Tag: hope

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personal

Finding things that are appropriate for you

Client meetings all morning. 2011 is busy already.

Student: Where do you want him at?
Instructor: (stopping class) “Where do you want him at?” We don’t end sentences with a preposition here.

There’s a nerdiness that permeates my life. Take my wrestling class. Buncha sweating guys ostensibly trying to do harm to each other. But our instructor’s a Jewish guy that’s a Japanese scholar with an masters from Columbia University. And he’s a monster on the mat. He scolded someone for cursing the other day and again for the above (more in a funny manner than a mean one).

There’re wrestling classes much closer to home for me and some that’re cheaper but there’re none that are as appropriate for me. Finding stuff that’s appropriate for you in life is a bigger thing than y’might realize.

———-

Jon Rognerud, the author of Ultimate Guide to Search Engine Optimization wrote me an email thanking me for my review. Nice fella.

My last book review made the front page of the New York Journal of Books. It’s spurring me on to finish that manuscript this month.

Gotta get it done; there’s a fine line between a writer and a nutjob that just tells himself stories all day.

Location: 11 AM, surrounded by papers on all sides
Mood: relaxed
Music: yeah, I’ve got to go home, ten minutes to go
YASYCTAI: How are we doing on those resolutions/goals? (time/1 pt)
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personal

Phillip

Snow on the 72nd Street Pier in NYC
Me: (CRASH!)
Her: (sighing) Why are you always tripping, dropping or breaking something?
Me: (turning to answer and accidentally knocking over a glass) I’m not sure.

 

Got hit with a lotta snow. Was supposed to go to my buddy’s housewarming Saturday but it was canceled. So we stayed in and watched a marathon of poor cinematic choices rounded off with carols at church.

Quiet weekend – not so good for the blogging but great for the mental health.

Speaking of mental health, onea my favorite writer’s Phillip K. Dick. He’s probably onea yours too, but y’don’t know it – Blade Runner, Total Recall, A Scanner Darkly, Minority Report, Screamer, Impostors, Paycheck, Next and a buncha others.

His stories all had to do what altered reality – what people thought were real versus what really was real. Like Total Recall where he wondered, if y’could replace all your memories with someone else’s, were y’still you?

My insomnia was the worst from 15 to 25. And what I did when I couldn’t sleep was read. Like piles and pilesa stuff. The byproduct of which’s that I have memories I know’re false but they’re real to me. Someone else’s memories rattl’n around my noggin.

Then again, sometimes false memories’re better when the real ones you’re not so proud of. Isn’t it the secret dream of every human heart to get a do-over? Another chance to do things right this time around, if given the chance.

Guess wishes’re what the holidays are all about.

On a (much) brighter and related note, it’s Xmas on Thursday. If you celebrate, hope it’s quiet. And if you don’t, still hope the same thing.

See you next week.

Location: United States, New York, New York
Mood: cold
Music: memories come rushing up to greet me now

Categories
business dating personal

Frogs and Oceans

There are oceans out there that I want to see

 

George Bailey: Oh, now Pop, I couldn’t. I couldn’t face being cooped up for the rest of my life in a shabby little office. (remorseful) Oh, I’m sorry Pop, I didn’t mean that, but this business of nickels and dimes and spending all your life trying to figure out how to save three cents on a length of pipe. (resigned) I’d go crazy. I want to do something big and something important.

Almost exactly two years ago, told you about the saying, A frog in a well knows nothing of the ocean.

Was thinking about that for three reasons:

  1. Introduced two of my successful business friends whom I trust completely to each other. Both have been screwed blue by other people but neither – cause I know ’em – would screw the other. Problem’s that, while I know it, they don’t. Annoying. S’like setting two teenagers up on a date.
  2. Been thinking of traveling moving again. Always dream of it, never do. Gonna end up like George.
  3. Another friend’s convinced that all men are scum. Convinced. Problem’s that the one common denominator in all her (truly) abysmal dating history’s is…her. She won’t change her map, though, nor herself, though, which is sad cause the holidays are a crap time to be alone with a reality you don’t want. I should know.

Man, there are oceans out there I wanna see.

Pa Bailey: You know, George, I feel that in a small way we are doing something important.

Location: my pad, having a PB&J;
Mood: anxious
Music: let’s get rich and build our house on a mountain

Categories
personal

You will

Location: my usual black chair
Mood: groggy
Music: a year? In daylights, in sunsets, in midnights, in cups of coffee


Me: You mean you watch the whole thing? Y’don’t just fast forward to the action?
Him: No, I want to hear the plot.
Me: Plot?! There’s no plot; it’s always something like: guy shows up to deliver pizza, girl steps outta the shower, and oh, she has no money to pay him. What to do? What to do? Oh my! I’ve appeared to drop my towel…
Him: (laughing) I still like to see what happens.
Me: Y’know what happens – nuthin that ever happens in real life, that’s what happens. Grand thespians, they’re assuredly not.
———-
Been looking at a bunch of ebook readers lately for myself.

In NYC, the average rent is $30-35 per square foot per year. A bookshelf takes up about a three square feet of space. I would need three for all of the books I got. That’s a nine square foot footprint, or $270-$315 a year for rent just to keep my books.

Ergo, ebook reader.

The issue is that all of the screens’re too small. Don’t wanna have to get surgery on my eyes to repair them to save $270-$315; that makes no sense. The Kindle DX has a huge screen but no way to zoom; the iRex reader has a huge screen and zoom but’s crazy expensive and dim.

So, looks like I gotta wait.

Hate waiting for the future to come. According to television, we were supposta all get jet cars by now.

And television never lies.

———-

Then again – was 20 when those ads in the vid above first came out.

Funny thing is that every single onea those things the guy said turned true.

In fact, I’ve done all but threea those things he said.

Listen to the voice, know who he is?

YASYCTAI: Be hopeful. You’ll live longer. And happier. (525,600 minutes /3 pts)
www.loganlo.com

Categories
personal

Me Again

Location: on my couch
Mood: refreshed
Music: Please allow me to introduce myself

At the enda Interview with Vampire, we find out this once wild vampire’s alive. But he’s a shella himself – scared and scarred.

Hold that thought.

Contrary to what most people think, the fast food fight isn’t between McDonald’s and Burger King. McDonalds has about 31,000 stores across the world but Subway will have more than 32,000 by the end of the year. Cause during this yeara horrible economic times, Subway profits grew by 17%.

It went from number whatever to number one cause it saw it’s chances and took them.

And Wayne Gretzky said that, You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take. It’s all about seeing your chances and taking them.

There’s been debate as to JFK’s notion that the Chinese word for crisis is an amalgam of the characters danger and opportunity – but that doesn’t make it less true a concept. Crisis’s when y’can take your shots.

The breakup, the theft, the car accident, my grandmother leaving, and the cancer scare took their toll on me. Once told someone that as a lawyer, a fencer and a kickboxer, wasn’t afraida nuthin. But the last three years, was scared and scarred. Of everything (cept maybe the girlies).

A body can only handle so many crises.

Three years’s enough to not take my shots, to be onea those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat.

After three years, a twelveth of my life, not only am I home again, feel like I’m me again.

Gonna be in DC over the weekend. Catch you next week.

YASYCTAI: Take your shots. (0.5 secs/3 pts)

Categories
personal

Support

Location: inside all day
Mood: guilty
Music: You and me got so much to prove

The clock in front of Lincoln Center

KG Betty called me tonight from Korea to tell me the news.

Me: $50,000?! How big is something like that?
Her: Three carats.
Me: Jeez! Considering how short you are, y’should just wear it around your neck. Like Flavor Flav.

OK, I didn’t say the Flavor Flav line, but I totally wanted to.

———-

Different conversation with a different woman.


Her: Did your parents support your decisions growing up?
Me: Well, not so much during the 80s, 90s and 2000s. (pause) But I’m hoping this year’ll be different.
Her: (pause then laughter)

They’ve actually always been mostly supportive of the truly questionable decisions my siblings and I’ve made in our past. Which is not to say they weren’t typical in some respects, like our education, but they gave us a good amount of latitude. For that, I’m grateful.

My pastor once said that everything in our lives can be traced back to being born to the parents we were born to. That’s so true – imagine your life if you were born to a Somalian farmer or a North Korean soldier.

My brother called me recently in the middle of the night. Apparently, my dad got lost. The thing is, he doesn’t get lost. He just doesn’t. Especially not in near home.

It’s a small thing, yeah. But it bothers me greatly.

Me: Y’ok?
Him: Me? Don’t worry, I’m fine. I just got a little…confused.
Me: (pause) Hey, I’m gonna come home for dinner this weekend.
Him: Oh, that’s great! I’ll cook.
Me: (slowly) Yeah, sounds great…

YASYCTAI: Check in with people. (20 mins/1 pt)

Categories
personal

Beautiful plans

Trying to be better

woolworth building, solitary man

 

Him: Ran into your ex the other day…she didn’t really want to talk about what happened with you two.
Me: Don’t blame her – wasn’t our best moment, if you will.
Him: You don’t hate her?
Me: (thinking) Put it this way – if you were a 31 year-old chick in a happy, stable, relationship, would you throw it all away on some meaningless flings? In other words, how much of a ______ would I have to be for her to do that? Wasn’t our best moment. Wasn’t my best moment. But I’m trying to be better.

Her: He and I were married 10 years. Now we’re not. I had all these plans…
Me: Yeah, you had all these beautiful plans. Now you gotta come up with new ones. And you will. Right now, y’think of them every minute yeah? But in a while, it’ll be every other minute. Then it’ll be every other hour. One day you’ll realize, y’didn’t think of them, or him, all day. Then someday months’ll go by when you don’t think of them.
Her: I can’t imagine that…
Me: That’s what I thought.

Since I’m probably older than you, two random thinks I’ve learned:

———-

Had a condo board meeting today. Tried several times to resign as president. Nope. It’s like being in the mafia. Damn that Asian work ethic…

Location: 20:00, yest, leather couch on 73rd
Mood: still hot
Music: I was following though with my beautiful plans

Categories
personal

Details in my eye

NYC nighttime skyline

 

Spent last Friday bouncing around a farm in upstate NY in the rain. Funny thing was that the price for 3,441,240 SF farm is about the same as my 1,700 SF apartment.

Came back to hit up a birthday party for my bro at a karaoke joint. Friends, pizza, rum – what’s there not to like? Afterward we went to this rooftop bar in midtown. My liver and I’re on speaking terms again so took it easy.

Feel bad that I didn’t have enough time to spend with my bro but was glad to see him when I could.

Told onea our close friends and favourite people that when I was 14, I was 5’3″ and 185 pounds.

And she told us that she had a little sister that she lost when the sis was 19.

Dunno how y’make it past something like that; how do you overcome that blow?

Let’s you and I never find out, yeah?

———-

I can only hope

that Some day, some day,

not quite so far away,

the contrails in the sky

match the details in my eye

and I’ll be who

I’m meant to be.
Contrails
NYC stop sign
 You see,

I do believe I would be free

if only these memories would leave.

But then the places of my past

contrast the faces of my mind.

So then I think of them,

and they of me.

Well,

silhouette
I can only hope.

———-

Just screwing around with HTML, folks.

And now, a duck goose:

Upstate duck

 

Location: my pad all day
Mood: melancholy
Music: We stood so tall we caught a plane by the wing and held it

Categories
personal

Jail Debt

A rainy view from NYC

 

Her: Oriental Avenue, $100. Do you want to buy it?
Me: Yes. I am Asian, after all.

Went to see the musical Rock of Ages this past weekend as an escape from the rain in NYC. Was packed.

Was also one of only two Asians in the whole crowd and don’t think I saw a single black or Hispanic in the lot. Dunno why.

Good show.

Next night, played Monopoly for the first time in over a decade. One would think that it would be impossible to end up in jail six times in a row and nine times overall. One would be mistaken.

You and your luck, she said.

Lost a lotta hands. But won the game.

Maybe my life’ll be the same, yeah?

———-

Just walked in the door after helping a little old lady fix her computer somewhere north of the city. Cost me three hours of my life.

But she helped me out some a little while back. Hate being in anyone’s debt and I never forget a favour. As a bonus, she gave me a bowl of ravioli and a Coors Light.

Dinner of champions.

Location: 23:00 yest, hurtling down 9A
Mood: puzzled
Music: I’m a cowboy, I got the night on my side (Spotify)

Categories
personal

God help us – Ole!

Location: my pad, all day
Mood: sore-throat-y
Music:
is this the ceremony? I don’t know, well I don’t mind

I’m sick. Not pig flu. Don’t think. Just tired with a horrible sore throat. Send soup.

So I’ve been reading and watching stuff. The above vid’s prob the best thing I’ve seen in a while. I said once before, that being grateful is the key to not being broken. Sorta what she’s talking about.

One other interesting thing was from Heartgirl. She sent me this from the tiny government that manages to cling to political survival in Somalia – it’s their response to the swine flu.

SOMALIA: No capacity to deal with such pandemics due to the prolonged civil war and destruction of medical facilities. “We are not prepared for anything like the swine flu; we don’t have the means to deal with it,” Awad Abdi, adviser to the Somali Health Ministry said. God help us if it reaches here….

How sad and comical is that, all at once?

YASYCTAI: Watch the vid, you’ll thank me. (19.29 mins/1 pt)