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personal

Mike

We live in a Cliff’s Notes society where we think we know things

My friend Mike passed away; I just heard the news this weekend. Very sudden.

An older guy, he looked like he was 45. He had a six-pack! Paul and I joked all the time that he looked better than botha us. He was a student in my fencing class; 65 years old and still training hard.

I remember that when everything went down with me, so many people said, Well, the only way is up. Which is yet another one of those sayings that only has the air of truth but no real truth to it – dude, there’s always more room for down. Always.

Mike didn’t say that; he said: I’m an old man, I’ve seen a lotta things. You never know what Life will give you, but good or bad, you take it anyway.

We live in a Cliff’s Notes society where we know the punchlines, but never the whole saying:

  • Fools rush in (where angels fear tread)
  • Curiosity killed the cat, (and satisfaction brought him back)
  • Speak of the devil (and the devil appears)

Y’know the sayings: for whom the bell tolls and no man is an island? They come from a John Donne poem:

No man is an island,
Entire of itself.
Each is a piece of the continent,
A part of the main.
If a clod be washed away by the sea,
Europe is the less.
As well as if a promontory were.
As well as if a manner of thine own
Or of thine friend’s were.
Each man’s death diminishes me,
For I am involved in mankind.
Therefore, send not to know
For whom the bell tolls,
It tolls for thee.

Mike, you bastard, you made a room fulla grown men with pointy sticks and aggression issues cry. We’re diminished.

I hope when I go, I’m half the man you were.
Location: writing this with a glass of rum for Mike
Mood: grateful
Music: Well, if it rains, I don’t care Don’t make no difference to me
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personal

Bello

More random meetings

It’s pretty safe to say I’ve been on a plane over 200 times in my life. Each time I secretly hope to sit next to a beautiful female stranger. I never have.

Until early last Thursday morning.

My name’s Logan, I said. Che cosa? she asked.

She spoke almost no English. Of course. So, after a bit, I decided to have a real-life IM with her. I typed out sentences on my phone and she read them and answered slowly. Her name was Roberta. She was going to see Niagara Falls (Cascata) with her family who were sitting somewhere else. We passed an hour chatting back and forth.

When we arrived I said goodbye and started my work in Buffalo.

Late that night, I caught the last flight to New York. And there she was. I never thought I’d see her again. She waved to me and as she walked over, I laughed and took out my phone. She too was only there for a day. The cascata was bello, she said, but way too freddo.

Her: How old you?
Me: Guess.
Her: 24?
Me: (shaking head) No, 34.
Her: Wow.
Me: How old are you?
Her: Guess.
Me: 24?
Her: (shaking head) No, diciotto (18).

I laughed and said, Of course you are. She didn’t understand and just nodded.

Then I stopped again said, “I hope you stay good and that Life is kind to you.” Maybe I said that because I knew she wouldn’t understand. She looked at me with a puzzled smile so I smiled back and said slowly, Goodbye, Roberta.

Arriverderci, Logan, she said.

I nodded and walked outta JFK and hopped into a car. Had another weekend, another story, but that’s for another time.

Funny, airports are such sad and happy places at the same time.

Location: 10:45 yest, 9th Street & Ave A
Mood: thoughtful
Music: We tried to find some words

Categories
personal

November’s a cold month

It was a rough weekend

Ran into Gshok at church yesterday and we grabbed dinner afterwards:

Her: I had to get rid of friends that weren’t good for me.
Me: I’m glad I made the cut.
Her: BARELY!

Her: Since you asked: (a) Your blog entries are a bit vague; (b) you’re too preoccupied with girls; and (c) you come off as a bit of a drama queen.
Me: (nodding slowly) Glad I asked.

———-

It was a rough weekend for me for a multitude of reasons. Mainly, though, it was because I think GES and I had our last Saturday cup of coffee for a while.

Me: …situation, if that makes a difference. My mind’s just fixed on getting outta this financial hole I’m in. (pause) Look, you’re catching me at a really…
Her: Just let me know if anything miraculously changes in your life.
(insert awful silence here) Goodbye Logan.

You know, the subway here in NYC just never runs on time. It never runs on time.

Unless someone’s exiting your Venn Diagram. Then it’s train on time.

Location: 04:00 yest, cabing from 86th and 3rd to home
Mood: disappointed
Music: So … She says it’s time she goes

Categories
personal

Catching me

She deserves someone who’s head is in the game

I saw GES tonight for dinner at a new local spot and a movie at my pad.

Her: So, what do you think about you and me?
Me: (pause) You’re catching me at a really weird point in my life.
Her: (sighing) That’s the story of my life. I deserve more than what time you can spare.
Me: (nodding) I know. (pause) You do.

When I see her, I feel guilty I’m not working; when I’m working, I feel guilty I’m not seeing her.

We’re supposed to see each other again. I’d like to, anyway. But she deserves someone who’s head is in the game.

My head? Come on…you know.

You know.

Location: 20:00 yest, laughing on 72nd
Mood: sad
Music: what would you do if you were me?
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personal

I don’t see why

Someone stole every penny I had

 

Well, I suppose I should tell you what happened now that things have settled a bit.

Someone stole every penny I ever made. Six figures. Gone. I have 11.62 to my fine name.

But I think I’ll be ok. I’ll survive.

It’s what I do.

————

Was thinking about the curly-haired girl recently. I haven’t seen her in a month or so and I don’t think I will.

But I thought about a conversation we had the last time I saw her.

Her: So I don’t see why you’re still single.
Me: I’m really good at hiding the crazy until about the third or fourth date.
Her: Ah, (slowly nodding) good to know…

It all seems so unreal. Unfortunately, it’s all true.

Location: 20:00 yest, on 32d btw 8th and 9th
Mood: completely sotted
Music: feeling lonely I had a life to give many dreams to live

Categories
personal

Leaving

Found out a family friend stole from me today

I lent a friend some money because she was going through a divorce and was in a bind. It’s not like I had that much spare scratch but I figured that she was good for it so I borrowed some dough against the cards and gave it to her.

I stopped by her place cause I haven’t heard from her and was worried. Apartment was empty. She up and left. I’ve known her seven years. She didn’t even say sorry.

On the same day, I took the last straw from another friend too. I’ve known him since the 90s. The very last straw.

What a day. It was…indescribable.

Then I got a call from the guy that gave me the gig in Mancini Duffy a decade ago.

Him: Dude, how’ve you been?
Me: (stunned) What made you call? I haven’t heard from you in years.
Him: I dunno. (laugh) I got the urge to call.

Then Bryson called me.

Him: Hey brother, thought I’d see how you were.
Me: I can’t even tell you.
Him: (pause) Tell me.

When you keep cutting your friends, you end up with the ones that matter. I guess that’s something, yeah?

———-

I’ll be posting a lot of pictures – still a work in progress. I wanted to write more, but I drank my night away.

I really gotta go.

I feel terrible here.

Location: 12AM, getting a free drink on the UWS
Mood: indescribable
Music: Some glad morning when this life is o’er I’ll fly away Like this post? Tell someone about it by clicking a button below.

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personal

Three

Went on three dates today

I went on three dates in one day today.

One was sad. Berlingirl showed up unexpectedly – a nice surprise. Spent some time with her before she had to catch her flight. She said, I wish you a wonderful fall. (Ich wunsche dir einen wunderschonen Herbst).

Don’t think she knows how much that meant to me.

One was random. She gave me her digits and said,It was nice meeting you (Wo hen gaoxing renshi ni).

I’ve already lost the piece of paper – of course.

The last?

It was sad in a completely different way. She said, May you have a good year (L’shanah tovah tikatev v’taihatem).

She said once that she hated the disappointments. Tonight, she said, in a manner of speaking, I’m working through a few things.

Funny, it sounds different on the other end. She put on her blue jacket. Gave me a red kiss. Hopped into a yellow cab. And was gone in a green light.

Why, look at that. The weekend’s almost here.

Location: here
Mood: Sotted
Music: Then she said, Don’t get cute
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Comings and Goings

 

A buddy had a going away party on Saturday at one of my favorite joints, Solas and different people from different circles of my life met up there.

We ran into others like Candyfiend – whom I also bumped into last week midtown, an actor from 72nd to Canal, and a Texan and her friend (like the hat?) I met at a party a week ago. Sometimes NYC’s a small town.

Lots of memories there. Before my time it was called Café Tabac and Madonna worked there. You know, I met Somena there, was there for dozens of parties, was slapped there and last saw Blue-Jean Eyes there.

Had my 30th birthday party at Solas too.

The coolest thing about Saturday night was that there were at least 10 people there for my buddy’s thing that were at my 30th as well.

Friends come and go. Some stay with you physically; some stay with you mentally. Some do both.

Have a safe trip, buddy.

Location: 7:15PM yest, saying hello at church
Mood: psyched!
Music: On my way to see my friends who live a couple blocks away
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personal

We all have our own Black Swans

A Black Swan is an unforeseen event that makes a huge impact

A Black Swan is an unforeseen event that makes a huge historical impact. The assassination of Franz Ferdinand, 9/11, and the rise of dot coms are considered Black Swans.

But we all have our own personal Black Swans, yeah? Those events that changed everything about our lives completely unexpectedly?

The ex moved out a year ago this week.

I recorded the above video for my brother after I got back from Baltimore and saw that she, and all her stuff, was gone (nothing risqué; trust me, totally SFW).

I used the spatula to make myself a peanut butter and orange marmalade sandwich. I sat in my empty living room and thought, Well, this is gonna suck. And it did. Really bad.

But it doesn’t anymore. When I do think of a girl, she’s not the one I think of. I never would have believed it.

Time and tide changes everything.

Note to self: If you ever live with a chick again, do not throw out your utensils just because hers matches.

Life is good.

Location: -20 mins, on Broadway, picking grapefruit
Mood: grateful
Music: My heart was broke, my head was sore, what a feeling
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dating personal

Biscuit?

Three dates

Blue Eyes

Me: (joking) You’re not a pescatarian are you?
Her: No.
Me: Good.
Her: I’m a Lacto-ovo vegetarian.
Me: (nodding slowly) Of course you are.

Brown Eyes

Her: I don’t think this is gonna work out.
Me: I’m surprisingly ok with that. (handing her a breadbasket) Biscuit?
Her: (shrugging) Sure.

I think I hate dating.

Green Eyes

Her: (after thinking) I liked that.
Me: That’s good. I may do it again.
Her: (pause) OK.

OK, fine, that last one was nice, but still…

Location: 8PM yest, going east on the LIE
Mood: better
Music: I really love your peaches wanna shake your trees
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