.

Funny, airports are such sad and happy places at the same time.

Location: 10:45 yest, 9th Street & Ave A
Mood: thoughtful
Music: We tried to find some words

Categories
personal

Sue and the King

Location: 14:00 yest, being poked on 33rd & Lex
Mood: stressed
Music: its bad in December When they play those Christmas songs

By the time you read this, I should be about here.

An ex popped into my head today on the drive home. She’s happily living in London with her new fella. I told her two summers ago that I would take a picture of my place and send it to her since it changed so much and she couldn’t picture it. I never got around to it.

I always think of her around this time because we traveled together for the holidays. She and I got along great but it just wasn’t right.

I really should take that pic of my apartment and email it to her but I never do. It’s kinda nice at times when people pop into your head for no reason – like they stopped by for a cup of tea or something.

Me: Stay, stay…just for a bit. I have Earl Grey and something sweet.
Her: OK, just for a bit.

I miss her; not so much the romance part but the friend part. I think that’s what I always miss with every ex.

This song makes me laugh but the King was right, few things are as good as Susan when she tried.

Categories
personal

2008

Location: 19:00 yest, cleaning out the fridge
Mood: weird
Music: oh, you don’t do me in siren song; yeah, anyone would drown

Hazel, Paul and I went to three, very different, parties last night. The first was near me with the most amazing views and the nicest folk. The above pic was from the party. I met a museum curator with a nice laugh and got to know the hostess, a sweetheart from church, a bit better. The crowds were maddening.

The second was in a 14th Street loft that was pitch-black, loud and not my scene. There, I ran into a girl I met randomly once. It turns out I kissed her friend. Super small world. I met a girl from Connecticut who drew me a picture. At the strike of midnight, I realized I was by myself again.

The third was in the financial district with some old friends – the best kind, yeah? Clark, a buddy from law school was there. He’s a MUCH better cook than me and taught me how to make the best baked brie and love Tabasco on anything. I wish I was sober enough to remember more.

Called it a night at 4AM. On the train ride home, I had a sotted discussion with a nice young couple

Her: We’ve been together eight years.
Me: Eight years? Why don’t you two lock it down?
Her: Because marriage is just a concept. What does it do?
Me: It keeps you from meeting a guy a like me, maybe.
Him: (laughing) You seem a like a nice enough guy.
Me: And that’s where you’re both wrong. (to guy) Lock her down. ‘fore she meets a fella like me. Don’t let my drunken charm fool either of you.

It’s true.

2008. Here’s hoping it’s less interesting but more fun.

Come with? Y’know you wanna…

Categories
personal

Happy New Year!

(c) Nadya Mittenhat
Him: There’s no place like New York City.
Me: There really isn’t.

———-

Just a female friend. But it looks like something more, doesn’t it? Well, I’ll take a pretty lie over the ugly truth most nights. Fridays in particular.

Anyway, speaking of pics, could you send me a pic of your New Year’s?

I wanna know how it was for you in your world.

Location: the ending of 2007, waiting for 2008
Mood: wishful
Music: I shine a little more lately