Non-intersecting

Our Hyperbolic and Non-Intersecting Lives

Him: How’s wok?
Me: The workload’s killing me; my phone won’t stop ringing.
Him: Quit complaining. It’s better than the alternative.

This Thanksgiving was a little different for me that my usual, mainly because of my work schedule and injury.

The injury meant that I wasn’t in the right headspace to see my friends like Johnny and the Family Man, plus the Professor wasn’t in town.

But I did manage to see my family and my buddy WM who came on Thanksgiving with a homemade baked carrot cake. Hung out with him and the fam for a while before heading back to my pad that night.

Had to go because of my work schedule. Was actually all over Queens and Brooklyn the morning of Thanksgiving and then on an industrial farm the day after Thanksgiving and then off to the Jerz to see the wife’s fam.

Still, I can’t really complain; have to catch up on the three weeks I couldn’t work and also make up for the dismal years and theft.

As I was driving along and alone, thought about algebra, coordinate geometry, and the idea of non-intersecting lines. (it’s what I do). Essentially, if you have two lines which never intersect, they can get ridiculously close but never actually touch – and this goes on into infinity.

Though about that in relation to my leg. Feel much better now but the injury plus my age makes me think that, while I’ll get close to how it use to be, I’ll never get there.

It’s slightly sad, but more just a fact of life and something that I suppose I’ll accept one day.

On another point, it’s the opposite of my concept of venn diagrams, where people intersect in your life and some stay and some leave.

But now there are also those that leave and kinda stay – like via Facebook, blogs, or random email – but you never intersect with again.

I see them get older, get married, have families, but not really. Our lives are simply hyperbolically non-intersecting.

It’s slightly sad, but more just a fact of life and something that I suppose I’ve accepted.

Location: getting ready to have some (more) leftovers
Mood: busy
Music: Went to the Apollo, you should’ve seen ’em go go go
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Losing half of your friends

The past few days have been amazing.

Her: We’re never taking that red envelope down!
Me: Never.

———-

Met up with Paul and Hazel in the hood for some drinks the other night.

Paul I met through a class I took with my ex while Hazel’s the sister of a really good college buddy.

The funny thing about life’s that you never know who’s gonna end up in your Venn Diagram and who’s not. If I want you to believe anything I’ve learned, it’s that.

Recently sent an FB invitation to one of my closest friends from college and just realized last night that he never got back to me after about a month.

That’s the thing that you don’t realize as a kid. Remember my dad had this awful fight about one of my friends when I was a kid. Now the friend, I don’t remember very well, but the fight I remember. These people we think of as all-so-important end up just a footnote in your life – or your tiny little blog.

Once wrote about that statistic where, every seven years, you lose more than halfa your friends. The person y’think of as your best friend only has a 30% chance of staying in that role.

Wonder how things like the Internet and FB changes that dynamic.

As for the friend that never responded, that’s just how things go. We’ve all been on both sides of those choices.

Speaking of technology, swapped an older toy for a newer one.

This is probably the tech equivalent of getting a Ferrari as a mid-life crisis. Only far dorkier.

Location: getting ready to brave Trader Joe’s
Mood: busy
Music: It’s all the same, only the names will change
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the air of December, I swear I remember it that way

Sculpture on Broadway in the UWS, NYC

My insomnia has made it’s usual reappearance. No idea why. It’s irritating.

Less irritating is that people have been making reappearances in my Venn Diagram lately as well. There was my friend from church that I ran into on the street. She’s moving to Boston and starting grad school next year.

There’s also my buddy from my fencing class that disappeared for a while after Mike passed. Guess cause he took it pretty hard.

And about a half-dozen of my friends just had kids; been running into them in the big city here and there. Like I say, NYC’s a small town.

The thing about running into people’s that it’s a lot like running into a different version of yourself, like running into your possible pasts. Back when the church friend and I were hanging out, we were both single and enjoying single life. And my fencing buddy met me when I was still with my ex and had two cats.

Planning out some things for 2012 and every year that goes by, I’m constantly amazed the number is what it is.

2012? How could it actually almost be 2012?

Me: Do you remember when you thought 21 was old?
Her: (laughing) Yes – 30 seemed ancient back then.

Location: the same place
Mood: wide awake
Music: the air of December, I swear I remember it that way
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Trust

Location: back home
Mood: morose
Music: Wouldn’t a smarter man simply walk away?

Allen Street in NYC

Went to see the rents yesterday. Drafted up a trust for them – more difficult on me than than I expected. It’s hard thinking about someone you love not being there.

The odd thing about these kinda things’s that it just happens one day. Like you’re eating a chicken sandwich and then someone calls you to tell you that some parta your daily tapestry just isn’t.

It’s the whole Venn Diagrams thing, and the closer their circle is to overlapping your own circle, the harder it is when that circle’s gone.

And the unnerving thing’s that y’rarely know who’s gonna go, how they’re gonna do it and when they’re gonna go. It’s unnerving cause you trust something’ll be there and then it’s gone.

Unnerving, I tell ya.

YASYCTAI: It’s hard but at some point, y’gotta talk to the rents about the leaving. (120 mins/2 pts)

…you’re speaking Martian?

Location: giving her the finger on 59th Street
Mood: full
Music: maybe I’m the broken one

BBQ picnic with glass of wine

Buddy once told me this story once, maybe it was on SNL, where this really lonely dude had this affliction where he could only talk in a really sarcastic voice. Yet everything he said was in earnest.

Her: Do you wanna play?
Him: Oh puh-lease, I totally wanna play with someone like you. Like I’m so lonely…
Her: Jerk…

And yet he did. My buddy, who’s not a sentimental fella, said it was poignant.

Consider this, it’s said that: Communication isn’t what the speaker says, it’s what the listener hears.

And my weekend sucked cause…don’t it feel like sometimes that everyone’s speaking English and you’re speaking Martian?

———-

Me: How much longer till the food’s ready?
Him: (laughing) Shaddup and drink your girlie pink wine.
Me: Oh, I’m drinking it…y’watch…I’m drinking it…

OK fine, it didn’t totally suck; saw a lotta old friends the past two days. Lemme give you the Zone Improvement Plan version:

  • Drive up to 10804 to have some rosé and, possibly, an entire pig.
  • Wanted to stay but had to drive to 07030 deal with some baggage.
  • Then drive to 10024 to discuss my sinful life I enjoy a bit too much. Fella stops by and I tell him to take his chances while he can.
  • Crash and then wake to walk to 10023 and mail something to 91326 fore saying goodbye to the HEI.
  • She’s leaving 10001 to maybe make a go with fella around 94117. Tell her to take her chances too. She’s leaving my Venn diagram after all, but she says that she’ll send me an email from time to time.
  • Can’t chat for long though; have to dash to 10018 to meet up with a friend for an Irish Breakfast.
  • Pat him on the back fore running down to 10010‎ to get a kiss and a cuppa joe.
  • Want to stay longer but take the bus to 10019 to get x-rayed. Lady asks me to give her the finger and then laughs when she realizes what she asked. But I do anyway.
  • Happened to be by my old law school at 10023 so walk there and sweet-talk a girlie into letting me into the school for the first time in 10 years.
  • Was a nice day so stroll up to 10024 where I meet up with WM for 20 wings and a pitcher of beer.

Saw no less than 20 people in two days but…don’t it feel like sometimes that everyone’s speaking English and you’re speaking Martian?

Or that y’keep saying the same things over again but no one ever hears?

Buddy once told me this story once, maybe it was on SNL…

Fordham Law School Atrium

YASYCTAI: Maybe y’should stop speaking Martian. But how when y’didn’t have anyone to talk to for the first 19 years? (years/3 pts)

Done, done

Location: 19:00, unlocking a door in Queens
Mood: thoughtful
Music: No one ever said it would be so hard


Me
: I’ve always been honest to you.
Her: I know it and I hate it. (pause) I’m just jealous because boys always pick me.
Me: (laughing)
Her: It’s true!
Me: I know it. I know it.

While we never see each other, PCD and I still chat online. We spoke the other night cause I was too tired to type. She’s thinking of starting a blog too, told her she should.

Her: You’re not right for me, I know that.
Me: That’s the thing about her. I think I’m right for her and she’s right for me. We’re appropriate for each other.
Her: I’d hate that – to appropriate for someone else.
Me: It’s not a bad thing. It’s hard for a boy like me to just stop, y’get used to the random nights. You know that better than most people – that it’s hard to stop and say, I pick you. To be done, y’know?
Her: Are you done, done?
Me: I hope so. (pause) I really like her.
Her: (thinking) Good then. I want you to be happy.

If there’s one common trait to the people I’m actually close to, it’s that they’re all really good people. My dad says that if you find good people in the world, you should keep them around at all costs.

He’s a smart man, my dad.

This post continued here.

YASYCTAI: Figure out which one of your friends are worth the effort and drop them a line. (hours/2 pts)

Aether Apologies

Location: the basement of my brain again
Mood: pensive
Music: sometimes a man must awake to find that really, he has no-one


Her
: Why do you always get so mad when I apologize?
Me: Cause you should only ever apologize for what you do, not who you are. You should never apologize for being what you are.

People used to believe in this thing called aether, which was an unseen gas that was supposed to envelop everything in the universe. No such thing but the literary concept of it still exists.

Heartgirl went on a date not that long ago and said the guy immediately apologized for being Indian. That irritated me so much.

I’m acutely aware of people apologizing for who they are. And when you put that out into the world, into the aether, it’s hard to kill it. The moment you let out a breath of, I’m not good enough because of what I am, or I’m so XXXX, it’s so very dangerous. Cause you can never be tall enough, thin enough, smart enough. And you are what you believe you are.

It’s subtle isn’t it? The idea that you’re not worthy of your three feet of space in this world. Here’s the thing, you gotta be. If you’re not, the world’ll roll right over you. Then again…

Her: I thought you said you weren’t broken.
Me: Maybe I’m just bruised.
Her: That makes me sad.
Me: Don’t be. It’s why I have the rum.

PCD’s…gone from this blog, per her request. But she said we’d stay in each other’s Venn Diagrams. I hope that’s true. Cause I could never tell if her eyes were grey or blue and would like to know.

I hear Caligirl’s laughter my head – wondering for a second if she’s right and I’m all just hot breath and lies. I gotta believe I’m not. Gotta.

Otherwise, I know the world’ll roll right over me. So I gotta believe I’m not. I just gotta.

Talk. I’d listen

Location: 8:19, trying to figure out what to clean first
Mood: excited
Music: so few come and don’t go

Everything here, I say to my friends in real life; it’s why Jill thought I was giving her lines when I was just being myself.

One thing I tell people all the time is: drink rum. Seriously, do me a favor this weekend and one night do nuthin but pound rum. Mojitos, Captain n Coke, aged rum on the rocks with a slice of orange, whatever – just don’t drink any other type of alcohol.

Drink one glass of water with a multivitamin fore you sleep and see how you feel the next day. No hangover. Plus, note that you’ll feel “happy” versus “angry.” Those same two chemicals I told you bout last time not only give you that nasty hangover but also make you an angry drunk.

The beauty of rum is when you go on a bender, it only lasts that night. The next day you’re just as productive as you woulda been had you not been on a bender at all.

Rum. It’s nature’s perfect drink.

Another thing I say to people all the time is Proverbs 27:17, which goes Iron sharpens iron, so friends sharpen friends. The people you surround yourself with are your mirrors to the world. It’s also why it’s painful when people leave your Venn Diagram. You dull a little when they do.

Interestingly, that bible quote was in an article on relationships in the NY Times. The article notes that more marriages are killed by silence than by violence. It’s harder than you might think. The talking.

Her: My thing is that I just lose interest in people. You know how when you just want someone gone and you don’t even want them to say anything? Ever? I hate how that feels.
Me: (slowly) More than you know.

Her: Yes. So that’s why I wanna go slowly. I’m getting ahead of myself by trying to stay behind. Does that make sense? (pause) We don’t have to stop talking yet. You could talk. I’d listen.

Me: OK then, let me tell you a story…

Oh…cm’on!

Location: My office, wishing I were outside
Mood: wistful
Music: Our hands are covered in cake But I swear we didn’t have any

Seriously, someone somewhere really just hates me. Hates me.

Realized as I went through records that I may be the oldest person in my entire condo building.

Still, although it’s served with a big slice of lemon, at least my blue sky’s back.

———-

Heartgirl dropped me a line recently. Isn’t weird how the more you don’t want to think about someone, the more you do?

HEI’s going through some rough times but I told her that rough times are when you find out what you’re made of. Rough times cut away the fat of your life to see the muscle underneath. On a related note, while we’re both attracted to each other, we’re solidly in friends camp for our own reasons. Hopefully we stay in each other’s Venn Diagram.

BEG is off on vacation so I don’t think I’ll be seeing her any time soon.

Finally, PCD and I saw each other recently. In addition to being a cake decorator, she also has an anthropology degree so we’ve some interesting conversations.

Her: Today I made an onion – tomorrow I’m making asparagus.
Me: (laughing) You’re so non sequitur.

Her: I’m totally sequitur!

Me: It’s ok, I like non-sequitur.

Her: So one physical marker of an Asian is the shovel shaped incisors – the insides of your incisors are scooped.

Me: (feeling the inside of my teeth with my tongue) Well, look at that. (pause) Cm’re, lemme check out yours – for purely scientific purposes, I assure you…


Oddities on our toes

Location: on a blue couch with a pretty friend and a glass of rum
Mood: getting sotted
Music: if I stay I’ll be alive Then choke on words

Life’s fulla these little oddities that keep us on our toes.

Heartgirl’s elsewhere. Funny thing is that Paul and I were supposed to be in the exact same place at the exact same time. But it’s too coincidental to be believable and I’m busy so Paul’s there by his lonesome.

Heartgirl thinks I talk too much about my dating life. But going with the theory that all your life’s problems can be divided up into health, wealth and relationships, it’s really all I got. My work life’s…complicated. I can’t legally talk about mosta it. Health-wise, I either play with pointy things or roll around with men wearing tight clothes and padding.

Wait – that didn’t come out right.

So…relationships.

I finally have drinks with the Blue-Eyed Girl around the way. Late in the night, she tells me she found my blog. I must change my name.

She’s very cool but says that she wasn’t one of the cools kids in high school. Kinda weird that all these pretty girls I meet were never one of the cool kids in high school. I think they’re lying. Or all the cool kids became dorks and the dorks became…well, us.

HEI’s got a guy that’s sweet on her visiting from outta town soon so we meet up for dinner. We grab sushi today cause she says that whenever she grabs sushi with a guy, he exits her Venn Diagram. I tell her we gotta do it cause that’s ridiculous and, besides, I’m not gonna.

I’m not gonna cause I’m so tired of everyone exiting mine.