Categories
personal

Music Week Day 2 – Not quite yet

Location: 15:30 & 19:00 yest, walking about the hood
Mood: disappointed
Music: you only want what everybody else says you should want

If you miss Freddie too, you’ll like this kid – he’s got pipes. Here’s another killer vid from him.

———-

Kemidra posted an interesting question in her blog and supported my parents’ theory that I’m attractive (bringing the total number of people that think that to three).

I wrote in my very first post that, for almost two decades, I wasn’t so much Logan as I was Loganandliz, or what have you – like Samanderic in Lord of the Flies. I was a unit as in: Let’s invite Loganandliz – they’re a cute couple!

It’s been 19 months and I gotta say, I like being single.

I don’t think you can have a good relationship with someone else if you’ve never fully fleshed out who you are. I mean what do you bring to the table if you’re defined by someone else?

Having said that, if I did meet the right girl at the right time for both of us, I’d stop being single in a heartbeat. Cause it doesn’t matter if you’re the disappointer or the diappointee – it’s fulla suck either way.

But sometimes, that’s how it’s gotta be. To quote St. Augustine again: da mihi castitatem et continentiam – sed noli modo

Give me chastity and continence – but not quite yet.

Categories
personal

George

I went on a blind date with a very cool and attractive, brown-eyed girl today.

Me: After all my fish died, I bought a bunch more and named them all George.
Her: (quizzical look)
Me: (nodding slowly) They’re pretty upset over the whole matter, too.
Her: (laughs) You should get a goldfish and call him Token because he’ll be the token goldfish.
Me: Well now, that’s just silly.

Also met a bevy of lovely Christian girls at a party on Friday. Weird thing is that when I found out they were Christian, I slipped into anywhere but church mode.

It’s a mental block.

Location: 14:00 yest., the 66th Street Barnes & Noble
Mood: hopeful
Music: I don’t believe that you, you don’t believe in me

Categories
personal

Crackers

Some days, you get hot dancers, models, and caviar on a cracker. Others you just get the cracker

Him: You’re on the guest list. It’s an anti-Valentine’s Day party at the Chinatown Brasserie. Everyone there’s single plus it’s catered with an open bar.
Me: (sigh) I’m in not in town. Last minute gig came up. I’m out, first thing in the morning.

It’s snowing when I exit the pad for the Rainbow Room. I’m wearing my black tux with a black tee-shirt and pretty much arrive drenched.

Sheridan and I run into our buddy RE Mike, who’s still cuttin’ deals at the party. James Lipton, Richard Kind, David Zaikin, Tina Fey and Alec Baldwin are there – all’re pretty nice folk. The food’s killer and some chick from American Idol belts out soul. I also meet this woman who says she fixes people up like Phoebe Cates and Kevin Kline.

Her: You’re cute! I want to introduce you to my step-daughter. She’s beautiful and just graduated from Cornell. She’s Jewish though.
Me: Well, that I don’t have a problem with but…how old is she?
Her: 22.

Midway through the party, I lose Syd’s lens cap so I spend a good hour looking for it. Giving up, I hang out with the girl from Wednesday’s post.

I’m heading out when a waiter says, I saw you looking on the ground. Were you looking for this? He pulls out Syd’s cap. I break out into a smile, shake his hand, and take a pic of him. All-in-all, onea my better Tuesdays.

This week, Sheridan’s at the Brasserie, Paul’s in China, Gio’s in Columbia. Me? I’m the only person beside the nightwatch in a frozen, upstate hotel. Dinner’s a protein bar and some rum.

Some days, you get scantily clad dancers, Ford models, and Beluga caviar on a cracker.

Some days, you just get the cracker.

Location: alone in 14020
Mood: so tired
Music: I am damaged at best Like you’ve already figured out

Categories
personal

Weekday win

We both know my life is full of suck. But lately I’ve been getting some win. Weekday win is the best.

———-

Friday night, Paul and I meet a pretty brown-eyed girl who says she’s Asian but doesn’t look anything ‘cept Irish and offers to buy us a drink. We also meet a group of 22 year olds (course) who ask if I talk to God. I do.

Saturday, I’m on the wrong side of 10PM when I get dressed. No plans but I live in NYC, dammit. There’s always something, right? Who wants in? I’m game, Gio says, and we’re off.

We bump into Burn, who says she’s happy to see me. I tell her I missed her and don’t lie. She says the same and kisses my cheek.

Sunday, the cobwebs fade a bit when Sheridan and I grab brunch round the way. He’s buying another building in Chelsea and asks if I want a piece. I laugh and fill him in.

Him: Private party Tuesday in the Rainbow Room. Beautiful women, open bar, Tina Fey, Alec Baldwin and a bunch of celebs’re gonna be there. You want in?
Me: Are you not listening to me?
Him: (rolling eyes) Please, you’re always my guest. Meet me at 30 Rock at 7. It’s a black & white party. Look good.

I tell him I always look good and he laughs. We go and have the best time. I walk up to a girl and say, My friend’s occupied and so’s yours, let’s keep each other company and make ’em jealous, yeah? She laughs and I take her by the hand.

Her: I love Asian men.
Me: I don’t blame you, we’re lovely.
Her: What’s your name?
Me: Not so fast, let’s see if you can dance first. Cm’on…

She’s beautiful and, it turns out, married. But we all know my head’s not in the game. I tell her she’s a good dancer and that it was nice meeting her. She was. It was. I also give her a hug and tell her my name. Then I’m gone.

Just got in – I’ll tell you the rest tomorrow, maybe, yeah?
Location: read below
Mood: so entertained
Music: everything you want, Honey, we know the names

Categories
personal

Speaking of so quick to come and go

Location: 21:00, leaving church because
Mood: confused
Music: baby, i got kid gloves, baby, i got heart



Was a foot away from them in one of their last concerts. Shame they broke up, they were awesome.

Speaking of awesome, met someone in church recently but, as I said before, anywhere but church.

Speaking of anywhere, had another random weekend but I suppose that’s for another time.

Speaking of time, this’ll be my first St. Val’s solo since I was 16.

Speaking of St. Val’s…


?

Categories
personal

Safe

Insomnia is wretched misery

When my four-year relationship finally disintegrated, my sister came to see me. I hadn’t slept in days. She brought food and told me to go to bed, then sat quietly in my living room and read. I slept for hours. When I woke up, she was still there.

Over Xmas, I wasn’t sleeping causa the work drama. But my brother came to visit. I remember laying down on the floor where he was working and passing out. It was the first poison-free sleep I had in two months.

I suppose you’re all sick and tired hearing about Heath Ledger. I liked his films, but that’s about it. He might have been a prince or a scumbag, I dunno.

But I had myself a little freakout when I read about how he died. Cause he’s the same type of insomniac as me; his mind was “always racing,” he said and “pills failed to work.” That’s me.

Good god, it’s wretched misery.

There’s this line that goes, Everyone dies alone. But that’s just horses___. Most people don’t die alone. But what a way to go if you do. Poor bastard.

Sorry, I’m sick and moody. On a happy note, it was Chinese New Year yesterday (xin nian quai le!). I took the day off, saw the family and ate my weight in dumplings.

On an even happier note, it’s the weekend.

Location: in my apartment, cleaning
Mood: cloudy
Music: oh, how I need Someone to watch over me

Categories
personal

Time with Chantal

Location: 19:45 yest, picking up my car at Bill’s Auto
Mood: flattered
Music: why did you leave me here alone? Wait…

Her: Actually, I like reading you.
Me: Really? Anything in particular?
Her: This and that. Actually you’ve introduced me to a bunch of musicians I’ve never heard before.
Me: (pause) Well, that’s just about the nicest thing someone’s said to me in a long time.

I spent the day working and daydreaming of a girl who exists, but probably doesn’t remember that I do. It’s ok, because the version of her that I daydream about only exists in my head.

I’m sure that doesn’t make much sense to you, but it does to me.

Categories
personal

None of your business

Heartache or papercuts

With nods to Jaerik and my friend who cares way too much.

I figure at least 20 people hate me in this world. One of them is this old hippie that yelled at me in Cooper Union while stumbling home for having my feet up on a public seat. My feet, I said, with a wink and a smile, are probably cleaner than most people’s butts.

Ass___, she said. To which I shrugged and said, That’s merely your opinion. And why should your opinion matter to me? You didn’t even say hello.

Considering that there are 6,641,114,623 people in the world, the fact that 20 hate me, that’s pretty good. In fact, I don’t have a calculator that can compute such a tiny figure. Try it.

Whatever someone thinks of me is just their opinion. Someone’s else’s opinion should not control your life – it’s a sucker’s bet.

Frankly, it’s none of my business what people think of me. It’s none of your business either.

On a grand scale, wars are fought over opinions. People fly planes into buildings because they have an opinion. Men become stalkers because they have an opinion. Little girls commit suicide because of people’s opinions.

On a more personal scale, you’ll drive yourself starkers caring what people think of you. I wasted my youth and my 20s tilting at those windmills. In this world, you can only ever change things about yourself.

The rest is just heartache or paper cuts.

In other news, I’m sick again. I’m always getting sick. Dammit.

Location: 5:30 yest, going to bed
Mood: sick again
Music: Love me or hate me, it’s still an obsession

Categories
personal

Meet Syd

Got a new camera and named her Syd

As I said, it didn’t work out with me and Fiona. I need a camera with anti-shake – you know why. So, above is my new camera – Syd (after Sydney Wayser).

———-

Roomie

Her: That’s cheating.
Me: I don’t say I’m gay, they just ask and I politely decline to answer. Besides, how’s it cheating?
Her: It’s dishonest! You’re not gay and you should tell them right away.
Me: (rolling eyes) Please. Men don’t wear three-inch heels, makeup, or anything that starts with the words “push up.” What you see is what you get. I assure you, there’s been more than one time when I don’t even recognize the girl the next time around.
Her: (ignoring comment) So how to they find out you’re not?
Me: (laughing) That’s a whole different conversation.

Friend

Me: I have no idea why I keep meeting chicks that are so young.
Her: I think it’s how you dress.
Me: (puzzled) How I dress? How should I dress?
Her: Have you ever thought about shopping at the Gap?
Me: (pause) No.

Location: 9:40 yest, the Midtown Tunnel
Mood: possibly sick again
Music: no sympathy come around and I’m in between the layers

Categories
personal

Mighty Forces in a Golden Cup

Basil King once said, Be bold – and mighty forces will come to your aid. I think this is true. Your friends, your family, yourself. It all comes together, somehow. Not perfectly, but it does.

It’s been 16 months since I became single. Seven months since the car accident. Three months since the theft. And I’m still here.

I drink a little more, I drive a little less and my clothes are exactly the same. But I’m still here.

Location: well, my mind’s elsewhere
Mood: hopeful
Music: I thought it out this very day. Noon upon the clock
Like this post? Tell someone about it by clicking a button below.