Tag: discussion

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personal

Why would you want someone that doesn’t want you?

Diego the plant

Her: What name should I give it?
Me: I like Harold.
Her: No…I think Diego.
Me: Diego…OK. I like it. Diego and Harold.

We’ve bought furniture and a plant together. Suppose there’s no returning to single-hood. Harold, has to get over his jealously; a bit concerned he may start smoking again.

Speakinga singlehood, a buddy of mine’s newly single. Gave him my usual spiel, which boils down to, No matter how hard it is, why would you want someone that doesn’t want you?

He got his walking papers inĀ  fairly harsh way: she kicked him out. And for no other reason than talking with a female friend he’s known for 13 years. Told him to take the high road.

Him: And what’s that?
Me: Leave. And don’t build her up like she was a saint or rip her down like she was a monster. Just leave. If a woman tells you to leave, you get up, pack your bags, and walk out the door. Cut it deep, cut it clean, but cut it.
Him: I’m super busy today, I can’t just pack up and leave.
Me: Cut it quick, cut it deep, cut it clean, but cut it. And don’t try to read her mind like some rapist and say, “Well she really meant…” You can’t assume anything is true but the words that come out of her mouth, which was, “Move out.”
Him: Damn, I guess I’ll have to look for a place.

He moved out that night.

He’s erasing his map – in stark contrast to our other buddy who floated back and forth with his girl for a year. That girl actually ended up marrying the guy she cheated on him for a year and that friend just caused a solid year of pain for himself. This friend, however, sees the writing on wall.

Speakinga seeing the writing on the wall, recently had two clients hand me checks in very different ways.

One paid me a bonus for a job well done; the other paid me 50% of what was agreed upon. Not to get all schoolyard but a deal’s a deal. If I’ve ever learned anything from working for myself for 18 years, when a client hands you a check, you smile, take it, and make a mental note.

It’s all related, y’know? Why stay where you’re not wanted? Anyone that tells you, Move out, doesn’t want you.

Any client that pays you 50% of what you agreed upon doesn’t want or respect you.

Any client that pays you more than you asked does.

Even if you don’t like what you hear, people are telling you stuff all of time.

 

Location: Sitting in my living room, wide awake at 4AM
Mood: hungry!
Music: you open up the dirty windows, let the sun illuminate
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business dating personal

Having a date night with the wife

Logan Lo

HG and I have a habit of going to local NYC hotels for a quick night or two away from the house. It’s amazing what the word “deluxe” means inside city limits and what it means everywhere else in the world.

Which is not to say we had a bad time. We had dinner at a new restaurant called Tenpenny, where we had great service and some pretty impressive food as well. It’s nice having a date night with the wife. Afterward, we walked back to our hotel and sat at this very old school bar. I actually had an Old Fashioned instead of rum, just to shake things up a bit.

Made it back in time to wrestle for a bit and practice some fencing. My old injuries are bugging me like mad. Have to schedule another appointment with the doc. Growing old sucks but, to paraphrase Maurice Chevalier, it beats the alternative.

 

Logan Lo

Sunday was church where I spoke to this young lady; she’s dipping her toe back into the dating world.

Her: It’s hard finding the time to date.
Me: Well, you go to work five days a week right? That’s to keep a roof over your head and food on your plate. Finding someone to spend the resta your life deserves at least as much consideration as that, dontcha think?

Speakinga work, client just killed a project I was working on but it’s just as well, this is a busy month.

Trying to stay on topa things’s a lot like playing Whack-A-Mole, yeah?

 

Location: home, listening to the rain outside
Mood: injured
Music: til the day I die I run more game
YASYCTAI: Have some fish today. (15 mins/0.5 pts)
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business personal

Signal versus noise: My plans, my pad, my people, my poison, and my person

From my sis regarding my mom. Except for the Vietnamese and the fact nonea us were ever the valedictorian, it’s pretty accurate.

Find it oddly touching for reasons I can’t fully explain. Says Happy Mother’s Day better than anything I could write so let’s just leave it at that.

Brunch foor

Stayed over at my parents and then had brunch over at my old college buddy’s place downtown over the weekend. A report came out that said that the key to happiness is human relations – you can watch it here.

Sounds right to me, iron sharpens iron and all of that.

The bacon doesn’t hurt, either.

A business blog I read’s named Signal Vs. Noise. The name comes from an engineering phrase that differentiates between the amount of useful information being transmitted versus that which’s just useless noise.

People around me’re always telling me stuff. I could be a great ______ if only I ______.

The assumption is, of course, that I dunno what I’m doing, which’s a bit insulting in and of itself. Actually do have a plan and, despite unexpected calamities, have managed to stick to that plan.

Y’know the difference between strategy and tactics? A strategy’s the big goal (Capture or kill Osama bin Laden); tactics are how you attain that goal (conventional warfare or propaganda). People confuse the two all of time, which’s fine, except when they try to push their inability to differentiate upon me.

My tactics shift constantly, as they should, but my strategy never changes.

There’s this section in Made to Stick where the author talks about the Tapper Game. It’s comprised of two players; one’s a tapper that taps out a song on a table, and the other’s a listener that tries to figure out the song. Participants thought they’d get about 50% right; the actual number was less than 2%.

Why?

Cause the tapper, the one tapping out the song, already knew the song in his head and could “hear” it. The one listening to only the tapping couldn’t.

That there’s, in my opinion, about 90% of what’s wrong with all human relationships. The stuff you hear in your head isn’t what the other guy hears. After a while, y’get tired of explaining stuff and either give up or continue to argue.

Am old enough to try and listen to other points of views and make my own decisions. But I’ve got a plan, a strategy, a song I hear in my own head. And I’ve got the results I wanted from these plans – my pad, my people, my poison, and my person. Which means that the song in my head is the right song for me.

And that’s the other thing, it’s my song.

It’s noise to you but signal to me.

Location: in front of my computer as always
Mood: irritated
Music: (the song in my head)

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Categories
personal

Who are you to tell people what to do?

Logan Lo

Her: Do you ever look or is it an unwritten rule that you don’t look?
Me: We don’t look.
Her: So you guys just stand there and do your business?
Me: Yep. How is it you never talked to other boyfriends about this?

———-

Allow me one little rant.

Am finding on FB and other social sites that people – mostly white people not from NYC and not the least bit affected – keep tsk, tsk, tsk-ing some of our celebrating the death of a man that killed 3,000+ of our friends and family. Anyonea these people could have been me or my kid sister on a given day.

I’m not screaming for joy in the streets but won’t judge the ones that are cause I know nonea their stories.

Look, just cause you find something offensive doesn’t mean it is.

Your opinion as to how I should act means as much to me as your opinion as to what I should have for breakfast.

What you think is your opinion and why should your opinion rule me?

———-

For those of you interested, will be having chili for breakfast. Cause that’s what I do.

 

Location: home, listening to the rain outside
Mood: irritated
Music: would follow and believe with faith like a child
YASYCTAI: Know that your opinion’s just that. (lifetime/2 pts)
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personal

Logan’s 38 / What you pay for being alright

Logan LoJust check’n if all my hair’s still there.

Joe: Did they hurt you in there, Mitchel?
Mitchel: Not so you’d notice.
Joe: They hurt me in there, Mitchel.
Mitchel: I know they did, Joe. It’s all right now. Here. (gives him money)
Joe: You don’t have to do that.
Mitchel: Yes, I do. It’s a tax you pay for being alright.

— London Boulevard (film)

You know you’re old when you fondly remeber being 30.

Started this blog five years ago because of my breakup. Then it somehow morphed into my admittedly peculiar dating life punctuated with some really cool highs and some awful, awful lows. Now I’m just a boring married guy.

But at some point in the future, there’ll be more really cool highs and some more awful lows. It’s all about waiting for the next high, I suppose.

I’ll take the awful lows, though – as best one can. And I’ll try to do my own little bit to contribute something to world. It’s all parta the same thing anyway.

Think the above quote’s spot on, paying back to the aether’s the tax you pay for being alright. Isn’t that what a tax is? It’s what you pay to be alright.

I’m alright right now, and feel the need to pay a little more this year. Duuno what that is but I’m looking.

Having said that, you know the drill. Wish me a happy birthday and say something, all of you bastards that read me but never say anything.

Location: home, listening to the rain outside
Mood: hopeful
Music: One girl, one boy, Some grief, some joy
YASYCTAI: Oh, you know… (60 mins/1 pt)
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personal

15 Things Every Man Should Know

Things a guy needs to know to be a man

Me: Do we have any crazy glue?
Her: I think so, why?
Me: Sliced open my finger.
Her: Do you need stitches?!
Me: That’s what the crazy glue’s for.

My boss recently commented that, cause I don’t watch or play any sports, I’m missing something in the manhood realm. Thought that was pretty funny. Cause I got my own lista of what a man should know/be able to do and sports’s nowhere in it. Suppose we all do.

Here’s mine in no particular order – a man has to be able to:

  1. Cook something.
    • At least one thing very well without consulting a recipe. For me it’s chili – it can be any type of food but you gotta know it well.
  2. Tell a story well
    • Can pretty much assure you, it’s the difference between a good night or a great night. Basic rule: if it adds nuthin to the story, leave it out. Eg, if you mention that he’s wearing a white paisley belt, it’d better be crucial to the story. You have to be funny and engaging enough so that a girlie touches you on your shoulder or arm three times in a row. BTW, if that happens, you must kiss her. Unless you’re married or otherwise involved, at which point you smile and politely leave.
  3. Throw a punch and take a punch
    • I like the good old fashioned cross, but that’s just me. You gotta know how to throw it, pull it back, and throw it again. As for taking it, try not to do it often. Ducking’s a good secondary skill to possess. As a corollary, if you’re defending your pride and have a mortgage, a wife, or a kid, walk away. If you’re defending the cause of your mortgage, your wife, or your kid, keep moving forward.
  4. Do 50 push-ups
    • If you can’t, you’re an old man. The thing is, most fellas don’t have to be old men for a while.
  5. Know that what people think of him is none of his business
  6. Be loyal
  7. Know how to keep a secret
    • This is important. If you’re known as a guy that can be discreet, you will make more money and have more respect than the guy that can’t. Plain and simple.
  8. Use the right tools for the job
    • Traditional: Hammer, screwdriver, wrench (monkey, adjustable, and combo), etc.
    • Modern: Google operators, Ping, POP/IMAP, etc.
  9. Quote something that actually means something to him
  10. Have some female friends and not try to bang them.
  11. Know that his parents did they best they could
    • Or didn’t, whatever, you’re a man, let it go. They were probably kids when they had you and had no idea what they were doing.
    • Extra credit if you realize you were no prize either.
  12. Know when to use F__ and when not to use it
    • It’s like salt, a little goes a long way and too mucha it ruins a lotta hard work.
  13. Give and take a compliment
    • For the former: The occasional and honest Nice XXX with a quick nod works wonders.
    • For the latter: Yeah? Thanks, is appropriate for just about everything.
  14. Control the fear
    • It’s always there. If you’re not afraid, you’re nuts, stupid, or grossly underestimating the gravity of a given situation. Unclench your fists, breathe in deeply through your nose, out through the mouth – imagine you’re filling up your lungs from the bottom up, like a glass of water. Then think. Quickly.
  15. Stop bleeding
    • Minor wounds – pressure, hydrogen peroxide, crazy glue or bandages with lotsa changes.
    • Major wounds – pressure, call a professional, more pressure
    • Also, studies have shown, saying positive things to a gravely injured person increases their chance of survival. No, don’t have a quote, wish I did.

There are more things one should know how to do but aren’t specific to men, maybe people in general. That’s for some other time.

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Location: surrounded by papers (they’re going to kill me)
Mood: good, except I need to fix my car, I’m DIY so The Car Starter is for me.
Music: sweet woman and my two grown up sons
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personal

Paying off debts

Someone always has to pay the debt

Her: That is the bomb.
Me: Do people still say that?
Her: No, just me.
Me: I’m totally putting this in the blog.
Her: Don’t you dare. I don’t want anyone to know how dorky I am.
Me: OK.

In unrelated news, gotta leave the country for a while.

Potentially got some work in Europe. Italy’s interesting to me cause I’m such a fan of The Godfather and there’s this whole sequence there.

There’s this scene in The Godfather book that’s not in the film – dunno why the director kept cutting out these important scenes.

Michael kills his brother-in-law, Carlo, and his wife Kay secretly leaves him. Mike’s brother tries to stop her but she says she can’t stay because she can’t be with a man that can’t forgive.

Mike’s brother says something like, even if Michael truly, truly forgave Carlo, Carlo still “had to be killed. Because treachery canā€™t be forgiven. Michael could have forgiven it, but people never forgive themselves and so they would always be dangerous….[Michael] loves his sister. But he would be shirking his duty to you and his children, to his whole family, to me and my family, if he let…Carlo go free. They would have been a danger to us all, all our lives.”

Said once that that a debt is created every time something shady happens. Always.

As for France, this interesting article came out about them the other day. In it, the writer says that the French are a lot nicer to Americans these days.

The general hypothesis’s that the recession’s making everyone nicer but this writer disagrees. He says it’s because all of the older French’re dying off; the ones that were alive when the Nazis came over. It was the older French that were ashamed of the fact that they (a) collaborated with the Nazis, killing a buncha their own citizens, and (b) needed the Americans to come and rescue them.

There was debt to pay and you can’t pay back a debt like that, not even if you have IVA advice from a debt manager. So came about the dirty American. The younger French feel no such burden and can afford to be kind.

That’s the argument, anyway.

I believe it. Cause it’s the debt and the deuce. Someone’s always gotta pay the debt, man.

So, France or Italy – or maybe England. I kinda speak the language in England.

Location: Crooklyn
Mood: patient
Music: e rido e piango e mi fondo con il cielo e con il fango
YASYCTAI: Find some more cool foreign songs. (60 mins/1 pt)
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personal

The people that point and the people that run in.

Her: (glancing at clock) It’s 11:11 – make a wish.
Me: (thinking) I hope those people’ll be ok.
Her: That’s a good wish.
Me: (as clock changes to 11:12) Made it just in time. Maybe it’ll come true.

There’re people in life that you’ll meet that’ll always say a contrary position. If you say it’s black, they’ll say it’s grey. Daytime, it’s early evening.

These people aren’t necessarily bad, but they are needy. They need to feel superior, to be listened to, to matter.

A variation, however, is the pointer. The ones that feel they know some truth hidden from the rest of us. The ones that spring up at every tragedy and say, “God is punishing (insert childhood issue here)” or “Well, they really brought it upon themselves.”

In all of human history, there’s no tragedy so great where some cruel person won’t stand to the side and point, not at the calamity, but the victims.

Some, like Gilbert Gottfried, point and laugh. Some like Glen Beck, point and blame. The reason’s the same, that neediness. Coupled with an inability to do anything but point.

But often, there’s no tragedy so great where there won’t be someone else that runs past them to stand in front of complete strangers and say “Stand behind me, I’ll protect you.” It’s people at their very best.

As of this writing, 50 people keep walking back into a nuclear reactor to try to get it under control. Can’t even wrap my head around that.

Said once that troubles strip away the fat of your lives to who we really are. Sometimes, under the fat, you find a Gilbert Gottfried there, sometimes you find a hero.

Both make you shake your head in disbelief but for totally different reasons.

Location: watching this all unfold
Mood: pissed off
Music: we could be heroes, just for one day
YASYCTAI: Text that number – REDCROSS to 90999. (10 secs/3 pts)
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personal

If you don’t wanna play the part, don’t audtion.

Haven’t been able to work out cause I injured my neck falling down all of time when I got food poisoning. Still, net-net, look about the same cause the sickness meant eating only BRATY for a while.

Caught a bita that TV show Who Do You Think You Are? This one was the one where Kim Cattrall finds out what happened to her grandfather who ditched his wife and three daughters, onea whom was Kim’s mom.

It’s always struck me as a strange thing that a fella’d do something like that. For better or worse, we all got roles we’re supposed to play. Got no respect for someone that auditioned for his role, got it, and then bolted before the act’s over.

Know nuthin about sports, don’t curse much, and I like my nice threads.

But I know what a man’s supposed to do and that’s not it.

———-

This fella named Sydney Smith once said that It is the greatest of all mistakes to do nothing because you can only do a little.

You and I got a deal; I spill about my admittedly boring and nonsensical life and, occasionally, you do something for me. This is onea those times.

So, just like with Haiti, I ask that you text REDCROSS to 90999, which’ll donate $10 to relief efforts in Japan. It’ll take a sec, you’ll have something to post on Facebook, and you can feel better about yourself have paid back the aether a little for your dumb luck, yeah?

Location: running to meetings
Mood: busy
Music: Now kid I know I haven’t been a perfect man
YASYCTAI: Text that number. (10 secs/3 pts)
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Watson is Skynet / Bad Robot…bad (2)

Me: This is the beginning of Skynet. It’s like no one’s learned anything from watching Hollywood movies.
Her: For serious!

Been watching the Jeopardy series which has this computer named “Watson” going against two of the best champions the show’s ever had.

Pretty interesting to see how computers are becoming more and more human-like. Was saying to someone the other day that when I went to school, people had just started using computer on a regular basis but I graduated college having never sent a single email. This was back when messages were left via blinking light.

In all seriousness, the Skynet thing is a unnerving in the sense that something else recently happened that most American’s aren’t aware of: Predator drones are now flying in US skies, something that’s never happened before. Sure, it’s a coincidence but it’s still weird.

Am pretty excited for the future and if anyone loves their electronic doo-hickeys, it’s this bright-eyed Chinese boy.

Still, gotta force myself outta the house and take a walk more often; just did that yesterday.

The real world, especially New York City, doesn’t really care if y’interact with it or not.

Her: Today was a good day for you.
Me: Why is that?
Her: Well, we made out, we had pizza, and you got to watch a computer compete against a person.
Me: Two people!

———-

Can’t believe this was four years ago – deserves another look:

Location: in fronta glowing things like always
Mood: artistic
Music: And how the days have flown too few & fast
YASYCTAI: Take a walk for lunch. (30 minutes/1 pt)
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