Which Dating Site is Right for you?
It’s a funny world we live in.
When I was in college, the high point of the day was coming home to a blinking answering machine, meaning someone called and left a message. Before caller ID, email, voicemail, text messaging, IM, wall postings, and poking there was…a blinking light.
I heard people wondering about online dating and they ask, as if it’s a binary question: Should I do it – yes or no?
However, that’s the wrong approach. The better question is one of degrees: how much online dating should I do?
An online dating site should be on any singleton’s menu of meeting places, which is no longer limited to the local bar or random parties. As with most things, it’s the extremes that come across as weird, such as someone that only does online dating or someone that does no online dating at all.
The way I look at it, it’s like having a relative named, for example, Aunt eMatch that says, “I’ve got a girl I think you might like.” In fact, it’s better; it’s like Aunt eMatch saying, “I’ve got a girl I think you might like – and here’s her resume, a buncha pics, and a writing sample.”
So, which dating site is best for you? Well, I’ve personally used Match, eHarmony, Plenty of Fish and OK Cupid. They all have some similarities as well as some major differences:
eHarmony
Major Difference
eHarmony is front-loaded, meaning that you have to fill out a ton of questions and essays ahead of time before you even start meeting anyone. This can take hours.
Best Aspect
After you’ve completed that first major step of filling out all of those questions and essays, you pretty much sit back as eHarmony sends you profiles of people that it thinks are right for you. I have friends that love this because it takes some of the trepidation out of meeting people; there’s always the sense that “Hey, eHarmony thinks we’d get along.”
Worst Aspect
You have to wait for eHarmony to get around to sending you profiles and you may not be a fan of whom it thinks you’d like. Moreover, if you’re interested in a same-sex pairing, you can forget about that here; heterosexuals only, please. Plus, it’s expensive.
Match
Major Difference
Match is the most similar to newspaper personals – it doesn’t try to be much more or less than that. This means that you’re pretty much on your own; Match lets you put up a personal page about yourself and then look around for others that you might like.
Best Aspect
You can have your profile up in 10 minutes, browse anyone else’s profile, and message whomever you’d like. Plus, there’s no restriction on who you can contact (opposite sex, same sex, anyone at all).
Worst Aspect
Anyone can have a profile up in 10 minutes, browse your profile, and message you. Also, each time you contact someone, you’re essentially starting with a cold introduction and have to write a tailored email/essay to each person. Unlike eHarmony, this means pretty much constant maintenance. Plus, Match never seems to delete profiles – mine is still up after three years of disuse. Consider that before you randomly message someone. Also, like eHarmony, it’s anything but cheap.
Plenty of Fish
Major Difference
Because it’s free, it boasts the single largest database of people. Like Match, it’s a fairly straightforward “personals” oriented website.
Best Aspect
I personally know of one marriage and a handful of relationships from Plenty of Fish because the barrier to entry is essentially zero. As a result of this, there are a jaw-dropping number of profiles browse.
Worst Aspect
Essentially the same as Match.com except that there’s very limited oversight (they only have three customer service staff members as of this writing) and there is a very wild west feel to it. It also looks as if they only have three customer service staff members there.
OK Cupid
Major Difference
Like Plenty of Fish, it’s free, but to get any real use out of the site, you have to go through online activities like answering polls and other questions. By doing this, you create a more data driven – versus opinion driven – profile of yourself. As such, OK Cupid is a bit like a combination of Match and eHarmony.
Best Aspect
Because it’s data driven, you are able to paint a more accurate picture of who you really are rather than who you perceive yourself to be. Moreover, there’s a “fun” quality that pervades the site. If you like fun and games, chances are good you’ll meet someone else who likes fun and games. Did I mention it’s free?
Worst Aspect
You have to answer a number of polls and questions so, like Match and Plenty of Fish, it’s pretty much continual maintenance only a bit more involved.
What’s the right site for you? Well, it depends on your personality.
If you like to do a lot of work upfront and then relax, eHarmony is the clear winner.
If you find that you play online games like Farmville and are used to filling out online polls, OK Cupid is the one for you.
Match and Plenty of Fish are good if you just want a traditional personals-like forum to meet other people. If you want a more polished site with some “adult supervision,” Match is probably better for you; however, if cost is key, Plenty of Fish wins over Match.
Final thoughts
If you must choose one, consider OK Cupid as the price is right and you can test the waters before you write a check. A special note for women is that for sites like Match and Plenty of Fish, your responses can be pretty overwhelming; it’s simply the nature of the site and men in general. This may be a good or bad thing depending on your tolerance for random email.
Men, since we get comparatively less contact than women on these sites, a good strategy might be to choose one paying site coupled with a complimentary free site: eHarmony plus Plenty of Fish or Match plus OK Cupid.
Regardless, with a good mix of online and offline interactions, you’ll have no excuse for being home on a Friday night.
Once you pick a site, check out my follow-up entries:
- 10 Tips on how to write a good Match, OK Cupid, or Plenty of Fish dating profile: Part 1
- 10 Tips on how to write a good Match, OK Cupid, or Plenty of Fish dating profile: Part 2
Good luck and let me know how it goes!
- Click on the Dating tag to see how my dating life went – the earlier stories are the more entertaining ones, IMHO. You can also click here to find out what finally happened to me.
- Check out the comments to reach other people’s thoughts on these sites (and maybe leave a thought of your own!).
- Finally, if you enjoyed this entry, take a look at the rest of this blog about life in NYC or consider picking up my eBook thriller about organized crime in NYC, The Men Made of Stone; sold everywhere for just
$2.99! $0.99 for this month!
This is interesting because I worked with someone that seemed to have had an account at all of these sites at some point. He used to come into work and tell me about the women he talked to and sometimes show me pictures. Great description for those of us who don't feel like doing our own research but find it interesting.
Hey – thanks for the comment, I appreciate it. I think that if one is single, it should really be just an add on to the whole dating lifestyle.
May I ask how you found me?
Good info. Match.com is annoyingly limited in it's free features, and forces you to pay if you want to interact at all. I'm trying to decide if that makes it filter out the less-desirables any way, or if I should go with POF.
BTW, I found this article on the first page of Google when doing a search for: match vs plenty of fish
Tos – thanks for the comment and the super useful information; I just did a google search myself.
As for the dating, I think that there's no harm with doing one paid account somewhere and one free account. Between the two, plus meeting people in real life, your dating card should be full.
I think I'll do a followup entry about what to put in a profile and how it should look.
Thanks again for taking the time to comment and let me know about how you found me!
Very informative, thank you for sharing.
Think I will go with E Harmony.
(This was the first site that came up when I googled 'eharmony vs match.com' )
Hello! Great, let me know how it goes? I hope you meet your person soon.
Thanks so much for leaving the comment and letting me know how you found me – I really do appreciate it.
Hope it works for you. I met my husband on eHarmony, and we couldn't be happier! Good luck
I was really glad to find this site, the comparisons were just what I was looking for. I had been debating whether or not to join an online site for a while now, and this helped me decide on the one (possibly a second one at a future date) that I will try! OkCupid for me for now!
(Also, I found this through Google searching for eharmony vs. match.com)
Hey, thanks for the comment! Yes, I'm still close to the top on this topic, which I think is odd (but good!) considering how it's one of the first things I thought of when I first started dating.
Oh, when you do start online dating, you should start a blog! I would read, promise.
I have used all of the major online dating sites. Match.com I did not get alot of e-mails strangely, I got a ton of responses on OkCupid, but felt OkCupid was too casual and I was looking for something more serious. But it was definitely fun to use! I think I would opt for the free sites only because there are many more users, you might have to wade through more profiles, but it's a larger dating pool. I noticed there were men on match.com from 6 years ago when I first tried it!
Yes, that's one of the major criticisms of Match.com – that you might be spending all your time messaging "ghosts." I was surprised a few years back, after I had left Match, that I apparently still showed up in some searches.
I only used OK Cupid for a while and I think it just slants a bit younger; maybe that's why it appears to be more casual. But then again, when you find the right person, it switches from casual to serious pretty quickly.
Please let me know how it goes and if you find anyone via any of these sites!
Thats a disapointment i m holding match as my last resort used POF and as a man i cant get any replys its really stupid and a completle waste of time.
Have you tried OK Cupid? Also, I responded in another comment that your profile might benefit from some tweaking. Why don't you try some of those suggestions and see how it goes? I'd certainly like to know!
I don’t even know the way I ended up right here, however I believed this publish used to be great. I don’t realize who you’re but definitely you are going to a famous blogger for those who aren’t already. Cheers!
Well, I'll take that as a compliment – thanks for reading and commenting!
This info was very useful, I found it when searching "eHarmony vs Match" and I think I will try eHarmony because I am looking for something a bit more serious, I tried Christian Mingle before and met some cool people, nothing serious, I am still friends with one of them, but now after some regular dating I still unable to find the right person, so now I am thinking on trying online dating one more time, hopping this will be the last…
Thanks – I'm glad you found it useful. Dating, just like anything else of value, is hard. If you're lucky enough to be one of those people that hit it at first shot, great. But I don't think most people do – I didn't. And we always hope that this time is the last time but good things rarely come so easily, I think.
So I'm glad you're dusting yourself off and trying again. Let me know how it goes?
I've been on a few of these dating sites and want to let people know what kind of crowds to expect so hope that will help you in picking the right dating site for you. First I should let you know here in NYC the kind of crowd you'll be getting on OkCupid is mostly hipsters,nerds,musicians,artists you know creative types. Match.com caters more towards Ivy leaguers, investment bankers,lawyers, professionals etc… lastly POF tends to bring out the thugs,jocks,guido/Jersey shore,metrosexual and body builder crowd. Hope that helps!
I think that's probably good to a large extent but there are always the exceptions to the rule. For example, I was surprised when my lawyer/professor friend found her husband on – of all places – POF. I did Match and OK Cupid myself. I think a good mix is a good thing since most people are a mix of more than one thing as well.
Did you end up meeting anyone?
I wish someone would talk about the minority effect on these dating sites. It is overwhelming when you go on sites that are dominated by non-minorities and you are the lone black, hispanic, asian, you name it on the site. The pickings are slim. This sites are really not that great for stepping out of the non white mold. If you know of one please let me know.
Hmm, I'm not sure how to answer that as I'm a minority myself. I think you get out of it what you put in. When someone – who may or may not be the same race as you – happens to want to meet whatever minority you are, that's a good thing. I'm short, old, and Asian, it's just the truth and neither here nor there. I don't see that as a problem and it never has been. I actually don't know anyone (personally) who's gone on as many dates as I have.
The world, by and large, is what you make of it. I suppose what matters far more is: what are you looking for?
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After being on match.com for only a week I was contacted by 3 scammers.I almost got reeled in by one of them too. He made a mistake and sent me the same email again with another woman's name on it. When I googled him, his face was all over the web with reports about him. Nigerian scammers. I also found a pic of another guy that contacted me from match.com. How is a person to ever feel comfortable after experiences like this with online dating?
Well, I'm sorry that you had a bad experience to start. But you seem like you're on top of these things. Just like anything else, you have to be vigilant but the moment you feel something's not right, it probably isn't. It doesn't mean you stop, there's no stopping!
Let me know how it goes?
I also would like to thank you for typing this up. I have been trying around here and there haven’t had much luck yet but think its more due to my geographic region.
One thing I wanted to add to this, (which you basically said but wanted to reiterate) –> the cost does very weigh into the “seriousness” of these sites.. If its free to make a profile, many will even if they aren’t necessarily looking for anything but since it is no harm to their wallet, they can blow it off enough. Whereas sites where you pay, will have people looking harder for a serious relationship or they wouldn’t have spent the money. So if your baseing your decision on how serious you are looking at a relationship (long vs short term) it is important to think of that before wasting time. Other then that it is always a better bet to had a few different site profiles. Anyways, keep up the great blogging
And I didn’t mean that as a full generalization – there sure is a mixture of each on pay/free sites
I think what you said is very true and something I would want to have mentioned – I keep thinking I should update this entry somewhat to reflect new information. OK Cupid is definitely a site that is more relaxed and fun – for better and worse.
Having said that, I know of at least one marriage of a good friend from Plenty of Fish but I think it really comes down to whom you choose to interact with. I know that when I was using the online dating sites, it was hard to gauge the other party's interest a great deal of the time; I think they thought the same of me.
Found this on a google search for eharmony vs… to get info on the sites i havent tried yet. This is Really a Great comparison, but as a female who has used POF, I feel I should warn both the men and women about that site. As it has a very very very large amount of scary crazy men and (from what i hear from the men I have talked to) the women are just as bad. If you want to get lots of CRAZY emails asking you to have sex, marry them and then another email 5 minutes later calling you every name in the book for not writing them right back, then try to stalk you online by making other pages or finding you on FB, this is the site for you. If not, I suggest trying ANYTHING else!!
Thanks for the comment! I appreciate the positive feedback. I was thinking about doing an update to this entry but I've been told that it's still fairly accurate – def. let me know what your other experiences have been like?
Regarding POF, I had one friend that got married via it but I've seen how chaotic it is and it really is difficult picking through everything to potentially meet "the one." I think that there's probably a higher level of crazy because there's such a low bar of entry. Women def get a lot more attention – both good and bad – then men do.
Yep i hear the women always complain about the men being weird on any dating site to be honest and as for the women i say the only insane thing normaly is they never reply to most messeges even if you dont write a boring weird or pervy messege i still get nothing back its like nobody communicates on that stupid site, if your a man its mostly a complete waste of time.
This is a great post. Thanks so much to you and those who commented for doing my homework for me!
No problem! I'm really glad you found it useful and hope that you can add to the helpful comments soon. Let me know how it goes?
hi!,I really like your writing so much! share we keep up a correspondence extra about your post on AOL? I need an expert in this house to solve my problem. May be that is you! Taking a look forward to see you.
Great site
Thanks – glad you think so!
I have tried pof more than any other site. Have had a couple responses here and there but never anyone I’m attracted to. I am in good shape and work out regularly, but I’m not skinny our have a 6 pack. I’m not most guys and don’t post pics of myself half naked or with my shirt off. Seems like most of the women i find physically attracted never respond and been on the site for more than a couple years. I have changed the contents of my profile multiple times and auk no change. I gear mixed feelings about guys profiles and why there is no response. Do you think putting up some different pics would help? Am i missing something?
Hello! My response rate was maybe 1 out of 40 when I first started but by the end, I was getting a 1 out of 10 response rate.
I think there are two fundamental changes people – men especially – need to make on their profiles and that is:
(a) to post a ton of pics – none have to be anything where you are uncomfortable, like shirtless, but they should show all different facets of your personality such as if you swim, or go to church, or anything.
(b) I would tailor my profile not with the expectation of people randomly clicking on you but rather with the idea that people received an email that they liked and then clicked and wanted to find out more.
Let me know how it goes!
See that’s the thing i have about 8 pics and there are of all aspects of me.shaved, not, glasses, no glasses. I feel if i put up only one or 2 “good ones” i may have more responses. Plus when i look at what guys most women have for friends i find mostly all look like models with no bodyfat and lots of muscles…..? I feel i should add that i feel like I’m one awesome guy don’t see why it would matter about the pics but from what I’m seeing it plays a huge factor.
Well, you can certainly try that and that might be different.
As for "why it would matter," physical attraction plays a role for you, no? In other words, if I presented you with a great girl who was not attractive at all and I asked why it mattered, you could say it didn't but certainly we all want the most attractive person we can get. Luckily, women are FAR less shallow than men. A good picture does wonders. Just because you have two pictures, they might not flatter you the most. I didn't have one pic where I was half naked and I did pretty well, despite being old and short!
You said you don’t get responses from women YOU find attractive… Are you looking for a model type? I’m pretty awesome too, by the way! ;b But far from model like perfection! And personally, as a female, I like a guy with a little meat and I’m not attracted to model types AT ALL! Perhaps you are being too hard on yourself. Or you’re being too hard on the women who ARE interested in you!
You sound interesting to me!
I been trying POF and find the site to be a complete waste of time as a man i have emailed all types of women and get basically almost zero replies on the super rare time after sending out overs 80 emails i will get a reply and when ever i reply to that messege i never hear from the woman again seriously WDF. Not sure if that women are all being stupid or if the POF site system is completly messed up to ruin everbodys changes.
Did you look at my other entry: 10 Tips on how to write a good Match, OK Cupid, or Plenty of Fish dating profile? You can check it out here:
http://loganlo.com/2012/08/10-tips-on-how-to-writ…
Maybe if you give those a try, you can up your response rate. Right now it's 1 out of 80. You should def be able to increase that a little bit. What are your emails like?
I am new to all this and i would love to meet someone to share the rest of my life time with , I havent try any dating site before but i would love to meet someone closer to my age , I am 70yrs and i would love to hear from you if you are rean
Charles
Charles – hello! I would def giv eHarmony a try but there are also probably specialized dating sites to go to as well, such as zoosk.com and http://www.seniorpeoplemeet.com. Good luck and let us know how it went!
Dude i have tried so many different approches with that POF site and so far nothing works i heard some guys were getting good response rates by doing a few things but i tried them all and nothing seems to work maybe the new POF changes have made the site almost completly useless
I have tried pof more than any other site. Have had a couple responses here and there but never anyone I’m attracted to. I am in good shape and work out regularly, but I’m not skinny or have a 6 pack. I’m not most guys and don’t post pics of myself half naked or with my shirt off. Seems like most of the women i find physically attracted never respond and I have been on the site for more than a couple years. I have changed the contents of my profile multiple times and no change. I hear mixed feelings about guys profiles and wonder why there is no response to mine. Do you think putting up some different pics would help? Am i missing something? I am a mans man i guess you could say. I hunt, fish, work on cars, fix anything, have a good job with limitless potential. 3.9 college student athletic…is there any other sites out there that cater to more of lets say a “country” person? Even though I live in the city and graduated from a suburban school, and like the city just not as much.
You sound interesting to me. Email me at nstss07@aol.com
I have been on OKC for at least 3 years now and been on many dates. Sadly, since it is not a pay site, women often fall prey to the guys who are only looking for one thing. Hooking up. Very rarely have I gone on a date with someone who is looking for something long term (Sometimes they even lie about it just to get you in the sack), and when I have met someone looking for the real thing, I am not their type.
I have been on Match for about a month now and they push the 6 pack superficial swimsuit model men. Nothing wrong with these men, but again I am looking for something more and Sports Junkies and Whovians don't really match that much. I have to dig to find the real down to earth nerdy guys on there.
I will continue to use both sites, but this is my two cents from a women's perspective on these sites.
Unfortunately, you'll get that. You're also probably inundated with canned emails and unwanted attention.
But – as a Whovian – you know that meaningful things are rare. For every blockbuster Jersey Shore, there are those that love Sherlock.
Rare things are valuable precisely because they're rare. And yes, the 6-pack superficial are a dime a dozen. So the search goes on for those that love the same things you love. And because the online world roughly mirrors the real world, you'll get a lot more people not right for you than you will people right for you. It's just the nature of it.
Dating stinks. But so do things of value like school and performance reviews. But they're a per-requisite to acquire that which you truly value. And once you get that thing of value, you'll have found it was all worth it.
Maybe your guy is offline; maybe online. Either way, you'll have to slog through to find him. At least online you can rule them out immediately rather than go on five dates to find out his favourite TV shows are all cartoons.
Let us know how it goes?!
Thank you for the comparasions. Very interesting. I have only used eHarmony, Blackpeoplemeet, and SeniorBlackpeoplemeet – I'm in school and expected to graduate next year – 69 y/o – Hey!!!! So, life is re – opeing for me! Yes, I''m serious, but I'm also way more smarter…. uh!!! and I still love to have fun with friends. So, your sharings was helpful as I deliberate as to how to enjoy mayself with my new degree, travel, cruise, etc and polish my mating skills.
Thank you
That's awesome to hear! I think one becomes old the moment one stops being a student. So that's the best reason I know to never stop learning. Good for you!
And thanks for the comments.
I met a few on plenty of fish and did well.
Lava life,match,eharmony what a waste of $, plenty of fish i got alot of phone numbers but they say they are athletic and when you meet them (the women) They got an ass that wont fit on my Harley. good luck.
Ha – well, I actually have two friends that got married with people they met on POF; I think it's a ridiculous name but clearly people like it and it works.
Thanks for the comment!
I tried Match and overall I did feel like it had more "upper class" guys on the sites. I am debating on trying eharmony… With POF..the responses from Men can be overwelming. I don't even know who to respond to! But like somone said, POF, the level of guys doesn't seem to be as high. They are on there..you just have to look harder
A buddy of mine met his (now) fiancee on eHarmony and I have several friends that swear by it. It wasn't really for my tastes – I was much more of a Match and OK Cupid kind of guy plus the costs were pretty high BUT if you're looking for something long-term and want to meet someone similarly minded, eHarmony may work out well for you.
Let me know how it goes!
I've used OkCupid for about three years and I am dying on that site. I have had one, ONE, date come out of my interactions through OkCupid. I don't get it. I'm a well-rounded, well-spoken young man and I can't get any responses. Maybe the number of messages that women get are just overwhelming. I can tell you one thing for certain though, as soon as I can afford it I'm moving on up to eHarmony!
Wow, that's really surprising to me. I wonder if your initial emails to them aren't standing out among the crowd of emails. eHarmony will get you better results if perhaps it is because of the initial emails you write; I know a few friends that have had similar issues.
Also, have you considered the other free site POF?
I've had some coaching from friends who have themselves had decent results. There should be enough in my initial contact to merit a response simply for the fact that I write well and I engage them with relatable material, plus a question or two. Honestly, I feel like most women on OkCupid are just window shopping. Maybe somewhere inside them a soft voice is whispering that they could be happy if they only had the guts to give it a try, but I think once they're actually contacted by someone that voice gets drowned out by anxiety and doubt.
I was on PoF long before OkC. I never liked PoF. The site feels very underfunded and unregulated. It was far too difficult to find quality matches (or quality people for that matter) on Plenty of Fish.
I felt the same way about PoF BUT I actually know one marriage and one engagement from it so I suppose there's got to be something there.
I'm not sure what it is, but 1 date in three years does seem very sparse. Can you try eHarmony even for a month or so?
*3 women that messaged me first
If you're getting one response out of 15 on average, you're doing pretty well, actually. I think when I first started it was one out of 30-40. At the end, I was doing about one out of eight as you start to get the hang of it and start to see what draws people in and what just sounds like every other guy out there.
Let me know how you do in a month? I think you'll be doing even better by then.
Here's an update Logan,
In the past week, i've gone 3 for about 6 in getting replies from the other girls at OK Cupid. Gained about 3 more phone numbers and got a 2nd date 2 days from today in which it went really well. The date felt like "holding my hand" via text message after our date. lol I'm serious!
It appears that my Texting rate has increased a little. Perhaps I am striking gold?
Ha – I think you are indeed striking gold. Don't get too caught up in the game of it all though (unless that's what you're looking for – to each his own) and def don't limit yourself to online dating I liked to mix up online and offline dating. If you do it right, you should be able to have a date every night from Sunday through Wednesday and use Thursday, Friday, and Saturday to meet new people out and about.
It's gets a bit tiring sometimes but it's absolutely a learning experience and something I look back on fondly as I did have a lot of fun.
Hello, Logan.
I read all the articles you wrote with great interest. I am going to apply your tips to my Match profile, which I have never made visable because of my job. Still, I have been dating fairly steadily just from what I have been terming 'cold calls' – emailing and offering pictures via email attachments. I think I would have more responses if I actually put up a profile that can be seen. I am ready to do that now.
Anyway, the primary reason I am writing is to tell you that if a man does not reserve a weekend night for me after the first date, then I have reservations about going on a second. If you like them enough to see if they are 'the one', top quality time slots are what should be given, not 'second best.' Also, it is a sad fact that men who don't seem to have weekends free, often turn out to be living with a woman. As a lady of 52 years, I wish I had run into this problem less often and did not feel obligated to issue a bit of a warning. If the man's (or woman's for that matter) time does not seem to be his own, beware.
Thanks for such a fresh take, Logan.
Glad you enjoyed the post – it\’s good that you have rules as to what is acceptable and unacceptable behaviour to spend time with you. Having those rules make it easier to make the harder decisions down the line. Once your post goes up, tell us how it goes?
I made my dating site debut at OKCupid…so far in about 3 weeks I got 1 date (a 2nd on the way…), a few phone numbers, but sent a grand total of 115+ messages…and for every 10 or 20 messages, I get one response. I've had just 3 women message me….out of hundreds.
I'd say I'm not doing too bad so far, I even made friends with a few…hmm….
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EHarmony is the better of the sites by far. Even if the algorithm to match you is computer based there is definitely something in it. Matches are eloquent, same wavelength and you don’t end up with weirdos. On the other hand you just don’t know what you’re getting with Match or POF.