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personal

Leaving

Found out a family friend stole from me today

I lent a friend some money because she was going through a divorce and was in a bind. It’s not like I had that much spare scratch but I figured that she was good for it so I borrowed some dough against the cards and gave it to her.

I stopped by her place cause I haven’t heard from her and was worried. Apartment was empty. She up and left. I’ve known her seven years. She didn’t even say sorry.

On the same day, I took the last straw from another friend too. I’ve known him since the 90s. The very last straw.

What a day. It was…indescribable.

Then I got a call from the guy that gave me the gig in Mancini Duffy a decade ago.

Him: Dude, how’ve you been?
Me: (stunned) What made you call? I haven’t heard from you in years.
Him: I dunno. (laugh) I got the urge to call.

Then Bryson called me.

Him: Hey brother, thought I’d see how you were.
Me: I can’t even tell you.
Him: (pause) Tell me.

When you keep cutting your friends, you end up with the ones that matter. I guess that’s something, yeah?

———-

I’ll be posting a lot of pictures – still a work in progress. I wanted to write more, but I drank my night away.

I really gotta go.

I feel terrible here.

Location: 12AM, getting a free drink on the UWS
Mood: indescribable
Music: Some glad morning when this life is o’er I’ll fly away Like this post? Tell someone about it by clicking a button below.

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personal

Not enough time

Going on a quick trip around the world

I got it.

I’m going to Paris on Friday.

Then Nantes, Groningen, and Rotterdam, three blurry days for Oktoberfest in Munich, then Brussels, Innsbruck, Dover, and London.

Work, in a manner of speaking. My somewhat peculiar and particular skill set.

What it is doesn’t matter.

Cause I gotta go, I gotta go, I gotta go…

————

If you send me your email address, Fiona and I’ll send you a postcard.

Location: 2AM with Nadi and Anne on my porch
Mood: completely sotted
Music: This life would just be so easy
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Girl with a pretty face vs. A pretty girl

A very strange night to add to my list of very strange nights

 

I crashed this party with some friends including an old friend, Buckley, whom I’ve known for 14 years. He’s a decent fellow. The problem’s that he’s 36 and he still thinks that drinking to excess is somehow cool.

I crash a lotta parties cause I get along with everyone. But Buckley was a slobbering, augmentative drunk. Before I knew it, he was being tossed out by this group of guys at the behest of the birthday girl. It was a whole production with me having to get between them all.

Ugh.

Eventually, we got him into a cab and I walked back with Hazel and Kane to apologize to the birthday girl. I should mention now that the birthday girl has a pretty face.

Here’s the thing. It’s NYC. You can’t go two feet without running into a girl with a pretty face. They’re like a dime-a-dozen. I’m pretty calloused to girls with pretty faces. But as I’m apologizing to her, she’s apologizing back to me. She said, I’m sorry I was being so douchey.

This whole time, everyone is staring at our exchange because I think they all expected some beef. Instead, she and I are smiling and laughing, like we’re old friends. She said I came off as good guy and I told her that I thought she was just really all that.

As we’re talking, she went from being a pretty face to a pretty girl. There’s a very big difference between the two. Like the difference between gold paint and gold.

She invited us to come back in but I told her that we came back purely to apologize. We chatted a bit more before I gave her a hug that she returned. If things were different, I might have given her my number. Then again, the poor girl’s been through enough.

It’s not all the time that people’s insides match their outsides. My ex said mine don’t.

It’s nice to meet someone whose stuff did.

Location: 7:15PM yest, saying hi at church
Mood: tired
Music: we throw parties, you throw knives
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personal

Time after time

 

Met another young lady tonight.

Asked her what we the most difficult part about dating in the big city.

Her: I’d have to say the disappointment. I keep hoping this time’ll be different…
Me: Huh. (pause) Funny you say that…

Huh.

See you Tuesday guys, be safe.

Location: 12AM Columbus, having this conversation
Mood: thoughtful
Music: circles. Confusion. Is nothing new?
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Camera Obscura

Wondering if I should play hooky and see a concert

 

Argh! Camera Obscura is playing live and free tonight at the South Street Seaport at 8PM.

Was planning to stay in tonight for the first time in months just to prep for the exam but these guys are so awesome.

Should I go? Man, I’m so torn…

Location: about to run out the door
Mood: confused
Music: I’ve got my life of complication here to sort out

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personal

We all have our own Black Swans

A Black Swan is an unforeseen event that makes a huge impact

A Black Swan is an unforeseen event that makes a huge historical impact. The assassination of Franz Ferdinand, 9/11, and the rise of dot coms are considered Black Swans.

But we all have our own personal Black Swans, yeah? Those events that changed everything about our lives completely unexpectedly?

The ex moved out a year ago this week.

I recorded the above video for my brother after I got back from Baltimore and saw that she, and all her stuff, was gone (nothing risqué; trust me, totally SFW).

I used the spatula to make myself a peanut butter and orange marmalade sandwich. I sat in my empty living room and thought, Well, this is gonna suck. And it did. Really bad.

But it doesn’t anymore. When I do think of a girl, she’s not the one I think of. I never would have believed it.

Time and tide changes everything.

Note to self: If you ever live with a chick again, do not throw out your utensils just because hers matches.

Life is good.

Location: -20 mins, on Broadway, picking grapefruit
Mood: grateful
Music: My heart was broke, my head was sore, what a feeling
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Logan hates mice and AT&T

Also, here’s a vid of Pixar’s Lifted

 

Right now, I have two major distractions from my daily ruminations on insomnia, girlies, scratch, and the accident:

  1. I hate Cingular / AT&T; with a passion. Pure…white…hot…hatred.
  2. I have a mouse, in my house.

Regarding point one, and without getting into details, I’ve demanded that they write in bold letters in my account notes: We have screwed this man blue (they actually wrote, Client is justifiably upset with our level of service).

Could hate them more – I just don’t see how.

Regarding point two, my kitchen is like the DMZ. I’ve got baits, traps, poisons, and at least one Rube Goldberg/Tom & Jerry contraption – all of which, I think are just amusing them.

Mouse1: What’s that?
Mouse2: He put out peanut butter.
Mouse1: SWEET!
Mouse2: No, it’s that healthful crap. The kind where the oil and stuff separate…
Mouse1: What the @#$! is wrong with that guy? He needs to get some sleep.

Swear those little bastards are drinking my rum too.

Location: 7PM, yesterday, The PIT
Mood: busy
Music: Get on the highway point yourself my way

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personal

Still Shaky

My insomnia is getting to me

Looked for Selene in the blue sky today. I didn’t see her.

I know I’ve picked up a bunch of new readers and I’m sorry that I’m not more entertaining at the moment.

My insomnia and hand shaking has returned with a vengeance, recent events – both open and secret – have kinda brought me down.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m very grateful I’m alright. Very.

The hand of God is in all things.

But I sometimes I feel like I take a step forward and two steps back all the time, you know?

Do you know where the word, tantalize comes from? There’s this myth where this dude Tantalus, cursed to be thirsty, bends to a stream to drink, only to have it recede just beyond reach. Cursed to be hungry, reaches for an apple, and the branches pull back.

Never go more than a week without a sleepless night. Last week, I slept. Last night, it started again. It’s ever the same. Two weeks now. I know it.

I hate it.

And it’s killing me bit by bit. Absolutely…breaking me.

Not at once. Just a little at a time.

OK, I’ll stop. Emo – just learned the term recently. Sorry. Working through a few things.

Above, the ever popular and lovely KT Tunstall again for your entertainment.

You cannot buy love. You cannot buy sleep. But red, red rum…that you can have for $10 a glass. And YouTube is free.

Friday the 13th. Of course.

I’ll be back on Monday after I’ve bent some time.

See you then.

Location: my red couch
Mood: still freaked out
Music: And now I’ve got a hole for the world to see

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personal

Always Dreaming

I dream a lot, but I’m not a very good sleeper

 

But I don’t want to go among mad people, Alice remarked.
Oh, you can’t help that, said the Cat, we’re all mad here. I’m mad, you’re mad.
How do you know I’m mad? said Alice.
You must be, said the Cat, or you wouldn’t have come here.

Sometimes I have nice dreams.

Unfortunately, it’s rare because of my insomnia – and when I’m awake, I feel like I’m sleepwalking. But I daydream a lot.

And sometimes, my daydreams are just as real and just as nice when I’m up as when I sleep. I spend a lot of time in my head, you see.

An ex once told me that when she and I lived in the same neighborhood, she used to walk to my building, sit on my stoop, and whisper, Come out, come out…let’s have some fun.

The times I did randomly come out, she thought she had magic.

In my head, she doesn’t hate me, and I don’t hate myself, for how I treated her.

And, in my head, my other ex is wrong and my insides do match my outsides.

But you can never change what another person does or thinks. Only yourself. I know that.

Still, being ambulatory for 18 hours a day means that I spend a lot of time there. In my head, I mean.

I know, I know – what if I get stuck there? I suppose large polite men in clean white coats will take me away. Funny, sometimes I think I’m just one more sleepless night away from that. I’ve been up for…I don’t know how long now…

Hey, you’d visit me, yeah?

Shake your head with that, “Oh, so sad, he had so much promise,” look on your face before you shuffle off?

But sometimes I wonder, which way is worse.

Because, you see, in my head, I’m quite happy.

Michel Gondry said, I dream a lot, but I’m not a very good sleeper.

I love that. The knowing that it’s not just me.

Come out, come out…let’s have some fun…

Location: physically, an ugly hotel bed in 14202, mentally…
Mood: awake
Music: one more, you’re nuts

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business personal

72nd to Canal Episode 1 – Part 4

The last episode of our webseries


Had a really late night (again). Scrambling to catch up. Insanely busy.

Last part of 72nd to Canal above – so sad. Pimp us!

Met a designer as well as a writer last night. Interesting. The writer’s a non-NJ, non-pescetarian/vegetarian, local girl that’s under 5’7″.

Well now, wonder what that means?

No time to figure it out now.

Location: @3AM, on 5th Ave and 48th Street
Mood: insanely busy
Music: Shucks, for me there is no other You’re the only shoe that fits
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