Why she was my person

She was perfect for me

This is probably my favorite picture of her.

It was taken the day we got married. That’s what she wore. It perfectly encapsulates what our marriage was all about.

She didn’t wear white. There was no ceremony, we just got hitched in the local courthouse. She’s holding her phone because there was some last-minute thing at work she had to answer. She was always helping others.

We took the money that her parents and my parents gave us for the wedding and invested it in Facebook instead.

Similarly, when we got engaged, I bought her an engagement ring but it wasn’t a diamond. Instead, she told me to put the money I woulda spent on a diamond towards our mortgage.

I never wore my wedding band but she never had a problem with that.

Said it before, love is two people looking at the world the same way.

She was my person and I was hers because we were always more interested in doing stuff that was actually important to us rather than all the stuff that was supposed to be important to us.

What was important to us was each other and each other’s happiness. That was it. It was us versus the world.

Me: We’re team McCarthy-Lo – see, I gave you top billing.
Her: (laughing) You and me against the world.

As an aside, that investment in Facebook and mortgage payment came in handy when everything went to hell.

In any case, we had dinner together almost every night the entire time we were together. I think that’s why she never cared about the wedding band.

Because she knew that, at the end of the day, there was no place I’d rather be and no one I’d rather be with than at the dinner table with her. And I knew the same was true of her.

We didn’t care about any symbols or metaphors about relationships, we only cared about the relationship itself.

That’s the truth and the truth is a powerful thing.

The only thing missing from our idyllic life was the kid. When he came, we thought it was finally our time. But it never was.

At some point, I know that I’ll have dinner every night with only 2/3 of my family once again.

She’ll never have dinner with us again.

The thought of it is almost too much to bear.

Son: (smiles)
Me: (gently) It’s you and me, man. Us versus the world. We gotta take care of each other.
Him: (laughs)

 

\’

Location: at the foot of her bed
Mood: agony
Music: say why don’t you and I get together? Fly to the moon and straight on to heaven
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10 thoughts on “Why she was my person”

  1. Logan,

    This was absolutely beautiful. I know that Alison would be so proud of the person and man you have become and have been so extremely strong not only for her, but for Nathan. I cannot fathom the pain and heartache that you are feeling but please know, that you and Nate are family just as much as Alison is. I know we haven’t gotten to meet yet, butWe love you guys and if there is anything you ever need, please don’t ever hesitate. We will continue to be praying hard over you all during this horrific time.

    Evan, Sarah, & Rowen

  2. Alison is beautiful inside and out. I cry when I read your writings because of how unfair things are for Alison and you.but also because I wish I had the love with my partner that you and Alison share with each other.

  3. I am so sorry. Alison is such a beautiful human being. It is so hard to understand that bad things happen to good people.

  4. I have been listening to your story. I am sure my words can’t help in any way . You have a beautiful love .

  5. In the short amount of time, you both have achieved a wonderful love most of us will never experience in our lifetime.

  6. It’s not you and the kid against the world. We are with you. When you feel like you can’t go on we will be there. You will never be alone. You might feel like dying but we are with you. Scream. Cry. Be angry. Fall down. Feel guilt. Do whatever you need to do and we will still be with you. Promise.

  7. I remember helping her pick out that dress to wear from her closet, and I wouldn’t be surprised if I was the annoying person emailing her on her wedding day to help solve a work crisis. Logan, you and Nathan are not alone – we are here to constantly remind you of her love for you, and to repeatedly tell Nathan about his mama, including how much she loved him before he was even born. Big hugs during this awful, sad, incredibly unfair time.

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