I think the reason why the narcissist accusation bothered Chad and me so much was because we both had to deal with a self-aggrandizing narcissist for years.
Him: These people think we’re like him?! (shakes head) You gave up everything to try and save Alison – your career, your personal life, your friends, everything. I don’t know many people that would do that.
Him: Logan, saying that about anyone is serious, saying it about you and what you’ve gone through is beyond fucked-up.
You see, a cornerstone of a narcissist is that they’re always bragging about their credentials and achievements. But Chad never knew I knew kali, let alone taught it, until the day he showed up at our first video shoot.
You still don’t know even know what I do for a living. Not really.
In fact, one major reason why I resisted the idea of Scenic Fights for over a year was because I like to keep my private life private.
Chad is similar in many ways. I suppose that’s why he and I get along so well. We both live by the credo that we want to leave people better off having met us than not, the opposite of what a narcissist does/is.
After a long conversation, we came to the conclusion that the people that called us that either don’t fully understand the gravity of what they’re saying or they don’t really know us at all.
It’s kinda like people in Asia wearing tee-shirts with words they don’t fully appreciate.
BTW, there are whole blogs dedicated to them and they’re, admittedly, hilarious.
On that note, I wouldn’t have brought this matter up again but for three women and a superstar. One is a stranger, one is an old friend, one is someone I adore, and one is a…superstar.
The first was a woman named Joan that wrote that, at least from my writing, I didn’t seem like a narcissist.
There was no reason for her to contact me but she did it anyway. I don’t understand people that go out of their way to ruin other people’s day, but on the flip-side, there’s something about someone that voluntarily decides to make a complete stranger’s day better, donchathink?
I told her, honestly, that I always liked the name Joan because of this lovely woman named Joan I knew in college.
Joan-from-College was probably one of the coolest people I knew. She was beautiful and popular – the opposite of me. She dated one of my closest buddies so I never thought of her as anything but a good friend.
With the exception of one staggeringly drunken night, I’ve never made a pass at a female friend. Considering how many nights I’ve been out and how many women I know, I’m pretty proud of this.
As for Joan-from-College, we lost touch after she graduated but she wrote me out of the blue one day, two months before Alison got sick.
Joan: I wonder if you remember me. When I was going through a really difficult time my sophomore year you were very sweet to me. I know it must have helped me because I still remember you fondly.
Me: Of course I remember you! I don’t remember the conversation either but I remember it being around Uris Hall and you smoking (a lot).
I do remember feeling flattered and awestruck as a nobody freshman that a cool and pretty sophomore girl deigned to talk to me.
Late one night, I also sent out a quick message to a buddy of mine who happens to be a legit superstar; you’ve definitely seen some of his movies/shows.
Me: I am so upset.
Him: Give me a call [sends number].
Me: You’re a prince.
We literally chatted for an hour. It was surreal. And he was just great.
Like I said, random, unexpected kindnesses are the absolute best.
But, really, the most impactful thing that made me believe that the person that said the narcissist comment was both cruel and wrong was, of course, Mouse.
Honestly, that girl is like my own personal MPDG except that, obvs, she has her own agency.
I can honestly say that, for the past few years, she was my best friend and the biggest influence in my life outside of the boy. I adored her.
I gotta say, between the two Joans, the superstar, Mouse’s kind words, and seeing my family, I had a pretty sweet birthday.
The next time someone tries to convince me that I’m something I know I’m not, I’ll pull up Mouse’s entry and remember that someone I once thought was pretty awesome, once thought I was pretty awesome too.