Tag: family

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personal

Ring

Location: 17:00 yest, Asian supermarket buying corn
Mood: awake
Music: been waitin’ all my life, and now I found you

Ring by Aki Lo

I haz Mac.

The little nerd is me’s doing cartwheels.

———-

Left my ring at the wrestling mat the other day. When I first got it years ago, my mom was certain that I’d lose it within a few months.

It’s the only piece of jewelry I wear on a regular basis. It’s actually not the ring you see above, mine’s silver and black – pretty sure that if you look at some pics, it’ll be there.

It’s not so much that it’s my college ring but that my parent’s got it for me. Back then, they never’re ones for frivolous things like rings, which made it all that more important to me.

Was all panicked that someone woulda heisted it but the owner of the gym said she found it and kept it for me. Picked it up the very next day. 18 years I’ve had it.

Onea the few things wouldn’t sell or part with for anything.

YASYCTAI: Clean out the junk on your harddrive. Jeez, there’s a lotta junk. (hrs/1 pt)

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personal

Conversations on life

The Clock at NYC's Grand Central

Me: How high’s your blood pressure?
Her: XXX over XXX.
Me: HOLY COW! Eat some oatmeal, mom!
Her: I can’t, I’m having a mango.
Me: (exasperated) I didn’t mean right now…
———-

HG: Why couldn’t you sleep?
Me: Was screwing around online and got a notice from a friend that a girl I worked with passed away. She just got married. Cancer. Thing is, had her email addy the whole time. Kept thinking I’d drop her a line but..never did. Dunno why.
Her: (patting my shoulder) I’m sorry about your friend.
Me: She wasn’t a friend so much as someone I knew. But she always said “Hi” to me. It’s just that she was younger than me. Seems so unfair. Never woulda thought…

Still believe that A man’s dying is more the survivors’ affair than his own. But she was too young to go, I think.

Went to church this past Sunday. It’s hard to have faith in the big city.

It’s hard to have faith when you’re at an age where everyone’s getting older, people y’know die, madmen say’n do mad things. Doesn’t make any damn sense.

But there’s this song that has this line that goes, Thank goodness for the good souls that make life better. So I turn to you and I say, if it wasn’t for the good souls, life would not matter,
Him: Why does my daughter look Chinese, dude? She’s 1/4 Asian and it looks like there’s not a drop of black in her.
Me: It’s a girl! Congrats! And…um…I’ll be in Mexico…for the forseeable future.
Him: (laughing) I swear, if she starts talking a lot with her hands, I’ll find you.
Me: Don’t blame me that my people’s gene’s are strong.

Thank God for the good souls.

Bye, Lee. It sounds like you had lotsa good souls around and I hope they make it through this somehow. I’m sorry you had to go. You were way too young to go.

Location: 16:00 yest, turning onto Van Dam to go home
Mood: pensive
Music: Christ, I’m out of my mind

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personal

Not out to hurt nobody

Location: 18:00 yest, finishing the appetizer in LI
Mood: sympathetic
Music: Hey Abigail, I know your day has been hell

My friend’s having a bad day so I rang her. Wanted to tell her that daylight comes after the dark. Didn’t get the chance. It’s not a platitude, just simple truth. Hopefully she still reads me.

———-

Her:…left of the overpass. There’s usually parking there.
Me: Got it. Oh and it’s a trestle not an overpass cause it’s for a train not car. Just thought y’should know…
Brother: (muttering in passenger seat) It’s troubling that you know that.
My brother came to visit me over the weekend so gave him the keys to my apartment. I’ve three doors and never lock the third one. But for some inexplicable reason, locked it.

So the poor guy was outside in the cold at 5AM for two hours. He called WM who insisted on driving in from across the river, to drop him off at the ‘rents. Took about an hour.

Both said it wasn’t a big deal. They’re just too nice t’get mad at me. S’ok, I’m mad at myself.

———-

Her: Long Island? Why are you taking a class in Long Island?
Me: They have a steak dinner afterward.
Her: You’re going all the way out to Long Island just for that?
Me: Did y’not hear what I said? They have a steak dinner afterward.
Her: But it’s all the way out…
Me: (slowly) Steak…dinner.

YASYCTAI: Learn the difference between a dash, an em-dash, an en-dash, & a hyphen – note that y’may be a huge nerd. (60 mins/1 pt)
Categories
personal

Support

The clock in front of Lincoln Center

KG Betty called me tonight from Korea to tell me the news.

Me: $50,000?! How big is something like that?
Her: Three carats.
Me: Jeez! Considering how short you are, y’should just wear it around your neck. Like Flavor Flav.

OK, I didn’t say the Flavor Flav line, but I totally wanted to.

———-

Different conversation with a different woman.

Her: Did your parents support your decisions growing up?
Me: Well, not so much during the 80s, 90s and 2000s. (pause) But I’m hoping this year’ll be different.
Her: (pause then laughter)

They’ve actually always been mostly supportive of the truly questionable decisions my siblings and I’ve made in our past. Which is not to say they weren’t typical in some respects, like our education, but they gave us a good amount of latitude. For that, I’m grateful.

My pastor once said that everything in our lives can be traced back to being born to the parents we were born to. That’s so true – imagine your life if you were born to a Somalian farmer or a North Korean soldier.

My brother called me recently in the middle of the night. Apparently, my dad got lost. The thing is, he doesn’t get lost. He just doesn’t. Especially not in near home.

It’s a small thing, yeah. But it bothers me greatly.

Me: Y’ok?
Him: Me? Don’t worry, I’m fine. I just got a little…confused.
Me: (pause) Hey, I’m gonna come home for dinner this weekend.
Him: Oh, that’s great! I’ll cook.
Me: (slowly) Yeah, sounds great…

Location: inside all day
Mood: guilty
Music: You and me got so much to prove (Spotify)

Categories
personal

Anniversary

Location: 20036
Mood: okay
Music: And I’ll see her when I wake…

Clock on 5th Avenue

My grandmother passed this time last year so gonna take the night off.

Was in DC this past weekend; post about it later.

Categories
personal

Clean

Location: 15:30 yest, the 66th Street B&N;
Mood: over-caffeinated
Music: Always wanted to see the colours of your destiny

A pan of read corned beef hash from Nonna in the UWS

Her: (laughing hysterically) When did you do that?
Me: Breathe mom, breathe…

Had dinner at the Telephone Bar the other night before catching Paul for a party at the same place as this entry. Same people, same discussions, worse weather but good all around.

Spent mosta the night trying to pick up this one girlie Paul mentioned he found attractive; that is until he saw her up close and decided wasn’t his type. Oh well, at least it kept me busy.

The next day I had myself brunch around the way at a joint called Nonna where I had real corned beef hash; like not from a can.

It’s these little things that make my day.

———-

Been working on the manuscript again; this’s now year seven. Should really just finish it now that I got the time.

Y’ever pick up something you wrote before and think, What the hell was I thinking when I wrote that? Literally, every single year I work on it, have that same thought.

Speaking of older stuff, my mom somehow found Bachelor Cooking, which I think is the best thing Rain and I’ve done together. Maybe we should dust it off again. Cept we can’t stand working with each other.

In close to three years of writing On (or close) to Schedule, never mentioned why I don’t curse or why I’m deliberately vague. It’s cause I assume that my mom’ll, or someone from RL’ll find it.

It’s made me a better writer, I think.

Pound-for-pound, the funniest comedian out there is Brian Regan. And he’s beyond clean. And the pinnacle of television comedy, IMHO, is The Contest; which is both completely filthy and completely clean at the same time.

That’s really hard.

Don’t get my wrong, my manuscript’s nuthin like this blog; it’s pretty salty. But all of this stuff I put up online, put up knowing that online stuff’s forever.

This blog could have easily gone the way of a sleezy, douchey, caricature. Instead, went the way of a clumsy nerd who ends up looking like an idiot as much as he doesn’t.

Realized also, wasn’t so much offended by raunchy, filthy, foul-mouthed posts, myspace/twitter musings and blogs – was just kinda bored by it.

Started wearing white again after bout 15 years of not. Cause, being as clumsy as I am, it’s near impossible to keep something clean. But, for me, it’s just better that way.

Me: (a minute later) So what did you think of it?
Her: (still laughing)
Me: Ok, I’m gonna go now…
YASYCTAI: Try writing something a completely different way. (30 mins/1 pt)

Categories
personal

Wannabe Sleepyhead

 

Not been sleeping again and’ve been hitting gym. Tend to look my best when I feel my worst. 16 tabs of ibuprofen and a protein shake for lunch can’t possibly be good.

Don’t it sometimes feel like you’re sleepwalking through life? The rain’s the only thing that reminds me I’m awake.

Went to see my dad tonight for father’s day and got into a terrible argument.

We actually get along better than most fathers and sons, but still, there’s a reason why children move away.

Dunno what you think of me; I’m probably shorter, geekier, and clumsier than you think I am. Or not, dunno.

Do have my moments of eloquence – just not with my father. Something about fathers turn logical, dispassionate men into yell-ey, argumentative sons.

But, if I had the composure to think of it – and the vocabulary in Chinese to say it – woulda told him this poem by Kahil Gibran:

Your children are not your children.They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.They come through you but not from you,And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

 

What I actually said was more like, Lemme live my life, ok?

Do have my moments of eloquence. But only with strangers reading me on digital ink.

Just not with my father, whom I love more than most anything – even the rum – but don’t wanna be.

Location: 21:00, yest, eating poorly in Queens
Mood: guilty
Music: they crowd your bedroom like some thoughts wearing thin

Categories
personal

…then back to cleaning the cellar

Night street performers in St. Marks, NYC

Her: We have leftovers. Do you want some?
Me: Yeah. I sorta do.

Someone asked what to do in the city when you’re visiting. Won’t give you advice. But I’ll just be more descriptive this week about my haunts, ok?

Spent the weekend trying to clean out my cellar and not be sick. Fail on both counts.

Lived in my same apartment for over a decade. Put it this way, 10+ of the women I dated last year were 11 years old when I moved in.

Found long forgotten things: postcards, letters, tapes, cds, class notes. Goes on. Another entry, I suppose.

Managed to cut out one night to meet up with my brother, WM and Paul at a bar downtown where I ran into Sckim. Stumbled over to Heartgirl’s later on that night. Then back to cleaning the cellar.

Next nights, saw them all again for dinner at John’s Pizza. Best pizza in the city that you can get a in former cathedral off Times Square. Best. Then back to cleaning the cellar.

Next night, duck out to stop by Paul’s. Although I had a full dinner, they had Thai leftovers that smelled great, so I inhaled those too. Afterward, went to Solas, my regular hangout. Then back to cleaning the cellar.

Didn’t have time to see my mom for mother’s day but did see my brother before he left. We walked past a street fair with Paul to St. Marks for some 2 Brothers Pizza, which is the best tasty pizza in the city for $1 a slice. Because it’s so cheap, the stuff is amazingly fresh. Five minutes after a pie is out, it’s sliced up and consumed.

We also went to Mamouns for a falafel. Then we went to BBQ Chicken for some chicken and fries. Then we went back to 2 Brother’s Pizza for more pizza. All within 30 minutes.

75% of the meals my bro eats when he visits is pizza cause the pizza in Cali’s not the same.

He’s probably landing in LA right about now. Me? Just spilled some rum all over my desk. Suppose I should clean that up.

Then back to cleaning the cellar.

Street fair on 8th Street and Broadway, NYC

Location: 17:00, meeting my attorney
Mood: still #$!$#! sick
Music: breathe some life into me

Categories
personal

Lies and Ties

The original NYC police station

My brother’s in town and he’s helping fix somea the computers here.

Him: Apparently somebody’s been plagiarizing mom’s articles and reprinting them online.
Me: How can you tell?
Him: (laughing) She told me…and she’s a got a folder that’s named, Someone copy my article.

Someone copy my article

Heartgirl told me recently that she doesn’t know what to tell people when they ask what I do for a living. It’s funny, all of the women I dated’ve said the same thing. Most of my friends don’t know.

It’s…complicated, how I make my money.

I’ve a particularly odd skillset but the funny thing’s that I’m very good at a several, seemingly unrelated things. But if I had to sum it up to in one unifying idea, it’s that I collect and process data.

Writing, in fact, is an example of my processing data; I take various disparate concepts, weave them to one (hopefully) coherent argument and distill that to a printed page.

On that note, I’ve gotta pick one of these skillsets sooner than later.

Him: You said you’re in for the next gig.
Me: I’m thinking of being an officer of the court again.
Him: (laughing) They’re no different than us except they wear ties.

Location: 14:00 yest, being told to rinse and spit in Queens (again)
Mood: still sick
Music: The sun in your eyes made some of the lies worth believing

Categories
personal

So here’s what I remember

Location: 20:00 yest., eating another piece of sushi in Queens
Mood: burp
Music: I’m tearing at the seams. You on the other hand

Wedding flowers

Don’t wanna go out for my birthday but Paul insists. He, Hazel and WM take me out for some killer Indian food. Afterward, Paul and Hazel pick up a bottle of rum and we kill it on a balcony overlooking Broadway in the Village. Paul even picked up a cake.

Me: Have I thanked you enough for this?
Paul: Yeah…no prob, as long as you had a good one for a change. Everyone needs a good birthday.
Me: Well, my birthdays are usually pretty good – it’s just that the other 364 days leave much to be desired.

Stupid friends won’t even let a guy be depressed on his birthday.

Birthday with rum

Saturday, dash off to Brooklyn for something and rush home to make a wedding for a buddy I’ve not seen in years. The most beautiful woman in the room spies me walking in and takes my hand.

Her: (beaming) You came! I keep talking about you. (takes me by the hand and pulls me in front of a table of strangers) Everyone – this is my son.
Everyone (in unison): Hello!
Me: (laughing) Hi.

My world’s a small place. Alla my guy friends are comparing their ueber expensive automatic watches. Sold mine to pay for for law school stuff. Miss my Seamaster the most.

But don’t have time to be sad. Dash off to see my buddy El for her housewarming. Rain and the gang’re there including Tess (who’s in Kings, should it not get canceled) and Eve. We all go up to the roof, which is dark. But not in a cool way, more in a pitch black kinda way.

Eve: This is sorta nice.
Me: Yeah, if you’re a rapist.

Rape-y becomes the word of the night .
NYC rooftop

While there, get a call from a girl Shin I’ve not seen in 15 years telling me she’s in town. She’s a professor now. Crazy. So we meet up and soon, about eight of us are in a karaoke bar downtown where people are butchering Phil Collins.

My brother’s best friend is there with her 18 year old sister who delights in the fact that I’m, quite literally, twice her age now. She puts a note in front of me that makes me laugh. But it’s almost 3AM and Shin’s boyfriend turns out to be a drunk douche so I bounce before I can deck him.

Logan's old

Yesterday, I see Heartgirl. We go out and she has a glass of wine and listens to my stories. I like her more than anything. Even rum.

Today, have dinner with the family at an all-you-can eat buffet.

Sister: Why are you sitting like that?
Me: So I can get a better view of the sushi chef. You have to plan these things.

Thanks for the birthday wishes, they meant a lot to me. Really. Every writer likes knowing that someone, somewhere’s reading them.

YASYCTAI: Have you called your mother? (10 mins/2 pts)