Category: personal

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personal

Totally worth it

You pay a price for the things you do

Me: Do you remember hitting me on New Years?
Her: I hit you?! Why?
Me: Well, someone, not me, grabbed your butt and you turned to me and you were all pissed. You asked, “Did you grab my butt?” And I said, “No.”
Her: Did you grab my butt?
Me: No.
Her: Then what happened?
Me: Then I grabbed your butt. And you immediately slapped me.
Her: (pause) Was it any good?
Me: (pause) Yes. It was totally worth it.

We then both laughed. My friends are awesome. She thinks I’m in love with her, I think she’s in love with me. We’re both wrong – a good thing.

We’ll be friends for a long time.

Location: @12:25, Glitter and Doom @ 1000 Fifth Avenue
Mood: mellow
Music: Somehow, I lost my way, looking to see something in your eyes

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Peace, Hope and Harold

Good people make all the difference

I’m still excited about 2007, it’s only a few days old and I’m hopeful for the future for two reasons.

Reason One
So the big thing in NYC is this 50 year-old guy, Wesley Autry, jumps onto the train tracks to save the life of a kid he doesn’t know. The train rolls over both of them and his two daughters, four and six, are sure he’s dead. But it turns out, Autry pushed himself and this guy into this pit full of sewage as the train rolled over both of them. They’re both fine.

Still believe that people as a whole are a bunch of selfish scumbags. I should know, I’m one of them. That’s why when something like this happens, an entire jaded city of 11 million plus takes note.

They just re-did the Milgram experiments and the results were the same. What a freaking disappointment. But you’ve got singular people like Autrey who, when asked why he did what he did, shrugs and says, “I thought the guy needed help.”

Reason Two
I have a plant that my family brought over from Asia. His name is Harold (yes, I name my plants – trust me, that’s the least of my oddities).

He’s been with me for over a decade. When my ex moved in with me, her two cats used him like a #$@@# salad buffet so I put him outside where my upstairs neighbor promptly dropped buckets of cement on him.

Harold’s been a nasty mess for months now but this morning, I noticed that he was growing new shoots.

It’s beautiful outside right now.

Blue skies above; cold, clear air below.

I’m hopeful.

Location: @3:15, standing in line at the post
Mood: hopeful
Music: I’ve been searching for a long time, I still have hope, I’m gonna find my way home

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Bother, bother…

We make cameos in people’s lives

I’ve had time to digest what happened over New Year’s Eve. Overall, it was great.

There were some moments I could have lived without but that’s pretty much my life.

Went to my fencing class tonight and actually got clocked because I was thinking about it. Not fun.

Well for me, anywho; the guy that hit me thought it was hilarious.

Tonight, I spoke with a girl I just met. She’s potentially going through a breakup too. That makes 11 that I know of in as many weeks. It’s gotta be something in the air. Or maybe relationships are just hard.

Someone once said to me that it’s better to be the star of your own movie than have a cameo in someone else’s.

She was totally right about that.

It’s funny because Kirk’s never been in a long-term relationship and wants to be in one; I’ve never been alone and want to try it out. But it’s not easy because it’s just nice to have someone to think about about in my quiet moments.

Oh, bother, bother – let’s just be honest with each other.
I probably already think of you, you just don’t know it, or I don’t show it.
But I’ve tricked you, you see;
It’s quiet now,
And I made you think of me.

06:13:03 AM – UPDATE
The insomnia’s back.

Location: @8:25, getting stabbed with a wooden sword on 72nd
Mood: pensive
Music: You know that I’m falling and I don’t know what to say

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Burning boats

You can’t go back

Ooooh, my aching head.

One would think that, with the sheer quantity of alcohol I ingested last night, I would have slept like death.

One would be mistaken.

I saw a ton of friends last night and it was hella fun. It was my first new year’s eve as a single guy, I think ever in my adult life. Kinda weird. And as the night wore on, it got progressively weirder.

  • I got slapped at least once but it was totally worth it (not (exactly) what you think)
  • Almost dis-robed a very cool girl I met last night (totally by accident) – she did not look pleased but I hope to see her again anyway
  • Got hit on by a friend (that was weird)
  • Regretted not hitting on her back (that was weirder)

Alexander the Great used to burn his boats once his army landed somewhere so that they had no choice but either fight and win or die in a foreign land.

In 2006, I made my choices and burned my boats.

2007 then.

Let’s go, let’s go…
Location: @3AM-ish, stumbling home on Broadway
Mood: tired
Music: Hast Du etwas Zeit fuer mich?

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Another new year…

With increased intelligence comes increased capacity for pain

Arthur Schopenhauer said something like: with increased intelligence comes increased capacity for pain.

Tend to agree with that.

Feeling some trepidation about New Year’s approaching. You see, my ex’s older sister was born on December 31st so we always had standing plans for New Year’s.

Hell, I’ve always had standing plans – women seem to like mad rakes.

This year, I’ve no plans, really.

That bothered me a little. Just a bit. There are two people I would like to get to know better and I’m so tempted to try but I know it would just end badly because I’m such a basketcase right now. They deserve better than that.

So I never call them.

Had lunch with a friend yesterday and she too is going through a breakup (must be something in the water). She decided to cut him off but says it’s hard. I told her about the Schopenhaer quote and she agreed that she should push through.

I’m great with the whole giving of advice.

Taking it’s a whole different matter.

Location: @7:20, on 39th Street playing Crazy Eights
Mood: confused
Music: Ten years older and I’ve finally found my pride
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Living in America

Being the smartest person in the room isn’t always a good thing

Hola! For those of you that read the same Book as me, I hope you had an awesome Xmas; for those of you that do not, I hope you had a great holiday.

I’m not sure if I mentioned this but I’ve been working on an online sitcom with Rain for the past several months now and it’s rapidly coming to fruition.

It’s pretty freaking exciting; basically he and I play the worst versions of ourselves and we’re surrounded by talent, which reminds me of a story about a NYC chef; I forget which one.

He was asked if he was smarter than his father (also a chef) because he was more successful and he replied that he wasn’t as smart as his father, and that‘s why he was more successful. His father, he said, was the smartest person in his father’s restaurant. He picked out the linens, did the marketing, made the menus, etc.

The young chef said was not the smartest person in his own restaurant. He hired people far brighter than he so he could concentrate on doing what he was good at – cooking. With the talented folk we’ve got, we can concentrate on our strong points.

Rain’s doing what he’s best at: writing and directing – he’s got more talent in his pinky than most people have period.

I’m doing what I’m best at: managing people & money and being absolutely abusive to Rain.

Location: @5:30; doing 4 MPH on the LIE
Mood: bouncy
Music: When there’s no destination – that’s too far

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The Sweetest Thing

The Sweetest Words in the English Language

I humbly submit that the poets are wrong when they say that the sweetest words are, “I love you.”

The way we use it these days (“I love that place;” “I love that show;” etc) cheapens it a lot.

December 2006 has been a horrid month for several friends of mine – some suffered the worst shock one can get, others had lesser shocks that still brought them to their knees. Five days ago, I got a call from a girl I only met once who said that she found out her boyfriend cheated on her. I got the call only because I was close by but I’m ok with that.

Four days ago, I got a call from a very close friend of mine who told me his mother passed away.

The time from Thanksgiving to New Year’s Day is usually the best time of year for me. The best time. It’s so sad.

When my breakup happened, I called my brother, my sister and my friend Tommy.

  • My brother lives 1286.44 miles away but he caught the first flight here.
  • My sister is nearer and caught the next train.
  • Johnny, who had just returned from four months in China that morning, arrived at my place first.

I’m surprisingly toungue-tied at times where people’s hearts eat them up from the inside out. I think I’m at my best when I keep it simple and say what my brother, sister and Tommy said in one way or another:

I’m on my way.

Now I submit that those words…those words will make a grown man cry.

Location: @7:20 on Rt. 3, going home – like old times
Mood: sad
Music: Baby’s got blue skies up ahead but in this I’m a rain cloud

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15 Important Questions – Part 1

Questions you should ask in a relationship before you get serious

My brother sent me this article from the NY Times called: Questions Couples Should Ask (Or Wish They Had) Before Marrying. Even though it’s one in the morning, I’m going to answer the first five. I’ll answer the rest in another post.

1) Have we discussed whether or not to have children, and if the answer is yes, who is going to be the primary care giver?

  • I need to have kids. Three ideally.
  • I would like to stay home and take care of the kids because:
  1. I make enough money working from home to survive, nay flourish (ok, survive) for seven years in Manhattan
  2. I’m constantly cooking and am willing to mash anything for them
  3. I’m a big kid myself

2) Do we have a clear idea of each other’s financial obligations and goals, and do our ideas about spending and saving mesh?

  • I’m a firm believer in fiscal responsibility (see 1, above).
  • I rarely cab, and walk whenever possible
  • While I love to cook, I do like to go out about two times a week. I’m much more local restaurant than five-star, hot-place-of-the-week.

3) Have we discussed our expectations for how the household will be maintained, and are we in agreement on who will manage the chores?

  • I’m messy but oddly germ-a-phobic.
  • No shoes in the house.
  • No dirty clothes on the bed
  • We would swap chores weekly
  • I can’t stand dirty dishes in the sink.

4) Have we fully disclosed our health histories, both physical and mental?

  • Clearly, I’m a bit nuts. I put my entire life on my blog that no one reads (but you – hey, thanx!)
  • I’m an insomniac and have been for at least two decades. It means I get moody and irritable and may lash out (never physically but I do yell). Please ignore and take a walk or encourage me to. It’ll all work out.
  • I have been depressed before – actually, if you’ve been reading this blog, you know all this.

5) Is my partner affectionate to the degree that I expect?

  • Ah, look at the time! Gotta run – sorry…

Location: @12:05, on the A Train at Broadway-Lafayette
Mood: accomplished
Music: Aus der Uhr tropfen Sekunden weit und breit kein

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Stretching the legs

We don’t make ourselves worse by walking so walk while you can

Woke up at 1PM today – fell asleep at 5Am or so but I had to take something to help me fall asleep.

Yesterday was full of little but expensive annoyances:

  • it was the first day of a shoot for the sitcom that totally bombed. We ended up canceling the shoot and taking the barebones crew out to eat breakfast
  • I got a $100 ticket parking ticket
  • I cracked the screen on my ultra-compact camera that I’ve had for a while – this may mean no pics for a bit

It’s all those little annoyances that make you want to scream.

Think people like to read blogs because it gives insight into their own lives.

Another blogger, undergoing treatment for her own things, wrote that she saw an old man on crutches struggling to walk, despite it being easier to be in a wheelchair. She observed that, “We do not make ourselves worse by walking. I say walk while you can.”

I say, she’s right, so off I go…

Location: @1PM, snoring away
Mood: disappointed
Music: Everyone’s saying different things to me, different things to me

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Running into Old ghosts

It’s impossible not to run into people in NYC

It was pretty empty tonight on the long walk home – well as empty as the big city gets.

I saw some of the usual places and ran into some old ghosts.

A typical Thursday night, I suppose.

Location: a few hours ago, taking this pic
Mood: thoughtful
Music: Pleased to meet you Hope you guess my name