On (or Close to) ScheduleLocation: 21:00, leaving church because
Mood: confused
Music: baby, i got kid gloves, baby, i got heart
Was a foot away from them in one of their last concerts. Shame they broke up, they were awesome.
Speaking of awesome, met someone in church recently but, as I said before, anywhere but church.
Speaking of anywhere, had another random weekend but I suppose that’s for another time.
Speaking of time, this’ll be my first St. Val’s solo since I was 16.
Speaking of St. Val’s…
?
Basil King once said, Be bold – and mighty forces will come to your aid. I think this is true. Your friends, your family, yourself. It all comes together, somehow. Not perfectly, but it does.
It’s been 16 months since I became single. Seven months since the car accident. Three months since the theft. And I’m still here.
I drink a little more, I drive a little less and my clothes are exactly the same. But I’m still here.
Location: well, my mind’s elsewhere
Mood: hopeful
Music: I thought it out this very day. Noon upon the clock
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Scientists Find Oldest Living Animal, Then Kill It
Well, that sounds about right.
———-
Had to go onto the roof to fix a broken piece of glass (long story) on Sunday so I put on my winter jacket and made my way up.
Soon, I’m standing on my rooftop looking around the city. It’s early yet and cold so most of the city’s still inside. The wind’s blowing like mad and I’m slightly scared as there’s no railing. But as I start to work, I think about the weekend.
One minute, I’m in meetings with banks trying to hustle scratch for my business. Then I’m negotiating percentages in Chinese wearing my best tie (with a girlie secretly printed on the back of it) on a Saturday. Then I’m speaking German to a waitress in SoHo while explaining to a tall blond what an Alsterwasser/Radler is. Then I’m telling a girl in Ray’s Pizza @ St. Marks that I’m not 24. Then I’m watching a chick hang upside down in a train. Then, six hours later, I’m on a roof trying to fix a window and not get blown off.
Later that night, I’m in church (where I bumped Gshok again), and I run into a girl I met a while back but never mentioned and I came this close to asking for her number – couldn’t do it though.
Again, anywhere but church.
Anyway, I’m on this roof and I’m thinking, well, at least you’re not bored.
Yep. Boredom? That I ain’t got.
Location: 20:05, Times Square catching the uptown red
Mood: entertained
Music: Living life too close to the edge hoping that I know the ledge
Spent the day running around Connecticut, Westchester, and then stuck for two hours on the Cross Bronx Expressway – the GPS said it would take 22 minutes. It took 2.5 hours.
Damn lying GPS.
Was rushing back because I had a church function to attend. Eventually I got there and did my thing.
Somehow, two girls and I got onto the topic of dating and I told them that I had a mental block about meeting and dating someone from church. I just feel that’s sleazy somehow.
For some reason, they thought that was the one place I should be looking to meet someone.
Huh.
I then went home and got a call from a pretty lady and met her for a quick drink.
Quite a day.
———-
Got a few emails and comments from people saying they felt bad for me. Thanks much, but don’t feel bad for me, please.
I’m good. God gave me everything.
Location: One hour ago, getting a kiss on Columbus
Mood: exhausted
Music: God gave me everything I want; I can’t stop
This is gonna be another tough week. It’s going to be like this for at least 45 days. I’ll let you know what’s going on when things settle.
———-
Do you queue, stand in line, stand on line, wait in line, or wait on line?
The only problem with living where I live is all the endless queues. It’s maddening. Every Sunday I pick up a loaf of bread. I’m often temped to throw down four bucks and bolt. But I never do. I wait.
If it’s not for a chick, it’s for a loaf of whole grain, low-carb, wheat bread.
No, just this. No bag, thanks. Credit. I know. No, I’ve got a pen. Here. Thanks, you too.
———-
I love the Bourne Identity films, which are much better than the novels – those are a hard read.
Spoiler – highlight below to read.
There is one aspect of the novels that I prefer to the films and that is that Marie isn’t killed. In fact, they’re happy and have two kids. I still don’t get why they killed Marie. She was my favorite character after Jason.
Ah, I’m such a sucker. I wait for things that’ll never happen.
Location: 8PM, yest, the LIE going east
Mood: worried
Music: I would stand in line for this
I could leave it all behind.
As long as I had my blue skies, I think I could deal with pretty much anything.
Location: Munich, Germany
Mood: content
Music: right now we’re in the sun
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The thing about relationships is that you develop shorthand. Like calling up your girl and saying, Hey, it’s me.
For years my brother was torn whether or not he should go to Cali. I told him that that I knew he’d get there someday and when he did, he should listen to the song above for me.
Then one day, he up and went.
That week, I got a call from a Cali number and when I answered, it was just the song playing. And I knew he was where he needed to be.
I woke up today with it in my head. I think about it every so often cause there’re so many good lines from it:
Now I know I have at least five people that read me that sound depressed. Real depression.
So I interrupt my usual tales of complete randomness to say that you should take it seriously. It’s such a hateful thing because in the best case, you lose time. At the worst – well the outcome is like any other terminal disease.
The line that I particularly like from that song goes:
I’ma scuffle and struggle until I’m breathless and weak
To get to where you need to be, you gotta. And you should, until you’re breathless and weak.
Then you should do it again, yeah?
Back to complete randomness tomorrow.
Location: 8PM yest, showing the apartment to rent
Mood: concerned
Music: you gotta face responsibility one day, my brother
I went on three dates in one day today.
One was sad. Berlingirl showed up unexpectedly – a nice surprise. Spent some time with her before she had to catch her flight. She said, I wish you a wonderful fall. (Ich wunsche dir einen wunderschonen Herbst).
Don’t think she knows how much that meant to me.
One was random. She gave me her digits and said,It was nice meeting you (Wo hen gaoxing renshi ni).
I’ve already lost the piece of paper – of course.
The last?
It was sad in a completely different way. She said, May you have a good year (L’shanah tovah tikatev v’taihatem).
She said once that she hated the disappointments. Tonight, she said, in a manner of speaking, I’m working through a few things.
Funny, it sounds different on the other end. She put on her blue jacket. Gave me a red kiss. Hopped into a yellow cab. And was gone in a green light.
Why, look at that. The weekend’s almost here.
Location: here
Mood: Sotted
Music: Then she said, Don’t get cute
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I’m flying today. I’ve flown for at least three 9/11s since that day.
Ever miss a flight?
I almost missed mine this morning. I’m always almost missing flights. Not because I’m late; today I arrived with almost two hours to spare.
No, I was daydreaming again.
Heard my name on the loudspeaker a coupla times before it fully registered. I rose, grabbed my bag and ran the 30 feet to the gate. The pretty girl at the gate laughed because she said she noticed me staring out at the planes the whole time but assumed I was waiting for the next flight.
Go, go, go, she said.
Threw her a wink and a smile as I went, went, went.
Right now I’m in another nondescript upstate hotel room by myself listening to sad songs with only you, Tupac and the light from my screen for company. I’m remembering things and people I don’t wanna remember but I can’t forget.
And still I rise…
Location: 13601, talking to Somena
Mood: pensive
Music: Please give me to the sky
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Met another young lady tonight.
Asked her what we the most difficult part about dating in the big city.
Her: I’d have to say the disappointment. I keep hoping this time’ll be different…
Me: Huh. (pause) Funny you say that…
Huh.
See you Tuesday guys, be safe.
Location: 12AM Columbus, having this conversation
Mood: thoughtful
Music: circles. Confusion. Is nothing new?
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