Tag: waiting

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personal

That’s not what I call myself

Me: Have you seen my keys?
Her: (glancing up) They’re right there on the dresser.
Me: What would I do without you?
Her: (looking back down) Probably walk around in circles.

Hoping to catch the new Batman flick.

Was in the tail end of college when Batman: The Animated Series came out. Being the geek I am, still caught most episodes.

One episode stuck in my mind, which was recently alluded to in this article and part of that episode’s below.

What they don’t show you is at the very end of the story (or maybe another episode), Bruce Wayne is asked how he knew that he wasn’t going crazy.

He replies that the voices in his head kept calling him Bruce.

“That’s not what I call myself,” he said.

A man is as he believes. Since I’ve gotten married, what I believe of myself has changed slightly – expanded, mainly. But I still keep who I actually think I am to myself.

I will say, though, that in my head, I think I’m someone.

Just got into the Apple iTunes/iBook Store! So if you have an iPad, iPod, or iPhone, download a copy of The Men Made of Stone.
The Men Made of Stone - Logan Lo Also, another post rant on Friday.

Location: between fast asleep and wide awake
Mood: focused
Music: They call me Adam Yauch, but I’m MCA.
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personal

Getting the annual physical

42nd Street and Fifth Avenue sign
Her: I found a coat I like!
Me: (laughing) Imagine, by this time next year, you’ll have both a new coat and a new husband.
Her: Yes. (pause) But I’ll have a new coat!

Went to the doc’s and got stuck with a lotta needles; funny thing was that another nurse stopped by the house earlier that day to draw some blood. Also got the flu shot too just for kicks. Don’t really have a problem with needles but the pinprick they gave me to run some tests “hurt like the dickens.”

Nurse: No one’s ever said that to me.
Me: (rubbing finger) Really? Cause it does…

Afterward, treated myself to a donut. Didn’t have whole wheat so just got a blueberry with a large cuppa coffee.

The doc’s not a fan of my continuing to do what I do, but he says that as long as I don’t actually compete – where someone is trying to do me grevious bodily harm – should be ok. He does want to me to get a buncha x-rays, which he says’s justa precaution.

Man, want another donut now…

Location: yest, opening up and saying “ahhhh” on Amsterdam
Mood: rushed
Music: was counting on you but now I know you’re just a first class fool
YASYCTAI: Time for that annual physical. (120 mins/1.5 pts)
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Categories
personal

Make it alright

We only realize too late

The unlucky are nothing more than a frame of reference for the lucky, Mr. Fisher. You are unlucky so I may know that I am not. Unfortunately, the lucky never realize they are lucky until it’s too late. Take yourself for instance. Yesterday you were better off than you are today, but it took today for you to realize it. But… today has arrived, and it’s too late, you see?

—Lucky Number Slevin

So, another kid – a girl – killed herself because of cyberbullying.

Do you know about Lori Drew, the 47-woman that convinced this 13 year old girl to hang herself? She got off cause the laws never thought that a bored housewife’d torment a kid to death just for kicks over wire.

Always wondered what kinda douchebag you gotta be to torment someone just cause you wanna and then hide behind a computer screen or cell phone.

It’s a bitter thing to read cause I’ve lived almost three times longer than her and still feel like I’m a kid.

Wish you waited. Cause you grow up and wonder why people you barely remember ever affected you so much. Then they find you on some social-networking site and you think, “Man, they look terrible!” and start to believe in karma but then change your mind.

Maybe that’s just me.

Honestly wonder what people like Lori Drew tell themselves to make it alright for them to sleep at night.

I’d like to know, because, man, I could use the rest.

———-

On a positive tech note, pretty jazzed that as many people gave as much as they did to Haiti via text – something like $30 million in just a few weeks.

Didja know that Americans gave $1.8 billion to the Asian tsuanmi? I say the measure of a society’s humanity’s how they take carea those not as lucky.

Yet another reason I love this joint.

Location: a light green couch
Mood: wired
Music: Same birds that followed me to school When I was young (Spotify)

Categories
personal

Logan’s 36/Say Anything

Location: noon, yest, midtown
Mood: stressed
Music: don’t know if our fate’s already sealed

Airplane Window at sunset

Two observations: (1) Got no fewer than four friends with relationships on the rocks; (2) I always get hit on more in the spring.

Think they’re related: it’s spring cleaning. People wanna be out and about maybe, capitalize on the weather, see what else’s out there.

As for Heartgirl and me, well, last weekend was just perfect. And we both know that perfect and I don’t work well together; she’s still tired of hearing me talk. But I’d like to see how our story goes.

There was a time when bad things happened to you, you put on a black mourning jacket as a quiet testament to your sorrow. Nowadays, it’s a lotta status updates, vitriol and poor grammar.

That’s why I try to sort things out before I write about them. Waited almost a month before I told you about the theft. And three months after my initial breakup to tell you about it. Need time to make sure something’s actually something and not a whole lotta nuthin. Wonder if I can still tell the diff.

Everyone’s got a place where they go to sort things out. King Midas had his reeds. Lloyd Dobler had his friends.

Me? I keep thinking that I’d like to go elsewhere, and still not necessarily somewhere and tell them my story. Cause who’d believe it? But since I can’t, suppose I got this here blog. Write it for me more than anyone.

But it’s my birthday and I get to make a request, yeah? I don’t ask for much, don’t think: world peace, some soup from time-to-time, the occasional call…

My request is this: who’s still reading? Yeah, I’ve got my stalwart group of people that comment and drop by with regularity (thanks guys) but I’m curious if it’s just them.

In my head, I imagine there’re people that never comment yet read me regardless.

So, just like last year and the time before: wish me a happy birthday and say something, all of you bastards that read me but never say anything.

Logan Lo

YASYCTAI: Comment. (5 mins/0.5 pts)

Categories
personal

Down from your fences

Location: 19:14 yest, 462 Amsterdam Ave
Mood: pensive
Music: ain’t gettin no younger Your pain and your hunger, they’re drivin you

A metro station in Washington DC

Heartgirl: (bursts out laughing) Those old ladies back there said, There’s a sexy Asian guy!
Me: I am! (turning to her) Kidding – it’s only cause I’ve got such a lovely accessory…
Her: (beams)
Me: …my cool leather jacket.
Her: (laughs again) Yes, you’re really popular with the cougars.
Don’t think I’ve ever gone this long without a single client calling me. Man, it’s like death out there. Gotta tap into my last little bit of emergency coin but suppose this is emergency time.

Been keeping busy trying to get some some things settled, though. The thesis, paperwork, continuing education. Lotsa stuff. Personal stuff too – saw my cousins last night. We never hang out. No reason, just don’t. People think I eat a lot. These guys, these guys can pound. And they’re all normal looking.

Talked about our grandmother. They said, without trying to make me feel bad, that I should have seen her. Least said goodbye. Told them I couldn’t. They said my mom sat all by her lonesome at the funeral.

Somehow, knew that without them telling me that. Guess cause I do that too, sometimes.

Told them that I’m closer to 40 than I am to 30. And I’m still waiting for my real life to begin.

Man, how silly’s that?

YASYCTAI: See someone for dinner that you’ve been meaning to. (90 mins/2 pts)

Categories
personal

Music Week Day 3 – Charm attack -ish

To continue from my last post:

Me: OK, I’ll meet your friend.
Cain: Wait, you know Logan has a strict catch and release policy, right?
Her: What does that…oh…
Me: Hey! (sighing) Nevermind…

Time: 500(ish) Days
Dates: 80(ish)
Relationships: 5(ish)
Shortest: 2 weeks
Longest: 4 months (4.5 if you count the recidivism)
Dates this week: 2
Batting average: 80:0

I’m 35 in two months. Cain thinks I’m self-sabotaging, my parents think I’m not getting any younger, friends Rain questions if I’m gay.

They all think I’m the guy that’s just passing by, but I’m not. I’m killing time.

I told you then, I’m waiting for my person.

I’m still waiting.

Location: 10:30 yest, queuing at the bank
Mood: creative
Music: Well, I’m no savior But I tried to save you

Categories
personal

Queuing

Do you queue, stand in line, stand on line, wait in line, or wait on line?

This is gonna be another tough week. It’s going to be like this for at least 45 days. I’ll let you know what’s going on when things settle.

———-

Do you queue, stand in line, stand on line, wait in line, or wait on line?

The only problem with living where I live is all the endless queues. It’s maddening. Every Sunday I pick up a loaf of bread. I’m often temped to throw down four bucks and bolt. But I never do. I wait.

If it’s not for a chick, it’s for a loaf of whole grain, low-carb, wheat bread.

No, just this. No bag, thanks. Credit. I know. No, I’ve got a pen. Here. Thanks, you too.

———-

I love the Bourne Identity films, which are much better than the novels – those are a hard read.

Spoiler – highlight below to read.

There is one aspect of the novels that I prefer to the films and that is that Marie isn’t killed. In fact, they’re happy and have two kids. I still don’t get why they killed Marie. She was my favorite character after Jason.

Ah, I’m such a sucker. I wait for things that’ll never happen.

Location: 8PM, yest, the LIE going east
Mood: worried
Music: I would stand in line for this

Categories
personal

Sitting, Waiting, Wishing

Man is made by his belief. As he believes, so he is – Bhagavad Gita

Caligirl: …then there are the serial daters. The guys that are always out and about.
Me: If I were honest, I’d tell you that that’s what I’m afraid of. See, I’ve only ever been in long-term relationships. I never really dated. I think I secretly worried that I might be good at it.
Her: (turning) And?
Me: (laughing) You tell me.

——

Him: You don’t think it’s strange, to have a site with your name on it all about you? And all the stuff you write – who reads it? I mean, you’re just you. You’re just a regular dude. You’re not like a celebrity or anything.
Me: “Man is made by his belief. As he believes, so he is.”
Him: What?
Me: (shrugging) It just means that in my head, I think I’m someone.

Location: still in front of this cracked screen
Mood: weird
Music: Must I always be waiting waiting on you?

Categories
personal

Semper Fidelis

All bad things start from disloyalty

 

To continue from my last post, there’s this movie people either love or hate: Bride with White Hair. In it, the protagonist jokingly promised his chick that he would get her a flower one day that only bloomed once every twenty years on a snow-capped mountaintop. Later in the story, he betrays her.

To make amends, he sits in the snow, alone, in front of this plant for ten years, waiting for it to bloom. For her. Fool boy.

A friend recently gave me a drunken compliment: Logan’s got his issues but he’s f___ing loyal. If I was locked up in a cell in Panama and I had one call, he’d be it.

High praise.

See, anything bad that could happen starts with disloyalty, yeah?

Cheating, lying, stealing, it all starts from there. You can’t get there without being disloyal first.

The goods? Love, respect, trust – you can’t get there without being loyal first.

That’s why I’ve never cheated on anyone. It’s also why I never speak ill of anyone after we break up. At it’s most basic, it’s disloyal.

Unless the reason we broke up comes from disloyalty. Then, screw it. Screw them.

Yeah, I got my faults. I got a whole blog of faults. But what he said made my drunken night.

Cause the people that know me, they know I’d sit on a mountain top and wait. It might be a mountain of brick and mortar, but there I’d be.

Cause they know that I’m on their side. I’d wait.

And for my family, a good friend or a chick I loved, I’d never move.

Location: a bed with flowers on it
Mood: sick
Music: on this mountain thinking to myself You’re a fool boy
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Categories
dating personal

Hanging with Nadi

Conversations with Nadya

 

Nadi: Oh god, why don’t you ever write about when you actually succeed?
Me: What’s the fun there? Met a girl, we hooked up, blah, blah, blah. There’s no story there. Plus, you know I don’t kiss and tell.
Nadi: At least put something there. It’s depressing otherwise.
Me: There’s a fine line between hopeless romantic womanizer and sleezeball player.
Nadi: But it always sounds like, “Oh poor sad sack Logan screwed up with another girl.”
Me: Maybe I’ll put up a 10-to-1 ratio of…wait…sad sack?
Nadi: A ratio might be…
Me: Sad sack?!
Nadi: Look, all I’m saying is…
Me: Whaddya mean, sad sack?! Do people feel sorry…
Nadi: FOCUS, LOGAN!

May be focusing too much at times. How’s your dating life going?

Me, I’m out and about. But I’m also waiting.

After some modicum of attraction, there is only ever two things any relationship needs, and neither one of these things is love.

The two things are loyalty and fun. Everything good comes from these two.

Everything bad comes from when one or both are missing.

If you find someone with these three things, you’re doing well.

But more on that later. Right now, gotta catch a plane.

Location: in Queens, packing
Mood: full & sick
Music: When we were close I’ll remember these things the most