Tag: discussion

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dating personal

Need the darkness, someone please cut the lights

Clock in midtown, NYC

Got a number of nice comments from friends that read my last Technorati entry as to Why Wednesday is the Best Night for a First Date. Tell me what you think.

———-

Was running around the city again last week when a client called me and asked me to come over. His dad passed away and he wanted my help addressing a few things. Told him I would, so that kills any free time mighta had this month and maybe next.

It’s a terrible thing to think but if the father had to pass, 2010 is the best year for a rich person to do so cause there’s no estate tax.

Course, that’s on a purely pragmatic basis; on a personal level it’s always too early for a loved one to go, yeah?

Been thinking a lot about life and death these days. Maybe it’s the weather.

Saw my aunt and cousin for lunch Saturday – also work related. My aunt told me that when she first came here at 21, she stayed, along with three other people, in my parent’s two-bedroom. That made seven people in a one-bedroom. She said she never forgot my family’s kindness. Felt pretty good about that.

Told them about my family’s name, Luo. It turns out that China just forced another of my “relatives” to have a abortion at eight months. Reason #2,234,645,549 why I hate China.

As for me, came home and filled out the life insurance paperwork that’s been sitting on my desk for a month. Kept putting it off. I’m not that old and I don’t need 50 year old male life insurance, but I figure better safe than sorry and to have a policy of some sort. Afterward, called my pop.

Me: …so then she said that there were seven of us in the apartment.
Him: (laughing) Were there? I don’t remember. Oh, we were poor back then.
Me: Yeah. It was a long time ago.

Wish I had more time to write.

Then again, when I had time to write, wished I had more scratch.

They heard me singing and they told me to stop
Quit these pretentious things and just punch the clock
These days my life, I feel it has no purpose
But late at night the feelings swim to the surface

Location: my newly cleaned room
Mood: run down
Music: I need the darkness, someone please cut the lights
YASYCTAI: Prepare lunch. (10 mins/1 pt)
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Categories
business dating personal

Love is… or Why you should be dating online

Online dating versus offline or regular dating

Statue in Tribeca NYC

Went out the other night with my buddy to some local watering holes – the first time in a while. We’re having a mild disagreement about online dating.

The way I look at it, it’s like having a relative named, for example, Aunt eMatch that says, “I’ve got a girl I think you might like.” In fact, it’s better; it’s like Aunt eMatch saying, “I’ve got a girl I think you might like – and here’s her resume, a buncha pics, and a writing sample.”

My buddy says that interpersonal vetting’s the best way to meet someone; can’t disagree with that BUT he also feels that’s why online dating seems to fail – because of the lack of connection, meaning a common friend. But the connection isn’t a person, rather, the stuff you’ve got in common.

When you’re a kid, you think love’s looking at someone and going, You’re so awesome, and she looks back at you and says the same thing. Adults are different.

Adults don’t stand facing one another but side-by-side. It’s why I always say that you want someone on your side.

That, in turn, is from that French dude that wrote The Little Prince: Aimer, ce n’est pas se regarder l’un l’autre, c’est regarder ensemble dans la même direction, which translates to To love is not to look at one another: it is to look, together, in the same direction.

Love’s when you’re both looking at stuff y’love – like a Firefly episode you love, how you want to raise your kids, or your plant Harold -and you go, Do you see what I see? and she goes, Man, I *totally* see what you see.

That’s love. How you get it – online/offline – depends on how life puts it in front of you, but it’s always the same thing.

 

Location: going to New Rochelle
Mood: insanely busy
Music: look into their eyes, and you suddenly know
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Uncategorized

Yoked together with unbelievers

Church downtown NYC

Having a conflict of religion.

There’s this line in the bible that goes, “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers.”

Many read that to mean Christians should only marry other Christians. Here’s my issue with that – if that were the case, I’d not be here as one parent is a Christian and one is not.

But the line actually reads, “Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers” – don’t think my parents were ever unequals – and wasn’t referring to marriage.

The issue’s that the bible’s fulla things I agree and disagree with, consider that women are not permitted to speak in church, and this is from the same guy that wrote about the previous statement.

Am accused of cherry picking the verses in the bible to obey, but isn’t that what we all do? For example, the Koran specifically says Muslims should grant safe-passage to anyone that requests it. And yet the radicals ignore that line for one that suits their purposes.

Stand, once again, accused of being a bad Christian but, to paraphrase someone, an ant on a hilltop is no closer to the sun than an ant on the ground.

The lack of grace never ceases to surprise me.

HG does not read the same book as me. This is not a (huge) issue for me but some people feel it should be.

  • Republicans don’t want me cause I’m too liberal and think Palin and O’Donnell are idiots
  • Democrats don’t want me cause I’m too conservative and don’t think a nanny state is what we need.
  • Christians don’t want me cause evidently womanizing and rum shooting aren’t approved activities.
  • Atheists/agnostics don’t want me cause I’m one of those religious nuts.

We’re always looking for home, hoping someone says, “Cm’on in,” instead of shutting the door in our face.

Disappointed. No one ever sees the invisible man.

Location: the world
Mood: disappointed
Music: here I am but why do I feel like the invisible man?
YASYCTAI: Be gracious. (always/2 pts)
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Categories
business personal

Making decisions

Gated Apartment downtown NYC

Spent the weekend working like mad. My Sunday started out in the West Village and ended up in a church in the Upper West Side about nine hours later. The search for scratch knows no weekend. Did run into an old law school buddy downtown though with her kid and husband.

There’s no place like New York for the random meetings.

Speakinga law school, there’s this saying that goes something like, B students work for C students – the A students become judges.

The concept’s repeated in other quotes but the idea is this: The really smart people in life are paralyzed by their need to think everything through and end up doing nuthin.

My old boss in CNET once said something in all seriousness to me that I remember to this day, “You’re onea the smartest people I’ve ever met – hope you don’t let that hold you back.” For a long time, didn’t think it did.

Expected to be a millionaire by the time was 30. Ended up going in  the opposite direction. The fiancee (weird writing that) seems to think I mention all of the things that happened to me a lot. Maybe. It’s definitely defined me for a while and still does.

It’s affected me more than I previously thought – things are a lot more daunting for me. It’s also the age I suppose.
The people who are wildly successful, I find, aren’t necessarily the smartest or the bravest, but the people that see the world for what it is – with all the opportunities and glory and all the unfairness and crap – and then just make a choice and run with it.

Forcing myself to do that more again. It’s a bit like working out a muscle you’ve not used in a while. It takes a bit.

———-

Wrote a new entry for This Post-Modern Love – take a look.

Location: yest, all over Manhattan
Mood: rushed
Music: the things you’re thinking, are they false, are they true
YASYCTAI: Make the decisions and run with it. (1 min/1 pt)
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Categories
personal

Dodging the Bullet in NYC – Part 2

The recent tornadoes in Queens knocked down the tree in front of my parents home. No one was hurt, thankfully, but they weren’t able to pull out their car for a while and that made them a bit stir crazy.

Her: The city finally came and got rid of the tree!

Me: That’s great, mom. So what’d you do then?

Her:  I was so excited, I hopped into the car and drove out. (pause) Then I realized I didn’t have any place to be so I just pulled the car back into the driveway.

———-

Imagine what your life would be if you got everything you ever wanted.

See this doesn’t work with a ten-year old. Cause he doesn’t know what his life’d be like if he did get everything he always wanted. But we’re not ten, yeah?

Think about all the times that y’wished and prayed that things were different – you probably can’t even remember all the times.

Getting back to my buddy, the girl he dated was attractive but she’s the reason I got the phrase Attractive goes away but dirtbag is forever. Said earlier that he dodged a bullet by not ending up with her. The thing’s that we all know this; all of us. Except him.

I don’t blame him. At some point he’ll realize it for himself and that’s just the thing about these types of tornadoes. No one else can come and clean it up and put things away for you y’gotta do it yourself.
Location: wrasslin in midtown
Mood: content
Music: This time, baby, I’ll be bulletproof
YASYCTAI: Make that call you’ve been dreading. (10 mins/1 pt)

Categories
dating personal

Dodging the Bullet in NYC – Part 1

Night outside Lincoln Center with an advertisement

Him: Do you believe in karma?

Me: Nope – not at all. It goes against everything Christians believe in AND history has shown us that rarely do people get what we deserve.

Him: My mom does, and she’s more Catholic than me.

Me: Then (with all due respect) she doesn’t read the Bible enough. Ecclesiastes 9:11. God is not an insurance agency.

There was a time that I thought I’d be marrying this one girl. Didn’t happen, obviously. Realize now that it was such a good thing it didn’t happen – we’dve made each other just miserable. Miserable.

Thought about Caligirl recently. Heard through the grapevine a while ago that she’s having a kid.

Thought about all of this because my buddy with the map problem just found out his ex is marrying someone else.

Me: You always dwell on what you don’t have. It must be tiring for you. You should stop, don’t you think?

Him: She gets a guy who loves her I guess. He knows about indiscretions

Me: (laughing) You want to be him? With a scumbag wife? We laugh at him. I laugh at him. She was banging you while engaged to him. That’s who you wanna emulate?
As an old dude, lemme tell you this: there’re countless times in your life y’gonna think that you’re dying. And one day, you’re gonna be right.

For the most part, though, you’re turning into something better.

For the most part, you’re dodging a bullet.

Silhouettes outside Lincoln Center with an advertisement

Cars’re honking outside my apartment like crazy. Found out Madonna’s shooting something in the hood.

It’s cool the first time; annoying the 20th.

Just want some peace and quiet to write. Earplugs it is. Stupid Madonna…

Location: home
Mood: annoyed
Music: wait in driving rain For the bus that never came
YASYCTAI: Ride it out, it’ll get better. It always does. Except once. (time/2 pts)

Categories
personal

Taking the punches

Location: waiting for meetings
Mood: accomplished
Music: I’m all choked up and you’re ok.

Lennon downtown, nyc

Me: (gripping seat) Watch that car, watch that car! (later) It’s a red light, it’s a red light! Slow down! (still later, exiting car) You’ve really gotta be more careful.

Him: (relaxed) You worry too much.

It’s been 23 years since my father taught me how to drive. It appears we’ve changed roles.

HG and I have been seeing a buncha relatives these days. Here’s another conversation between HG and one about her finger.

Her: It hurts.

Him: Yeah, I know what you mean. When I was 10, my cousin slammed a door into my toe. It was all black and blue and then my nail fell off. Believe me, that hurt like hell – I mean, that is some pain. I can still remember it to this day. (thinking) Oh, and when I was 20, I got hit with a grenade.

That guy’s one tough fella. Which is pretty much the opposite of me.

But at the very least, know how to throw a punch. It amazes me how many people – guys in particular, simply don’t. The chance of me getting into a fight now at 37’s pretty slim. But still, surprised it’s not something people pick up. Then again taking a punch’s probably more important.

Check that, taking a punch’s definitely more important.

YASYCTAI: Learn to take the punches. (time/2 pts)

Categories
personal

TCO

Location: home
Mood: ambitious
Music: loaded god complex, cock it and pull it

Cookies in NYC

For those of you reading at the new digs, what do you think? Thanks to Mildred Fierce for moving me over from Blogger to WordPress; if you need something similarly done, she’s the one to call.

There’ll be glitches here and there for the next week or so as I clean things up and (re)tag and organize all 588 entries I’ve written.

Need to get a life.

———-

In college, needed some spare dough so I delivered cookies. Huge 12″ to 24″ cookies.

You’re delivering cookies to co-eds, think about it, my buddy Scott said.

So I signed up. Lemme tell you a few things:

  • Yes, only women order 12″ to 24″ cookies.
  • No, it turns out that these are not the type of women I, or most people, dream of meeting.
  • I made $600 that summer.
  • Cornell has lots of hills.
  • A new transmission cost me $1,500.
  • My total cost of ownership earnings that summer: 5 pounds of fat and -$900.

Point’s that there’s a total cost to doing any activity. Using that Zipcar service so that means that while I’m spending about $150 a month, that also means that I’m not spending $350 a month in car payments, $150 a month in insurance, $50 a month on gas, $400 a month on parking.

My total cost of ownership of a non-car is now -$800 a month.

On an unrelated matter, the book-burning pastor in Florida gets to vent. But what’s the total cost of ownershipa that action?

YASYCTAI: Before you do anything, what’s the TCO? (60 mins/1 pts)
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Categories
personal

Integrity

Location: in fronta screens
Mood: determined
Music: found myself there, in a bit of hot spot

Gated Apartment downtown NYC

Said once that integrity means that you’re the same person in public as y’are in private.

Suppose that’s why I’m a little disappointed in the ADL, a group that’s for religious freedom – except for Muslims.

The pointa my story about the racist judge that ruled against an anti-Chinese law was that, to his credit, he’d enough integrity to see that ruling otherwise based upon his own personal feelings was wrong.

Currently, there is a woman running for a position in my organization whom I dislike because of her constant ad hominem attacks.

Voting against her. This’s a big deal cause we’re a small organization and my vote really counts.

She’ll surely gonna think that it’s causesa my personal feelings, but the fact’s that she cannot do the job – it involves attention to detail and that trait she doesn’t possess.

My weariness of dealing with her makes me wanna just let her win but my integrity won’t.

Gonna be quite the fight. Luckily, got a strong belief I’m right and a fairly large bottle of antacid.

One or the other should carry me through.

YASYCTAI: If you’re all talk, you’re just an empty box like a radio or TV. Don’t be all talk. (5 mins/1 pt)

Categories
personal

Tragedies fulla joy

The Empire State Building

 

There really isn’t a happily ever after, you know? Children believe that. Adults believe what this fella Bernard Malamud said – that Life is a tragedy full of joy.

You hold on past the tragedy for the next wave of joy. And be grateful for the joy.

———-

Speaking of children, do you remember the old Aesop’s fable about the mouse and the lion?

Today’s Mother Teresa’s bday. A few months back here in NYC, there was a controversy cause the owners of the Empire State Building refused to light their building blue and white for her birthday, which made some of the local government – the city council – upset.

After all, they did change the colours for the Simpsons and Popeye, why not a woman who gave her life helping the less lucky, yeah?

Fast forward to this week when the owners needed help from – you guessed it – the city council to block a new rival building from competing with it two blocks away. The vote was 47-to-1 allowing the building to go up.

See what happens when you don’t pay attention in grade school?

Location: yesterday, the hospital (long story)
Mood: creative
Music: i’ll wear your colors til you come back home to me