Tag: hope

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personal

Spring cleaning

I’ve got to learn to duck

That was unpleasant. I gotta learn to duck (warning: kinda gross – do not click if squeamish).

It’s just as well, I need to stay home and clean up. I bought myself what I think is the best canister vacuum, yet I haven’t used it once, I’m going to use it, I just don’t know when.

Her: Spring cleaning, eh? I wanna do that too. BTW, so many people are single these days, a friend called me yesterday to tell me that he and his girl just split up.
Me: Well, two friends of mine just got into relationships and someone I know just got back with an ex. But I think it’s all part of the same thing: spring cleaning.

Something about spring makes you wanna examine your stuff. The spring light sharpens things dull from the winter. You can see what’s worth working on and what’s gotta go. Doesn’t matter if they’re comic books, handbags, or relationships.

Last spring was terrible for me.

This spring, things are looking much better.

Excuse the mess – it’s I’m still a work in progress.

Location: @8:45 PM, on the UWS playing with sharp things
Mood: thankful
Music: if you’re gonna do it do it right do it with me
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personal

Virginia, look at the blue sky

Dr. Kelso: Are you an idiot?
JD: No sir, I’m a dreamer.

— Scrubs, S06E16 : 02:53

 

Location: @7:30 AM, Central Park in spring
Mood: thoughtful
Music: You’re good at makin’ me feel so small And I know you

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personal

Hello…what?

Don’t want to comment on all the tragedy; there’s enough. So, here’s four happy/stupid:

  1. Instead of a birthday cake, I had a low-fat, low-carb ice cream sandwich. It was great good not so bad.
  2. CindyE sang me Happy Birthday, in-aeternum sent me an amazing gift, in_a_silver_bag sent me a picture of soup, and so many of you guys left me comments – I can’t even tell you how that made my day. Plus people remembered that I didn’t think would and people forgot that I didn’t think would. All good. Finally, katsmw digitaldewi, and frieseurfrau, all mentioned me in their journals. Cool.
  3. At least 15 people left me voicemail per my request.
    • I could use some more (especially male) for the project I’m considering. Could you give me a ring? Don’t leave your name if you don’t wanna.
  4. I appreciate all your kind thoughts but here’s my favorite greeting from the past week or so:

Him: Hey, I wanted to wish you a happy b-day. By the way, I’ve got some good dirt.
Me: Sweet, hit me.
Him: Remember when I told you that I ran into your ex out here?
Me: Vaguely…
Him: We totally hooked up. I mean full-on.
Me: (pause) How is that good again?
Him: I meant for me.
Me: (…)
Him: Why’s everything about you? Oh, there’s my ride, I’m out. Happy Birthday!
Me: (…)

I’ve decided that hope is good.

Thanks for the hope.

Location: on my birthday, in the UWS, swinging sticks around
Mood: happy
Music: built my life around you but time makes you bolder Even children get older

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personal

A Billion Miles of Fate and Luck

What is life but a bunch of random meetings?

(c) A Lo

I once randomly met a woman I dated for over a year at a cocktail party on 76th Street.

Met another woman who stood outside a phone booth in Columbia waiting to make a phone call.

Met yet another one who sat on a park bench north of Astor Place.

And I met Blue Jean Eyes in a random class in a random school at a random moment in my, admittedly, random life.

That last one ended just as randomly the other day. I think. There’s definitely something about her and me that I just can’t put my finger on. While it takes two people to get into a relationship, it only takes one to get out of it.

But you knew that.

I’m ok, though. I was hoping for a nice summer at least but you take life as it comes. She’s great. I wish her only every good thing.

As for me, I’ve dusted myself off, gave Gio and the guys a call and got out and about. Had a weekend that I barely remember and a Monday night in front of another blue-eyed girl who told me I was having a great time.

I laughed.

I read once that the Universe expands by a billion miles in all directions every hour.

Isn’t the intersection of fate and luck fascinating?

Well, sad and disappointing at times, but fascinating nonetheless.

I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Location: @8:30 yesterday, dinner at the Manhattan Diner
Mood: Sick
Music: Hey Lloyd, I’m ready to be heartbroken

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personal

Pandora

What was the last thing in Pandora’s Box?


They opened a new Amish school house in Pennsylvania the other day.

Hopeful is good.

I think.

Have you ever actually read about Pandora’s box? Yes, she unleashed all of life’s misery but did you know that Hope was the final thing in the box? It was also the only thing Pandora managed to trap.

Eventually, Hope escaped.

There are two ways to look at this, either:

  • Hope is the one thing that counteracts all the crap life throws your way; OR
  • Hope is the worst of all evils because when you’re let down, well…I’m sure you’ve been let down before so, you know.

Always thought it was the former. In my late nights, I’m not sure. I think it may be the latter.

I would like it to be the former, but, then again, I would like a lot of things.

Location: @3:30, crossing the 59th St. Bridge
Mood: sad
Music: read my mind love What a tale my thoughts would tell

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personal

Mr. Fix-it

It’s easier to start new things than try to replace old things

My tub faucet sprung a leak the other day so I decided it was time to fix it.

I’m always trying to fix things in my life.

My car, my finances, my computer, my body, my love life – the list goes on. I decided just the other day to repair my relationship with my lower abs. We’ve kept in touch but I’ve just not seen them in six months.

Spent almost all of last summer trying to fix my hellish relationship with my ex.

As an aside, it would have been nice if she told me that it was not only broken but that she had already given speaking lines to three other drivers (whom I don’t think have seen any of their abs in decades, one word: flexbelt; of course, it’s not just about looks, to their credit they’re also dull as rock soup).

Sorry, just snarky because I’ve got a drip that’s driving me mad.

Point is, fixing is different than building. It’s been a while since I’ve been able to build. This spring I’m building things with old friends and new.

But for now, oh man, where’s that #@$@#$ wrench?

Location: @2:30PM yesterday, on Broadwayasd downing a burger
Mood: insanely busy
Music: Sunlight on my face I wake up and yeah, I’m alive

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personal

Wrong baggage

Well, I’ve had an unpleasant evening. Don’t ask. I’m still not sleeping either. Maybe it’ll get better but in the meanwhile, I thought about my recent past.

I took this bag with me all over the world for two years. I had it custom made back when I had some coin.

I wanna see the sun in Santa Monica again, or the sun on Five Finger Mountain in Xinzhu again, or the sun on the Baltic Sea in Denmark again, or the…oh you get the point.

I hated traveling around the world when I had to, now I miss it so. It is always greener there, isn’t it?

No worries, I’m still hopeful. Just not here.

Too much baggage.

Location: @11:21, leaving the east side
Mood: melancholy
Music: just a notch in your bedpost But you’re just a line in a song

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personal

Fly, baby, fly…

A bird fell out of the sky and into my NYC backyard

It beyond cold the other day. I woke up and heard a thud in my back yard.

I was pissed because people are always tossing things into my area, but I looked in and saw that a pigeon had just up and dropped outta the sky and into my yard.

Poor bastard.

Just stared at it for a while before I finally went back there to remove it.

Not the best way to start the day but, I gotta admit, my day was better than the bird’s. I’m hoping he was just old and it was his time.

My sister took the above picture over the summer. I decided that it was a better picture to post than one of the dead bird.

Always be positive, that’s what I say – there’s enough sadness to go around.

Fly, baby, fly…

Location: @3PM, bumping into an old friend off Grand Street
Mood: happy
Music: slippin, slippin, slippin, into the future

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personal

Clear Blue Skies

I’d like to move away – but I’d miss my family

The funeral I went to has been on my mind. It’s made me pensive and sappy.

I have no death wish – far from it. I have a master plan to live until I’m 100. But the plans of mice and men…

What I think about is whether or not I’ll get to find out if my father is right or wrong.

My father, you see, believes me in. I don’t know why, especially in light of my dismal track record in, well…just about everything. Yet, he thinks that I am capable of things I don’t think I am.

He always says, The race is long, one day you’ll fly.

Maybe he’s just like every other dad in the world. Maybe he really believes it.

I like to think he believes it.

That’s the real reason I don’t just pack up and leave to Beijing, Berlin or someplace where no one knows me, you know?

Because it would be nice if I could prove him right.

And I’d miss them all.

Location: sick in bed
Mood: sick
Music: So, all alone I keep the wolves at bay
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Peace, Hope and Harold

Good people make all the difference

I’m still excited about 2007, it’s only a few days old and I’m hopeful for the future for two reasons.

Reason One
So the big thing in NYC is this 50 year-old guy, Wesley Autry, jumps onto the train tracks to save the life of a kid he doesn’t know. The train rolls over both of them and his two daughters, four and six, are sure he’s dead. But it turns out, Autry pushed himself and this guy into this pit full of sewage as the train rolled over both of them. They’re both fine.

Still believe that people as a whole are a bunch of selfish scumbags. I should know, I’m one of them. That’s why when something like this happens, an entire jaded city of 11 million plus takes note.

They just re-did the Milgram experiments and the results were the same. What a freaking disappointment. But you’ve got singular people like Autrey who, when asked why he did what he did, shrugs and says, “I thought the guy needed help.”

Reason Two
I have a plant that my family brought over from Asia. His name is Harold (yes, I name my plants – trust me, that’s the least of my oddities).

He’s been with me for over a decade. When my ex moved in with me, her two cats used him like a #$@@# salad buffet so I put him outside where my upstairs neighbor promptly dropped buckets of cement on him.

Harold’s been a nasty mess for months now but this morning, I noticed that he was growing new shoots.

It’s beautiful outside right now.

Blue skies above; cold, clear air below.

I’m hopeful.

Location: @3:15, standing in line at the post
Mood: hopeful
Music: I’ve been searching for a long time, I still have hope, I’m gonna find my way home