The show’s tomorrow but I’m in the attic of my mind right now, putting stuff away.
I spent 34 years waiting for my real life to begin.
Now, I’m worried that I’ve blinked and missed it.
I’ll be back writing on Monday.
I think.
1:26:32 AM
Location: yest. @ 2PM, an office, getting another job offer I’ll never take
Mood: nostalgic
Music: Any minute now my ship is coming in
Blue Jean Eyes and I were orbiting for a bit more but I didn’t mention it because I wasn’t sure how it’d shake out. Turns out I was right; fifteen days later, we’re total strangers.
Suppose that’s just how it goes.
———-
There’s a new book called Send which basically says, think twice before you do anything online as once it’s up, it’s there forever. This is turning out to be very disturbingly true:
I did work for a short film, Cycle, years ago. Apparently it’s being shown someplace because I got a email from a girl asking me if I was the same Logan Lo.
Someone else said that she read about me from a random article in a local paper.
Just Googled my name and this blog showed up.
Getting a sinking feeling that if I ever look for a job (or a chick), I’m screwed.
I should re-think this blog, maybe…
Location: @3PM yest., Walker & 6th Ave
Mood: uncomfortable
Music: angel in disguise Chinese-speaking girlfriend big brown eyes
Anyone that’s read this blog knows that I think people, as a whole, are scumbags. Individually, though, there’re some great ones.
As I mentioned before, Jaerik took it upon himself to pimp out the show as did AZN Concerts. So_yun sent us a check outta pity and Evul bought four tickets for the same reason even though he can’t come – we’re not proud, we’ll take it.
Finally, a good friend heard I wasn’t sleeping so she called me late last night and ended up singing to me though she denies it (“you’re delusional“) . Between her and CindyE I’ve got a chorus line going on.
Kindness is seriously underrated. Even Blue Jean Eyes (who may hate me at this point, though I’m not sure why) is sending me back a jacket I left at her place.
Now, if someone would send me some soup the next time I’m sick, I’ll be all set.
Location: -20 mins, on 79th St. fixing shoes
Mood: happy
Music: Why’d you have to be so cute It’s impossible to ignore
Someone just sang to me. It was very sweet. It just happened so I guess I’ll write about it later.
Spent the day returning to my normal life. Last week was…interesting, to say the least. I think my earliest night ended at 1 AM. Here’s a brief recap:
Quite a week – it’s only Monday and I’ve already a song in my head.
Wonder what’s in store for me this week?
Location: @11:36 PM yest., on the phone in my pad, listening
Mood: grateful
Music: It’s bad enough we get along so well
What’s your definition?
Location: @5PM, yest. @Mott & Hester St., talking my way outta a ticket
Mood: pensive
Music: I might like The quiet nights of this empty life
You know the drill – try and make it if you can.
A thank you to Jaerik and So_yun for some very undeserved kindness I will tell you about when I don’t have a fifth of rum in me.
It’s been quite a week; good and bad. I should write more of it but I’m beat and bending time. I will.
Got back to the city tonight and Hazel called me and asked me I wanted to go out with her and 13 women. Who am I to say no?
Wish there was some story to tell you besides countless instances of the Standard (“Who do you know, what do you do, where are you from, blah, blah, blah”) from me and to me.
There isn’t.
Still, whenever I do the Standard two or more times in one night, I know that I should go home and go to bed. Must have done it more than half-a-dozen times tonight. You should try to avoid it, as should I.
I should also try and get used to being in my bed by myself.
I’ll try.
Location: @2:30AM, 118 10th Ave, explaining why
Mood: exhausted
Music: I wish you’d take a walk in my shoes for a start
I’m still traveling.
I was in charge of finding a place to screen 72nd to Canal and I wasn’t having much luck:
Him: Are you sure?
Me: Of course I’m sure, I passed the bar exam in one shot! I have a JD! I’m an ivy league grad! I think I know how to make a phone call.
Him: (pause) You know you gotta dial a (1) first…
Me: Are you even listening to me?
Him: Did it ring?
Me: (pause) You know I have to kill you now.
Location: I’d rather not say.
Mood: tired
Music: I find myself shaking in the middle of the night
Hello! I am 34 and trying to find my way through the world; if you’ve already made it, won’t draw me a map? I’m here and I’m trying to get there.
When I sober up tomorrow, I’m sure that’ll all make perfect sense.
Until then, I have my red, red rum to help me forget all the other colours.
Then again, if I had a better story, would I be writing this to you?
Location: some small bar in some small world
Mood: inebriated
Music: hold on Just give me something
Long post. I come to you with questions. But first, some background:
Her: Do you only date non-asians?
Me: (puzzled) Most the women I’ve dated have been Asians. In fact, I’ve only dated two four that weren’t. I’m equal opportunity.
Him: Yeah, everyone deserves an opportunity to be miserable with Logan.
With nods to Mylai, I have FOUR weddings to go to in the next two months and I’ve already RSVP-ed with a date as…oh, I’d rather not say, it’s complicated. Anyway, questions for you – answers will be much appreciated (really, I wanna know):
We’ve got a crapload of them coming your way.
Location: @12PM yesterday, hurtling up Route 9A
Mood: disappointed
Music: baby don’t waste your time I know what’s on your mind
I’ll be traveling this week. Recently, though, I ran.
I’m not a runner, at all. But I found out that I’m 13.9% bodyfat. Unacceptable. Lexxy-pie‘s jumping rope like mad but that’s not for me.
People think I’m vain. I’m not. Just self-conscious. I have good reason to be, because, in 20 years, I’ve never forgotten how much coin people put on physical appearance.
Was a fat kid, you see. Really fat; 5’3″ and 183 pounds. Hella fat. Only for three years but they were the worst years: 12-14. Right when you discover chicks. No fun there.
The sneakers you see above came in the other day. I laced them up and I ran.
Man, I hate it. But I’ll do it. Until I’m breathless and weak, I’ll do it.
Because in 20 years, I’ve never forgotten how much coin people put on physical appearance.
Location: @10AM yesterday, going to the post
Mood: drained
Music: you want someone who truly loves you I will be the one
