Tag: conversations

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personal

My three islands

59th Street Bridge from the tram

 

Interviewer: Rampage, where do you see yourself in 2 years?,
Rampage: Well, right now I’m 23, so in two years, I see myself, 25.

Bryson met up with me to take some pics for him on the tram. Was cloudy and overcast but I took them anyway. Was born on the island east of this bridge. Live on the island west of it. Yet, I’ve never taken the tram to the island between them until today.

Afterward, we had lunch at Johnny Rockets. Never been there either. Thought of my grandma; cause you always think there’ll be time enough to do things. Then one day, you find you’ve done run outta time.

He’s having a kid. His wife, a doctor, agreed to let him teach her how to roll. Should mention that’s he one of the best architects in his field and part of the teams in charge of giving the tram a facelift.

Me: Look at us, we’re two old, ivy-league educated, white-collar guys. I know why I do it, why do you do it?
Him: It’s just like running or something. It’s not about beating the other guy, it’s about beating yourself. (Fighting in the ring’s) different than brawling; to paraphrase Rampage Jackson, if you get into a fight with someone in a club, eventually, someone’s gonna have their feelings hurt.

Those three lives I told y’about. We all got them. Realized 90 minutes ago, that I’ve spent 90% of my life on these two islands, doing two very different things, living two very different lives.

———-

Before his rematch against Chuck Liddell:

Interviewer: Chuck said in his pre-fight interview it’s gonna be a first round knockout. What do you have to say about that?

Rampage: If he plans on getting knocked out in the first round that’s his business.

Location: 14:00 yest, taking these pics
Mood: geeky
Music: Slow down, you move too fast
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personal

It’s personal

It’s just business was supposed to mean exactly the opposite of what it means

A metro station in Washington DC

 

Me: Man, it’s like 2Pac said, That’s just the way it is.
Heartgirl: But Logan, in the original song, he says, But don’t you believe them.

Told Koreanjohnny to read The Godfather cause he’s young enough and old enough to appreciate it. Read the book before I saw the movie so I looked at it differently.

While I loved the movie, Coppola made two changes to the story that always bothered me. The first one is that line everyone tells you right before they screw you at work or business or something: “It’s not personal, it’s business.”

But the truth of the line never made it to the movie; it happens in a conversation between Mike and his brother, Tom, who says that Mike’s taking it all too personally:

Tom, don’t let anybody kid you. It’s all personal, every bit of business. Every piece of s__t every man has to eat every day of his life is personal. They call it business. OK. But it’s personal as hell. You know where I learned that from? The Don. My old man. The Godfather. If a bolt of lightning hit a friend of his the old man would take it personal. He took my going into the Marines personal. That’s what makes him great. The Great Don. He takes everything personal Like God. He knows every feather that falls from the tail of a sparrow or however the hell it goes? Right? And you know something? Accidents don’t happen to people who take accidents as a personal insult.

Just over a year ago, I told you that we live in a Cliff’s Notes society – where we think we know something, but we don’t know the whole thing.

People always make excuses for screwing others over. But I like that last line: Accidents don’t happen to people who take accidents as a personal insult.

If they tell you otherwise, don’t you believe them, don’t let’s anybody kid you.

Man, it’s always personal to someone. That’s the truth of it.

Me: You’re right. I forgot.

Location: a large blue bed
Mood: awake
Music: Belief Makes things true Things like you

Categories
personal

Bigger holes

Date night at the Museum of Natural History in NYC

American Museum of Natural History NYC

 

Was walking to church tonight when I accidentally kicked a piece of ice and and it skidded along when a guy kicked it back, by accident. So I kicked it back to him and he kicked it into the street. As we passed each other:

Him: (laughing) Happy holidays.
Me: (laughing) You too, man.

Quiet weekend. Saw my friend Nadi for dinner where I chatted up these two pretty girlies. They asked what I was doing in their town and I told them was seeing my girlfriend. After that, they ignored me for the rest of the night, which I found amusing. Convinced Nadi to come into the city with me and she met Heartgirl and Paul.

Saturday, Heartgirl and I went to the Museum of Natural History and saw the Cosmic Collisions – very cool. They had a blinking keychain with my name on it. She grabbed one too that just happened to be the name of her ex. It’s hard to compete with an imaginary person. Plus, her creepy friend just sounds like a really needy tool. He makes me wanna roll my eyes more than wanna take a shower these days.

Went home and caught Can’t Buy Me Love with her – which was the very first movie I ever went on a date with. Was 14 years old then – man, I’m old. Hadn’t seen in, quite literally, decades. Was good except for the clapping. Hate when they have clapping scenes in films and every 80’s high school film had one.

Her: (noting clothing in film) I’m so glad I didn’t grow up in the 80s.

Suppose I have reservations about Heartgirl cause the more you let someone in, the bigger the hole they leave if they…leave. So I’m always the guy that bolts for any reason whatsoever – better to bolt before you get too attached. Maybe it’s too late. I rather like the quiet nights of my boring life. Sorry guys. Oh wait – I grew a beard. That’s about as exciting as my life gets these days.

Her: Do you miss it? The nightlife, the…
Me: (interrupting) Not even a little bit.

American Museum of Natural History NYC Logan Keychain

 

Location: 20:00, directing traffic in church
Mood: sick
Music: crayola doesn’t make a color for your eyes

Categories
business personal

Cursing buildings and mountains

Another day, another goodbye

Her: I think everyone has a person. (later) Would it matter? If I ate a shrimp or tried some fishy sushi? I don’t think it would.
Me: No – because you are who you are and I don’t want you to change because of me.
Her: I guess I really know that you aren’t my person. Sometimes I forget, though.
Me: (pause) I hope you find your person. You deserve to find your person.
Her: I hope you find yours too.
Me: (thinking) You’re a good person.
Her: I didn’t do anything good.
Me: (long pause) You wished me well. That’s something good.

In addition to that very, very sad conversation, also lost my biggest client today, my computer died and either broke my leg or tore my ACL. Crashed at the ‘rents and ConEd was doing repairs so I took a cold shower. The moment I was done, got a knock on my door.

Him: Hey just wanted to tell you that the hot water is back.
Me: (dripping wet) Of course it is.

Not a good day. But there’s this old saying that it’s better to light a candle than curse the darkness. Ended my night with a nice conversation that I’ll keep to myself but made things seem a little less dark.

Hope you had a better day than I did.

Location: my childhood bed
Mood: beat tired
Music: You’ve been good to me; have i been good to you?

Categories
personal

Logan the Suit

I meet someone new every night

 

Was in an office all day yesterday so there’s no excitement there. And I’m in court today.

I’ve become that which I always never wanted to be (again): a suit, running after a check.

———-

That’s a pic I took at like 4AM on the red line going downtown from this past weekend. A good bunch of females ‘n fellas.

I think I’ve said it before: I don’t have a problem meeting people, I have a problem connecting with people.

Her: (non·plussed) You meet people every weekend? I don’t believe that.
Me: (shrugging) It’s true.
Her: Who’d you meet this weekend?
Me: You.

Smooth right? Don’t be impressed; as an ex once said, I’m a talker (glattzüngig).

It only lasts for as long as it lasts.

Location: on a flower-print sofa, plotting
Mood: pensive
Music: I’m not perfect I wanted to be I have this big mouth It always contradicts me

Categories
dating personal

Thanksgiving 2007

Went on a five hours date at the museum

After Thanksgiving dinner, I always meet up with my HS friend, the Professor, for coffee at his folks. It’s a nice tradition I look forward to each year.

After that, I meet up with Johnny; he’s a multimillionaire who owns 17 patents. Chances are pretty good you own something he made.

The interesting thing is that he’s also the guy that first truly taught me how to fight. A mugger once pulled a gun on him but he…well, Johnny did bad things to him. He and I have our own traditions:

Niece: Uncle Johnny and Logan are fighting again.
Someone: Don’t break anything!
Johnny: (to me) What rules do you want?
Me: No elbows, no knees – oh, and no closed fists to the face, I’ve got a date tomorrow morn…
Johnny: (punching me in gut) Don’t be such a baby.

Friday morning, I woke up, ate a ton of ibuprofen and met up with a pretty Italian attorney. Our date went from coffee around the way at 11:12, to pizza in Times Square at 14:00, to saying goodbye after the Butterfly Conservatory at 18:20. We laughed so much, I can’t even tell you.

But we’re both swamped with work and she’s off for business next weekend. I guess things’ll happen however they happen.

I stayed in Friday night and most of Saturday to work but did venture out for a bit on Saturday night. I met an almost pescatarian, blond, Jersey girl that spoke German to me and told me I looked 26 when I asked. I also met a cigarette-smoking, brunette, Brooklyn girl that spoke Chinese to me and told me she was single when I didn’t ask.

Sunday, more work.

And now (deep breath) it’s Monday.

Location: 16:00 yest, taking a walk with a friend around the hood
Mood: thoughtful
Music: the sirens sing so sweet and watched the sailors go down

Categories
personal

Priority

Happy Turkey Day 2007

I’m at my parents having a pre-Thanksgiving Day dinner. My mom travels a lot for work so I don’t get to see her as much as I would like. We were catching up.

Me: …so if all that works out, I should be out of this hole in about 30 to 36 months.
Her: But what about your priority?
Me: (puzzled) My priority?
Her: Marriage!
Me: (laughing) That’s really like the last thing on my mind.
Her: What about kids?
Me: OK, I was wrong, that’s the last thing on my mind.
Her: It’s your priority!
Me: It’s really not, mom.
Her: OK, it’s mine. (long pause) I mean…you’re not getting any younger….

You know you’ve reached a new point in your life when your mother says the words, You’re not getting any younger to you and you’re wearing a Pink Floyd – The Wall tee-shirt eating a third helping of carbohydrates.

Yes, a new point.

Happy Turkey Day guys.

Location: 19:23 yest, having the conversation below
Mood: full already
Music: They say people in your life are seasons And anything that happen is for a reason

Categories
personal

Hanging around NYC

Everything is in how you frame it

Me: (to guy) If she does that again, I’m taking a picture.
Him: (laughs)

NYC just gets stranger at around 4AM.

———-

Was telling a few people recently that my relationship with NYC’s like a long-term, slightly too routine, relationship between lovers. Basically, I can’t see myself anywhere else in the long run but I keep wondering what if…

I had planned to stay in all weekend for work but Paul convinced me to go at least go out Saturday night.

Nothing much happened besides the usual hellos and goodbyes but I did meet this sweet LI girl who bought us a drink; something that always leaves me with an impression. Because it was the first time I was out all week, I didn’t get to bed until about 5AM.

Speaking of impression, I like hanging out with Paul because he’s very laid back. We’re both out to just forget about our week. This is in contrast to another buddy who’s always the pessimist:

Him: Let’s get outta here.
Me: Why?
Him: There’re four or five guys to every girl here.
Me: Come on, we’re having a good time. (laughing) Besides, there’re four or five regular guys to every girl here. There’s only one set of you and me. These, my friend, are great odds.

Everything’s just how you frame it.

Location: 20:30 yest, in church asking her what’s my name
Mood: positive
Music: Oh how quiet, quiet the world can be

Categories
personal

Unexpected hellos / Unexpected halos

She wanted to say hello, and just did

Me on phone, hating life:

(sigh) Look, I heard you, now hear me out…yes…yes…no…fine. What would you do if you were me?…That’s conjecture, let’s stick with what we know…

Text on mobile from Europe:

Logan! It’s your Berlingirl! Just wanted to say “hello”…and now I did! 🙂 How’s autumn in NY? I just had my show last week and it went great. Hugs!

Me on phone, hating life a little less:

…What? I’m sorry, could you say that again? (pause) I was distracted by…something.

It’s always the little things that make us or break us. And Autumn in NY?

It’s always lovely, even when it’s not.

Location: 12:47 yest, happily interrupted in my office
Mood: wet
Music: Ich bin mittendrin Da dreht sich die Erde

Categories
personal

Catching me

She deserves someone who’s head is in the game

I saw GES tonight for dinner at a new local spot and a movie at my pad.

Her: So, what do you think about you and me?
Me: (pause) You’re catching me at a really weird point in my life.
Her: (sighing) That’s the story of my life. I deserve more than what time you can spare.
Me: (nodding) I know. (pause) You do.

When I see her, I feel guilty I’m not working; when I’m working, I feel guilty I’m not seeing her.

We’re supposed to see each other again. I’d like to, anyway. But she deserves someone who’s head is in the game.

My head? Come on…you know.

You know.

Location: 20:00 yest, laughing on 72nd
Mood: sad
Music: what would you do if you were me?
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