Regular Job

I’d rather it this way than have a regular life

…ain’t gon’ follow no footsteps I’m making my own…

I think you read me because you find my life interesting. Without a hint of arrogance or pride, I can tell you I find my life interesting.

Every time I write something, I think, man, no one’s gonna believe this.

But I write about what happens. And I know why these things – good (dates, tv shows, random meetings, free trips to Europe) and bad (dates, car accidents, insomnia, robberies), keep happening.

Because I keep trying. I keep pushing. I keep thinking I’m someone.

It is better to try and fail greatly then never try at all. And I fail all the time. Health, wealth, relationship. Every one of them is a failure – I got my arm torn out trying to fight; I got robbed of all the money I’ve made in 34 years; and the last one? You know…

And stupidly, I keep trying. Because I asked for all this.

Y’ever listen to 8 Mile by Eminem? There’re these lines that go:

don’t got enough pep The pressure’s too much man,
I’m just tryin to do what’s best

And I try, sit alone and I cry
Yo I won’t tell no lie, not a moment goes by
That I don’t pray to the sky, please I’m beggin you God
Please don’t let me be pigeon holed in no regular job

 

When I was a kid, I told God I never wanted a regular life. And it’s like He laughed and said, You got it, kid – but everything’s got a price.

Sometimes I think I should have just married No 3 and worked in that law firm and had my 2.5 kids by now. Bought myself a red Porsche. When I started to find out about everything, that’s one of the first things I thought of (the life, not the Porsche).

I think I’d rather it be this way then be stuck in a regular job. A regular life.

I’m a man, I’ma make a new plan
Time for me to just stand up, and travel new lands
Time for me to just take matters in my own hands
Once I’m over these tracks, man I’ma never look back

 

The thing that just about broke me, was when I had to tell my parents. My mom worries so. And my father? I think I’m like every son, I just want him to be proud of me.

But he told me to keep daring greatly. Cause he did. It’s what we do, he said, you have to keep trying. I would only be disappointed in you if you stopped trying.

I nodded and stammered in my crappy, crappy, Chinese, I will.

Location: 19:46, having diet ice cream@79th & Amsterdam
Mood: heartbroken
Music: I got every ingredient, all I need is the courage

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