There is a chance
The boy was at my mother-in-law’s for the 4th of July. As I said in the last entry, my 4th was awful. That’s because I spent it cleaning out Alison’s closet and wardrobe.
You see, I finally got some sleep the other day and I woke up knowing I had to do it.
When my dad died, my mom, to her credit, spent a solid month cleaning out alla his stuff. Everything.
Like I said, women are simply emotionally stronger than most men.
But I let Alison’s closet and wardrobe sit there.
Man, Alison was a wiz at maximizing space; everything was jam-packed but perfectly organized.
The past two years, I cleaned things here and there but never really did what my mom did and just cleaned it out.
Mentioned alla this to my MIL when I saw her. She always says the right thing.
Her: I’m glad. Save a few special things, and then put everything else into two garbage bags and donate it. Alison would have wanted you to do that.
Me: I know. If the roles were reversed, I’d want her to do it too.
Her: Yes. (gently) Clean out her things, Logan. It’s time.
Me: (nodding)
It was excruciating. However bad you think it was, it was worse.
Ended up dropping off seven bags worth of things at the local Goodwill. Screamed at no one about that many times.
Took until after midnight but once it was all done, I felt different. Better.
There’s never any closure but I think all the reminders of her everywhere added to my underlying sadness and complicated things.
I also put away her pictures, although they’re still out in the boy’s room, where they should be.
It’s a start.
Him: People got to know you through your blog, and her as well. It’s clear to everyone that you loved her and always will love her. Some of what you wrote was like poetry. (thinking) But I’m glad you talked to your MIL. She’s the only person that can give you any real advice.
Me: Yeah. (thinking) It’s like a million years ago and like yesterday.
Him: (nodding) It’s good. You did the right thing (cleaning out Alison’s closet).
I saw Mouse briefly the other day when some friends got together for AYCE Korean food and some axe throwing.
She’s quite good at it. Wanted to tell her about the closet and wardrobe but it didn’t feel right.
Afterward, she and I decided to get some dessert and coffee together.
There was so much I wanted to say to her, but she handed me one of her headphone earbuds and we just listened to music on the ride over.
Dunno what the future holds for us, if anything, but I’d be lying if I said wasn’t happy to see her.
Me: It’s no excuse, but you met me at a weird and awful time in my life.
Her: I know, Logan. But… (shakes head)
Me: No chance at all?
Her: (laughing) Like a moonshot chance.
Me: I’ll take that. (later) So, there is a chance.
Suppose you’ll have to read her blog to find details, if any. After all, it’s how I get most of my info about her these days.
Speaking of music, my brother sent me some song suggestions the other day, before I wrote my last entry.
Interestingly, one of the songs he said I should listen to was Be the One by Dua Lipa, and the lyrics actually work well with the story about The Taming of the Shrew, which I found interesting.
Maybe that’s just me.
Location: an emptier home
Mood: hopeful
Music: just another chance
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