After marriage you smell better

Her: It’s so nice that the paper doesn’t fall behind the printer any more.
Me: That’s part of my job as a husband; to make sure things don’t annoy you as much.

Been noticing some slight post-marriage changes. For one thing, I smell great. Not that I smelled particularly bad pre-marriage, mind you, it’s just that before I just had soap; now I have choice of:

  • Regular scented soap
  • Antibacterial scented soap
  • Moisturizing scented soap
  • Body wash with exfoliants
  • Body wash without exfoliants
  • Anti-fritz shampoo (with accompanying conditioner)
  • Colour-fast shampoo (with accompanying conditioner)
  • Shine-enhancing shampoo (with accompanying conditioner)
  • Straightening shampoo (with accompanying conditioner)
There’s more but let’s not belabor the point. Did not know half these things existed.
Note that by mixing-and-matching the above, I can go a month without ever smelling the same twice. Not gonna lie, it’s pretty nice though there have been days when I smell like a bowla fruit.

As for her, my collection of the Cartoon History of the World does not seem to enriching her life (much). However, in addition to moving heavy objects and offing the occasional critter, I’ve been busy fixing things. So far, fixed a Roomba and a printer.

Feel the need now to stalk and kill something and then grill it.

Or just make more chili.

Location: off to roll
Mood: groggy
Music: Too low to find my way Too high to wonder why
YASYCTAI: Fix that other thingy. (60 mins/1 pt)

Playing the Settlers of Catan Without Umbrellas

Turns out I didn’t make a mistake with that client; took a long hard look at what I did and realized that I was, in fact, right. But the damage’s already done and calling up a client and saying, “I told you so,” is rarely good form.


Me: (putting on white paisley belt) I’ll wear my wedding ring to keep the women at bay.
Wife: I’m sure that white belt will be more effective.

Went out to see some of my old buddies including Paul and WM; we usedta go out and pick up women with umbrellas in our drinks. Now we meet up for board games – the Settlers of Catan. Which’s fine, cause we’re all secretly a little geeky.

Was supposed to only be out for a few hours but I lost the first round and I hate losing so we played one more round until about midnight (which I won).

For me, it was kinda the perfect night: chicken wings, rum, board games, and, when I got home, got to climb in bed with a beautiful woman.

Me: Hey, I’m back. (sheepishly) Had a lota wings and rum.
Her: (sleepily smiling) I can tell. G’night…


Location: Brooklyn
Mood: ambitious
Music: I’ve got to let it go And just enjoy the show
YASYCTAI: Buy some boardgame; everyone should have one. (15 mins/1 pt)

Rudy’s Bar and Passing the Bar in NYC

Me: Is this the week?
Him: This is the week. Today I become a man.
Me: You know your have to wrestle a bull, right? It’s part of the process – they just don’t tell you these things.
Him: I heard you have to do it in a loin cloth. That ain’t right.

A buddy of mine is getting sworn in today as an attorney. I barely remember mine – it was over a decade ago. Crazy how quickly time flies.

Near my pad is a place called Rudy’s Bar that’s been around as long as I’ve been and probably longer. It’s a dive dive bar. The kinda place y’go and have to wipe down stuff before you sit or touch anything.

But the best thing about the bar – better than the $3 beers – is the fact they give you all the hot dogs you want. Beef hot dog. So long as you’ve ordered at least one drink, they keep giving you dogs. The only options’re mustard or ketchup (the answer’s always mustard, in case y’didn’t know).

Met up with another lawyer buddya mine over there; haven’t seen him in almost seven years. Last time, we grabbed some Fatburgers out in San Fran. He’s got two kids and a wife now out in the Cali burbs.

S’funny but a good number of my buddies didn’t end up with the person we all thought he or she’d end up with. Life keeps throwing those curveballs.

Him: I take it you didn’t marry the doctor?
Me: (laughing) No, that was a while ago. (standing up) Guess I’ll be seeing you again in about seven years. What is that, 2018?
Him: Works for me.

Location: getting dressed for the gym
Mood: thoughtful
Music: And I’ll be buyin’ ev’rybody drinks all ‘roun’
YASYCTAI: Buy something different for lunch. (15 mins/1 pt)

Owning up to mistakes

Her: …I liked Capture the Flag.
Me: “Capture the Flag?” Never heard of it.
Her: Really? Well, there’re two teams and you run after the other and when you tap…
Me: That sounds terribly violent.
Her: (shakes head)

Been thinking a lot about having a kid. Like to be a dad but dunno what’s in store for us. Suppose the only thing to do is to keep the head down and clock those dollars while we wait for him or her.

Speakinga clocking dollars, got screamed at by one of my newest ones cause of a rookie mistake I made; been doing what I do for over a decade and I’ve never made this mistake but the client wanted a rush job so I rushed and screwed something up. So the client tore inna me.

While I wouldn’tve made this mistake had I not been rushed, it was still my fault. I should have either turned down the gig or done it right. Since neither happened, it was ultimately on me. It was a stupid, embarrassing mistake so I let him finish yelling at me, apologized, and said, “Lemme make this right.” Spent the resta the day trying to make it right.

The thing with being in the service industry’s that, even if you’ve had a client for a decade and’ve never screwed up, you just need one mistake and you’re gone. Just the way it goes.

Mistakes happen, not much you can do but apologize, learn from them, and move on.

On a brighter note, over the weekend, went out for dinner with the wife. We don’t go out much any more so it was like going on a date; we laughed about our old lives. We’re gonna try and do that more often.

Also, got a letter from Gshok. Opening up the mailbox and pulling out something that’s not a bill or ad’s rare for me. I think I’ll do the same for her today.

It’s a rainy Monday but good weekends usually carry me through to about Tuesday.

Location: chair, listening to the rain outside
Mood: tired
Music: In this world, it’s hard to get it right
YASYCTAI: Incorporate the words “big pimping” into a sentence with someone today. (10 secs/1 pt)

Comedy, by Gilbert Gottfried

Following the 2011 Earthquake / Tsunami / Nuclear disaster, the following were jokes made by former AFLAC spokesman, Gilbert Gottfried; all jokes copyright of Gilbert Gottfried as author.

Photo (c)Kamoshida/Bloomberg
What does every Japanese person have in their apartment? Flood lights.

Photo (c)Kamoshida/Bloomberg
Japan called me. They said “maybe those jokes are a hit in the US, but over here, they’re all sinking.”

Photo: REUTERS/U.S. Navy/Mass Communication Specialist 3rd Class Dylan McCord
I was talking to my Japanese real estate agent. I said “is there a school in this area?” She said “not now, but just wait.”

Photo (c) Reuters
I just split up with my girlfriend, but like the Japanese say, “They’ll be another one floating by any minute now.”

Mood: appalled

The people that point and the people that run in.

Her: (glancing at clock) It’s 11:11 – make a wish.
Me: (thinking) I hope those people’ll be ok.
Her: That’s a good wish.
Me: (as clock changes to 11:12) Made it just in time. Maybe it’ll come true.

There’re people in life that you’ll meet that’ll always say a contrary position. If you say it’s black, they’ll say it’s grey. Daytime, it’s early evening.

These people aren’t necessarily bad, but they are needy. They need to feel superior, to be listened to, to matter.

A variation, however, is the pointer. The ones that feel they know some truth hidden from the rest of us. The ones that spring up at every tragedy and say, “God is punishing (insert childhood issue here)” or “Well, they really brought it upon themselves.”

In all of human history, there’s no tragedy so great where some cruel person won’t stand to the side and point, not at the calamity, but the victims.

Some, like Gilbert Gottfried, point and laugh. Some like Glen Beck, point and blame. The reason’s the same, that neediness. Coupled with an inability to do anything but point.

But often, there’s no tragedy so great where there won’t be someone else that runs past them to stand in front of complete strangers and say “Stand behind me, I’ll protect you.” It’s people at their very best.

As of this writing, 50 people keep walking back into a nuclear reactor to try to get it under control. Can’t even wrap my head around that.

Said once that troubles strip away the fat of your lives to who we really are. Sometimes, under the fat, you find a Gilbert Gottfried there, sometimes you find a hero.

Both make you shake your head in disbelief but for totally different reasons.

Location: watching this all unfold
Mood: pissed off
Music: we could be heroes, just for one day
YASYCTAI: Text that number – REDCROSS to 90999. (10 secs/3 pts)

If you don’t wanna play the part, don’t audtion.

Haven’t been able to work out cause I injured my neck falling down all of time when I got food poisoning. Still, net-net, look about the same cause the sickness meant eating only BRATY for a while.

Caught a bita that TV show Who Do You Think You Are? This one was the one where Kim Cattrall finds out what happened to her grandfather who ditched his wife and three daughters, onea whom was Kim’s mom.

It’s always struck me as a strange thing that a fella’d do something like that. For better or worse, we all got roles we’re supposed to play. Got no respect for someone that auditioned for his role, got it, and then bolted before the act’s over.

Know nuthin about sports, don’t curse much, and I like my nice threads.

But I know what a man’s supposed to do and that’s not it.


This fella named Sydney Smith once said that It is the greatest of all mistakes to do nothing because you can only do a little.

You and I got a deal; I spill about my admittedly boring and nonsensical life and, occasionally, you do something for me. This is onea those times.

So, just like with Haiti, I ask that you text REDCROSS to 90999, which’ll donate $10 to relief efforts in Japan. It’ll take a sec, you’ll have something to post on Facebook, and you can feel better about yourself have paid back the aether a little for your dumb luck, yeah?

Location: running to meetings
Mood: busy
Music: Now kid I know I haven’t been a perfect man
YASYCTAI: Text that number. (10 secs/3 pts)

It’s been a weird (and gross) week so far.

Her: He’s alive!
Me: Barely…

Food poisoning. Unpleasant. Very unpleasant.

Was fine until about 2AM the other night when I started getting the chills and ended up in a cold sweat. Got outta bed when my legs gave way and I crashed onto the floor. Never happened to me before.

HG woke up and asked why I was on the floor – don’t remember what I said. She said that I said that I had to get to my phone to tell my gym partner I wasn’t going to be able to show up the next morning to wrestle. Ha, even in the depths of delirium, I’m responsible.

When I didn’t come back, HG said she found me curled up in the fetal position in the other room and had to drag me back to bed. That part I kinda remember.

So, had my first work-free day in a while the other day. Not the ideal way to get it but y’take what y’can get.

On the topic of gag-inducing things, been to many places in my life – a horse farm, landfill, etc. But last week, went to the single most horrid smelling place I’d ever been to in 37 years on the planet: a chicken farm. Can only imagine what it smelled like in summer.

It’s been a weird (and gross) week so far.

Location: bed, all day
Mood: drained
Music: come to me, run to me, do and be done with me, cold
YASYCTAI: Take a break (24 hours/2 pts)

Anxiety is the fear of the hypothetical; Urgency is the fuel to ambition

Him: So how’s married life?
Me: Oh, about the same except I have to raise my hand before I speak.
Him (puzzled)
Me: I’m kidding! (pause) She doesn’t let me speak.
Him: Funny boy. (laughs) It’s amazing she married you.
Me: I know, right?

My buddy Cain once said that when he got married, cause he was living with his wife at the time, it felt only like 5% different. That’s true. And 5%’s both a lot and a little at the same time.

I asked this once years ago – how many days do you think you live for?

Me? I’ve lived for about 13,700 days, give or take. That means that I’ve used up more than 50% of my allotted time. It’s parta what keeps me up at night: what on earth have I done with myself?

Onea my fave quotes is from this fella named Lou Gerstner who, when asked if he was worried, said, I don’t have a sense of crisis, I have a sense of urgency that never changes, whether we’re doing well or we’re doing poorly.

When I was younger, I was pretty anxious – grades, social standing, money, etc. Think the thing that’s changed the most with age for me is that it’s gone from anxiety to urgency. And if anxiety is the fear of the hypothetical, urgency is the fuel to ambition.

There’s a sense that I’m running outta time. Time to do all the things I’ve wanted to do, learn all I can. Now that sense has increased by 5%.

Got a wife now; if I’m lucky, maybe I’ll get some kids some day. That sensea urgency’s only getting stronger.

Only got 12,653 days left; figure only halfa that – 6,326 days – to really get something done.

Location: getting ready to get to Brooklyn
Mood: ambitious
Music: Ticking away the moments That make up a dull day
YASYCTAI: Apply for things to see what happens. (120 mins/1 pt)

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